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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Its hard to have a character when I don't know what I am ultimately. Also, I notice everything else that everyone does so deeply, there aren't words to describe my feelings and intuition. Merging is the 9 personality, as we do it without thinking about it. I often lose myself when i'm with someone else, because I have none of that "personality" that other types have. In truth, If I was truly myself, I'd take form of other bodies and experience that, then move on to another one. I'm highly interested in people and their simple or complex ideas and viewpoints. I am interested in experiencing unity of perspective, but its impossible. So i look from perspective to perspective to try to paint a picture of unity, which is my futile attempt to understand everything. Perhaps that's just me.

I feel like I just mimic everything everybody else does, but to a worse extent. A jack of all trades.

Interested in viewpoints of fellow 9's, but anybody is welcome to post here.
 

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Its hard to have a character when I don't know what I am ultimately. Also, I notice everything else that everyone does so deeply, there aren't words to describe my feelings and intuition. Merging is the 9 personality, as we do it without thinking about it. I often lose myself when i'm with someone else, because I have none of that "personality" that other types have. In truth, If I was truly myself, I'd take form of other bodies and experience that, then move on to another one. I'm highly interested in people and their simple or complex ideas and viewpoints. I am interested in experiencing unity of perspective, but its impossible. So i look from perspective to perspective to try to paint a picture of unity, which is my futile attempt to understand everything. Perhaps that's just me.

I feel like I just mimic everything everybody else does, but to a worse extent. A jack of all trades.

Interested in viewpoints of fellow 9's, but anybody is welcome to post here.
I can't say as I relate all that much. I think it has to do with being sx-last, but I'll try to explain a bit more and see if that is indeed the root or if it's something else.

Self-awareness has always been a fascination for me along with trying to get inside other people's heads to understand the way they are and why. I think it's because of this that I always seem to be keenly aware of how I'm different from people, how I can't just see myself as like most people.

I do have a desire to see things from people's perspectives and would say I don't necessarily have a difficult time doing so (though discerning their motivations is more difficult than knowing what they think - it's knowing why they think that way that can be more difficult for me), but when I do see things from others' points of view, it's rare that I am unable to remove myself from that perspective in order to regain my own; in fact, I usually see both their perspective and mine at the same time (and generally don't see them as cancelling each other out like so many people do) as opposed to seeing solely their perspective (which is how I perceive the merging thing so many Nines talk about - while I understand seeing others' viewpoints, I don't understand the inability to remove oneself from it).

I've always been aware of who I am (though like anyone else I do get things wrong from time to time), keenly so of how I'm different from most individuals. When I'm around others, I tend toward crankiness and non-conformism (not to any extreme, I'm just always aware of how most people seem to adopt societal expectations and how I fail to meet them or desire not to conform), and I think this with-or-against mentality (which stems from the Instinctual Triad's resistance of their environment) makes it difficult not to separate myself from others.

As for mimicry, I actually feel like I can't mimic others well. I usually don't fully or clearly understand or identify with their motivations - it seems like people are occupied with "fitting in", whereas I am motivated to find acceptance. It's hard to be accepted for who you are when you're trying to be something else. I try to blend in by being invisible, but fitting in generally seems unattainable.

I'm curious, how does what I experience differ from what you describe? And what is your instinctual variant stacking?

Hmm, I've been thinking perhaps sexual instinct being last for me is what makes merging less easy for me than other Nines, but in describing the for-or-against social expectations I'm reminded that that is a social instinct characteristic - I wonder if having social fall anywhere before the sexual instinct is what blocks (so to speak) merging from happening. (No idea, just something that would be interesting to figure out if it were true or not.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I can't say as I relate all that much. I think it has to do with being sx-last, but I'll try to explain a bit more and see if that is indeed the root or if it's something else.

Self-awareness has always been a fascination for me along with trying to get inside other people's heads to understand the way they are and why. I think it's because of this that I always seem to be keenly aware of how I'm different from people, how I can't just see myself as like most people.

