Personality Cafe banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm sorry if this post is spam. I vented it in antoher section, and I feel more calm now.

The history is as follows:

Today I went to ask for information to assign in a Creative Writing course. I did the prescription, and I went to do the papers of the registration. While I was talking to the person at charge, he showed me the paper with the list of the people in the course. I inmmediately catch a thing: the first name.

It's my ex.


I had a depression because of her. I had mononucleosis because of her. My live went to the toilet because of her.



I know people have worse problems. I just wondered if any of you have any advice for my emotions. I am feeling devastated. I know it's exaggerated, I just can't help it. I want to do that course, it's important for me. I don't want her to push me down quitting on it. I would like to know if someone has any advice to this situation, that could me handdle better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
I'm sorry if this post is spam. I vented it in antoher section, and I feel more calm now.

The history is as follows:

Today I went to ask for information to assign in a Creative Writing course. I did the prescription, and I went to do the papers of the registration. While I was talking to the person at charge, he showed me the paper with the list of the people in the course. I inmmediately catch a thing: the first name.

It's my ex.


I had a depression because of her. I had mononucleosis because of her. My live went to the toilet because of her.



I know people have worse problems. I just wondered if any of you have any advice for my emotions. I am feeling devastated. I know it's exaggerated, I just can't help it. I want to do that course, it's important for me. I don't want her to push me down quitting on it. I would like to know if someone has any advice to this situation, that could me handdle better.
I suggest you eat some cement and HTFU.
 

·
Registered
🚀
Joined
·
10,003 Posts
I'm sorry if this post is spam. I vented it in antoher section, and I feel more calm now.

The history is as follows:

Today I went to ask for information to assign in a Creative Writing course. I did the prescription, and I went to do the papers of the registration. While I was talking to the person at charge, he showed me the paper with the list of the people in the course. I inmmediately catch a thing: the first name.

It's my ex.


I had a depression because of her. I had mononucleosis because of her. My live went to the toilet because of her.



I know people have worse problems. I just wondered if any of you have any advice for my emotions. I am feeling devastated. I know it's exaggerated, I just can't help it. I want to do that course, it's important for me. I don't want her to push me down quitting on it. I would like to know if someone has any advice to this situation, that could me handdle better.
Cancel the course that is so important to you, and then come back and vent it was because of her and you can't help it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Cancel the course that is so important to you, and then come back and vent it was because of her and you can't help it.
I didn't cancel it, I'm going anyway. I need the credits, and it's the only course of this type that I have in my city. That's why it is like a cold shower.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
I don't understand why you say that.
Because I've been there and it's not pretty. Take a step back and you'll realize it's nothing but self-indulgence. You need to man up and take responsibility for your own life. No, your life did not go to the toilet because of her, your life went to the shits because of yourself. It's time to stop the blame game and take control. Like I said, eat some cement and HTFU.
 

·
Registered
🚀
Joined
·
10,003 Posts
I didn't cancel it, I'm going anyway. I need the credits, and it's the only course of this type that I have in my city. That's why it is like a cold shower.
So what's the problem then? In general I'd say, stop identifying yourself as a victim. It is your depression, take ownership and don't blame others for it. You will not build confidence and self-efficacy that way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Because I've been there and it's not pretty. Take a step back and you'll realize it's nothing but self-indulgence. You need to man up and take responsibility for your own life. No, your life did not go to the toilet because of her, your life went to the shits because of yourself. It's time to stop the blame game and take control. Like I said, eat some cement and HTFU.
Maybe I need to revise my own responsability in my life. With this said, being down by a death of a person and being pushed even down I don't think were my responsability, at least entirely.
 

·
Registered
🚀
Joined
·
10,003 Posts
Maybe I need to revise my own responsability in my life. With this said, being down by a death of a person and being pushed even down I don't think were my responsability, at least entirely.
Sure, one can feel grief losing a person, and this may be disorienting for a while.
But now you use it to justify feeling sorry for yourself.

It's your life, if your mantra is you can't help it, you won't ever believe you can, and other people won't believe you can either. Do you want people to believe in you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
957 Posts
Well, you don't necessarily have to talk to her. Is this a big class?

I'd suggest some introspection. These kinds of brutal emotions are a sign that something deep inside of you is reacting and you need to figure out what that is, and work through it. Bad relationship with your parents? Self esteem issues?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
211 Posts
I don't know about introspection. You'll have to decide if it works for you, in my experience if I focus too much on something it grows. So maybe I'm viewing introspection as dwelling, but maybe the pp is saying it for more of the awareness aspect which is good.

Definitely don't dwell, give yourself time but be aware of when it's overkill and time to stop. Also, there are much worse things that can happen. At least you don't have a kid with her and having to see her all the time because of that. Just try your best to focus on your studies and don't dwell on it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Sure, one can feel grief losing a person, and this may be disorienting for a while.
But now you use it to justify feeling sorry for yourself.

It's your life, if your mantra is you can't help it, you won't ever believe you can, and other people won't believe you can either. Do you want people to believe in you?

I'm going to go, no matter the circumstances. If I didn't believe in myself, I wouldn't do it, I assure. I get the point you say, it's important to not forget it, as it's easy to do so.


Well, you don't necessarily have to talk to her. Is this a big class?

I'd suggest some introspection. These kinds of brutal emotions are a sign that something deep inside of you is reacting and you need to figure out what that is, and work through it. Bad relationship with your parents? Self esteem issues?

The relation with my parents is best than ever. My self steem is well (I think). My life can be improved, but that can always be said.

