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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
How to strengthen a relationship with an ESTP?

In short I have the following questions..:

1 .When my ESTP friend post on social media, should I respond with a like or comment?

2. I'm going to take some classes to learn new things... would I appear more interesting?

3. Should I continue to refer him as my best friend or will he get sick of it?

4. I planned to make a hand-made card to him as he's still ill, is this a good idea?

5, Constantly I feel like that our relationship is under crisis, is there anything that would strengthen our relationship?
 

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I got a little bit past the lists of things to talk about... Sometimes, I like not having to carry on a conversation. The longer I am around someone, I get asked if I am ok, when quiet. I get tired, zone out or I am observing. We are not always on. We need our switch off time also.

This post was too long, I stopped reading about 4 paragraphs in ~cliff note it please : )
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I got a little bit past the lists of things to talk about... Sometimes, I like not having to carry on a conversation. The longer I am around someone, I get asked if I am ok, when quiet. I get tired, zone out or I am observing. We are not always on. We need our switch off time also.

This post was too long, I stopped reading about 4 paragraphs in ~cliff note it please : )
edited ^^
 

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I don't really like when most people try and label me 'best friend'
Reason it feels like a really forced title or declaration with a lot of pressure intended in the connotation. The exception would be with my long term best friend there are two of them. I am going to use them as the example with your questions. Those two have been best friends now one going on 20yrs of friendship the other 18yrs. So it's pretty well established I am best friends with each. So much so it is rarely said in exchange when I am with either because no one needs that reassurance or declaration. Although the 20yr friend introduces me as that (I think it's cute or sweet, and cheesy tehe but I know she means it well). Guess what she even though she is ENFP does not need reassurance in the same way she knows I relay myself in other ways. She understands that is HER way of sentiment, not mine and does not confuse my not doing the same thing as anything outside different dispositions. There is no way my other close friend an ENFJ would ever mutter that shit. While she is definitely ENFJ she certainly does not speak like that (probably because she is an Enny 8).

1. Who gives a shit. You should probably do what is natural reaction. We don't really like a lot of nuances. I can't imagine myself caring about the un existent reaction of someone. To put this into perspective why would they care. If it's a big milestone or life event I am sure they may appreciate a very well intended sincere well wish or congratulations. But outside that I highly fucken doubt any ESTP is tracking the amount of likes a specific person gives them. Eh maybe this is a generation gap thing. Because this is mind boggling to me.

2. LMAO
Omfg
Whatever you do don't ever try and portray yourself as interesting in a postured way. Unless you would like to commit social suicide with an ESTP. And hey he may still be a friend but I can assure you if you try and stage yourself as a 'very interesting person' they will totally be thinking, WTF. You should join things for your own interest.

3. Noting what I started with. There are exceptions. Um. My best judgement tells me in your case no. Because do you admire him maybe too much or seek too much of his approval that possibly it might back fire if you come to resent him. I had friends try really hard with me young. They almost got mean spirited when they ended up outgrowing admiring others and gaining their sense of self. Anyways suddenly all their shame for having put so much into me got taken out on me. These people called themselves best friends. It actually did hurt me. They misunderstood my already being perceptive enough to see some of this context in the dynamics and be more reserved out of caution as that my reserved behavior was a diss. Guess what they all did, became very hostile, spiteful, etc. A lot of people's character is revealed in how they react to others when flattery does not work. Flattery does not work on ESTPs (believe it or not, although we appreciate praise and can bask in it we don't actually require it). You can be sincere and say how much someone means to you. But outside that i would leave it at that. Do you know what means more to us. Prove yourself. And that means showing decent character to everyone one would think your loyalties lay with. We are definitely going to notice if you mock someone to elevate yourself to make a joke with us, we will notice if you skip out on something to come to our side. What does that show? You deserve to be left at bay, because you are showing a wavering in your alliances. Anyone who seems too eager to please often warrants caution. Not saying you do this. Explaining the context of flattery and friendship and posturing with interacting with us.

Let me also stress with those closest to me they know they don't need to feel insecure if they don't hear from me always. I always come back it just means I am busy. And they don't need my constant attention they have their own lives. And vice versa.

