I get what you're trying to say, but, what's wrong with expecting adults to be competent human beings? You should definitely listen to your feelings, but you should also engage your brain as well and have some standards. Not too much. But some.
I don't care whether you're competent or not. I just don't understand why you think having an expectation of basic competence from an adult is an evil thing. You could answer the question instead of being a flippant brat.Pffft, you guys are weird. But okay, if- if you wanna, then sure. I´m gonna become competent if you like it so much. Imma do it for you. You can be happy that there´s gonna be one more competent person in the world, m´kay ? But remember, I´m not doing it cause of myself ! I´m doing it cause of you. Imma do it cause you read my post <3
You ever heard this song before?Wow, okay. Well, I never said it´s a bad thing, I said that ,,I" don´t care about it. If I acquire competence I will do it for other people. It will never matter to me, or at least I think it won´t. I am not entitled to be praised for it, I don´t care to be praised for it. I have no interest in it being a part of my ego. I will tell you this, actually, y´know... working... putting effort into something, always felt humiliating to me. And getting praised for wasting my time, even more. So what I wrote is the result of that. There´s nothing wrong with it but I will keep it as far away from my ego as possible. So the reason, why I keep bringing up this point so much, is because to be Loved for THAT is not Cool. If... I work my a*s to aquire status, money, all this s*it. It really says more about the worth of the people I do it for, than about my worth. Because I don´t want that s*it to have anything to do with me. And if someone´s gonna act like I did it for myself, well Imma get mad. I don´t care about how competent I am, weather it is not at all or a lot.
I dunno I just can´t bring myself to care, I just can´t.
Either I am qualified for something or I am not, there´s nothing more to it. If you start connecting your self-worth to it, it will only lead to arrogance, entitlement and resentment. And even if it didn´t, I honestly, really, truly just don´t care.
You know, my social circle does not respect me. Precisely for this reason. But there were instances where I actually managed to impress them by something and the immediate switch in their attitude towards me made me just disappointed in them.
And I don´t know what did I do to deserve such an agressive response to be honest, you see this is exactly why I keep quiet for the majority of time. Because whatever it is that I did I would do again and I would certainly not expect a reaction like that from it. So y´know, enlighten me if you wanna. I haven´t really had a conversation with anyone but my narcisstic ex-girlfriend in 4 years so if this is some kind of a rule. Like, I get I didn´t answer your question. But what did I do for you to call me a flippant brat ? Maybe I am a filppant brat, I dunno.
When you expand on your thought process, I don't see a lot wrong there. But I will warn you about one thing.You called me a brat for no reason. You see, you think that my "unconditional self/love" is an excuse to be incompetent. Well it isn't. It is actually a value I believe in. It is a value I am willing to fight to protect. The right to be Loved and valued stripped of all the materialistic bulls*it.
I am not pretending like that s*it doesn't matter but it has hell does not matter to me.
It´s not about aquiring worth by status and competence, it´s about living up to the worth that was always there !
The actual reason why I am incompetent is because none ever held me to any standard and didn't care nor rewarded my efforts. But that's about to change very soon.
Do you know what I fall in Love with in people ? Basically their narcissim. I LOVE myself. And I want everyone, except for a*sholes and people with values that inherently contradict that desire, to Love themselves as well. The less you give a s*it about what others think of you, the more I am gonna be attracted for you. I am entitled to everything and I want them to be entitled to everything as well. I want everyone to get what they want, except for bullies and butthurt arrogant morons.
And that is my core value. It is not an excuse to not work, or to not be competent. It is the reason I am gonna become competent. So that people feel Good about themselves for hanging out with me. And so that I can put arrogant a*sholes in their place more effectively.
Do you really think I would force a girl I Love to be in a relationship with an incompetent idiot ? Of course not but if I ever aquire a valuable status, it will be for her. She will have a husband that makes her look better in front of everyone, she will have a husband that makes a lot of money, a husband she can be proud of.
It's for her. I don't need any of that s*it for my self worth. Every piece of work I will ever do, I will do for others. Not to prove anything to myself.
If you love me for my strenght, competence and status, I stand by it that you don't love me, you love yourself. And that's alright but don't bulls*it me about it.
,, We make life easier for those we Love." well that is not my definition of Love. I try to make life more meaningful for those I Love, first and foremost. But... I actually aspire to have people be obsessed with me so don´t worry, I will make it easy. But I will do all that because I believe that the people who Love me deserve the Best ME I can be ! I believe I deserve to be Loved, I believe I that everyone, including me, deserves the best, all they gotta do is prove that they do.
I even said it ,,In a world where people believe in unconditional Love the most important thing are other people." and the opposite is self evident. The opposite world would be pointless, lacking in meaning.
