Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My cousines who the same age as me has come 17, his come to london for 6 months but i dont like like him were pretty much oppisites.
Well me being intp im very disorganised and lazy, but basicaly this guy is too like good. He always does his homework (not that its bad), and he sits on the table my parents see and they all talk to him an seem happy while i just sit down on ny own in the background. My dad even once called him 'son' my dad never calls me this i was so pissed now i just dont care. This guy is just to extroverted for me, he always talks to me about girls he meets at school and that all the girls like him i really hate him, he also shares room with me, and he always takes my stuff, my charger, uses my after shave he also makes me go out with him to the shops when i dont want to, like my mum says yea go with him, so i cant say no, just things like that i have no more privacy im feed up. I go upstairs when his downs tairs he comes up to talking to his girlfriend like trying to make me jelous.
Yea it just seems like my parents wish they had the perfect child like him than me.
And also i listen to like different music my parents call it drug music, today my cousine was listening to rock music, and my parents are ahh that musics nice why dont you listen to music like that.
And also my dads all like patting his shoulder he never does that to me, and also once my dad was trying to joke with me once and said why are you so strange but then i just looked at him blankly and he got quite, and my mum calls me boring because i dont like going out with her, i like being at home they dont understand me.
Ahh i dont know what to do, help!!?
 

·
黐線 ~Chiseen~
Joined
·
5,241 Posts
blank stares. blank stares works best. it may not help with the situation where they're nagging on and on but blank stares will make them give up and stop trying altogether!

then just aim for an escape when the opportunity presents itself.

but your parents dont hate you. they just want you to hange and become a social butterfly like other normal kids out there since you're not socially normal.

this will pass with time. it gets awesomer!!! eventually.. soon enough. and then some.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
856 Posts
Your parents are probably just trying to be hospitable and make your cousin feel welcome.

All of the irritating things you've mentioned could be solved by just talking. To quote John Green in this Youtube video: "Use your words!"


Tell your parents that their behaviour makes you feel inferior to your cousin. You are their son. They want you to be happy. Ask your dad not to call him "son". Ask your mum to stop making you go to the shop if you don't want to. Just tell them to stop comparing you to him. You are not him.

As for your cousin, if him borrowing your stuff bothers you, tell him about it. Failing that, hide your things. If you don't want him to talk about certain things, subtly change the topic or just tell him to shut up.

People are not mind readers (sorry INFJs!). You can't expect them to know how you feel if you don't talk to them about it. If you say nothing, then you're as much to blame for this, because you're choosing to let them continue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
815 Posts
This subforum is turning into "let's whine about how shitty our lives are and blame our difficulties on our supposedly 'inherent' personality traits".

"INTP" is merely a set of cognitive functions. You choose how to use them. It drives me nuts when people use it as an excuse for laziness and whatnot.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,616 Posts
What do you expect to happen when employing passivity?

Heed Bazingas advice, she hit the nail on the head.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bazinga187

·
Registered
Joined
·
454 Posts
This subforum is turning into "let's whine about how shitty our lives are and blame our difficulties on our supposedly 'inherent' personality traits".

"INTP" is merely a set of cognitive functions. You choose how to use them. It drives me nuts when people use it as an excuse for laziness and whatnot.
While that may be true; I don't see the OP at any point blaming the fact that he is INTP. He wants to be accepted and understood.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,878 Posts
Your cousin isn't perfect, nobody is. You have no reason to be jealous of him. He's not going to replace you, and even if he does don't you have your own life to worry about? You're going to be moving out soon enough, you'll be going to school, getting a job. I'll bet once you've moved out and your living on your own your parents will miss you.

My father was extremely neglectful when I was growing up. Now every time I see him he's always asking if I've heard from my sister, and he'd always be saying about my brother and sister, "I don't think they like me." He's always commenting on our facebook statuses. Now that we've moved out suddenly he wants to be a part of our lives.

My father scores INTP on tests, as do I. Your parents care about you, even if they don't know it yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
815 Posts
While that may be true; I don't see the OP at any point blaming the fact that he is INTP. He wants to be accepted.
My advice to OP? If you don't want to be treated like the lower-level child, don't act like it. If you really want to come out on top, you should analyze what this other kid is earning points for, and play it to your advantage. If it is extraversion and conscientiousness that your parents want, it is extraversion and conscientiousness that you must provide.

Of course, I really don't think that this is as much of an epic battle of wits as OP is making it out to be. I highly doubt that the parents are playing these kinds of games with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,493 Posts
My advice to OP? If you don't want to be treated like the lower-level child, don't act like it. If you really want to come out on top, you should analyze what this other kid is earning points for, and play it to your advantage. If it is extraversion and conscientiousness that your parents want, it is extraversion and conscientiousness that you must provide.

