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Discussion Starter #1
Hi everyone,

I'm making this post to ask for your advice on my friendship with the ISTJ guy. I have already had another post published in the ISTJ forum to gain a more insightful thought

So I and this ISTJ guy have been talking for over 3 months and things were great. We share same interests, motives and perspective in life. I do want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. We often do video calls on Friday and Saturday nights til 4 am talking about life, our insecurities and movies. We are currently in long distance but we plan to meet up in either my country of his since we're just 2 hours away from each other.

But since the Covid situation got worse in his country, he has stopped video calling or engaging in conversations. It has been a month since we last video called and I thought at first he had mental health issue but it turned out he was zoned in his introverted bubble during this time and he felt like he wouldn't have anything to talk to me since he didn't go out so he stopped contacting me. He said I would hear from him again after his country opens up which is after June 1st. I totally understand him in this matter so I let him be and carry on with my life.

But what stresses me out the most as an INTJ is that I can't stop overthinking and i don't know where to put him in my life. I really treasure all the time and stories we share each other. Logically, I do see him as a lifelong friend/ potential partner so I think just a month of no contact wouldn't be an issue? But emotionally it hurts me. He didn't tell me what was going on, why he went no contact for 2 weeks, only when i asked him and he told me the reasons. Whenever i started a conversation, he didn't have interests in engaging and end up leaving me on read. I feel like he doesn't treasure me as a friend but logically i know he does. It's my birthday today and he texted me a Happy Birthday message at midnight. We exchanged a few texts then i told him i appreciated the fact he coming out of his bubble. Then he left me on read. AGAIN.

I hate emotional drama in my life and i definitely don't want to cause it. But should i call him out on the fact that he left me on read. I trust his personality completely and i know he's not the type of person to ghost another person. But I want things to be straight forward. I just want to have some good conversations with him and something to remind me that he's still there in my life.
 

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ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
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His reasoning to ghost you is pretty shallow/disingenuous. Something is happening in his brain, but to ghost you is something to be concerned about.
However, don't over concern yourself about him too much since your relationship with him is pretty new, 3 months.

I would just try focus on entertaining yourself and being occupied so you're not spending time over-thinking about him. It's not healthy for you to be like this, since it is causing pain for yourself.
If he doesn't reach out to you then that's on him, don't over exert yourself with needing contact.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
His reasoning to ghost you is pretty shallow/disingenuous. Something is happening in his brain, but to ghost you is something to be concerned about.
However, don't over concern yourself about him too much since your relationship with him is pretty new, 3 months.

I would just try focus on entertaining yourself and being occupied so you're not spending time over-thinking about him. It's not healthy for you to be like this, since it is causing pain for yourself.
If he doesn't reach out to you then that's on him, don't over exert yourself with needing contact.
I totally understand it's unhealthy for me to get a bit "clingy" for an internet person that I haven't met yet. I'm pretty much focusing on being a better person myself and fulfilling mylife but I need balance in my life before i can take a step forward.
 

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Whenever i started a conversation, he didn't have interests in engaging and end up leaving me on read.
He isn’t interested in your N topics.

he felt like he wouldn't have anything to talk to me since he didn't go out so he stopped contacting me. He said I would hear from him again after his country opens up which is after June 1st. I totally understand him in this matter so I let him be and carry on with my life.
And needs S material – which he supposedly can't detect in the house or internet – to find a reason for opening his mouth/moving his fingers. You need an N type, the choice of the remaining three letters is up to you. People who have nothing to say should be left alone, they can’t even compete with cats and dogs. Be more choosy!
 

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I find I need to be able to set a baseline in my own life for what place any given person has in that life. I can do fine with random/ephemeral types of contact; after all most casual acquaintances are exactly that. but it's pretty unlikely I'll be able to do that AND remain meaningfully connected (in any sense) with them.

Its a basic of my makeup that I'll probably adjust to whatever signal your behaviour sends, BUT if you expect any form of inner-circle status, you need to show up. I just don't do conversations or friendships with empty spaces.

It can be difficult to articulate this to people because it so easily comes across as clinging or gamesiness. But I find that sometimes I have to, otherwise the other person remains unaware their welcome mat is disintegrating.
 