And that's another thing, you say each of us has to make their part to make themselves more Lovable. None I know ever had to try to make themselves more Lovable for me and I would never ask it of them. After all this, I still feel like my Love is mostly unconditional, which in itself can make me unattractive.
There is only one condition... Don't be a d*ck.
And now, what the f*ck ? You are exactly the type of person I despise. You called me a brat. Why ? You have broken the single most important condition I have and that's you insulted me, while unprovoked, while you don't even know me. You lost all my respect there.
What is wrong with you for treating people like that ? How did you even want me to react ?
Competence to me is the means to shut down agressive people like you. The only reason why I still care about your opinion is cause you're older, and I have no idea what did I do to drive an adult to act like that ?
I am the brat here, really ? No, I sincirely don't think so.
If you believe yourself to be worthless without your status... Then hell, you deserve everything that mentality brings you. Your mentality seems like hell, I don´t even have to hate you, you already hate yourself well enough.
I am not letting you drag me down with you.
I am not good enough for anyone but that doesn´t mean I am gonna let people bash me for it. I still can´t get over the fact that you called me a brat. Yeah, okay... I am sorry for my existence, okay ? You are right, I should hate myself until I get all the things that I don´t have. And then I should yell at people who don´t have it and at people who aren´t impressed at the fact that I have it. Do I not deserve basic self-respect ? Alright, insult me insult me insult me, bring it oooooooooooooon ! Let´s see how productive I am gonna become. WoW I can already feel how I´m turning into a better person. Wow, I totally don´t hate everyone right now, not at all.
Yeah, I am totally not gonna take short-cuts, act arrogant and play pretend to upkeep my so very conditional self-worth. Absolutely nooot. I will work hard to repay you the Love you gave me. You know what, one of my big dreams that I have right now, is to call you a brat one day. And actually have the moral high-ground in that situation, I wanna become a man that is capable of doing that.
I still don´t get what is wrong with having a basic self-worth, entitlement to love and to not hate yourself even if you´re not at your Best right now ?
I want to improve in every way I can. Whoever is gonna be my wife is gonna have the Best husband in the world, in her eyes. But... I´d like to get there motivated by Love, not by a petty need to validation. I will improve because I Love myself and the people around me who don´t treat me like s*it. If that´s not enough, then I am disappointed. But I am open minded, sure, hurt me, objectify my feelings all you want. Let´s see where that´ll take us. Maybe it´s just gonna make me more motivated to shut down every disrespectful a*shole in my life.
All you did, is make me a little more resentful of basically everyone I know so today I had to work a little harder to hide my spiteful glare, towards people that don´t deserve it. That glare should be aimed at you, for making me doubt myself and act like an idiot once again.
Really... calling me a brat. There are two outcomes to this. Either I won´t care and I´ll pity you for having the need to be agressive. Or, I will step up my game by a long shot and make sure that next time someone tries this on me it won´t work.
Really I had nothing but everyone´s Best interest inmind when I wrote this. And you come along and call me a brat. Well enjoy your bullying while you can... I still don´t know if hurting me can improve the lives of my Loved ones better than Loving me. But once I find out, non of this s*it is gonna work on me anymore. Once I prove that I and everything I believe is of actual use to other people, then all my respect for you is gonna fall below zero.
But you know what... I wanna settle this... I don´t know what I did wrong but I am sincirely sorry for acting like a brat. Whatever it was.
I came here to see weather my believes can work in practice. According to you, they can´t. And you call me a brat while I come here to ask for validation, which is something I don´t do very often. You are a bully. It´s so easy to call someone like me a brat. And I wouldn´t even mind if I actually did something to you to deserve it.
I guess you deserve my respect but not my admiration.
R-really. What else did you hope to achieve ?
So I hope that concludes everything I wanted to say.
(And yeah of course, I am still young so I am not gonna work THAT hard, I mean not existencially hard like but that doesn´t mean I am not gonna work at all !)
I know you want to help. I believe you want to do the right thing. But how much thought have you put into the ideas that you think are the solution? You believe that if you love someone unconditionally, they will love you for it. I believe that to be incorrect. I believe that if you love someone unconditionally, it is you who will love them for it. For example. Think of the parent's love for their child. The mother suffers through nine long months of pregnancy, then a painful birth. And that's only the beginning of her struggles as she spends many sleepless nights caring for her infant. And then you have the father. How many fathers do whatever it takes to provide for their infant and it's mother, without any regard for their personal safety or well being.I understand that money and all that jazz is important for life but I don´t want to build my relationship on it and I want none else to be forced to build their relationship on it. I have been happy my entire life and completely for free. I was always given unconditional Love, I won the genetic lottery by a long shot. I never had to lift a finger to get all the affection in the word, so why should anyone else ? I feel sorry for incels and my whole idea is that I want to prove that all it takes for a person to Love you is for you to geniuenly selflessly Love them. That if you manage to understand the other person and to excite the other person, you are gonna have a high chance for a good relationship. No matter the status, no matter anything materialistic.
