Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I used to be in an abusive relationship, and I used to have a best friend who betrayed me pretty badly. All these had impacted me in a way. I'm not so much clingy; as in I don't care about them anymore. It's just I'm concerned about my more general outlook. At times, I wonder if I tend to compare too much and I get paranoid. I get weird thoughts, like,''what if people are out to get me or weaken me?'' It's like my cynical nature has increased 100x times even when it gets irrational.

I can come off as over defensive and tough, when it's actually built as a defense mechanism, I don't want to be allowed for other people to take advantage of me or brainwash me like what I had gone through before. The people who tricked me were people I used to care about, and who thought I was weak/submissive/ easily fooled. Thus I have grown because of those experiences.

I know that I have to be tough, but at times behind closed doors when I let my emotions get the best of me, I could cry even over people I'm not close to. I honestly don't know why, I don't even know why I have to be like this.
 

·
Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
Joined
·
15,420 Posts
I have trouble feeling secure in any of my relationships too, and now even in my friendships. It doesn't make me do the tough girl act, but still... it does make it very hard to keep people from being driven away by my constant need for reassurance that they aren't about to abandon me. *sigh*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have trouble feeling secure in any of my relationships too, and now even in my friendships. It doesn't make me do the tough girl act, but still... it does make it very hard to keep people from being driven away by my constant need for reassurance that they aren't about to abandon me. *sigh*
I'm fine without constant need for reassurance..I think I just want confirmation of sincerity in motives when I deal with people in general..I just don't want to be used or ridiculed. Of course that's unrealistic. There's bound to be people who are nice to me just for the sake of being appropriate, not out of sincerity. I'm not saying they're bad because of it, it's human nature and even the best people are capable of this.

I'm just wondering why my cynical nature sometimes appears to increase...a little too much. It's like I tend to question motives 100x more and at times shut down.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,240 Posts
I can't say that I've been in an abusive relationship, but I certainly know what it is like to be stabbed in the back. My own uncle betrayed me. I really don't want to get into that, though, especially over the internet with a person I've never met.

As for feeling cynical, I believe it is a defense mechanism, like you said. You don't want to be hurt again, so you become even more paranoid and look for signs that others may be against you...even if there was no intent to do so. All I can say for this is to seek support from people you know you can trust. ^_^
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top