4. Hmmm
Eh I have no clue. If so keep it like the simplest thing ever. I mean literally like... get well. Just a thought but if you know he likes e.g. Skittles bring a giant bag of skittle and write get well on the bag. Cards are nice btw. But from one male to another male. Especially an ESTP male, keep it simple bro.

Oh by the way I do know this is a very nice way INFPs express themselves. My daughter bless her heart always is desiring to make the most bizarre but heartfelt gifts for people and cards. But I caution from one male to an ESTP male keep it simple.

Lol my daughter made a very creative friendship necklace for her two friends out of our garbage while I applauded both her creativity and resourcefulness I did say... let's go to the dollar store and get you some beads and string and throw our garbage away :laughing:

5. Yeah chill the fuck out
 

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In short I have the following questions..:

1 .When my ESTP friend post on social media, should I respond with a like or comment?

2. I'm going to take some classes to learn new things... would I appear more interesting?

3. Should I continue to refer him as my best friend or will he get sick of it?

4. I planned to make a hand-made card to him as he's still ill, is this a good idea?

5, Constantly I feel like that our relationship is under crisis, is there anything that would strengthen our relationship?
I'm just going to cut to the chase. It sounds like you are looking to your ESTP friend to provide stability. I bet your friend is just going about living his life clueless that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you need an ESTJ, not an ESTP. Seriously though, just chill and let it be what's it's going to be.
 

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In short I have the following questions..:

1 .When my ESTP friend post on social media, should I respond with a like or comment?

2. I'm going to take some classes to learn new things... would I appear more interesting?

3. Should I continue to refer him as my best friend or will he get sick of it?

4. I planned to make a hand-made card to him as he's still ill, is this a good idea?

5, Constantly I feel like that our relationship is under crisis, is there anything that would strengthen our relationship?

If you do not mind me asking one last question before I answer these, It will give me a better perspective... How old are you two?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I'm just going to cut to the chase. It sounds like you are looking to your ESTP friend to provide stability. I bet your friend is just going about living his life clueless that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you need an ESTJ, not an ESTP. Seriously though, just chill and let it be what's it's going to be.
Thank you for your response Selinda, I don't really understand why is it that the more he doesn't seem to care the more I wanted to be assured that it is not the case, I guess I'm really wrong and I don't know why I have been acting this way, but I do struggle excessively and I don't know why, it's not that he's my only friend but i don't seem to have the same problem with my other friends.
 

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I don't really like when most people try and label me 'best friend'
Reason it feels like a really forced title or declaration with a lot of pressure intended in the connotation. The exception would be with my long term best friend there are two of them. I am going to use them as the example with your questions. Those two have been best friends now one going on 20yrs of friendship the other 18yrs. So it's pretty well established I am best friends with each. So much so it is rarely said in exchange when I am with either because no one needs that reassurance or declaration. Although the 20yr friend introduces me as that (I think it's cute or sweet, and cheesy tehe but I know she means it well). Guess what she even though she is ENFP does not need reassurance in the same way she knows I relay myself in other ways. She understands that is HER way of sentiment, not mine and does not confuse my not doing the same thing as anything outside different dispositions. There is no way my other close friend an ENFJ would ever mutter that shit. While she is definitely ENFJ she certainly does not speak like that (probably because she is an Enny 8).

1. Who gives a shit. You should probably do what is natural reaction. We don't really like a lot of nuances. I can't imagine myself caring about the un existent reaction of someone. To put this into perspective why would they care. If it's a big milestone or life event I am sure they may appreciate a very well intended sincere well wish or congratulations. But outside that I highly fucken doubt any ESTP is tracking the amount of likes a specific person gives them. Eh maybe this is a generation gap thing. Because this is mind boggling to me.

2. LMAO
Omfg
Whatever you do don't ever try and portray yourself as interesting in a postured way. Unless you would like to commit social suicide with an ESTP. And hey he may still be a friend but I can assure you if you try and stage yourself as a 'very interesting person' they will totally be thinking, WTF. You should join things for your own interest.

