Thank you for such an honest response.I get jealous about those who are more successful and have a happier life than me. I feel like this towards my brother who is in a relatively well paid job whilst I am long term unemployed and socially anxious. He not only has a career but is more outgoing than me, has friends, a serious girlfriend who is he likely to propose to this year. Whilst I have graduated and am in a long term relationship, I have little else to show for myself. In comparing myself to my brother, I feel like a failure at life. Everybody else seems to have had things a lot easier than me. I know, that is a stupid and irrational thing to say but I struggle to think differently. I realise that I should be happy for my brother and others who are getting positive results out of life but it is just so hard when I want the same things yet find them out of reach. Around my brother, I am not much of a talker at all and feel more comfortable in keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. It seems that whenever I have anything to say, he has to chirp in about his job and similar that gives him an impression of importance. I doubt he intentionally means to do so but I find it belittles me and my experiences. Unfortunately, over the years, I have felt resentment grow to the extent that I will criticise things he does (albeit in an indirect, passive aggressive manner).
I also feel jealousy towards other females who are physically attractive. I suffer badly with low self esteem and find it almost unbearable to think of my partner looking at other women either in real life or via pornography. It's in the knowing that I do not match up to other women and never will be pretty enough that depresses me. To use an example, my boyfriend has made the rare passing comment on a singer or ethnicity that he finds attractive. When I hear such comments, my heart breaks a little. I am so utterly sensitive and I just struggle to come to the realisation that he is male and he will find other women beautiful. My natural reaction is to become distant in communication and then explode in anger or tears. I then end up envying the person for they have made an impression on my partner. Also, I find being in the company of pretty, thinner women to be intimidating and thus tend to avoid this. Having social anxiety, this is not hard.
Finally, I have gotten jealous when I have learnt the past experiences or opinions of those I've known or become close to on a romantic level. The idea that they have travelled abroad, have made friends and had crushes and relationships with other people before meeting them. In contemplating these things, especially the latter, it almost makes me feel sick to the stomach. I know how ridiculous this may sound to some but it is a very real emotion that cannot be denied. In fact, I have experienced sudden facial twinges and my heart racing when I have heard something mentioned by others ie. their relationship status. I think it is purely the fact that they may be of a similar age and have accomplished the things I want to achieve in life.
So, in answer to how I react when I get jealous: I can become very cynical towards everything (somehow, one issue can cause the whole world to seem bleak), passive aggressive, and withdrawn. Apologies for such a gloomy response!
I only ever get jealous when it comes to relationships. Like if I'm really close or attached to someone and I see that they're spending more time with someone else then I get really jealous.Who do you get jealous of? Why? What do you do when you get jealous?
That's just awesome. I wish I could be like that.I get jealous of a lot of things, and a lot of people.
But I feel too ashamed/stubborn to admit what they are.
But when I get jealous, I step back from that person and analyse them. I identify their weaknesses, and once I've established those I use that to my advantage to outshine them. I need to out-do them in the "I'm so fucking awesome and wonderful!" department, and my personality becomes very loud, fun and colourful.
It's like I compete with them, and I need to win over my audience with the skills I have. For instance...if I was jealous of someone because if their beauty, I know I can never compete with that, so I need to be fun, brilliant, different, clever; my personality needs to shine through and win. Once I feel like the "threat" has been eliminated, I can relax a bit more, then I become very smug and like: You know better than to mess with me.
It's stupid and embarrassing.