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Hope the title was interesting enough. Please help type me.

I've taken many online tests, the official MBTI test twice, various cognitive functions and socionics tests over the years. The problem is I can usually see which dichotomy each question is referring to and will answer according to what type I believe I am at that particular moment. I believe I have nailed down the intuition/sensing axis and am pretty sure I'm an introvert... which leaves me with 4, but I'm not even that confident I am one of those 4.

So I am asking you to help me figure my type out after you read this (true) story. It's about my decent into paranoia/pronoia and my trip to the hospital. Scroll to the bottom for a TL:DR summary.

A few years ago I was popping amphetamines like they were tic-tacs, some days staying up 48-72 hours without getting sleep, while working a full time job. I was a newly hired warehouse employee and was a little worried I wouldn't cut it as I had only a few months experience on a forklift.

It started out fine for the first week or so. But a few weeks in, I start to perceive hostility towards myself from one guy at first. Everytime he would drive by he would make some kind of random comment or noise that I started to believe was a joke at my expense. After a few days I started to notice these comments from a few other guys that worked there.

From there I was slowly going a little crazy. I started to think I was in a big game, where I was being watched wherever I went. I believed there was a big group of people after me, trying to get me to join their evil society (which I was determined not to have happen) but at the same time there were some people trying to help me out.

I started to think people were coming by my house at night to spy on me. Had I been less paranoid I would have realized the truck coming by at five in the morning was just the newspaper delivery man.

These people were showing up everywhere I went... the grocery store, the mall etc. I would hear someone say something with a loud voice and would think that was a cue for me to do something.....

In public and I started to think I was supposed to make certain moves... I was playing a big game after all. So I would see someone walk by my house with a certain color shirt on.... I thought that was my cue to wear that same color the next day. If I saw a conspicuously placed frisbee sitting on my kitchen table, that was the color I was supposed to wear. And then when I'd go out and see someone else wearing that color, it would confirm my belief that I was in a game. Sometimes I'd play along, sometimes I would do the opposite of what I thought these “puppetmasters” were trying to make me do... just to fuck with them and show them I wasn't going to be controlled. And because I didn't want to join the dark side of theirs.

Another “confirmation” of being in this “game” was pictures of clowns that were on my doctors wall. There were pictures of clowns at my job too. I had read a theory that clowns were supposed to represent drunken hobos, with their red noses, raggedy clothes and oversized shoes. I thought these pictures were the “puppetmasters” trying to warn people not to drink alcohol.

The whole time this was going on I was going through a shit load of anxiety. I would wake up every morning with my heart pounding and my stomach turning. Every day I would envision some terrible future scenario that was going to happen for me if I didn't make the correct moves in this game I thought I was in.

Long story short (or kind of long actually)... I checked myself into a hospital, got prescribed anti psychotics, got off the amphetamines and started to think rationally again.

TL:DR I went through heavy paranoia and pronoia while abusing amphetamines. I thought I was in a game... and some bad people were trying to corrupt me. I saw confirmation of the game in signs I was seeing everywhere I went. I was imagining a terrible future for myself everyday if I didn't make the right moves. Finally went to the Loony Bin and got better.
 

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I just joined the forums and unfortunately don't think I can help type you, but I thought I'd comment on how interesting it is for me to read this. I started taking the antipsychotic seroquel at 25 mg a day to help with my borderline personality disorder related emotional instability, and literally felt a shift in my personality from INFJ to ENFP, and don't really know where I fit either because it fluctuates between these types now. I wonder if it's hard for you to type yourself because of the same type of thing, where drugs were messing with your cortical arousal levels (which are correlated to introversion (when naturally high) and extroversion (when low), or on further sides of the spectrum, respectively; anxiety disorders and adhd) among other brain processes that probably influence personality. I don't know if you know much about it, but I think this is all super interesting. Amphetamines (I think) raise the cortical arousal levels, so that's why you got super anxious and irrational. Too many signals firing.
 

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This discussion should probably take place in the general psychology forum but oh well.

Yeah the medication I take for ADD in general helps me feel more extroverted I believe. I will talk, want to engage with people more, get out more. On top of that it helps me get day to day chores done, like cleaning and homework. If I don't have it my room will be more of a mess than it usually is, and chores will take so much energy to even start much less complete. The dependence, addiction, paranoia, teeth grinding are all the flipside to the positives though.

I was prescribed at first Risperadal for the paranoia... and it made a huge difference pretty quickly... but I gained about 20 pounds while on it and asked to switch over to something without hunger as a side effect. So my doctor prescribed me Abilify which I still take.

And it's possible the medications are making it hard for me to pin down my type. I use to constantly type as INFP for a few years but after taking the add medication started answering questions in a more T way. It also maybe just with age, but I my general attitude towards help and compassion has kind of taken a hit. I am becoming more conservative in my worldviews as I get older. I've considered this might be an example of my thinking function just now starting to develop though.
 
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This discussion should probably take place in the general psychology forum but oh well.

Yeah the medication I take for ADD in general helps me feel more extroverted I believe. I will talk, want to engage with people more, get out more. On top of that it helps me get day to day chores done, like cleaning and homework. If I don't have it my room will be more of a mess than it usually is, and chores will take so much energy to even start much less complete. The dependence, addiction, paranoia, teeth grinding are all the flipside to the positives though.

I was prescribed at first Risperadal for the paranoia... and it made a huge difference pretty quickly... but I gained about 20 pounds while on it and asked to switch over to something without hunger as a side effect. So my doctor prescribed me Abilify which I still take.

And it's possible the medications are making it hard for me to pin down my type. I use to constantly type as INFP for a few years but after taking the add medication started answering questions in a more T way. It also maybe just with age, but I my general attitude towards help and compassion has kind of taken a hit. I am becoming more conservative in my worldviews as I get older. I've considered this might be an example of my thinking function just now starting to develop though.
Wow. I've been contemplating this for so long, and your post makes me feel moreso towards it. I self typed as INFP, because I don't seem to have the attention for details and other things that ISTJs are known for, but I can identify with both. Can you describe more of how the ADD medication changed the way you think/feel? What were the deciding factors that made you correct your type to ISTJ?

Sorry I don't know what type you might be, since I'm pretty confused between the stack of functions myself...since INFP and ISTJ both share the same functions but in different orders.
 
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