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I'm an INFP-78/50/38/33, and these are my scores on the enneagram 5/4/3/8/6/2/1/0/7. I'm not sure if I'm a 4w5 or a 9w1, after reading the descriptions a few times I think I might be 9w1.

I'm 23, and have never been in a relationship and am starting to worry if I will ever find 'the one'. I think I am attractive, and do get attention from women but I never reciprocate. Eventually, they give up and stop chasing. Sometimes I want to reciprocate, but I am worried about rejection and end up suppresing my feelings. I'm worried I may have misread them being nice as showing interest. Also, I'm worried I will end up getting hurt when the relationship ends if she isn't the one. On reading the description of fearful avoidant attachment, I can relate:
People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness.
Also, I'm having a little trouble with friends at the moment. I was speaking to a friend I used to be close to, and he thinks I have withdrawn socially. I think he is right. 2 years ago I started smoking cannabis, although I used to be a heavy smoker at the start, I gradually reduced and now I smoke once a month or less. My discovery of psychedelics, introduced me to the inner world, and I got interested in deep introspection, thinking it would help me grow as a person. Now I realize, it has done the opposite and made me self-conscious and a little eccentric. I also feel I have isolated myself.

With women, friends and people I meet, I'm able to carry out an engaging conversation where I find out a lot about the person but I almost never reveal a lot about myself. I feel like even my closest friends don't know the real me, as I have hidden it from them. I really want an intimate relationship but have no idea where to start. I'm not sure if my standards are too high, in that I am trying to find a girl I can connect to. I really want a girl who is spiritual and shares similar values as mine, but not many girls my age are really into spirituality :( It's been a long time since I met a girl I would like to date, the ones I like are already taken! Considering I get to meet a lot of girls at school, you would think I should be able to find someone! which is why I wonder if my standards are too high. I'm extremely confused at the moment, and really want to get my life back on track.

I feel like I'm not very good at expressing myself and my current situation, so I took a few quotes from the enneagram description that I could relate to.

The problem with average Fours, however, is that they try to understand themselves by introspecting upon their feelings. Increasingly, they begin to withdraw from life and real relationships and experiences. As they draw the curtains and turn away from life, however, they cut themselves off from the wellspring of their feelings and their creativity—participation in the world. They become self-absorbed and do not learn how to relate to people or how to manage in the practical world. They feel like outsiders, somehow different from others, unable to break through the barrier of self-consciousness that separates them from easy commerce with the world. They realize that their search for self has led them into a world of useless fantasies and illusions. Understanding only too clearly what they have done to themselves, and fearing that it is too late to do anything about it, unhealthy Fours turn against themselves to destroy what they have become. As soon as Fours devote themselves to a search for self by withdrawing from life, they are going in the wrong direction. No matter how necessary this search may seem to them, they must become convinced that the direct search for self is a temptation which eventually leads to despair.

Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. Fours usually experience a longing for an ideal mate who will see them as they truly are, and long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. They will often project this role onto new acquaintances, idealizing them and fantasizing about the wonderful life they will have together. Unfortunately, as Fours get to know the person better, they will realize that he or she is just another human being with flaws and shortcomings. The other’s "blemishes" soon become the focus of the Four’s attention, and they lose interest in the person. Before long they are back to their search and fantasizing again, but generally with less hope of finding the person "of their dreams."
In terms of levels, I think I'm somewhere between 5-7
Level 5: To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings.

Level 6: Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious.

Level 7: When dreams fail, become self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed. Ashamed of self, fatigued and unable to function.
Is this common among INFPs? Any advise?
Thanks.
 

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I have to dash in a moment so this will be a bit brief I'm afraid, but here goes:

Relationship wise, I really wouldn't worry too much. I've never been in a long term relationship and I'm almost 25. Similarly, I'd say (and I do say this without ego... it has taken years for me to reach this level of confidence) that I am also attractive; I'm 6ft 2", athletically built, big blue eyes with long eyelashes that the ladies seem to love, so on and so on. Everyone always tells me I'm a good looking guy and they can't understand why I'm still single.

Also, I've had plenty of opportunity along the way but I just never bite, or if I do I quickly realise that I simply can't be "arsed" with all the fussing around. It was always too much effort for me when I was younger. Ironically now that I'm ready to get in to a relationship, not a single woman I like is anywhere to be found :tongue:

Look, all I can offer in the way of advice is this - don't worry, seriously. If it happens, it happens. If not? Maybe it just isn't your time to find anyone just yet. Definitely don't seem overly keen with the ladies, just play it cool and don't worry about being knocked back because it happens to the best of us.

I'm looking for what you are. In fact, it was like reading a post I would've made a couple of years back. No, your standards aren't too high and nor are mine; we value the CONNECTION. I've dated really pretty girls and each time there just hasn't been the spark. We need to find someone we can share an incredibly deep, rich connection with in my opinion.

Ah man, this was a rubbish and incoherent post, I apologise! I'll come back later if I can.

In the meantime - chin up. She's out there, I promise ;)
 

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Look, all I can offer in the way of advice is this - don't worry, seriously. If it happens, it happens. If not? Maybe it just isn't your time to find anyone just yet. Definitely don't seem overly keen with the ladies, just play it cool and don't worry about being knocked back because it happens to the best of us.

I'm looking for what you are. In fact, it was like reading a post I would've made a couple of years back. No, your standards aren't too high and nor are mine; we value the CONNECTION. I've dated really pretty girls and each time there just hasn't been the spark. We need to find someone we can share an incredibly deep, rich connection with in my opinion.

Ah man, this was a rubbish and incoherent post, I apologise! I'll come back later if I can.

In the meantime - chin up. She's out there, I promise ;)
That's not rubbish at all. Actually, I was thinking up something and getting ready to give some advice, but pmj85 pretty much said what I was thinking. :happy:

Like pmj85 said, I advise you to "just play it cool." But don't give up hope -- I don't believe in fate or anything, but for whatever reason I truly believe that everyone has someone out there somewhere. I've found that things can fall into place at what seem like the most unlikely times. If you run into her, trust me, you'll know. :wink:
 
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