3. Noting what I started with. There are exceptions. Um. My best judgement tells me in your case no. Because do you admire him maybe too much or seek too much of his approval that possibly it might back fire if you come to resent him. I had friends try really hard with me young. They almost got mean spirited when they ended up outgrowing admiring others and gaining their sense of self. Anyways suddenly all their shame for having put so much into me got taken out on me. These people called themselves best friends. It actually did hurt me. They misunderstood my already being perceptive enough to see some of this context in the dynamics and be more reserved out of caution as that my reserved behavior was a diss. Guess what they all did, became very hostile, spiteful, etc. A lot of people's character is revealed in how they react to others when flattery does not work. Flattery does not work on ESTPs (believe it or not, although we appreciate praise and can bask in it we don't actually require it). You can be sincere and say how much someone means to you. But outside that i would leave it at that. Do you know what means more to us. Prove yourself. And that means showing decent character to everyone one would think your loyalties lay with. We are definitely going to notice if you mock someone to elevate yourself to make a joke with us, we will notice if you skip out on something to come to our side. What does that show? You deserve to be left at bay, because you are showing a wavering in your alliances. Anyone who seems too eager to please often warrants caution. Not saying you do this. Explaining the context of flattery and friendship and posturing with interacting with us.

Let me also stress with those closest to me they know they don't need to feel insecure if they don't hear from me always. I always come back it just means I am busy. And they don't need my constant attention they have their own lives. And vice versa.

4. Hmmm
Eh I have no clue. If so keep it like the simplest thing ever. I mean literally like... get well. Just a thought but if you know he likes e.g. Skittles bring a giant bag of skittle and write get well on the bag. Cards are nice btw. But from one male to another male. Especially an ESTP male, keep it simple bro.

Oh by the way I do know this is a very nice way INFPs express themselves. My daughter bless her heart always is desiring to make the most bizarre but heartfelt gifts for people and cards. But I caution from one male to an ESTP male keep it simple.

Lol my daughter made a very creative friendship necklace for her two friends out of our garbage while I applauded both her creativity and resourcefulness I did say... let's go to the dollar store and get you some beads and string and throw our garbage away :laughing:

5. Yeah chill the fuck out
Thanks so much sensational for responding every single one of my questions! I just have a few more questions to ask after reading what you have written I hope you don't know.

1. - You see, he had this app chat group thing where he was an admin, and he seems to want me to participate in the group more regularly but I am not a good chatter in chatrooms so I barely participated and I think he was not happy about that.
I guess I should have participated more? but I didn't really want to lol

2. Well I will be learning things that I've always wanted to learn for a long time, it is not just to impress him but yes you are right I don't want to pretend to be interesting, to be honest I don't even know how to pretend to be interesting as I consider myself...boring? or very special!

3. I call him my best friend from time to time and sometimes he does the same. But I guess from now on I'm only going to use this phrase during special occasions. So thank you for your advice on that.

4. Haha not going to make him a card anymore, I'm going to buy him a tie now lol is that a better idea? A simple classy tie lol Very practical for daily use?

5.Thanks and I will try lol. I have been constantly battling with myself because I think I didn't really understand him until now, I thought he didn't care about me etc I didn't read about ESTP until like 2 nights ago and I didn't know he was a ESTP until I tried to take the test on his behalf, now that I do it kind of put myself at ease because I think I was almost completely wrong about him on many things.
 

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Now that I know your ages I can better answer the questions. These seem more like you are interested in more than friendship? What did you mean by "I didn't know he was a ESTP until I tried to take the test on his behalf, now that I do it kind of put myself at ease because I think I was almost completely wrong about him on many things. " No offence but, *quirks an eyebrow* Why are you taking a test on his behalf to establish his personality?

In short I have the following questions..:

1 .When my ESTP friend post on social media, should I respond with a like or comment?
What does it matter? If you like it or want to comment ~do it. If not, don't. IF he is even an ESTP, he is not going to care one way or another.

2. I'm going to take some classes to learn new things... would I appear more interesting?
Why are you trying to force a square peg into a round hole? Take the classes for you and only you, not the appearance of being more interesting.

3. Should I continue to refer him as my best friend or will he get sick of it?
I am with Sensational on this one... Why are you trying to verbally define your friendship? How long have you two been friends? It has put me off a bit when someone I had started hanging out with less than a year kept referring to me as her best friend.

