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Discussion Starter #1
Assuming that the ENFP is one of the most ideal partners for the INFJ, I was wondering how the scenarios would look like when Ne and Ni would be in harmony and how it would look like when they're not. Next to that, the cognitive functions of both archetypes are opposites of eachother. What are your experiences? At the moment I'm confronted with a dark ENFP who has been madly in love with me for 4/5 years, but I friendzoned her big time (unconsciously, my Fe-functions are far out of reach when it comes to love.. :rolleyes:). We only seem to be able to have a conversation without any frustrations when it's about an intellectual piece or idea far away from our personal environment, but most of the time it comes down to the ENFP feeding up all the people we both care about with bad lies about the INFJ as the idiotic martyer and the INFJ responding to the people as the wise self-reflecting INFJ who makes them realize the ENFP is nothing else than a lying psychotic piece of garbage. The intense contact I had with that particular ENFP weren't romantic (Never felt anything for her in a romantic sense), but I still can't deny that it was intellectual in a quirky sense and a fun piece of worldly art.
 

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In my experience, I find I get along better with ENFPs when the discussion was more on personal stuff and avoided intellectual topics. When it came to intellectual topics, it always reached more of a dead-end in my view, although they viewed it more positively. Best way I can summarize it, since the dynamics of harmony/disharmony between us was rather complex but in the end still wore on me greatly.
 

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With most of the ENFPs I'm aware of, we get along fabulously. Conversation is better than most. They tend to be upbeat, fun, positive, perceptive, and appreciative of me. The only thing I sometimes wish was adjusted was that they can make me feel uncared for. Like, doing their own thing, in their own Fi time, and kind of forgetting about me, if you know what I mean.

So with those ENFPs, they tend to be some of my favorite people.

I've come across one ENFP, though, who was...probably/maybe a 4w3? who, everything he said was just ridiculous. I couldn't understand the logic behind any of it, eventually realized how wildly on different pages we were in terms or values/morals. He was very manipulative and obsessively concerned with things like being the best, being attractive, being the most whatever at any given time, and always having the upper hand. Eventually I realized i found it sickening the majority of the time, so I no longer interact with that person... He also had mood-swing and self worth issues, so, I guess I consider most of his issues enneagram related, rather than being because enfp.

When it's going well, I find them fascinating, understanding, open, creative, intelligent, genuinely good people, who I tend to connect with pretty instantaneously.
 

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The more I think about it, the more I oscillate between "ENFP is SO much better for the INFJ, no, no, no, ENTP, no ENFP. ENTP."

I can see wonderful things about both, and annoying things about both.

My best female friend is an ENFP. She's a character. Very strange, very social, and everyone tends to love her.
She and I can talk about almost anything, really. We talk about our love lives, sex, music, movies, anything. But if I get too deep with her, trying to discuss the meaning of life, it seems to me as if she's TRYING to appease me. I get the vibe that she doesn't think about the bigger questions because "they are irrelevant, the meaning of life is to live. Don't overthink it."

This summer, I would have been a REAL homebody if it weren't for her. She brought me to a lot of parties, the movies, concerts, coffee shops, introduced me to a lot of people.

My best friend thinks we are going to get married, but I always have had, and will continue to have, 0 romantic interest in her.

I mention this in other threads, but I'm sort of sick and tired of the young Ne 'oooo shiny' syndrome when it relates to people. It's as if Ne users see people as these objects to figure out, and once they think they have a good grasp (and I think that's why Ni users are considered compatible to them....much more difficult to figure out and much more unpredictable) of the person, they move on. It's really awful when you think about it.

Also, ENFPs tend to attach themselves to things that I would consider stupid. For example, I went to a party with her, and the guy she had her first kiss with showed up. She got nervous, they went out back, then she came in to tell me they were only smoking a cig. I knew it was BS, and I know she knows I knew it was BS. Later, I heard her talking to one of her best friends how she will always be nervous around him because "he has something special....my first kiss." All I can do is roll my eyes.

I can go on and on and on, and I can say things that are mutually exclusive to ENTP types, but it looks as if you want to focus on ENFP types here.

