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I get jealous about those who are more successful and have a happier life than me. I feel like this towards my brother who is in a relatively well paid job whilst I am long term unemployed and socially anxious. He not only has a career but is more outgoing than me, has friends, a serious girlfriend who is he likely to propose to this year. Whilst I have graduated and am in a long term relationship, I have little else to show for myself. In comparing myself to my brother, I feel like a failure at life. Everybody else seems to have had things a lot easier than me. I know, that is a stupid and irrational thing to say but I struggle to think differently. I realise that I should be happy for my brother and others who are getting positive results out of life but it is just so hard when I want the same things yet find them out of reach. Around my brother, I am not much of a talker at all and feel more comfortable in keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. It seems that whenever I have anything to say, he has to chirp in about his job and similar that gives him an impression of importance. I doubt he intentionally means to do so but I find it belittles me and my experiences. Unfortunately, over the years, I have felt resentment grow to the extent that I will criticise things he does (albeit in an indirect, passive aggressive manner).

I also feel jealousy towards other females who are physically attractive. I suffer badly with low self esteem and find it almost unbearable to think of my partner looking at other women either in real life or via pornography. It's in the knowing that I do not match up to other women and never will be pretty enough that depresses me. To use an example, my boyfriend has made the rare passing comment on a singer or ethnicity that he finds attractive. When I hear such comments, my heart breaks a little. I am so utterly sensitive and I just struggle to come to the realisation that he is male and he will find other women beautiful. My natural reaction is to become distant in communication and then explode in anger or tears. I then end up envying the person for they have made an impression on my partner. Also, I find being in the company of pretty, thinner women to be intimidating and thus tend to avoid this. Having social anxiety, this is not hard.

Finally, I have gotten jealous when I have learnt the past experiences or opinions of those I've known or become close to on a romantic level. The idea that they have travelled abroad, have made friends and had crushes and relationships with other people before meeting them. In contemplating these things, especially the latter, it almost makes me feel sick to the stomach. I know how ridiculous this may sound to some but it is a very real emotion that cannot be denied. In fact, I have experienced sudden facial twinges and my heart racing when I have heard something mentioned by others ie. their relationship status. I think it is purely the fact that they may be of a similar age and have accomplished the things I want to achieve in life.

So, in answer to how I react when I get jealous: I can become very cynical towards everything (somehow, one issue can cause the whole world to seem bleak), passive aggressive, and withdrawn. Apologies for such a gloomy response!
 
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I feel jealous towards people who don't have a yawning abyss awaiting them in a few months in the future. I just hate how they are going to continue to live as if nothing happened.
 

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I never realized I might be jealous until recently, because I always considered jealousy to be about material possessions and relationships. I cannot relate to that kind of jealousy at all. But I can be very resentful towards people who flaunt how happy and successful they are. It feels like they're mocking me. I don't know if I want what they have for myself, but it's like I'm pissed that they're thinking, "You should live like me. Your own hopes and desires are wrong. I don't know why it's so hard for you to be NORMAL, get over yourself already". I can also feel left behind or betrayed when someone I know who seemed to understand me suddenly changes - they're no longer a resident of the Island of Misfit Toys. So my mind is kinda going "...Oh. So you're just one of *them* after all. I should have known better than to trust you."

It's terrible, I know LOL! It's delusional, but that's just how I feel at times. I have to remind myself that everyone is on their own path in life, and that's okay. I shouldn't compare myself to others, personal development can't be measured. Life is not a competition, just relax. And self, stop assuming that everyone is out to get me. :p
 

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I get jealous of people who are able to speak fluently with others and people who exist without excessively analyzing themselves, those around them, and everything else.
 

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I don't feel jealous. It's been years since I had that feeling. At times I feel bad about not having achieved enough, a sadness or frustration about my own life. But I do not feel aggression or resentment towards others.
 

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I get jealous about those who are more successful and have a happier life than me. I feel like this towards my brother who is in a relatively well paid job whilst I am long term unemployed and socially anxious. He not only has a career but is more outgoing than me, has friends, a serious girlfriend who is he likely to propose to this year. Whilst I have graduated and am in a long term relationship, I have little else to show for myself. In comparing myself to my brother, I feel like a failure at life. Everybody else seems to have had things a lot easier than me. I know, that is a stupid and irrational thing to say but I struggle to think differently. I realise that I should be happy for my brother and others who are getting positive results out of life but it is just so hard when I want the same things yet find them out of reach. Around my brother, I am not much of a talker at all and feel more comfortable in keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. It seems that whenever I have anything to say, he has to chirp in about his job and similar that gives him an impression of importance. I doubt he intentionally means to do so but I find it belittles me and my experiences. Unfortunately, over the years, I have felt resentment grow to the extent that I will criticise things he does (albeit in an indirect, passive aggressive manner).

