My reaction to incels and redpill and my opinion of love in general (I guess it´s kind of a vent)

Hello, I am an 18 year old guy with Absolutely no dating experience, however, I was deeply hurt by redpill and incels, so I decided I will write my retaliation over here. I know you guys probably aren´t unreasonable incels, so there´s no point in preaching to you. But I sort of wanna make sure I am not wrong. If not then... This is my antitode to the redpill desparity. And also, I just want to say my opinions and feelings about all the redpill content I accidentally consumed. This is my reaction to incels and redpill.
At the same time, I guess I wanna know if what I believe is wrong. So if I say something incorrect, people correct me. I also criticize a lot so, sorry, these are all just my subjective feelings.

Hello, I am quite a feminine guy, though my mom would disagree because I can get scarily disagreeable if someone is not respecting my boundries.
I am not like other guys and I mean that in the sense that I have no interest in having muscles, gaining money or status. I do not look up to masculinity and only see it as the means to an end.
Yet... There is a part of masculinity that I idealise. Or more like, I like musculinity just not the one portrayed everywhere. The only men I respect are my dad amd my older cousin, all of the other masculine people seem just like walking meatbags of insecurity. It´s hard to respect people like Jordan Peterson he lets everyone s*it on humanity´s self-worth and tell people stuff like
,,Female validation is fundemental."
Fundemental to what ? And that is a question. What is it fundemental to, Jordan ? To your ego ?
I believe that if you base your self-worth on external factors you will be inevitabely miserable and arrogant.
I also believe that muscles, money and status do not define a man´s worth but are rather the means to DEFEND what´s worth.

The other time, I had a crush on an introverted girl. Probably an INFP. And now, I am a very feminine guy and have a bit of a sub-conscious misandry, so it is purely my experience that I didn´t want to be Loved back by her. I did not care for her approval. But you know what I cared about ? I cared about her. I was worried sick that she´ll get hurt weather physically or psychicially and I suffered for days not knowing hot to cope with my feelings.
It felt like nothing will stop the suffering, not even if I started dating her. But then I remembered the first time I met her. She´s very introverted so she barely meets any new people and she heard about me from a friend of mine. And since my friend wanted her friends to become friends, she invited us to a meeting without telling us the other one would be there, because she knew that otherwise we would reject it.

So I recall walking into that café, my friend sitting there with the INFP girl and she looks at me in pure excitement and surprise. Well... turns out she was excited about meeting someone new.
After that... It DID get really awkward so nothing really came out of it but... It was an ISFP, INFP and an ENTP meeting so... It seemed we tolerated the awkwardness in a chill way. Well ,,nothing really came out of it" except for my completely irrational crush over someone I barely know, solely because of her f*cking attitude and also the memory of her "surprised pikatchu face"
So when I was suffering later on, for basically no reason as I always do, I remembered her excited face... And all the suffering went away. I was happy, I was satisfied. That face, that excitement... That´s what I want to live for.

I couldn´t give less f*cks about female validation because my self-worth is nearly unconditional. All I cared about was her. And heck... If she wants me to get muscles, money and cars... Then I´m happy to do it for her. But... I also know that she doesn´t want that. That´s not what would make her truly happy, I wanna give her more than that.
A wise man in a World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King trailer once said ,,But the truest victory, my son, is stirring the hearts of your people." and I agree, if you manage to excite her, to make her happy, that´s when you´re gonna become a true king to her. That´s what I believe.

Nowdays, people focus way too much on wanting to be Loved than actually Loving. And why ? Because they keep telling themselves over and over that they are unlovable. It started with men being unlovable no matter what, progressed to men being unlovable unless they get status. Stop telling yourself you´re unlovable.

Besides, why would I want to protect someone who thinks I am worthless at heart ? I have a difficulty respecting people like Jordan Peterson, they tell you to get better otherwise you´re not gonna be Loved... So really ? You take it that without your suit, career, money, intelligence... You are entirely worthless ? Pathetic.
It´s why I don´t look up to any men. Insecurity seethes from them. Except for my dad, my older cousin and... Handsome Jack.

Do women think I am worthless if I don´t have any muscles and status ? If so... To hell with them. But so far, this idea wasn´t confirmed.

You can´t Love someone who´d call You worthless if You were useless to them. It´s disgusting. ,,Get muscles, money and cars and she´ll Love You" Isn´t it common sense that that is just not the case. She´ll be with You cause at least unlike everyone else, You are sexually attractive... But all it takes is one slip and she´ll leave You... Because what have You ever done for HER other than try to earn her approval for Yourself ?

You are all playing pretend play. You preach strenght, muscles, redpill... Without understanding the nuances it takes to get there.
You are merely imitating your ancestors. And it shows.