I think, with time and growth, people eventually get over this stuff though. I think dominant intuitive types tend to take longer because they have to CONSCIOUSLY want to grow out of it. Their intuition has to lead them down that path. So, some intuitive types don't grow out of it until even their late 40s. I think, naturally, it takes between 25-35 (closer to the end of that spectrum) to get over the flaws that come with the dominant-inferior function clash that is so evident between our 20s and 30s.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ne users. Ne-doms fascinate me. So, I guess I should leave on something positive about Ne doms: they are excellent listeners.
 

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With most of the ENFPs I'm aware of, we get along fabulously. Conversation is better than most. They tend to be upbeat, fun, positive, perceptive, and appreciative of me. The only thing I sometimes wish was adjusted was that they can make me feel uncared for. Like, doing their own thing, in their own Fi time, and kind of forgetting about me, if you know what I mean.
I've got the same thing pretty much with the ENFP that I know. He's great for the most part until he gets distracted and starts doing his own thing and forgets I'm still there. And he isn't always considerate about the things he does around me either like talking about his exgirlfriends or girls he currently likes to me when he knows that I used to like him... that guy. :p But other wise he's still a great friend. Fun to hang out with, very friendly and optimistic, a little on the wild side, but that's what makes him fun :)
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I mention this in other threads, but I'm sort of sick and tired of the young Ne 'oooo shiny' syndrome when it relates to people. It's as if Ne users see people as these objects to figure out, and once they think they have a good grasp (and I think that's why Ni users are considered compatible to them....much more difficult to figure out and much more unpredictable) of the person, they move on. It's really awful when you think about it.
This is exactly why that particular ENFP freaks me out, every person she meets is reduced to a page in her spectacular and 'eccentric' lifestory. She talks about people like they're nothing more than some images of which she has seen the hidden meanings somewhere in a strange 'oooo shiny' museum nobody else can get to. The biggest source of conflict would definitely be the Fe-Fi clash, if you ask me.
 

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I love the ENFP that I know! My only complaint with her is that she can be kind of inconsistent. She's really great once we're actually spending time together, but getting to that point can be difficult and frustrating. She's always out doing something and she changes plans very easily. I'd imagine that'd be a potential problem for an INFJ/ENFP romantic relationship. Maybe.

Edit: I realized I completely ignored the Fe/Fi aspect of your question, but I don't have anything to add to that right now.
 

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This is exactly why that particular ENFP freaks me out, every person she meets is reduced to a page in her spectacular and 'eccentric' lifestory. She talks about people like they're nothing more than some images of which she has seen the hidden meanings somewhere in a strange 'oooo shiny' museum nobody else can get to. The biggest source of conflict would definitely be the Fe-Fi clash, if you ask me.
INFJ in my experience digs really deep trying to reach the Fi of the ENFP, which most of the time is inaccessible. Fe becomes irritated, Fi goes deeper, Fe can't reach. Te then takes over crushing Fe, INFJ feels hurt by ENFP. It's a vicious cycle for me personally, the INFJ always end up feeling hurt by me, offended, which leads to something bitter in the end. The clash in this paring is not healthy, personally i could only be a friend to an INFJ. Fe always grinds really hard on my Fi, it instantly puts me in a sour mood, i'm not fun anymore and want to escape their presence. Great people to have around if you want to chill, or hang out with for an evening.
 

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Depends on which source you consult. Some say that ENTP or ESTP are the ideal partners for INFJ.

INFJ and ENFP are described to be in extinguishment relations: INFJ Love Types
R.K. Sedih said:
In this type of relations, it is relatively difficult to achieve mutual understanding. The "adult" part of one partner interacts with the "self-confident teenager" part of the other. The "teenager" meanwhile tries to prove that he indeed knows something, too. "Adult" is annoyed by this arrogance and, when possible aims to put the "teenager" in his place.

Socionics - the16types.info - Extinguishment Relations
Yeah that sounds awfully familiar. I often joke about how ENFPs can resemble Big Bird trying to host Meet the Press.



Hence why I often find light-hearted discussions more enjoyable with ENFPs usually.
 