I also feel jealousy towards other females who are physically attractive. I suffer badly with low self esteem and find it almost unbearable to think of my partner looking at other women either in real life or via pornography. It's in the knowing that I do not match up to other women and never will be pretty enough that depresses me. To use an example, my boyfriend has made the rare passing comment on a singer or ethnicity that he finds attractive. When I hear such comments, my heart breaks a little. I am so utterly sensitive and I just struggle to come to the realisation that he is male and he will find other women beautiful. My natural reaction is to become distant in communication and then explode in anger or tears. I then end up envying the person for they have made an impression on my partner. Also, I find being in the company of pretty, thinner women to be intimidating and thus tend to avoid this. Having social anxiety, this is not hard.

Finally, I have gotten jealous when I have learnt the past experiences or opinions of those I've known or become close to on a romantic level. The idea that they have travelled abroad, have made friends and had crushes and relationships with other people before meeting them. In contemplating these things, especially the latter, it almost makes me feel sick to the stomach. I know how ridiculous this may sound to some but it is a very real emotion that cannot be denied. In fact, I have experienced sudden facial twinges and my heart racing when I have heard something mentioned by others ie. their relationship status. I think it is purely the fact that they may be of a similar age and have accomplished the things I want to achieve in life.

So, in answer to how I react when I get jealous: I can become very cynical towards everything (somehow, one issue can cause the whole world to seem bleak), passive aggressive, and withdrawn. Apologies for such a gloomy response!
Thank you for such an honest response.
 

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Ah, the ugly vice of Envy. I know it well. I don't really get jealous of lesser things, for me any jealousy really is more in keeping with "Envy".

4, obviously, is my heart center. I could list off some of the things, but @Fretful_Mused has said most of it. Her experience is very similar to mine--most of my envy goes toward interpersonal relationships of some sort. Why do they get X form of happiness, and I don't? Why am I the one who's been left out, as always?

That's the envy. The jealousy. Same thing to me--the happiness that you're denied and no one else is.

You look at your life and there's just this painful longing, a feeling that there was supposed to be something more than this somehow. You look at everyone else's life, and they all seem to have it, everything you've ever wanted. Then come the feelings of hatred and resentment, then the brooding, asking yourself how it is that you've managed to ruin it all. What's wrong with you? Sorrow for having been left behind, and yet a sense of vindication--if your life is going to fail, it's not going to be for having been just like everyone else's. No, it's going to be tragic on an epic scale, worthy of a Shakespearean drama. Even if you fail, you win.

At least, that's how I notice it in my own life.
 

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I dont experience a lot of the petty stuff associated with jealousy. Im not threatened by people (and I associated a threatened jealousy with 6s).

I just have that void, and a longing, neither of which I can really put my finger on. I imagine others dont have this void. Its not that they necessarily have specific things or traits I want, but that they seem satisfied with stuff I consider, er, mundane. I get angry when I feel like Id have to sacrifice what I want and accept mundanity to acheive this satisfaction. "Typical happiness" then becomes pathetic. But I want happiness...I just resent how its "easier" for others, that they are fulfilled with common things. This is not directed at specific people, but "life" in general.

"Resentment" has a tie to 1, the 4's "soul child" and integration point. I feel like resentment is a better word, but its not the moral indignation of a 1, but a bitter longing and feeling "jilted" by life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
@OrangeAppled,

I, too, have felt this resentment, and I oftentimes wish I could be happy with the mundane. But when I think more deeply, I cherish my longing for more out of life. And while I wish I could have the simple happiness, I'd rather suffer and aspire to fulfill my dreams. I hate being me, but I love being me. Of course, I don't have to explain that to a fellow 4.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
@Fretful_Mused,

My heart breaks for you because I know just how you feel. Growing up, my younger brother was always smarter than I was and it humiliated me, being the elder and not being able to hold my own intellectually. As I've grown older and had my own unique set of experiences, I've been able to grow out of this jealousy.

