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1) Has anyone here undergone a serious blow to the foundation of their values?

1a) And then had to rebuild their values through experimentation and trying new experiences that you completely wrote off as either wrong or not for you?

Personally, I'm undergoing an intense tranformation at the moment, starting from scratch, and doing things I never thought I would do. Mostly in the sex and relationship department, but also in other areas. I feel a little sad, like something I cared for died mixed with a feeling of relief and good riddance.

The problem is, sometimes I'm scared I'm going too far. I'm very intelligent, I can read people incredibly well, and I always had that chip in my brain that made sure I adhered to my individually selected values - the two most in question are absolute loyalty and honesty at the expense of my own desires. Now I'm not puritanical about being a "good" person according to my values system. I can go more into detail a little later.

How do you deal with your values system melting down and not going too far when trying to rebuild what you lost? Or, possibility, never being able to rebuild it again?

To be honest, I would really like to talk to a psychologist about this because it is so distrubing but in the meantime it would be nice to explore this experience with someone.
 

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Lots of introspection. Analysing my beliefs, present or previous, and fears until I break them down and understand them properly. Also by pushing myself out of my comfort zone a bit at a time.
 

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Why do you think they broke down?
 

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Yes, it was more in terms of expectations of myself though. Expecting to accomplish certain things in life and then feeling like part of me died because in my mind, those accomplishments said something about who I am as a person.

I think the dying feeling happens when you identity too much with your values/some ideal image of yourself. So when that goes away you just have empty space to replace it. It's an inflated ego basically so it takes longer to rebuild - the expression "burst your bubble" comes to mind. I think it's kind of an identity crisis (but I dunno if it's exactly the same).

I'm still struggling with this to some extent, but I don't think you can rebuild your original system if you've found it to be unrealistic. You have to find where the system wasn't aligned with reality and refine it. I'm at a point though where I can't have a "closed system" connected to my sense of self (a fixed set of values about myself). For example, I may value honesty but not necessarily in the sense I'm personally identified with the idea "I am an honest person", because I could always be wrong.
 

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Honesty & loyalty given as the prime examples...

Why are they crumbling? Are the reasons behind them no longer relevant? Were you in a situation where you feel you shouldn't have followed those values (I.E. Did someone exploit them)? Did something happened and you no longer feel they are part of your character?
 

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I rebuilt my value system. It sucked and didnt let me achieve what I wanted out of life.

So boom, destroyed, new more effective values installed.

Welcome to the Matrix.
 

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@Bellwether

I don't know. My intuition has always managed to pull me back from the edge. Trust yourself to know where the line is.
 

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Consider...

Is your value system crumbling, because your in a downward spiral out of control and manic?

Or

Is your value system 'crumbling', because with age and life experience and emotional growth, your adapting?

I distinguish the two as different from each other.
1. Causes harm
2. Is letting go of ideals and well adjusting to the realization that sometimes in life our hands get dirty be it a mistake or well to rid ourselves of something (doing something in the short run that might suck, for the long run) which shifts where you once stood on your values.

Anyways I have generally just adapted thru life but held my principles. So more like #2. But I did have a very manic state around the time I left my ex spouse which was more just chaotic like #1. In general tho, no I do not ever completely loose my sense of principles, but yes things adjust with age and transitions in life and perspective and experience and gauging based on situation. But fundamentally I stick to my principles.

So are you having a manic nervous break down?
Or are you just growing up and having to wear big girl panties and let go of ideals with age?
 

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Keep calm & read Immanuel Kant.



 

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How do you deal with your values system melting down and not going too far when trying to rebuild what you lost? Or, possibility, never being able to rebuild it again?
During the time when my value system melted down, I did not deal with it productively. I didn't care if I lost myself within my own destruction. To begin with, my value system melted because of my own unhealthy values (I did not treat myself healthy, and became incredibly cynical towards people. So, I retreated from myself and everyone else, and got completely lost - Doesn't that sound like a human cliché?)

Luckily, I did not get stuck in destruction as I learned how to heal and rebuild myself to attain good health again. My internal storm is calming down to a tranquility. I am backing off from certain internal events, accepting and observing - instead of getting my feelings affected by it. It requires controlled focus to master, and when it is fully mastered I believe that focus will become driven by auto pilot.

Updating certain values is neccessary for most humans. They develop perspective by doing so. As long as it affects your health and the health around you in a good way, values should be changed.

Hopefully, the value of what love is to you will stay the same. Sadly, love is a value I lost and is re-descovering.

To be honest, I would really like to talk to a psychologist about this because it is so distrubing but in the meantime it would be nice to explore this experience with someone.
If you want, we can talk in PM.
 

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Everything is flimsy, people who cling too tightly to their values are going to have to do a lot of rationalizing eventually to maintain them.
 

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Sounds like you're having an affair.
Finding yourself more and more enjoying it?

Go into details... This is too abstract a presentation.
 

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1) Has anyone here undergone a serious blow to the foundation of their values?

1a) And then had to rebuild their values through experimentation and trying new experiences that you completely wrote off as either wrong or not for you?

Personally, I'm undergoing an intense tranformation at the moment, starting from scratch, and doing things I never thought I would do. Mostly in the sex and relationship department, but also in other areas. I feel a little sad, like something I cared for died mixed with a feeling of relief and good riddance.

The problem is, sometimes I'm scared I'm going too far. I'm very intelligent, I can read people incredibly well, and I always had that chip in my brain that made sure I adhered to my individually selected values - the two most in question are absolute loyalty and honesty at the expense of my own desires. Now I'm not puritanical about being a "good" person according to my values system. I can go more into detail a little later.

How do you deal with your values system melting down and not going too far when trying to rebuild what you lost? Or, possibility, never being able to rebuild it again?

To be honest, I would really like to talk to a psychologist about this because it is so distrubing but in the meantime it would be nice to explore this experience with someone.
Sounds like you feel sad because you're giving up your own personal values, and doubting yourself in the process.
 
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