Need advice from some ESTJ's

Well I haven't dated any ENFP, but my mom is an ENFP so I can see where you're having difficulties. My grandpa also happens to be an ESTJ and I know he drives my mom nuts a lot of the time. My mom and I have had problems, but now we get along pretty well. I would say that a mother-daughter relationship is totally different then most though. At least for my mom I know she hates how controlling my grandpa gets, even though he mostly does it just to protect her. She has learned though that she just has to tell him to stop it and that it hurts her feelings. For me and him, we often do things to hurt people and don't realize it. If someone tells us that it's hurting them, usually if we care about that person, we will stop immediately. Your ESTJ is probably going to be very black and white about things, and possibly a little controlling, but if you last long you will have someone that loves you with an astounding loyalty. If they're open to hearing what you have to say, then they're worth keeping, if not, they may not be able to get out of that controlling zone. For me, my mom sometimes can seem a little impractical or silly to me, but she has a compassion for others that is amazing and i have grown to appreciate the kind of love that radiates from her. I hope this helps! Good luck.

Ya it may be that you're just not compatible for the long run. We tend to be over critical sometimes without actually realizing it. I don't know if this could work, but you could try telling him exactly what you said here. That you see the world differently, probably in a very grey way. It doesn't mean that you don't have an opinion, or aren't certain about what you're talking about, it's that you're trying to look at all the different sides of things? Is that right? My mom is constantly explaining these things to me. Before reading "Please Understand Me II" I had no idea that people looked at things in certain ways, but now instead of criticizing I first try to figure out what they may naturally feel or think. It's sort of like a puzzle. If you feel like he sees you as passive, tell him if that hurts you. It sounds like he's open to listening and change so that's good. I would say things in facts to my boyfriend about things that upset me and all he read from that was that he was a bad boyfriend, which is not what i meant. I'm sorry he makes you feel uncomfortable. You could try telling him that, which is what my mom did to her father. Also, maybe try saying that you are independent and outgoing, but he's also that way and so when you're together you feel like he sort of overpowers you? I know my mom often feels like she can't get a word in or act on her own when her dad is around, until she finally said "look you need to leave me alone, i am fully capable of doing things on my own". Guardians really like to take care of people, so if he said that it might have not been that bad of a criticism. It sounds like he may have grown up in a household where talking about emotions is just not allowed. Obviously, since I have a ENFP mother this was completely allowed and encouraged, but my grandfather grew up in a situations where it wasn't the case. So he had some trouble with that, but he married an INFJ and she sort of got him to open up and tell her why he was really upset beyond all the facts and details. But you shouldn't be in a relationship if it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy, but telling him that might help because most of all we hate to hurt the people around us and so we really take it to heart when they have the guts to tell us.

mmm that is an interesting point. Often when I sort of scare people away accidentally they start to stop talking to me about deep things and sort of put up a wall. Then I get worried that I'm not taking care of them enough or something and so I get upset and try to fix it by saying other things, which may push the other person away more. Its kind of a vicious cycle. So if you really don't think you can fix that uncomfortable feeling then maybe you should just end it. I know that you feel the need to fix him but usually guardians are sort of opposed to this since we like to do the caring. That may also be making it uncomfortable because you want to care for him like that and he doesnt want you to or something. And I'm sorry about the too much info, we tend to just say anything that comes to mind, especially things that are the truth without meaning to. This sounds awful, but he could also be telling you these things to see if he gets a reaction out of you. You could just say something like, "I know you're really upset about this, but do you really think i'm the right person to talk to about this?" See what he says, he may not have even notice how awkward that could be. Or I don't know, sometimes if I say something about my ex to my boyfriend he gets sort of upset and then will say don't do that it makes me jealous, and just hearing that makes me stop because it reminds me that i'm supposed to focus on him and i kind of like that he's jealous too . It's hard to say if you're on the rebound though. If he's being playful or flirty, or giving you physical affection then you're more than just friends. If you were just a friend he would avoid that. He might just feel really guilty about his last relationship. As long as you gave this relationship a try that's what really counts.