Your attempted reply was of big use. I am very grateful for it, cause it validated everything I believed. You basically articulated everything I thought in a way I never could. And it was flattering, too. Thanks for your time !Hope my attempted reply was of use.
And I really appreciate it, if I can´t put my appreciation into words... I´ll just let the fact that I spent my entire day thinking about it and writing a reply cause I was inspired by it, speak for itself. You make so many Good points ! Like surprisingly so... I didn´t even expect that... I mean I look at it each time and I am always impressed. You said so many Awesome points. So thank you a lot !
[TLDR: Uhm... you don´t have to... read anything else I wrote here... If you want to hear my response to your criticisms just read first few sentences of every paragraph. Y-you don´t have to read anything of what I wrote here below xDDD Just in case you´re interested but I really don´t force you. I have trouble with keeping things short because one response only triggers more questions and I really am just letting everything out and I spent mostly the entire day thinking about it and writing it (also most of it is unreasonable and inappropriate so there´s no really point in reading it) and it was Fun ! So... it´s not like it was time wasted. Okay I hope I didn´t forget anything (also sorry for being weird) (also sorry for overwhelming you with brackets and unnecessary information) (and sorry for apologising, I am not scared of you, don´t worry (and sorry for assuming that you thought I was scared of you)...(I am sorry for everything that you dislike about this reply(I only say that so that I don´t have to take any accountability for it, shhh))]
Yeah, that´s how I feel, too xD Especially about people who are completely unfamiliar with it.Interesting post. First half my reaction was ..." dont let that redpill stuff rot your brain. Best bet is to ignore they exist. I've attempted to do the same yet it's like the algorithm wants to shove it into my feed, needlessly. They're too far gone for reasoning, mostly. You're closer to the point than most of those guys. "
I actually feel sorry for incels, too, y´know. I think dating can be really wholesome if you don´t tie it too closely to your self-worth. That´s why I think unconditional self-love is important. Because then... you are gonna start improving because You Love others... not because You hate yourself, or the worst case scenario, resent others for disliking you.
I actually thought about trying to help some incels out. That was one of the reasons why I posted this post, I wanted to know weather I do actually know at least a little better than them.
Actually my point about unconditional Love was meant more of a ,,Everyone has a right to basic amount of worth and Love, otherwise there´s no way you can ever grow to Love someone else." And yes I will call them selfish, because I will not allow their kinks or preferences to damage my self-worth.And what you value for your reasons, as you said is not what other people will value in whatever moment they are in their lives or position they are in their mind's reasons. Call it selfish but what do you want? People to not go after what they want and like? What kind of dystopian shit show do you wanna run. Such is to be life. JP I actually don't see as particularly bad actor, but he certainly does talk to aggregate trends as seen on a larger social level and not to individuals. Which is a downfall in clarity. If he said "female validation is crucial" he meant it on an evolutionary, big picture scale of perpetuating the species. Unless you wanna rape them for conception. If women choose their partners, you'd want to be attractive to a woman. So he talks to what is attractive to women on the scale of broad trend. I.E ("provider, protector, ....) The usual culprits of positive masculine appeals. He's in the social sciences after all and that's what he studies.
One of the things that actually pulled me out of the incel redpill mentality was the fact that I was looking up to girls. They say ,,Sometimes it takes a man to be the Best girl." and I believe the same applies even in the opposite. If you want to know how to be a real man, my hypothesies is that you should look up to women. Cause they know what a real man looks like.
I noticed that the women I know are logical, moral and selfless, they know their self-worth and always seem to care about the greater cause. Annoyed by the immature boys who care about nothing but getting laid. So instead of looking up to insecure men I know, I started looking up to those girls. I wanted to be just like them and or even better than them. And that´s what actually lead to this post.
(So actually I do want to become better... y´all just kinda ignored the part where I say that)
Actually you know what ? You made me remember. The reason why I got a crush on that girl is because I looked up to her. She striked me as proud, strong willed and kind. Looking at me with these Beautiful judgmental eyes. And I spent several days thinking, how could... It wasn´t about wanting to be Loved by her. It was about... how could I make her happy. She reminds me of me, yet compared to her I am completely nothing. The idea... that I would be this endless void of patheticness and stupidity started to scare me.
Deep down, I feel like I am nothing. Like I am harmful to everyone around me. In a novel I am writing I assigned my self-insert character to the conception of death, clumsy, unfocused, unpredictable... Cute, welcoming, yet gravely dangerous and out of control. A part of me that represents desecration, apathy and sheer and utter unconditional worthlessness.