Of course, I really don't think that this is as much of an epic battle of wits as OP is making it out to be. I highly doubt that the parents are playing these kinds of games with him.
Parents really can be this way, and it's not difficult to imagine. It's not that they hate you though. They're trying to offer you guidance and shape your personality in ways that they see as beneficial. They may be using your cousin to do this. They may also be trying to be hospitable. I think it's a combination.

I'd recommend making an effort to fly under your parents radar (eg. if they don't like that music, use headphones). One day they will appreciate you for who you are, as long as you're appreciating the life they gave you. For now though, you're in the process of forming your identity. I'd recommend not denying yourself who you are. There was a time I had to keep my personality somewhat hidden from my parents, now we get along really well.

Can't help but notice your status says "stoned." Maybe your parents are onto something.

Whatever you do, don't run away. Stay in school and practice your spelling, it will be important one day. :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,012 Posts
My cousines who the same age as me has come 17, his come to london for 6 months but i dont like like him were pretty much oppisites.
Well me being intp im very disorganised and lazy, but basicaly this guy is too like good. He always does his homework (not that its bad), and he sits on the table my parents see and they all talk to him an seem happy while i just sit down on ny own in the background. My dad even once called him 'son' my dad never calls me this i was so pissed now i just dont care. This guy is just to extroverted for me, he always talks to me about girls he meets at school and that all the girls like him i really hate him, he also shares room with me, and he always takes my stuff, my charger, uses my after shave he also makes me go out with him to the shops when i dont want to, like my mum says yea go with him, so i cant say no, just things like that i have no more privacy im feed up. I go upstairs when his downs tairs he comes up to talking to his girlfriend like trying to make me jelous.
Yea it just seems like my parents wish they had the perfect child like him than me.
And also i listen to like different music my parents call it drug music, today my cousine was listening to rock music, and my parents are ahh that musics nice why dont you listen to music like that.
And also my dads all like patting his shoulder he never does that to me, and also once my dad was trying to joke with me once and said why are you so strange but then i just looked at him blankly and he got quite, and my mum calls me boring because i dont like going out with her, i like being at home they dont understand me.
Ahh i dont know what to do, help!!?
Your parents like your cousin because he is simple, straight forward and easily understood. He meets conventional standards. Your parents may never understand you. Once you accept that fact then shit because way easier. To add to what @kingdavidANC said merely recognizing your uniqueness and differences from other people is a good thing. However, there is a fine line between inherent differences between personalities and just plain lack of motivation to improve one's self.

You have awesome traits that your cousin would have to try really hard to ever come close to. Utilize these traits to improve yourself. Sitting around and allowing yourself to become victim of your parents' small-minded assessments of what a "normal" human being should be is inefficient and lame.

Obviously you aren't going to change who you are as a person for anyone because you have to live with yourself at the end of the day, but acknowledge when you are making excuses for poor choices and try to grow as a person. For example, socialize a little more, develop your J-preference when it comes to organization, planning and drive and, finally, express your feelings rationally to your parents.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
729 Posts
See... a situation like this would really only bother you if you want them to see you in that light... which means that, on some level, you want to be like your cousin. And it's not hard -- it may just feel unnatural at first.
It doesn't matter so much what you 'feel like' doing. Do some things you'd rather not so that your mom won't call you boring. Go out and spend time with your parents so that they can get to know you better and you can develop your own bonds.

Just keep something in mind though... if you'd only do this because you're jealous of the attention that your cousin gets then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. What would you do if you're parents got used to you going out with them and then your cousin left.... what then? You can't just switch roles when it's convenient for you. So figure out what the real problem is.

...Yea, I think I rambled enough....

PS .... learn to take a joke? Sometimes parents say things and they think it will be funny, but it's not... and it comes across as hurtful. And (this isn't healthy, but bear with me) laughing off the pain, pretending it doesn't hurt, that goes a long way in keeping the relationship intact. .. You still have to let them know it hurt and that you don't like it, but don't just stare blankly at them... that's not a good thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
I've read of a few of these replies, and some of them just come of as "Go suck up to your parents, and try be your cousin". Seriously? I get the whole improvement part, but no one should do something they don't want to. That's one of the reasons he's unhappy in the first place. Why not do things YOU like, instead of having other people make you do things they like? As cheesy as it sounds; just be yourself, and work your way up from there. Your first clue would be talking to your parents about it, have them get to know you better, etc.

tl;dr
If you don't like yourself, how can you expect others to?
- Why not make your own expectations, instead of trying to live according to others?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,096 Posts
Of course your parents love you! If they didn't they wouldn't worry about you. They are worrying about you and your future.

Think of ways you can assure them that you will have a good and productive life.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top