I do have a desire to see things from people's perspectives and would say I don't necessarily have a difficult time doing so (though discerning their motivations is more difficult than knowing what they think - it's knowing why they think that way that can be more difficult for me), but when I do see things from others' points of view, it's rare that I am unable to remove myself from that perspective in order to regain my own; in fact, I usually see both their perspective and mine at the same time (and generally don't see them as cancelling each other out like so many people do) as opposed to seeing solely their perspective (which is how I perceive the merging thing so many Nines talk about - while I understand seeing others' viewpoints, I don't understand the inability to remove oneself from it).

I've always been aware of who I am (though like anyone else I do get things wrong from time to time), keenly so of how I'm different from most individuals. When I'm around others, I tend toward crankiness and non-conformism (not to any extreme, I'm just always aware of how most people seem to adopt societal expectations and how I fail to meet them or desire not to conform), and I think this with-or-against mentality (which stems from the Instinctual Triad's resistance of their environment) makes it difficult not to separate myself from others.

As for mimicry, I actually feel like I can't mimic others well. I usually don't fully or clearly understand or identify with their motivations - it seems like people are occupied with "fitting in", whereas I am motivated to find acceptance. It's hard to be accepted for who you are when you're trying to be something else. I try to blend in by being invisible, but fitting in generally seems unattainable.

I'm curious, how does what I experience differ from what you describe? And what is your instinctual variant stacking?

Hmm, I've been thinking perhaps sexual instinct being last for me is what makes merging less easy for me than other Nines, but in describing the for-or-against social expectations I'm reminded that that is a social instinct characteristic - I wonder if having social fall anywhere before the sexual instinct is what blocks (so to speak) merging from happening. (No idea, just something that would be interesting to figure out if it were true or not.)
I'm sp-sx-so, so I love to observe other people. In an one on one conversation, it is as you say, I see my viewpoint and theirs without saying that mine is better or theirs. What I was pointing out at the top is my search for self-awareness as you mentioned, and I'm stuck not knowing what I am ultimately. Am I my thoughts, am I my feelings, am I the world, do I even exist? These questions come and go but one thing remains, my experience. So my search for self-awareness had led me to the understanding that my thoughts about myself are ultimately meaningless.

I don't follow social norms either, and I don't understand why most others do. Its fascinating to watch human interaction. There are proper things to say and improper things to say in the right context.

I tried the whole "mimic" thing, and it just isn't me. The truth is, I have a wide range of interests and I don't delve too deep into them all. I only delve into something deep if it intrigues me so much that I must know the answer. There is only one thing I've cared about more than anything else, and that is my search for the truth. I no longer search for the truth.
 

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I'm sp-sx-so, so I love to observe other people. In an one on one conversation, it is as you say, I see my viewpoint and theirs without saying that mine is better or theirs. What I was pointing out at the top is my search for self-awareness as you mentioned, and I'm stuck not knowing what I am ultimately. Am I my thoughts, am I my feelings, am I the world, do I even exist? These questions come and go but one thing remains, my experience. So my search for self-awareness had led me to the understanding that my thoughts about myself are ultimately meaningless.

I don't follow social norms either, and I don't understand why most others do. Its fascinating to watch human interaction. There are proper things to say and improper things to say in the right context.

I tried the whole "mimic" thing, and it just isn't me. The truth is, I have a wide range of interests and I don't delve too deep into them all. I only delve into something deep if it intrigues me so much that I must know the answer. There is only one thing I've cared about more than anything else, and that is my search for the truth. I no longer search for the truth.
I had a response typed up and then my computer locked up, bah. It was long, but I'm tired, so this is all I have for the moment:

So when you say self-awareness, it's more existential vs. identity, what am I vs. who am I? Am I understanding it better now?

Sounds a bit like an INTP Nine I know...
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I had a response typed up and then my computer locked up, bah. It was long, but I'm tired, so this is all I have for the moment:

So when you say self-awareness, it's more existential vs. identity, what am I vs. who am I? Am I understanding it better now?

Sounds a bit like an INTP Nine I know...
Also, Why am I? but what you say is true as well. Thanks for your response.
 
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