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INFJ in my experience digs really deep trying to reach the Fi of the ENFP, which most of the time is inaccessible. Fe becomes irritated, Fi goes deeper, Fe can't reach. Te then takes over crushing Fe, INFJ feels hurt by ENFP. It's a vicious cycle for me personally, the INFJ always end up feeling hurt by me, offended, which leads to something bitter in the end. The clash in this paring is not healthy, personally i could only be a friend to an INFJ. Fe always grinds really hard on my Fi, it instantly puts me in a sour mood, i'm not fun anymore and want to escape their presence. Great people to have around if you want to chill, or hang out with for an evening.
That's interesting. I think my ENFP is more easily hurt by my Fe than I her Fi. She's far more sensitive and emotional than I am. We had a mishap (that's what I'm calling it) in November where we were hanging out in her apartment after a night of heavy drinking and partying, were talking about life, and it led to sex. I thought nothing of it, she disappeared for 7 months.

She disappears from time to time. She catches feelings and I feel like she thinks it's wrong for her to have feelings for me. I think she's very aware that I never shared those feelings with her. She and I will never be more than friends. Sex buddies? Maybe, if she'd like, but I could never be in a relationship with her. She makes me eye roll too much, and not in the "awww, that's annoyingly cute" kind of way.
 

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That's interesting. I think my ENFP is more easily hurt by my Fe than I her Fi. She's far more sensitive and emotional than I am. We had a mishap (that's what I'm calling it) in November where we were hanging out in her apartment after a night of heavy drinking and partying, were talking about life, and it led to sex. I thought nothing of it, she disappeared for 7 months.

She disappears from time to time. She catches feelings and I feel like she thinks it's wrong for her to have feelings for me. I think she's very aware that I never shared those feelings with her. She and I will never be more than friends. Sex buddies? Maybe, if she'd like, but I could never be in a relationship with her. She makes me eye roll too much, and not in the "awww, that's annoyingly cute" kind of way.
Or maybe she is more annoyed by your Fe, likely why she disappears on you for 7 mts, hah ! If an ENFP is in to you, nothing could keep them away. Sounds like she wasn't physically/sexually attracted to you, she disappeared on you after a night of sex. Personally i've never been sexually or physically attracted to INFJ, they don't have that sex appeal that some other types do that draws me in....heh, eye roll, ENFP don't eye roll, we just run, haha!! and never look back !
 
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Or maybe she is more annoyed by your Fe, likely why she disappears on you for 7 mts, hah ! If an ENFP is in to you, nothing could keep them away. Sounds like she wasn't physically attracted to you, she disappeared on you after a night of sex. Personally i've never been sexually or physically attracted to INFJ, they don't have that sex appeal that some other types do that draws me in....heh, eye roll, ENFP don't eye roll, we just run, haha!!
Quite on the contrary, it isn't the first time she tried to get with me.

And no sex appeal? Oh boy.... sounds like someone needs to find themselves an INFJ male....;)

I know, each time, that she'll be back. She always comes back.

But in all fairness, I could be an INTJ. So there's that.
 

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Quite on the contrary, it isn't the first time she tried to get with me.

And no sex appeal? Oh boy.... sounds like someone needs to find themselves an INFJ male....;)

I know, each time, that she'll be back. She always comes back.
I grew up with 2 INFJ in my family, it made for interesting dynamics to say the least. It doesn't shock me she keeps going back, friends with benefits is o.k too.

Oh and reading your sig !....my husband is an INTJ, i get more of an INFJ feel from you. Fe-ti.
 

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I grew up with 2 INFJ in my family, it made for interesting dynamics to say the least. It doesn't shock me she keeps going back, friends with benefits is o.k too.
I honestly think that if I wanted to be more of an item that just 'friends with benefits' with her, she'd take a while to "think about it," but she'd ultimately say yes.

I am a firm believer that a straight man and a straight woman cannot be close friends forever and ever. Someone's going to fall.
 
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I honestly think that if I wanted to be more of an item that just 'friends with benefits' with her, she'd take a while to "think about it," but she'd ultimately say yes.

