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Hi Forum,
I'm just wondering if an INFP can navigate the waters of online dating safely , I just got out of a bad connection with someone .. well she was seeing other guys and i told her that if she wanted to walk away she can do that .. I'm just really devastated by how many times i thought i found true love but always has resulted in me hitting a concrete wall at 10000 miles per hour .. Is there anyway to control the idealism in me and not to rush into love when i do want the end product to be a successful relationship :(
 

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For the sake of your sanity and emotional wellbeing as an INFP male; please don't subject yourself to the superficial horrors of online dating. Much better to make advancements in real life, I think our type is the least suited for the dating scene in general, but online dating can really depress. Unless you're a girl and enjoy treating it like a candy store and have no trouble dismissing 95% of the hundreds of messages you get on a daily basis for having a vagina from guys you think of as creeps, I recommend not going there.
 

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For the sake of your sanity and emotional wellbeing as an INFP male; please don't subject yourself to the superficial horrors of online dating. Much better to make advancements in real life, I think our type is the least suited for the dating scene in general, but online dating can really depress. Unless you're a girl and enjoy treating it like a candy store and have no trouble dismissing 95% of the hundreds of messages you get on a daily basis for having a vagina from guys you think of as creeps, I recommend not going there.
I don't agree with this. As long as you're honest, you should be fine. But be honest to yourself. I am believer in the online dating thing. You see, just like you, there will be at least one person that looks for the same things as you. Sure, online dating is full of garbage, but you might rescue the right person out of there. You know, try at least. And stop picking the wrong people. I mean, sure, we are drawn to beauty and easy sex or whatever the hell flaws we like, but I think we should be drawn to the interior qualities of the person rather than the looks and superficial stuff. We get what we choose and nothing more.
 

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From what I've heard from men, online dating can be a pain. Women get a lot of messages, and people like me just shut down and stop replying to anyone. I have an OkCupid account for friends, and just to try it because I saw an INFP woman talking about how she had good experiences. And I have gone out as friends with two people from there several times, but then I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to not reply back to so many people, and also having not called or replied to the two people I did go out with (it was taking up time on the weekend and I am just not that social).

But it's maybe a good thing to try. Certainly it's good to realize (for me) that I am not completely uninteresting, at least superficially and to the people who I did go out and do things with. They aren't either, for sure, but it can be a bit overwhelming compared with non-online socializing, where things fall into place rather than have to be so actively arranged. I am really not enjoying OkCupid at the moment, but it's a great invention and I think some people do have success there. It's a good way to just meet someone and have a conversation with them, though for men it's much harder...but it's nice because you can screen for a lot and end up meeting people you normally might not run into.

One of the men I hung out with said he had more success just going out around town and meeting people in person. The other said he hadn't really gotten any communication on there for two years. Both were (as far as I can tell) decent and interesting characters who have a lot to offer other people, though their reception from the OkCupid community doesn't really reflect that...so perhaps online dating is better for women who are ready to sift through, reject, and socialize, and also probably to date romantically. I shouldn't say that though--anything is possible and there are plenty of interesting people on there (again--it's just kind of overwhelming or underwhelming depending on gender).
 

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Depends on your mental state as you do this and your resilience for bullshit.

I did online dating for 2-3 years on and off many years ago, and got both terrible dates and lovely dates. The terribles were truly terrible, left me shaking, and the lovely ones were fresh air in my lungs despite not being compatible with the other person. Online dating is how I eventually met the male INFP who would then become my long-term boyfriend.

I've been back to online dating for a year now. The men I've encountered have been truly, truly, truly terrible, much worse than when I was doing it years ago. One of the men that made their way into my life appeared to be very sensitive and cool in the beginning, and turned out to be a super creep, so scary to the point where I feared for my life, and one day I was in such danger because this man was obsessed with me that I had to call my ex-INFP boyfriend to come to my rescue. It was a really scary situation that shook me to my bones.
After that, I needed to take a break from the website, and I've been focusing on my work and finances exclusively since then. One day I'll go back probably, when I feel less shaken. I remain optimistic always.

You have to be very emotionally resilient to do online dating, and you have to know exactly what you want/need/are looking for. And don't settle for less. Don't settle for strange friendzones or flaky people, be very careful with people who are just bored with their life and are just wasting your time. If you are optimistic, sure of yourself, have boundaries and feel confident, then give it a shot, and be prepared to have loooooots of patience. Infinite patience.

Like I said, the bad experiences were terrible, but the good experiences were so lovely that it was all worth it.
 

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Online dating sucks for almost anyone. Men have a harder time getting replies or messages at all, women attract bigger creeps and dangers than they do in person, gay people probably need it the most but there's very little hope for a real relationship, etc.

It's always best to be realistic if you date online, because It's easy to get hurt or let down. If you go in it with the right mindset, it sometimes does work, but best not to hope for miracles either.
 

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Don't worry, everyone will be too busy ignoring you to even put you in danger with online dating. If you ever want to do online dating, don't take it too seriously and don't expect to get anywhere. Otherwise, you'll just end up disappointed.
 

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I'm just really devastated by how many times i thought i found true love but always has resulted in me hitting a concrete wall at 10000 miles per hour (
I hit the thickest wall that there was around, at light speed.

An Eastern European writer whose name is unkindly eluding my memory wrote that Nothing is as close to death as mutual, successful love.
When you succeed, the hitting is far harsher than when you fail.

This bears no connection with the online-offline issue, however.

The point is, every human means something different when they say "love", as well as "honest", "Promise" "forever", "I want" "I think" "friendship", and so on.

Your definition of love doesn't match theirs.
As an INFP, and it seems one of the most sensitive, your definition of love will not match that of more or less anybody else.
Mine certainly doesn't, if I except the subtlest plays, motion pictures, and literature.

Now that I have learned this the hard way (I have at length developed my Te, in other words), I ponder the question in a rational manner.
I can choose between being totally alone, or -- in being with a partner -- partially, and not little!, alone.

The trick is to understand what they can give you, and tune your emotional involvement accordingly. All what you expect more than they can do/give them more than they can receive (these 2 quantities are naturally close) will translate into sufferance for you.

It's like when they say clingy or unhealthily attached: it only means that person is the one with stronger feelings in the couple.
 

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I've had only one good experience....I met my current bf online.

But that was after a solid year of TERRIBLE experiences.

The men are pigs. Wolves. I don't care what kind of excuse they give for online dating, ALL of them wanted one thing only: sex. So many dates. So many cultures, nationalities, ages, cities: they only wanted sex. They would lie and manipulate until they got it. They never got it. So they left,ranted, ghosted,or physically assaulted me.

I've heard it all, seen it all.

Online dating is for men who want sex, using it as a tool for hookups and zero responsibility.

My current bf is 10+ years older and just as tired od bullshit.

Millennial men are the WORST .

Sent from my KYOCERA-C6742 using Tapatalk
 
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