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hate emotional drama in my life and i definitely don't want to cause it.
Well...try harder, because you certainly do it.
So there are two options:
1.)You don't hate emotional drama enough
2.)You don't hate emotional drama, but say that you hate it anyways because it is sound T-ish and cool.

Now, if you really don't want that big bad emotional drama, I assume, you are already discussed these with yourself:

-Is he in a status, where you have to be interested in him more, than he should have interested in you?(smarter,better achiever, authoritive person, someone who take care of you, because you are weak etc.)
-His presence is beneficial for you? (Do you manage your life better because of him? Do you earn more money because of him? etc.) And if yes, there aren't anything else which could replace his function?
-if you "lose" him, then it would cause any significant effect? (can't manage your life properly, earn less money, etc.)
-If thing dosen't go naturally, then it is worth to fix it, and then enjoy an artificial relationship, knowing that if you wasn't bend it, then it would be a total failure?

And if you discussed these with yourself, then I assume you already have your answer, and don't have the need to post this. - but you did it. Could it be, that you didn't discussed these with yourself? In this case, This brings us back to my first or second option mentioned above. And I think if we consider one of it as a fact, then it is not actually that strange that you felt the need to post your personal life here....what a strange coincidence, isn't it?
 

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Hi everyone,

I'm making this post to ask for your advice on my friendship with the ISTJ guy. I have already had another post published in the ISTJ forum to gain a more insightful thought

So I and this ISTJ guy have been talking for over 3 months and things were great. We share same interests, motives and perspective in life. I do want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. We often do video calls on Friday and Saturday nights til 4 am talking about life, our insecurities and movies. We are currently in long distance but we plan to meet up in either my country of his since we're just 2 hours away from each other.

But since the Covid situation got worse in his country, he has stopped video calling or engaging in conversations. It has been a month since we last video called and I thought at first he had mental health issue but it turned out he was zoned in his introverted bubble during this time and he felt like he wouldn't have anything to talk to me since he didn't go out so he stopped contacting me. He said I would hear from him again after his country opens up which is after June 1st. I totally understand him in this matter so I let him be and carry on with my life.

But what stresses me out the most as an INTJ is that I can't stop overthinking and i don't know where to put him in my life. I really treasure all the time and stories we share each other. Logically, I do see him as a lifelong friend/ potential partner so I think just a month of no contact wouldn't be an issue? But emotionally it hurts me. He didn't tell me what was going on, why he went no contact for 2 weeks, only when i asked him and he told me the reasons. Whenever i started a conversation, he didn't have interests in engaging and end up leaving me on read. I feel like he doesn't treasure me as a friend but logically i know he does. It's my birthday today and he texted me a Happy Birthday message at midnight. We exchanged a few texts then i told him i appreciated the fact he coming out of his bubble. Then he left me on read. AGAIN.

I hate emotional drama in my life and i definitely don't want to cause it. But should i call him out on the fact that he left me on read. I trust his personality completely and i know he's not the type of person to ghost another person. But I want things to be straight forward. I just want to have some good conversations with him and something to remind me that he's still there in my life.
Honestly, I feel INTJ's understand ISTJ's the most so I don't understand why this is an issue. From what you stated is his country was shut down due to COVID. If he is an ISTJ and said he would contact you once the country opened, he will. If he is able to send messages and you are worried ask him. There is no way he will ever tell you what is wrong if you don't ask. Since COVID finances may be crunched or his plans were put on hold. There is nothing more that I hate when something doesn't go as planned.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Honestly, I feel INTJ's understand ISTJ's the most so I don't understand why this is an issue. From what you stated is his country was shut down due to COVID. If he is an ISTJ and said he would contact you once the country opened, he will. If he is able to send messages and you are worried ask him. There is no way he will ever tell you what is wrong if you don't ask. Since COVID finances may be crunched or his plans were put on hold. There is nothing more that I hate when something doesn't go as planned.
I’m actually pretty chilled about the relationship now. I understand that he doesn’t want to make pointless conversations during these time and I hate when he leaves in the middle of the conversation. I’m learning to accept it’s just who he is and his coping mechanism.
 
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