I am a firm believer that a straight man and a straight woman cannot be close friends forever and ever. Someone's going to fall.
See, you already think you know how she feels, just mentioning that she'd ultimately say yes. ENFP hate that shite, i know i really dislike when people think they know me better than i know myself, especially with matters of the heart. I kind of agree with straight man-woman and friendships, its a catch 22. Unfortunately those relationships usually end hurt by me too, that has been a consistent pattern with me and men. I have an easy time putting men in the friendzone, quickly, that leads to bitterness and heavy dislike, even hate. Thankfully those days are over for me, but still i find time to time men falling for me personally, even knowing i'm married. The wheels on the bus goes round and round o_O
 

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See, you already think you know how she feels, just mentioning that she'd ultimately say yes. ENFP hate that shite, i know i really dislike when people think they know me better than i know myself, especially with matters of the heart. I kind of agree with straight man-woman and friendships, its a catch 22. Unfortunately those relationships usually end hurt by me too, that has been a consistent pattern with me and men. I have an easy time putting men in the friendzone, quickly, that leads to bitterness and heavy dislike, even hate. Thankfully those days are over for me, but still i find time to time men falling for me personally, even knowing i'm married. The wheels on the bus goes round and round o_O
Yeah, just given our history, I'm almost certain she'd reply in the affirmative if I were to ever ask her.


If I like a girl, I make it a point not to get in the friendzone. If I end up there, I usually lost contact with the girl. It's what's ultimately going to happen, anyways. Might as well save myself some heartache.

And yikes! That's tough. Thank goodness I'm only 23. I don't even want to think about marriage.

ANNNNDDDDDD INFJs have a gift for that. Maybe that's why you're so sour about INFJs :p They understand other people's emotions sometimes better than that person does.
 

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One of my best friends is an ENFP. She's great, we really get along well together. We can talk about a lot of things and if the topic is interesting we really go into depth and brainstorm together.
Sometimes she asks me really hard questions concerning religion and spirituality. That's a thing we can talk a lot about, although our opinions are different. I'm a Christian and believe that there is only one God, she has a Shintoist-Buddhist background, believes that God is the sum of her ancestors or a part of her. She has many ideas what God could be. Maybe her Ne leads her to see the world with that kind of attitude. Whereas I have a rather clear idea of what God is like.
Our opinions also diverge when it comes to love and relationship. She seems to have no problem with having multiple lovers at the same time. Not in a physical sense, but telling another guy how much she loves him, exchanging love letters while she is still in a long distance relationship with another guy. She doesn't like to make clear cuts. I had to convince her.
And I know that she could turn into a real enemy if I did something that would hurt her. I once did such a mistake, it was a minor thing in my eyes, but it hurt her because it reminded her of something another old friend of hers had done who also turned into her enemy. And the first thing she did was going to another close friend of us and backbiting me. I apologized and we stayed friends, but that was a real scary moment for me. I even cried in front of her. And what I did was really not that dramatic (just that you can picture the situation: she said something very disappointing and hurtful to me and not knowing hoe to react, I wrote her a mail and this was an insult to her, because she wanted me to talk to her directly).
But we overcame that. We're like sisters now, although she's miles away. I don't know if I could imagine having a relationship with her though, if I was a man. She really is not honest enough and it seems her heart cannot rest with one person. She's always looking out for someone better.
 

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One of my best friends is an ENFP. She's great, we really get along well together. We can talk about a lot of things and if the topic is interesting we really go into depth and brainstorm together.
Sometimes she asks me really hard questions concerning religion and spirituality. That's a thing we can talk a lot about, although our opinions are different. I'm a Christian and believe that there is only one God, she has a Shintoist-Buddhist background, believes that God is the sum of her ancestors or a part of her. She has many ideas what God could be. Maybe her Ne leads her to see the world with that kind of attitude. Whereas I have a rather clear idea of what God is like.
Our opinions also diverge when it comes to love and relationship. She seems to have no problem with having multiple lovers at the same time. Not in a physical sense, but telling another guy how much she loves him, exchanging love letters while she is still in a long distance relationship with another guy. She doesn't like to make clear cuts. I had to convince her.
And I know that she could turn into a real enemy if I did something that would hurt her. I once did such a mistake, it was a minor thing in my eyes, but it hurt her because it reminded her of something another old friend of hers had done who also turned into her enemy. And the first thing she did was going to another close friend of us and backbiting me. I apologized and we stayed friends, but that was a real scary moment for me. I even cried in front of her. And what I did was really not that dramatic (just that you can picture the situation: she said something very disappointing and hurtful to me and not knowing hoe to react, I wrote her a mail and this was an insult to her, because she wanted me to talk to her directly).
But we overcame that. We're like sisters now, although she's miles away. I don't know if I could imagine having a relationship with her though, if I was a man. She really is not honest enough and it seems her heart cannot rest with one person. She's always looking out for someone better.
It's the 'ooo shiny' syndrome that I allude to that is very prevalent in Ne-doms. Until they grow out of it, they have the desire to look for what they think is an improvement, never to settle. Once something they think, on a superficial, surface level is more interesting comes up, they'll drop one thing (even if it's a person -- I, personally, think this is an awful side to Ne-doms) and pick up the other person.