And what am I ? A pussy... ? Now excuse my little rant here... None respects me, I feel like I am going through a cognitive deterioration and I can´t even put a sentence together real time. I am nothing but a stupid, dumb idiot who was always nothing but a burden.
Who am I to talk about this issue ? None respects me, everyone resents me and they don´t allow me to be around them. They gatekeep everything from me, they laugh and me and they mock me.
And yet, I feel like I am right. I don´t care about their insults and my self-worth remains the same. I have nothing to prove, no validation points to collect, no girls to exploit.

And what´s left is my Love and my will to do Good to protect it.

In a world where everyone believes in unconditional Love, the most valuable thing are other people. In a world where everyone believes in conditional Love, the most important thing is money, and everything else is just the means to an end.

Why do men supress their desire to do Good ? They bow their head and tell themselves ,,That´s right, I am a piece of garbage none wants so I have to make up for it with money and work so that I can compensate for my pahtetic existence." Why is that something I am supposed to be looking up to ?

Also, an important thing about being a Good guy. Goodness needs no validation, it is a self-sustaining force. You do Good because you believe it´s right. It means that no rejection will change your opinion of it. It speaks about your character. Sometimes, women are not interested in a Good guy. But you can´t expect a reward for being Good, being Good is the reward itself. My definition of Goodness is unconditional Love, for myself and everyone else. If you believe in unconditional Love, you will not fear rejection. You can just laugh it off. And I believe in second chances, if a girl rejects me it means that I am not good enough for her, yet. But even if she rejects me afterwards, it´s fine. After all, I Love her and I want to be with her to make her happy, if she knows that for some reason I wouldn´t be able to make her happy, why would I be forcing her to be in a relationship with me ? But... to be honest, I really am the type of guy who will look at my crush getting a boyfriend and go just like ,,Wow, I hope she´ll be happy." yeah... I am kinda... I am kind of a p*ssy in that regard, that´s not very attractive xD But yeah...

Now, I want to make something clear. I know there is a lot of women who are into redpill, too. Women who will look down on me and say that they would never date me unless I have all the things that I say are worthless. They will say ,,That´s just the way it is." And to that I say ,,That´s not the way it is, that´s the way you are." You want all that s*it for Yourself. You want a man that will be able to protect You, not me, I couldn´t care less. So if You think I am worthless without all that. First of all, You are selfish, second of all, we clearly do not share the same values and therefore I´d have no interest in dating you anyway.
I am not saying women would be bad people for rejecting me, I am just saying that you are rejecting me for selfish reasons. Don´t act like you´re a moral authority to me because I don´t fit your standards. You act like ,,Men should be blah blah blah" just because you´re a horny w*ore, okay ? Like, I am trying to say that muscles, money, status... If I have that, I have it for You. If You Love me for it, You only Love Yourself. And sure, if I get lonely, I can live in this one sided relationship just fine, always knowing that you will never really Love me but at least I can get someone I can Love, which sometimes is even a bigger win than being Loved. At the end of the day, I don´t care if I get rejected anymore, I know how to get girls and I know my self-worth. If you reject me... dude, you are no goddess. You are just a random hack that wants to get laid like everyone else does. Sure, maybe I did something wrong that made you reject me but... Who the f*ck cares ? Your p*sy is not the f*cking moral authority over here, hello ?

Or am I wrong. Is it necessary to objectify my feelings like that ? Maybe yeah, maybe Love and understanding is not enough to make one motivated to protect it, maybe you have to take everything away from them so that they get off of their butt and do something.

However, if someone tells ME to man up, I will break their jaw. If a woman tells me to man up, I will turn gay, transsexual and I´m gonna steal her husband and then tell HER to "woman up".

Once again, am I arrogant for thinking I deserve Love even though I am practically useless ? Or are you arrogant for thinking that you can outweight the value of life by materialistic bulls*it ?

In conclusion, none f*cks with me. I am way past tolerating everyone´s bulls*it. I know my worth and I have nothing to prove, it´s up to you to prove I am worthless... Good Luck, you´re gonna die trying. Probably of old age. Or the realisation of what it would imply if your values were logically consistent.

Are women supposed to take your self-worth away and slowly give it back as you do exactly what they want ? If so, I would rather be a woman than a man.

Why do you repress your feelings, guys ? Why do you devalue them ? You are men, therefore all or most of your feelings are exclusively masculine. Treat yourself and your feelings with respect. Everything you need to become a man is already in you.

Though, I am no "real man", I am just an 18 year old who can´t do anything. So, this post is open to criticism.

Chasing girls should be fun, not a desperate quest for self-worth.

I mean I feel like everything I said here is obvious, so why does everyone everywhere keep trying to disprove it ? Or is there something that I lack ? That I forgot ?