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Well Hi there >.< My first forum topic but i'll get straight to the point...

I'm an INFP and well I have a friend and he's an ISFP but I really wanna be closer to him I suppose (not gay btw). He has a lot of things about him that I see would really help me. Aside from that, I want to help him too, he's not very bold in certain aspects of life that he told me he would like to be, I wanna help him with that but also I want him to open up to me as a friend. He definitely has best friend potential but it would take A LOT of work I think. So some things about him...

In short, recently I had 2 friends that were close but..as usual (for me at least) of the 2 one was a guy and the other was a girl, the guy pretty much is now dating the girl (whom i liked A lot) and our friendship isn't the same now, (a triangle basically)...So this ISFP friend of mine I started hanging out with him more and he's really just so cool and I love him to death! But I'm still being cautious cause I don't want to mess up anything with him.

Just recently though there was a small one day trip to a location that was suggested by some higher ups for me and the other 2 (the ones i told you about before) to all go together on...I was displeased obviously because..pretty much those 2 en gorse each other constantly leaving me to dry and have no one to talk to or socialize with. (So why just not go you ask?) The people who suggested we go was going to pay for us and REALLY wanted us to go, I love them dearly and respect them a lot so going was a no brainer, but now the situation of these 2. To sum it up, the ISFP (did not want to go) but for my sake it was almost no question (almost) but he came to be there for me in the end. This made me so happy that he was willing to do this..

So he's pretty quiet but can get slightly chatty for like 3minute burst, but then quiet for a long time...
He's really reserved and private, doesn't really talk much about deep private stuff, especially his feelings

Any tips on how to get to a closer friendship with him? If you need any more details about him i'll try to answer them but I guess my question is what to do, and not to do, and what would help grow this INFP-ISFP friendship.

Also some things about me.. I can be very clingy, I'm the touchy feely type of INFP, Im very emotional, I a BIG (F) my main noticeable feature, I am a talker which is funny but I'm a Talker INFP (Introversion is my lowest percentage feature). I always want to know how things effect someone personally.

Thanks all replies welcome! :)
 

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Not like i'm an ISFP or anything but I am super close with my friend, i'm really the one he tells are his personal stuff to, so I may be able to add in something. He and I became close immediately, something just clicked. However, just like your friend he does keep things to himself and doesnt really like to open up to people at all, even me. In fact if he does talk to me about stuff its little things over long periods of time and he hates that he's so upset about it.

Make sure to not pressure your friend. ISFP's, and I could be wrong, but to me they seem to keep there feelings and themselves very very protected so that they dont get hurt. Pressuring them into telling you how they feel or what's going on will only make them pull back even more. That intimate NF connection you want with him (i only know about this because about 75% of my family are NF's) may never come. Even with there closest relationships they're pretty hidden. I love my friend to death and he trusts me, but we've talked about this and I know that he just really doesn't share that stuff with anyone. It might help maybe though to share something personal about yourself, thats hard for you to talk about, with him. He may see that you feel comfortable opening up to him and may consider sharing something with you. This will take a very long time, but it may be effective.

Personally I'm friends with mine because I asked him a silly question and he just started pouring his heart out to me and I did with him. He says he doesn't know why, but it always feels right to tell me things. BUT I will say that because of this I dont see him as much because once I know something about him he tends to avoid me for a while. Its a little sad for me, but I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to tell me things and if I can help him that's great too.

I have an INFP sister, and she is really one of my best friends, but I can tell she opens up to people more easily than my ISFP friend does. She just says she gets a feeling if its ok to talk to people and then she does (usually other NF's).

But both of your personality types are so amazing and have a lot of things I love in common. So i really hope it works out!
 

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Aaaah thx so much, what you said about your sister too especially, but yea thx a lot, i'll be sure to take those precautions. I'll try talking to him about something personal about myself I think and maybe that'll help open him up, and yea that sucks :sad:.. the NF relationship you referred too...but it's ok i suppose..but thanks so much for your help, i'll take all of it into thought :)
 

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It really depends on the person...maybe...And I certainly don't speak for every ISFP.

Be friendly I guess. If he goes out of contact, don't treat it as a terrible deal when he returns...but I don't know...maybe let him you know you care, but don't treat it as bad behaviour...Be sort've easy going about it...maybe.

If I had recently made a friend, I'd be really shy - I still am with old friends now, to be honest, in my own way. Being physically affectionate can be a good thing - don't drown him in it, especially in the beginning, but certainly don't neglect it.

When friends are spontentaneous about what we do it makes me sort've happy - stuff like, why don't we go see a film today, there's this cool exhibition I heard about, want to go for a walk through these woods? I'm one of the more...nervous ISFPs, but even though I'm not so good at being spontentaneous myself, I like it when others are; and are confident in it...which is hard to explain...


Concerning real emotional intimacy - the couple of friends I've got to that place with, it screwed up, really, turned too co dependant, and I sort of shun it now. There are certain people who do and don't...instinctively fit my gut attraction in terms of being that person I go to. I can be friends with a person for years and years, and only have ever opened up to them once or twice. Even some of the more willing can be a little scary for me to open up to - I opened up a little to a guy last night, and it was just draining - there was no warm up, and he's a little too...direct... Generally it's when I feel they resonate...which is maybe where I go wrong. When I've opened up to a friend for a long period, and generally, intimacy sort of...regressed with other friends...

I think if I were to say I felt really close to someone, it would include - physical closeness, being able to tell them when I didn't like something- a person, a thing; negative feelings, being able to compliment them: be caring and affectionate, not feeling unsafe, or tired with them, not worrying so much that they didn't like me, or find me interesting enough to talk to, which runs as an undertone to most interactions, leaving me so subconsicously anxious I find communicating more difficult than it should be.

At present I'm trying for a more general closeness, to the three people I've known longest.

The one person I would say I sort of feel close to is my mum. We can sit in silence and it's fine, I don't feel pressured to talk, or keep her entertained, and so talking is very fun, natural, and...nice. If she was physically affectionate I think I'd feel very close to her.


Honesty and trust are also very important - knowing where I stand with someone.

Maybe this is just me...but I think of it like being a 40 years old female, very scared virgin in the intimacy department.
 

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As an ISFP myself I can kind of tell you what he might be thinking. First of all, it takes a lot for me to trust people, especially people I don't know well. Also, I'm always worried about what people think and how I'm not good enough. I'm always afraid that I'm lacking and it holds me back. I would first try to earn his trust by showing acceptance and patience. I still have trouble opening up to my best friend even though I've known her for about two and a half years. Biggest thing is patience. Don't pry too much, it might freak him out but do ask questions about his interests. K, well hope that helps.
 
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