4. I planned to make a hand-made card to him as he's still ill, is this a good idea?

Unless, your interest is more than platonic friends, I would not advise that. Coming from someone I am dating or SO that would be...I guess sweet. I am not into cards. Everyone that knows me knows not to even expect one on their birthday or special occasion. I will do an e-card but, store bought cards are a waste of money IMO. A hand made one may be kept if, that person is very significant to me. Other than that it would get tossed. I am not even sure at your ages that would be appropriate if, this is a strictly a platonic friendship. Honestly, I am not sure I know any guys that would do this at any age. *shrugs* I could be wrong.

5, Constantly I feel like that our relationship is under crisis, is there anything that would strengthen our relationship?

There seems to be some underlying issues here. This seems almost obsessive. I second the advice of Chill the fuck out. It sounds like you need to turn this focus on yourself and find what makes you happy instead of your friend. If you are meant to be friends you will be, if not...the saying A reason, a season or a lifetime.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Now that I know your ages I can better answer the questions. These seem more like you are interested in more than friendship? What did you mean by "I didn't know he was a ESTP until I tried to take the test on his behalf, now that I do it kind of put myself at ease because I think I was almost completely wrong about him on many things. " No offence but, *quirks an eyebrow* Why are you taking a test on his behalf to establish his personality?

In short I have the following questions..:

1 .When my ESTP friend post on social media, should I respond with a like or comment?
What does it matter? If you like it or want to comment ~do it. If not, don't. IF he is even an ESTP, he is not going to care one way or another.

2. I'm going to take some classes to learn new things... would I appear more interesting?
Why are you trying to force a square peg into a round hole? Take the classes for you and only you, not the appearance of being more interesting.

3. Should I continue to refer him as my best friend or will he get sick of it?
I am with Sensational on this one... Why are you trying to verbally define your friendship? How long have you two been friends? It has put me off a bit when someone I had started hanging out with less than a year kept referring to me as her best friend.

4. I planned to make a hand-made card to him as he's still ill, is this a good idea?

Unless, your interest is more than platonic friends, I would not advise that. Coming from someone I am dating or SO that would be...I guess sweet. I am not into cards. Everyone that knows me knows not to even expect one on their birthday or special occasion. I will do an e-card but, store bought cards are a waste of money IMO. A hand made one may be kept if, that person is very significant to me. Other than that it would get tossed. I am not even sure at your ages that would be appropriate if, this is a strictly a platonic friendship. Honestly, I am not sure I know any guys that would do this at any age. *shrugs* I could be wrong.

5, Constantly I feel like that our relationship is under crisis, is there anything that would strengthen our relationship?

There seems to be some underlying issues here. This seems almost obsessive. I second the advice of Chill the fuck out. It sounds like you need to turn this focus on yourself and find what makes you happy instead of your friend. If you are meant to be friends you will be, if not...the saying A reason, a season or a lifetime.
I was trying to establish his personality because I really consider him my very important friend but somehow things just doesn't seem to go right between us because he seems caring and uncaring at the same time (like he would ignore my messages for weeks) and I don't want to get hurt for giving my best in a friendship but actually was being used,

so when I found out that ETSPs are naturally uncaring on the appearance (that's how I put it sorry if I'm wrong) and that they focus on what's right in front of them (that's also just my interpretation) to me it means that perhaps he really care about me as a friend and that's why it put me at ease knowing that he's not being nice unauthentically , for personal gain etc...

Our relationship is complete platonic , I do admit that I'm overly attached to him maybe but only as a brother, I just want to help him, sometimes he goes into self destructive mode , or becomes heavily depressed and I really wish he would listen to me at times like that , I'm naturally a helper and want to give my all to help someone, especially an important friend which makes me want to help him even more, he's my special friend.

He seems to appreciate me more than my other friends which is maybe why he became so important to me, I feel needed and appreciated,but ultimately I just want him to be "truely" happy, with or without me.
 

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@Greenranger I was trying to establish his personality because I really consider him my very important friend but somehow things just doesn't seem to go right between us because he seems caring and uncaring at the same time (like he would ignore my messages for weeks) and I don't want to get hurt for giving my best in a friendship but actually was being used,

I have had SEVERAL complaints about my response time on messages. If you are making a statement and not asking a question it, is probably not him ignoring you. He just had nothing to add and or is busy and forgot. Why do you think he is using you? Give your best without expecting anything in return. You may be expecting him to reciprocate to the degree you invest and that is just setting yourself and him up for failure. You two are wired differently. I think Selinda touched on that in this thread or another.

so when I found out that ETSPs are naturally uncaring on the appearance (that's how I put it sorry if I'm wrong) and that they focus on what's right in front of them (that's also just my interpretation) to me it means that perhaps he really care about me as a friend and that's why it put me at ease knowing that he's not being nice unauthentically , for personal gain etc...