They like novelty and they can bounce from relationship to relationship, looking much like an ESFP in this regard. If they are seeing a guy (assuming that your ENxP is a straight girl) and they see something they don't like about him, ALL the wonderful things they like about him go out the window, they toss him to the side, and go on until something else shiny picks up their attention. I find they have little/no desire to help their partner work on it or voice their issues with said partner. It's a real bummer.

It's a huge reason why I've decided to just date girls casually until I'm in my mid-to-late 20s. Nothing serious. Failed relationships really hurt me, and I've been a victim of the 'ooo shiny' syndrome before (3 times already, if I'm counting correctly).

Ne-doms (and more particularly, the ENTP) are some of my favorite kinds of people. I would like to collect as many of them as I can as friends and, potentially, partners. I've decided that if I find an ENxP that I'm attracted to, I think we can have a mutual mind buddies and sex buddies going. But in terms of companionship? Nah, we're too young, stupid, and immature for that.

My little brother, 21, and his girlfriend, 20, are already thinking about marriage. They have been dating for about two years already, and my mom has told me they are thinking in the next 2-3 years. I think I'm the only sane one in my family because I think THAT'S insane.
 

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It's the 'ooo shiny' syndrome that I allude to that is very prevalent in Ne-doms. Until they grow out of it, they have the desire to look for better and better and better, never to settle. Once something more interesting comes up, they'll drop one thing (even if it's a person -- I, personally, think this is an awful side to Ne-doms) and pick up the other person.

They like novelty and they can bounce from relationship to relationship, looking much like an ESFP in this regard. If they are seeing a guy (assuming that your ENxP is a straight girl) and they see something they don't like about him, ALL the wonderful things they like about him go out the window, they toss him to the side, and go on until something else shiny picks up their attention.
Yes, that's totally like her. Her previous boyfriend - a classmate I had a crush on for about three years, I gave up eventually because it was revealed he was not interested in me, he started a relationship with another girl that lasted for about two weeks, then my friend stole him away for her on a school trip to Prague - he at the end was too indecisive, too weak for her. But he really loved her. He wanted to give up his life here in Germany in order to move to Japan and live with her. So it was a long distance relationship and they already agreed upon making it an open relationship. She dated several other guys - and I don't know how far she went with those guys. He seems to never have dated another girl. He's a shy guy after all.
For at least one year she knew she would eventually let him down, but said nothing, while he still dreamed of his future in the land of the rising sun. Yes. And I was always complaining "You shouldn't give him any false hope.", but she never wanted to talk about it. She was afraid that telling him the truth might hurt him. That he would try to kill himself after that, because he always said "I don't want to lose you.". Well, he's still alive.
But sometimes I think he should have fallen in love with me. Would have been easier for him. Haha.

My little brother, 21, and his girlfriend, 20, are already thinking about marriage. They have been dating for about two years already, and my mom has told me they are thinking in the next 2-3 years. I think I'm the only sane one in my family because I think THAT'S insane.
Why insane? As long as it works financially it's ok to marry early. My parents were about the same age when they got married, my grandma was 20 and she had to marry because she was pregnant, but my parents already had their silver wedding, my grandparents hat their golden wedding.
What I consider to be a little insane is something I sometimes observe in my church. Young couples who have only been together for a half a year marry in order to be able to have sex. Because they think sex before marriage is not ok. -__- I think, there should be more reasons for a marriage than only that one.
 
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