For that we would need a massive cultural shift. We would have to go from a consumer mindset to the complete opposite where we are happy with what we have. You could marry the woman of your dreams. But reality will shatter that dream when you meet a woman who is more beautiful and smarter than the one you married. And with the current culture, you are basically guaranteed to meet such a woman. And the same applies if you're a woman who married the man of your dreams. Why? Because we discourage modesty. And so you have people constantly advertising themselves to the world. I suspect this rampant culture of self advertising is what pissed you off in the first place.I want every man, every incel to get a good chance at dating. I don´t want it to be a competetion, I want it to be more about compatibility. Just get in touch with your masculinity and start using it for other people. I am sure there is someone for everyone as long as everyone does just that.
No. It wasn't wrong. Your parents did good to care for you and love you. And it's good that from that you took the lesson that you should care for and love the people in your life. Just don't be mistaken into thinking that it means they will love you back. It only means that you are the one who will end up loving them even more than you already do.But it´s starting to seem like everything I´ve believed in is wrong. Maybe it was wrong that I was raised with so much unconditional Love.
The only standard worth judging anyone by is their behaviour. If I was thirsty and you had a bottle of water, would you share it with me? Would you give me the whole bottle instead? Would pretend you didn't have something to drink? Or would you tell me to get lost?But that´s the point, I have no self-worth. Absolutely nothing to base my self-worth on other than my looks. So if I started to measure my worth, let´s say, by how much women are attracted to me. That wouldn´t end well AT ALL. I simply can´t afford to feel bad about it, right now. I can´t take their insults to heart, I can´t let their resentment affect me. I have to keep Loving myself, otherwise I will start making my low self-worth everyone else´s problem. I hope I will not end up that way.
How is your relationship with your family and friends now?Already happened xD
It's fun in the same way a dream is fun. It only lasts until you wake up and find that your life is falling apart. And you are guaranteed to wake up, sooner or later. Whether you want to or not. And what follows is guilt, shame and heartbreak.Damn sounds like a Fun life xD
Yeah I lost all my friends, brought my entire family into despair and tears and at the top of that allowed myself to be abused. But it was Fun, I liked it.
This subconscious arrogance is present within us all. Everyone is not better than you. They're just trying to convince you of that, the same way you're trying to convince everyone that you're better than them. We're all guilty of this. Even when we know better, we can still fall prey to it. It's the reason I insulted you. I felt self important. I justified it by reasoning with myself that I'm twice your age with probably twice the experience. And used that as an excuse to chastise you for not showing "proper" etiquette when talking to someone as "important" as me. I didn't even realise it until you asked me what you did to deserve being insulted lol.Yeah, I should watch myself. You´re not the first person who lashed out at me like that. I don´t know what it is exactly that has people have such a reaction to me all the time. It happens always when I get comfortable around people. I don´t even know, maybe I do have some sort of sub-conscious arrogance, an asumption that I am just better than other people and ,,there´s nothing wrong with that". None ever held me to any standard, I never had to work for anything, so I guess that even though I don´t really have any ill will, I do have a tendency to disrespect and undermine people and their achievments. But I don´t mean it, I really just am oblivious to the work it took to get there. Everyone is better than me and I wonder why. Now that I´m thinking about it, that is probably why everyone I know resents me so much. Come to think of it, Thank You for making me realise that. I guess that does fit the definition of a brat.
Ahh, I thought all this time everyone hated me cause I´m stupid but it was actually because I wasn´t able to understand their pride, ohh. Is that it ?
Sometimes when we meet people who are similar enough to us, we stop seeing them, and start seeing a reflection of what we love most about ourselves, or what we hate most about our selves.Thank you for your response ! It made me act like a d*ck for a while but I guess there was value in it. Hey, would you believe that the people who resent me the MOST are always ExFP types ?
I guess it´s because Te is kind of their biggest pride, cause it´s not fully taken for grated but it´s still something they´re really good at if they put effort. The same way that I am proud of my Ni.
And damn f*ck, I guess now I see why my sister is so damn insufferable. She´s like me but on steroids, she throws ALL the respect for literally everything out of the window. She´s an ESFP.
I'm glad it did.Okay I guess it´s time we get a hobby xDDD
Thank you for your apology, too, it made me feel significantly better. I am gonna try to make use of your criticism.
I can't comment on whether there is or there isn't, but I can certainly relate to the feeling.. All I would say is, don't be too hard on yourself. Use the correct standard and continue to make sincere efforts. Make the wrongs you can make right, right. And seek forgiveness for the ones you can't. And never lose hope no matter how many times you find yourself making the wrong choices. As long as you're breathing, there's an opportunity to do better.(Still though, now that my eyes are beginning to open, I am starting to feel like there´s something deeply wrong with me xD)