I noticed the second reference to being used.... If he is ESTP, he is going to be upfront and blunt. Not being authentic in a friendship just does not fit the normal MO. Maybe, ask yourself- What is his personal gain from your "friendship"?

Our relationship is complete platonic , I do admit that I'm overly attached to him maybe but only as a brother, I just want to help him, sometimes he goes into self destructive mode , or becomes heavily depressed and I really wish he would listen to me at times like that , I'm naturally a helper and want to give my all to help someone, especially an important friend which makes me want to help him even more, he's my special friend.

This may be an issue. Give the advice if he asks for it since, you do not think he is very receptive to it. I personally am going to do what I want, what you deem as self destructive mode could not be in his eyes (if he is an ESTP and not in a depressive state, he probably has most of it mapped out unless he is operating in his shadow functions.) If he is depressed, a lecture will probably, only annoy him. If you want to help him, you need to figure out what help he needs not what you would need. Different kinds of help are actually hindrances. I will avoid people if it becomes too excessive.

He seems to appreciate me more than my other friends which is maybe why he became so important to me, I feel needed and appreciated,but ultimately I just want him to be "truely" happy, with or without me.
Do not make him responsible for you or your emotions. The last sentence speaks volumes and is why he probably appreciates you more. That is a rare thing now.
 

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Discussion Starter #13 (Edited)
@Greenranger I was trying to establish his personality because I really consider him my very important friend but somehow things just doesn't seem to go right between us because he seems caring and uncaring at the same time (like he would ignore my messages for weeks) and I don't want to get hurt for giving my best in a friendship but actually was being used,

I have had SEVERAL complaints about my response time on messages. If you are making a statement and not asking a question it, is probably not him ignoring you. He just had nothing to add and or is busy and forgot. Why do you think he is using you? Give your best without expecting anything in return. You may be expecting him to reciprocate to the degree you invest and that is just setting yourself and him up for failure. You two are wired differently. I think Selinda touched on that in this thread or another.

so when I found out that ETSPs are naturally uncaring on the appearance (that's how I put it sorry if I'm wrong) and that they focus on what's right in front of them (that's also just my interpretation) to me it means that perhaps he really care about me as a friend and that's why it put me at ease knowing that he's not being nice unauthentically , for personal gain etc...

I noticed the second reference to being used.... If he is ESTP, he is going to be upfront and blunt. Not being authentic in a friendship just does not fit the normal MO. Maybe, ask yourself- What is his personal gain from your "friendship"?

Our relationship is complete platonic , I do admit that I'm overly attached to him maybe but only as a brother, I just want to help him, sometimes he goes into self destructive mode , or becomes heavily depressed and I really wish he would listen to me at times like that , I'm naturally a helper and want to give my all to help someone, especially an important friend which makes me want to help him even more, he's my special friend.

This may be an issue. Give the advice if he asks for it since, you do not think he is very receptive to it. I personally am going to do what I want, what you deem as self destructive mode could not be in his eyes (if he is an ESTP and not in a depressive state, he probably has most of it mapped out unless he is operating in his shadow functions.) If he is depressed, a lecture will probably, only annoy him. If you want to help him, you need to figure out what help he needs not what you would need. Different kinds of help are actually hindrances. I will avoid people if it becomes too excessive.

He seems to appreciate me more than my other friends which is maybe why he became so important to me, I feel needed and appreciated,but ultimately I just want him to be "truely" happy, with or without me.
Do not make him responsible for you or your emotions. The last sentence speaks volumes and is why he probably appreciates you more. That is a rare thing now.
Thanks Enigma for your response !

