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Ok, ok...No more posting from me for a week after this. I'm grounding myself. I tried to leave, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Then, I said I wouldn't post as much, and I'm going to hold myself to that.

Anyway, on to the point, it is my opinion that the mainstream idea about introverts needing to get out of their "shell"- although it does not apply to all types of introverts- applies to INFJs. And it can be done, because I have been doing it successfully latley. I'm still in young adulthood, so I think the timing works out well. People that I talk to probably just think that I am "growing up".

I think our shell is mostly a defense mechanism that we developed when we were younger. In my view, it's not a part of "who we are", like some people I've talked to have said. I know that in early childhood, say ages 5-11 or so, I was not shy. I acted "weird"; my family didn't understand me and took me to get a CAT scan, but I did not keep to myself until middle school.

Around the start of middle school, puberty was kicking in. I became incredibly shy around the opposite sex. I was raised in the Bible Belt South, so I felt like I was being a bad person for lusting/masturbating. I never wanted to tell any girls that I was attracted to them from grade 6-12, because I felt like I was being "shallow". I was in love with an ENFP girl in high school, but I worried that it was just infatuation, and I have stayed close friends with her- now she's married. But I still genuienly care about her even though I find her attractive. I realize now that I should have said something.

In middle school, high school, and college, I was aware of how everybody perceived me, and I thought something was wrong with me. I was questioning my sanity.

Here's something to consider: If you are a true blue INFJ, as I am, you are not "internally reserved" or "internally shy". Your thought process is very spontaneous and free-spirited. Externally speaking, your body language sends messages that are out of synch with your mind. Nobody is seeing the "real you". You want to share your ideas, and you want close relationships, but you keep to yourself most of the time. This is holding you back from getting what you want/need.

Even though we are introverted, it is actually possible for an INFJ to be seen as more of a "strong personality". I'm gravitating this way now. I've done some reading on INFJs, and they can often be mistaken for extroverts if they are confident. I think the best part of our personality is the Fe. I think that caring about other people is more important than being able to express one's self on a deep level. This is why people call us "sweethearts", but if we are too issolated, we will lose this.

Ok, that's it...sorry about being long-winded, but it seemed important. See you in a week! :wink:
 

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I was quite shy as a child. But there was always this nagging in my mind, that I had so much I wanted to share with the world. So finally one day, when I was about fourteen, I just gave in to the nagging and came out of my shell once and for all. And I have never looked back.
 

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i also was not shy until i was older. Easiest way i can remember was two trips to Mexico. First time i was 9 and i hung out with 8-10 year old American girt that i befriended but when i went again two years later i couldn't even bring myself to talk to her even though i knew her from three years ago. Same thing happened to a Mexican boy i hung out with except he coaxed me out of my shell.
 

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I was VERY shy as a child, especially around girls. Not so much now.

Also, if you figure out a way to remove yourself from this place, emotionally and physically, let me know.
 

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For me, The Infj...

The mind stimulates itself. --- All those thoughts, ideas, theories come from an inside plane that can keep you happily interested for days. (Thinking it over and over until a point of clarity comes.)

The feeling is wanting to connect with others. --- We place the group dynamics, above our own. (Make them comfortable, accepted, valid) *This is where the mistaken for an Extrovert comes in.

The "two functions" battle themselves at times, because we want to give to others and give to ourselves. (Make them comfortable; Time for me and my mind) And when we don't/can't honor both.... something, goes astray. We get short tempered, ill, moody, etc. :sad:

For me, the Infj...

Must find their "sense of balance" between our time for ourselves, and time for everyone else. For me, it is at least one hour everyday. Plus, some Saturdays.

--- A happy INFJ is an awesome INFJ :laughing:
 

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My name is David Vick. I live in Columbia, Tennessee. I was so isolated from the rest of the world that I took my own picture- not anymore though. I’m sure there’s enough information about me on the internet to find out what my address is. If you are an attractive girl around my age, you have my permission to stalk me.


I was VERY shy as a child, especially around girls. Not so much now.

Also, if you figure out a way to remove yourself from this place, emotionally and physically, let me know.
Girls, girls, girls! I am absolutely girl crazy. Whenever I am not trying to save the world, I am thinking about girls. I have a high sex drive, and I have felt ashamed of it all my life probably due to a Conservative Christian upbringing. I tried to overcome the addiction by asking for guidance from a youth pastor, and it didn’t work.

I wanted to be a gentleman around the opposite sex, and I was afraid to tell them about my “problem”, because I didn’t want them to think of me as being shallow-minded. Somehow this made me shy of them. As a result, I have never had a girlfriend.

I have heard it said that males hit their sexual peak at 18, although I think there is evidence out there to suggest otherwise. In any case, nearly a decade has passed, and I'm still horny as ever.

I respect women. I honestly do. I just want to make wild and passionate love to one and then treat her like a princess for the rest of the day. I can no longer be ashamed of myself for this. You know my name, and you know where I live, so broadcast it on the news if you want to. I don’t care anymore. Sorry, Jesus and God, if you’re up there. I will have to remain unforgiven for this.