And the pride and judgement in her eyes, made me want to kill this part of myself. I don´t want anyone to get hurt, I don´t want anyone to be devalued. I want her to be proud, I want her to be strong. I don´t want to disappoint her.
So I knew I don´t deserve her. But I can´t be dependant on her approval. She isn´t dependant on anyone´s approval. She´s better than me in every way and that´s why I had a crush on her. And I wanted to become her equal. If not to be in a relationship with her, then to at least restore her faith in humanity.
Oh yeah and this next part is kind of scary, so I apologise for that. I actually don´t know her much. I only hear about her and I saw her few times. And I was telling myself like ,,C´mon, you don´t even know her you can´t like her like that." but before you know it I can´t stop thinking about her. I am sorry I am talking about her so much, it´s so creepy to think that there are other people like me. She doesn´t deserve any of this attention, I don´t know what is wrong with me. Obsessively thinking about someone I barely know, dude, it´s terrifying. So I would never even think to resent her for anything xD In truth I probably don´t even like her, as you said, probably just a false image of her, based in what I already know about her. But still my Love for her has been torturing me for days, so this is a Good model to explore my feelings with. So this is basically, just an exploration of my feelings towards a general Love interest.You mentioned that girl, that "...I also know that she doesn´t want that. That´s not what would make her truly happy, I wanna give her more than that." Do you actually know what that girl wants? Did you ever ask or get to know it? Or are you projecting a fantasy onto this girl of what you think she would want? This is not a gotcha. There's no wrong answer. Just something to ask yourself, if you haven't already. I mean if she's the average girl then she likely wants, security, kindness, financial ability...whatever. If she's not the average girl then maybe she is seeking what you're putting out and you're a perfect match.
So basically yes, I guess I am projecting a fantasy onto this girl. Poor her, nontheless my point still stands.
I want to be better than everyone else. Exclusively, so whatever it is that she´d want I´d give it to her. Because... I guess I wrote ,,I want to give her more" because I was thinking of all the wives that live with a husband who can offer them security but... not much else. You see... it always bothered me whenever I saw a girl with some duchebag. I know this is a very stereotypical situation but just because people like that are mocked and being marked as jealous doesn´t mean I am not gonna be true to myself. I believe that some husbands are idiots and I can do way better than them. I believe that money, security and agressive dominant attitude is not enough. It may be the acceptable minimum but it´s not enough. And it´s not because I want to feel special, really. I already know I am special, I don´t need proof for that. It´s because I want the girl´s hopes and dreams to be respected. I want her to feel special as well. I don´t want her to settle down for an idiot just because he´s the only option.
And I am not looking to disrespect any guys. I am not even forcing anything onto any girl. I am just gonna be over here, doing my own thing, if you like it come along.
If you want to be mysoginistic high meintenence cattle, if that´s your romantic fantasy then go on ahead, I don´t care.
And I know I am projecting all this on everyone, maybe they are happy in which case, fine. I even got depressed for a while over the possibility that maybe she isn´t as Awesome as I think. What if I really like her only because she is better than me, as I mentioned earlier ? And what if I become better than her ? Then... she´s gonna be acting like me ? Will she be desperate for my approval ? Will I stop admiring her (Yeah this is basically gonna get disproven later on in this post) ? What if she isn´t better than me and I actually just hallucinated.
That´s when it came back to unconditional self Love. What I find attractive and what I have been thought is that I as a person and everyone else is entitled to status, riches and Love, You just gotta prove that You are.
Maybe she even does care about the approval of others :O That would be a turn off... kinda... n-not really.
The reaction she had to me wasn´t what made me have a crush on her. Her reaction simply made me happy because I think she deserves to be excited and happy. Her smile was the answer to my internal suffering. Cause I was worried sick for her.The other thing is in truity, if we're being blunt, love is conditional. If not, you would love every girl, not that one girl who lit up. Your love was conditional on her having a certain reaction to you or being otherwise adorable. Something that earned your affections. Maybe cute, dare I say. People have other 'ticks.'
What actually did make me have a crush on her immediatelly, was that she reminded me of myself. That stubborn, proud, judgemental attitude. And I wanted her to feel as Loved as I do, because if I get to feel this way, she deserves it, too. ESPECIALLY, if she´s exactly like me... sigh... I guess I really have high narcisstic tendencies.
I will tell you this, I Love every girl. It´s just that I´d Love this one a little more because she is like me or better than me. But I don´t deserve her for that exact reason. So who am I to set the conditions ? Maybe I do wish I could Love this one in particular but who am I to decide ?