Well ever since we first met I've been helping him with a lot of things, mostly academic stuff,in fact that's how we developed our friendship , whenever he needs help he comes to me and I'm always happy to help him , but when i message him , he would ignore me (not always but maybe 50%? ). So you know it doesn't feel good when someone seems like they only come to you when you need help if you know what I mean?
I never expected anything in return because for me that's not friendship is all about, but at the same time if our "friendship" only consists on me helping him when he needs me and then I'm ignored whenever he doesn't need then it's also not what friendship is about, you know?
That's why it puts me at ease knowing that this is not the case.

And these days whenever I message him I would add "See you when you have time bye" - as an indication that he doesn't need to respond I just merely wanted to give him some sort of greeting/well wishing/keep in touch thing.

But I don't even do that now, I don't want to send him "meaningless" messages to annoy him so I didn't, but this was something I didn't know that would offend him so it was a mistake that I made a lot previously at the beginning of our friendship, it's how I keep in touch with most of my friends as an introvert...but with him is different and that's ok

When I mentioned self-destruction, well he has heavy drinking and drug problems, so even if it might not be self-destructive in annyone's eyes , it clearly is !! It's common sense right? He knows he shouldn't do it aswell and he does it anyway, he has an addiction (he admitted) and he gives in too peer pressure which is the problem, but I never lectured him I only give him very gentle+tactful+careful+short and sweet suggestions because I know that if he is going to listen to me , he will and if he won't no matter what I do he still won't. (but doesn't it hurt you when someone you care so much goes into self-destructive mode? I know this is not about me but as a friend, you would try to talk him out of it too right? If you want him to be well)

When he was depressed I never even say anything other than words of encouragement and reminds that I will always help him no matter what whenever he needs, I never pressured him or forced him into doing anything I don't even suggest it if I know it's something he will not like. Again I just want him to get better and get the support that he needs...for his benefit

I know he's not responsible for my emotions and i will never make him feel like he's accountable for it, like I wouldn't never tell him any the stuff that I mentioned in this forum (it will be a 100% bye bye forever lol) I just want us to stay friends because I value him a lot...but I won't force it if it is not meant to be. (and I'm sure I can't force it if it's not meant to be)

i just want to know what makes an ESTP happy so that when i meet him we can do something that he will enjoy together, I'm very adoptable and flexible so anything suits me (apart from rollercoasters or anything of that kind because I'm acrophobic...and he loves those things !) I just want us to have a good time ... any suggestions please?
 

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sorry man, gotta tear this band-aid off.. its a bad idea in the long term. INFP's and ESTP's are complete opposites. The cognitive functions conflict in every way. I'd go as far as to say, most ESTP's probably think of INFP's as just kinda wormy and there.

HOWEVER - if you want to do things that are fun to ESTP's, it will mean doing probably all the things you hate:
- snow boarding, downhill mountain biking, sky diving, kayaking, camping, surfing
- clubbing, drinking, sex drugs rock and roll
- adventuring

The way I understand it, INFP's mostly love the idea of doing things but not actually doing things. Ultimate dreamer vs ultimate realist. You could probably toy with the idea of doing the sensory excitement type things but in the moment you'd hate it and be mentally day dreaming about something else... the ESTP will notice you arent engaging in the now and get bored of you.

Just my 2 cents
 

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sorry man, gotta tear this band-aid off.. its a bad idea in the long term. INFP's and ESTP's are complete opposites. The cognitive functions conflict in every way. I'd go as far as to say, most ESTP's probably think of INFP's as just kinda wormy and there.

HOWEVER - if you want to do things that are fun to ESTP's, it will mean doing probably all the things you hate:
- snow boarding, downhill mountain biking, sky diving, kayaking, camping, surfing
- clubbing, drinking, sex drugs rock and roll
- adventuring

The way I understand it, INFP's mostly love the idea of doing things but not actually doing things. Ultimate dreamer vs ultimate realist. You could probably toy with the idea of doing the sensory excitement type things but in the moment you'd hate it and be mentally day dreaming about something else... the ESTP will notice you arent engaging in the now and get bored of you.

Just my 2 cents
Hi nablur , thank you so much for your reply! Well it is true that I can't say I enjoy much of the things on the list you made , but I'm not oppose to everything ... I mean, I am ok with camping even though it's not something that I've tried... I can't say i like drinking but a glass or 2 sociably won't hurt...and well adventures sounds exciting so I'm all for that !
Well the rest of the list I really don't want to be engaged in but I'm sure that there are other things that we can do... right?
 