For me, The Infj...

The mind stimulates itself. --- All those thoughts, ideas, theories come from an inside plane that can keep you happily interested for days. (Thinking it over and over until a point of clarity comes.)

The feeling is wanting to connect with others. --- We place the group dynamics, above our own. (Make them comfortable, accepted, valid) *This is where the mistaken for an Extrovert comes in.

The "two functions" battle themselves at times, because we want to give to others and give to ourselves. (Make them comfortable; Time for me and my mind) And when we don't/can't honor both.... something, goes astray. We get short tempered, ill, moody, etc. :sad:

For me, the Infj...

Must find their "sense of balance" between our time for ourselves, and time for everyone else. For me, it is at least one hour everyday. Plus, some Saturdays.

--- A happy INFJ is an awesome INFJ :laughing:
Thank you for this post. This is right on the money with my thoughts on here. It’s great to have supporters, but most of you who think this way seem like mature people who already “get” it.

I’m mostly trying to reach teenagers and young adults on this forum. Depressed middle aged and elderly people probably have it in their head that it is “too late” for them. I disagree with this. I think you’re dead when you’re dead. But they may be too stubborn and set in their ways to care much about the preaching of some punk kid.

Now speaking to the general INFJ population:

Speaking very honestly here, I can be selfish, but I can’t be even remotely selfish without feeling bad about it. I WISH soooooo much that I could be 100% selfless in my efforts on this forum, but I can’t. I want you people to appreciate what I am trying to do, and I want to know if it works for you. I’m so sorry for feeling this way, I sincerely am, but I can’t help it. I may be sort of an “attention whore”, but at least I’m still trying to do nice things. I hope knowing this doesn’t cheapen what I am trying to do for you. I still think that my mission is extremely important, and I am quite literally trying to save people’s lives on here- because taking everything I know about INFJs and my own personal experience into account- I can’t fathom how an isolated and completely self-serving INFJ could possibly be happy. That’s why I can’t leave. I’m here to stay…at least on a weekly basis. I sort of cheated tonight. Tomorrow will be a week from my last post, but I couldn’t wait any longer.:wink:

It is important to me that you all are happy. If you are happy, then I will be happy, and I will feel useful if I can aid you in this direction.

Ok…quick review, boys and girls:

-I have a high sex drive.
-I have a desire for other people to give me attention (especially females), and as such, I can never be fully independent.

I would like to be able to change this, but I don’t think I can. So I am going to learn to live with it. I will just have to be the nicest and best attention-seeking slut that I can be.
:happy:
 

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I however choose to embrace this shell

I have enough knowledge of the outside world to get me along

But I like my solitude
 

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I've been somewhat shy and very introverted, but the emotional expression shell formed around when I was 11ish.... I cared a lot more about it really and didn't want to look weak or get judged.
 

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I was weird to as a kid and then processed to a quiet kid the same as you say. breaking from that is very true. I will differently take in your goal and work with it.
 

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I was weird to as a kid and then processed to a quiet kid the same as you say. breaking from that is very true. I will differently take in your goal and work with it.
You said what I had so much better. If I could change one thing as a child I would make myself shutup about my messed up imagination. But innocence and growth is good for me though.
 
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You said what I had so much better. If I could change one thing as a child I would make myself shutup about my messed up imagination. But innocence and growth is good for me though.
I do wish to erase mine as well. lol.
 

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Awesome topic. Yeah I am afraid of girls as far as relationships go still. I feel like I don't know how to interact with them. Yet, I'm a horny mf'er, it's bad. No one knows this though. I really mean, no one (except you all on the internet uh oh!). I had a strict christian upbringing so I'm pretty wound up in this area. It makes sense though. But like most guys, I think about women... a lot. But because of the way I was raised I've never done anything about it. It's a part of who I am now.

As far as growing up, I do remember when I was like 5-10 or so I was actually really talkative and off the wall. Around 12-13 when girls weren't the "enemy" anymore and people started liking other people is when I became really insecure and uncomfortable. It just continued on from there.

I wonder if a lot of INFJ's have a high sex drive (and I think this can go for people who haven't had sex before). Oh if people only knew what we were thinking while we sat and pondered away, huh?

This topic makes me wonder about a lot of things.
 

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Now I feel embarrassed for saying this. :sad:

I think that's probably the most honest thing I've ever said. ack

Being all wound up is not fun.
 

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Now I feel embarrassed for saying this. :sad:

I think that's probably the most honest thing I've ever said. ack

Being all wound up is not fun.

hahaha, its fine. I think the theory is correct.
 

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My thoughts on the INFJ shell?

FRUSTRATING!
 

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It conforming to know INFJ's had a similar upbringing as me.
 

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It is nice to know that other people had similar upbringings!

Amanda32 - that's what I guessed from people I have been friends with! I know when my shell comes up at a bad time people are confused, frustrated, then are usually not interested in hanging out anymore. Such is life though.
 
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