Or maybe... maybe my Love even offends them. Maybe they think they don´t deserve to be Loved for the way they are and that they can do better. Well in that case, that´s the end for me. Cause I can´t compare to whatever it is that they want to become.
My Love in this case... would once again... become a representation of death. Death of potential. Sometimes conditional Love is necessary for growth, right ? Well I don´t believe I can grow.
That´s why I was with my narcisstic girlfriend(yeah, I wrote a long paragraph about her but I... can´t find it ?), she was with me because of how pathetic I was. And I was with her because I just drag everyone else down. If she was capable of growth, I wouldn´t dare to slow her down but she isn´t... just like me.
Despite everything, I Love myself and I want everyone to feel the same way about themselves as I do.
I have one condition. I gotta be able to make you happy. That´s all. Fat, skinny, old, ugly... well not stupid, I don´t appreciate stupid girls, so I guess that´s a condition but that´s just because I can´t stand being around a person who reminds me of my deepest flaw, and I would probably even Love a man just fine. I can show them Love. Cause who the f*ck am I to make conditions ?
I do actually have kind of a hero complex when it comes to... well actually everyone. I act feminine around guys, so that they feel needed and valued and I act masculine around girls so that they feel wanted and valued. (Which is why I was in a relationship with a narcisst. I could feel that she feels unworthy and I wanted to make her happy, though that was soon to be found out as an impossible task. I find it very tragic. Seriously, where is the paragraph I wrote about her, it was so good and it made so many points. The main point being ,,I was dating a narcisst which means that basically my Love is nearly unconditional because of my Hero complex. (I mean she w- No I won´t repeat myself, that paragraph was somewhere here now it isn´t here)) It´s really easy for me to gain respect from men but not so easy with women.
You confused me, you made me think that my Love is conditional actually and it took several looooong conflicting paragraphs to figure out that actually it isn´t.
But it´s funny how I got to that conclusion. Because I myself am the condition. If you demand something I am not capable of, then you can´t date me. I will not do anything I can´t do. So that narows it down. So I dunno, is it conditional, is it not conditional ?
I lack standards.
And as far as sexual attraction goes. I am already sexually attracted to myself so. And the fact that I am better looking than someone turns me on, anyway.
I guess only conditions would be don´t be a freak and don´t harm me ? And I have to know you well and for a longer time, so that, too.
[TLDR: Some people are offended by unconditional Love. And I as hell am not capable not entitled to have conditional Love]
Yeah, I believe I am nothing, yet I Love myself fiercly. If you are better than me and willing to settle for me, then I´ll be happy. If none wants you and I can be your savior, sure. I admit I have a massive narcissm in me. It´s... it´s kind of sad actually. I am so extremely self-absorbed it´s alarming, actually. If I could f*ck myself, I would. Ha ha, why does this joke resonate with me so much. Yeah i-it´s not a joke. I am so hot it´s making me depressed. Y´know, I am all I need, I never really had any friends and when I did I would only see them like once a month. My Best friend is me.Now I will say the downfall of Fi dominant position is you are too independent in your evaluations. Too separate from the tribe. And you don't feel yourself wrong all while complaining about the outcome. This is a tad narcissism. A result of perceived moral superiority and relative self absorption.
That´s why my Love is unconditional. You just gotta find the right approach.
Wait... I DIDN´T EVEN SAY that my romantic Love is unconditional, in my original post. I said that everyone deserves a fair share of unconditional Love. And yet I made two blocks of text about how it is !
Wow, the things You make me say.
But as it turns out, it mostly is.
W-why am I saying all this, again ? Y-you didn´t ask, did you ?
And also, despite all this, I want to improve the Best I can. I never said anywhere that I don´t xD (I said it several times throughout this and that post but just to make it clear)And what you value for your reasons, as you said is not what other people will value in whatever moment they are in their lives or position they are in their mind's reasons. Call it selfish but what do you want? People to not go after what they want and like? What kind of dystopian shit show do you wanna run. Such is to be life. JP I actually don't see as particularly bad actor, but he certainly does talk to aggregate trends as seen on a larger social level and not to individuals. Which is a downfall in clarity. If he said "female validation is crucial" he meant it on an evolutionary, big picture scale of perpetuating the species. Unless you wanna rape them for conception. If women choose their partners, you'd want to be attractive to a woman. So he talks to what is attractive to women on the scale of broad trend. I.E ("provider, protector, ....) The usual culprits of positive masculine appeals. He's in the social sciences after all and that's what he studies.