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Hi nablur , thank you so much for your reply! Well it is true that I can't say I enjoy much of the things on the list you made , but I'm not oppose to everything ... I mean, I am ok with camping even though it's not something that I've tried... I can't say i like drinking but a glass or 2 sociably won't hurt...and well adventures sounds exciting so I'm all for that !
Well the rest of the list I really don't want to be engaged in but I'm sure that there are other things that we can do... right?
anything is "possible" ... GL
 

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@Greenranger

Well ever since we first met I've been helping him with a lot of things, mostly academic stuff,in fact that's how we developed our friendship , whenever he needs help he comes to me and I'm always happy to help him , but when i message him , he would ignore me (not always but maybe 50%? ). So you know it doesn't feel good when someone seems like they only come to you when you need help if you know what I mean?
I never expected anything in return because for me that's not friendship is all about, but at the same time if our "friendship" only consists on me helping him when he needs me and then I'm ignored whenever he doesn't need then it's also not what friendship is about, you know?
That's why it puts me at ease knowing that this is not the case.
It could be the case. But, it may be you smothered him too.

And these days whenever I message him I would add "See you when you have time bye" - as an indication that he doesn't need to respond I just merely wanted to give him some sort of greeting/well wishing/keep in touch thing.
Honestly, I think it is funny how misconstrued text or interaction without actual in person or verbal interaction can be misinterpreted. I would have takin that text as you being an ass when, in fact you just explained it and it was the complete opposite.

But I don't even do that now, I don't want to send him "meaningless" messages to annoy him so I didn't, but this was something I didn't know that would offend him so it was a mistake that I made a lot previously at the beginning of our friendship, it's how I keep in touch with most of my friends as an introvert...but with him is different and that's ok
Good, because I would have thought you were being passive aggressive which is annoying. If you are a friend of mine I like it straight up undiluted if I caused offence. It help in understanding people and I can then figure out where they are at/coming from and where I may be misinterpreted or at fault if, they are honest. Passive aggressive would be a bitch move IMO and cause me not to invest my time in someone. Just be straight up with him and be yourself. Let him make of it what he will.

When I mentioned self-destruction, well he has heavy drinking and drug problems, so even if it might not be self-destructive in annyone's eyes , it clearly is !! It's common sense right? He knows he shouldn't do it aswell and he does it anyway, he has an addiction (he admitted) and he gives in too peer pressure which is the problem, but I never lectured him I only give him very gentle+tactful+careful+short and sweet suggestions because I know that if he is going to listen to me , he will and if he won't no matter what I do he still won't. (but doesn't it hurt you when someone you care so much goes into self-destructive mode? I know this is not about me but as a friend, you would try to talk him out of it too right? If you want him to be well)
This could be some of the issue behind you feeling used. People on drugs are not concerned with anyone most of the time not, even their self. They are worried about their next fix. Be supportive but, not to keep beating your head against a brick wall. Give the advise and be there for him but ultimately, he has to want to change an improve. If he feels you are being judgmental he may, shut down instead of listen especially, if he admitted to you he has a problem. People addicted to drugs are not thinking rationally.

When he was depressed I never even say anything other than words of encouragement and reminds that I will always help him no matter what whenever he needs, I never pressured him or forced him into doing anything I don't even suggest it if I know it's something he will not like. Again I just want him to get better and get the support that he needs...for his benefit


I know he's not responsible for my emotions and i will never make him feel like he's accountable for it, like I wouldn't never tell him any the stuff that I mentioned in this forum (it will be a 100% bye bye forever lol) I just want us to stay friends because I value him a lot...but I won't force it if it is not meant to be. (and I'm sure I can't force it if it's not meant to be)

i just want to know what makes an ESTP happy so that when i meet him we can do something that he will enjoy together, I'm very adoptable and flexible so anything suits me (apart from rollercoasters or anything of that kind because I'm acrophobic...and he loves those things !) I just want us to have a good time ... any suggestions pleas

This could vary from person to person. Find something you would both enjoy doing. Concert, carnival, movie, go out to eat....It does not have to be all adrenaline junkie stuff. Talk about light hearted stuff unless he initiates any thing on a deeper lvl/conversation and just relax.
 
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