I also experienced insanity-inducing jealousy in a relationship after my ex once told me he'd rather be with his ex-girlfriend. I should have broken up with him then, but instead I spent years trying to prove myself worthy of him. Instead I drove myself crazy wondering what she had that I didn't. As I never knew her, and only saw pictures of her (she was very pretty), I suffered from horrible self-esteem at how ugly I was by comparison and seriously considered plastic surgery. I was plagued night and day, day and night; I would cry for hours like a maniac, tortured by own imagination. I didn't even like him.

These days I can't even have a Facebook because I am so judgmental of my own appearance and can't help but compare my attractiveness/achievements to others. Being long term unemployed, like you, makes the ease of other people's success especially painful. Facebook is Satan.
 

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Who do you get jealous of? Why? What do you do when you get jealous?
I only ever get jealous when it comes to relationships. Like if I'm really close or attached to someone and I see that they're spending more time with someone else then I get really jealous.

I don't really get jealous of anything else.

I don't care about material possessions or other people's success. I don't even care that other people have an easier time being happy than I do.

Sometimes I get insecure when I compare myself to others though....particularly when browsing facebook and seeing all the fun things other people are doing with their time. My fun is going to the library. Sometimes I think other people must think I'm lame. They're bungee jumping and skiing and I'm over here reading book on how to keep slugs out of your garden.
 

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I envy people who can work a job, especially one they enjoy. I envy artists whose careers took off. I envy people with more money in order to travel and have financial security (I lead with sp). I envy those whose lives don't seem like an emotional rollercoaster.
 

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The actual feeling of jealousy is fleeting for me. I usually skip straight towards introjection, acquisition, or denial of existence of the object of jealousy. Super Te. I think I learned to cope early on by quickly going into a 'put up, or shut up' decision process. Maybe this is a normal sp root behavior.
 

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I don't know. Growing up with a stepfather, I think I've just adapted to being a perpetual third wheel in my life. Always being second to either my mother or stepsister depending on the situation, it was a given to be the one who was loved less in my own house. I think it's carried over into my adult life in the way I attach myself to women I think are better than me, usually in terms of looks. I don't know if it sates my ego to get attention from someone who isn't, logically, supposed to love me, but eh, I'm getting into creepy territory. Maybe I don't feel jealous because my perception is that I shouldn't be loved if I haven't proven myself loveable to begin with, haven't overcome enough obstacles.

Anyway, to me, jealousy is par for the course. If I don't feel it I basically don't exist.
 

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I get jealous or have resentment towards those who I perceive have it easier in some arenas (arenas that I find important) than I do. Most of my jealousy surrounds the realm of attraction and relationships. I hate to admit this, but I can be extremely competitive with other females. It can get pretty ugly. However, I try to sublimate my jealousy through self-improvement.
 

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I get jealous of a lot of things, and a lot of people.

But I feel too ashamed/stubborn to admit what they are.

But when I get jealous, I step back from that person and analyse them. I identify their weaknesses, and once I've established those I use that to my advantage to outshine them. I need to out-do them in the "I'm so fucking awesome and wonderful!" department, and my personality becomes very loud, fun and colourful.

It's like I compete with them, and I need to win over my audience with the skills I have. For instance...if I was jealous of someone because if their beauty, I know I can never compete with that, so I need to be fun, brilliant, different, clever; my personality needs to shine through and win. Once I feel like the "threat" has been eliminated, I can relax a bit more, then I become very smug and like: You know better than to mess with me.

It's stupid and embarrassing.
 

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Jealousy is pure pain, it isn't going outward though, I very seldom express jealousy, I internalize it. I focus on the pain until I'm able to overcome it. Even if I feel inferior and weak, I don't feel hatred, despite what I hear about those malevolent Sx 4s, only hatred for myself for being incomplete and flawed, sorrow for things I can't possess. But in the end I understand things in themselves have little value, it is how much passion you put into the things you care that makes them shine, that make you unique.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I get jealous of a lot of things, and a lot of people.

But I feel too ashamed/stubborn to admit what they are.

But when I get jealous, I step back from that person and analyse them. I identify their weaknesses, and once I've established those I use that to my advantage to outshine them. I need to out-do them in the "I'm so fucking awesome and wonderful!" department, and my personality becomes very loud, fun and colourful.

It's like I compete with them, and I need to win over my audience with the skills I have. For instance...if I was jealous of someone because if their beauty, I know I can never compete with that, so I need to be fun, brilliant, different, clever; my personality needs to shine through and win. Once I feel like the "threat" has been eliminated, I can relax a bit more, then I become very smug and like: You know better than to mess with me.

It's stupid and embarrassing.
That's just awesome. I wish I could be like that.
 
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