Wanting some advise from other ISTJs. I have been in a long distance relationship with my ISTJ for about 2 years. We we see each other we get on great, sure a few heated "debates" and our sex life is very healthy.
I recently visited and we are really long distance, so I was looking forward to it.
I was on his computer checking my emails and I saw links to an adult dating site - nude pictures etc.
I confronted him and he said that he only does it for entertainment and has never contacted these girls. Apparenly emails get sent from the site to his email address and he looks at them.
He said he has been doing it for years and it is nothing, and he only looks at it occasionally. I was understandably confused and upset.
He said he would stop. But it has really shaken my trust - which is a major requirement of a long distance relationship.
Anyway would like to hear from other ISTJs on their thoughts - is this something you would do for just entertainment? And if he said he would stop - would he be telling the truth.
Thanks
It also depends on your definition of fidelity: some people have a "look but don't touch" policy. Make sure he knows that you find his behaviour unacceptable.sometimes we do things that upset other people without knowing it or understanding why it's important to them that we don't do it. IOW, people have to point things out to us that they think is important. If we value the relationship, we will then change our behaviors/actions and move that particular item "up" on the priority list.
Anyway would like to hear from other ISTJs on their thoughts - is this something you would do for just entertainment? And if he said he would stop - would he be telling the truth.
Personally, no. This is something I would never do.... especially if I was already in a relationship.
Thanks everyone. We had a serious talk and I really don't think he saw it as a big deal, as he swears he never did anything other than look. He knows how much it hurt me and said he has deleted everything and that it was an inappropriate habit.
I guess I am never going to know if anything happened. He says he loves me - and has said it prior to this inccident. I want to believe that, so i am going to give it another try.
Hope I am not being one of those 'dumb' trusting girlfriends.
He has been quite cold about it since - his response to me saying that he was looking around for someone else while telling me he loved me was "well if that's what you think, you have made the right decision then havent you"
Is that an ISTJ way of saying that is correct? I just wonder if he just needs time to calm down and then maybe provide me with a better explanation. It won't change anything - but I feel I deserve it.
Any ideas?