The thing is that now this only happen to me when I get in contact with something related to bad past experiences. Some years ago this type of emotional overflow happened more often, but it gets more rarer over time. (My teens are not far away). I was convinced that was something to the past, until today.

Root issues... I don't know. I see more like a how to handle my emotions when they get too intense. Does anyone relate to this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
957 Posts
The relation with my parents is best than ever. My self steem is well (I think). My life can be improved, but that can always be said.

The thing is that now this only happen to me when I get in contact with something related to bad past experiences. Some years ago this type of emotional overflow happened more often, but it gets more rarer over time. (My teens are not far away). I was convinced that was something to the past, until today.

Root issues... I don't know. I see more like a how to handle my emotions when they get too intense. Does anyone relate to this?
I don't relate because I know most of my unhealthy reactions are root issue based :p I think someone's overall strength and confidence is shown by how well they hold up in front of turmoil. Would it really be self esteem if it's only there when everything's fine?

When you say your self esteem is "well (you think)", is it possible that means it's something you might not have looked into much? Even as a feeler it can be easy to overlook emotion and leave it undealt with for years. There's no reason for you to notice, if it's unconscious.

Then again, maybe I'm nuts. This is something I've recently uncovered in myself but I have no idea to what extent it applies to others.
 

·
Registered
🚀
Joined
·
10,003 Posts
I'm going to go, no matter the circumstances. If I didn't believe in myself, I wouldn't do it, I assure. I get the point you say, it's important to not forget it, as it's easy to do so.





The relation with my parents is best than ever. My self steem is well (I think). My life can be improved, but that can always be said.

The thing is that now this only happen to me when I get in contact with something related to bad past experiences. Some years ago this type of emotional overflow happened more often, but it gets more rarer over time. (My teens are not far away). I was convinced that was something to the past, until today.

Root issues... I don't know. I see more like a how to handle my emotions when they get too intense. Does anyone relate to this?
Of course, that's why people blame others, as a rationalization in order to protect self-esteem / self-image (like you an innocent angel and she the disease spreading devil).

But see, now you are not sure if you can control your emotions, where just before you blamed her for your depression.
That's what I mean with self-efficacy. It's really you who is intensifying emotions, because you are already doing it now, by just the thought of it, and probably Ne going through worst case scenarios. So cool down.

So what emotions are we talking about from your side? Anger, hostility, vengeance, jealousy, envy, infatuation? Did you need to demonize her to get over her, victimize yourself? Had you put her on a pedestal before? Are you over it? Can you handle it when she (the 'demon') is highly appreciated by others? More than you? That another guy fancies her? Are you able to be kind and respectful to her? (since she had caused you a depression). It doesn't sound like you have forgiven her, so there's likely resentment. Or are you going to show her your tortured soul and the wounds she had inflicted? This all depends much on the narrative (of what happened) you believe in.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
Maybe I need to revise my own responsibility in my life. With this said, being down by a death of a person and being pushed even down I don't think were my responsibility, at least entirely.
Sometimes you need to see it this way too. Even if you were there for her, and were really empathetic and gave everything to her, if she was not ready to receive it, then it is not mutual. Then you need to know that it is also okay that you gave, and she did not receive. You should not doubt yourself, and what you gave. Cos your intent was that you wanted to be there for her. You need to understand this. If you were depressed because of her. Have you thought about whether you should continue to feel this deeply for this single person ? You do not have to. That is the point. There is a lesson here to be learnt, and a character trait that you need to understand of yourself. You need to come to acceptance of this. The question is, when you have done this, would you be able to move on etc. You will come to learn that not everybody deserves our love, or that our love will be reciprocated. When it does not, this is okay too. It does hurt an awful lot. But, with time, you will come to learn that bit of lesson, and that bit of karmas as well.

There has been so many possible guys that I did give my heart to, and some I did not end up dating, it did hurt at the time, but looking back in hindsight, our lives were not meant to be. Cos if it was, then they won't have their children now, and that their lives to be settled in a particular way. Sometimes, not everybody is meant to walk this journey with us together. We met them for a reason, a season, and it will go and we end up onto different paths.

Let go of the hurt and the anger...Do not dwell.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
381 Posts
When I would feel horrible about what someone did to me , I would simply go to the gym and just let my energy out. Then, when I got home I drew a plan on what I could do about the situation. I felt much less stressed about what I was going to do and most of my frustration and bad feelings were gone too. I don't really quite know how you want to handle something like this but everyone has there own ways I'm sure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Sometimes you need to see it this way too. Even if you were there for her, and were really empathetic and gave everything to her, if she was not ready to receive it, then it is not mutual. Then you need to know that it is also okay that you gave, and she did not receive. You should not doubt yourself, and what you gave. Cos your intent was that you wanted to be there for her. You need to understand this. If you were depressed because of her. Have you thought about whether you should continue to feel this deeply for this single person ? You do not have to. That is the point. There is a lesson here to be learnt, and a character trait that you need to understand of yourself. You need to come to acceptance of this. The question is, when you have done this, would you be able to move on etc. You will come to learn that not everybody deserves our love, or that our love will be reciprocated. When it does not, this is okay too. It does hurt an awful lot. But, with time, you will come to learn that bit of lesson, and that bit of karmas as well.

There has been so many possible guys that I did give my heart to, and some I did not end up dating, it did hurt at the time, but looking back in hindsight, our lives were not meant to be. Cos if it was, then they won't have their children now, and that their lives to be settled in a particular way. Sometimes, not everybody is meant to walk this journey with us together. We met them for a reason, a season, and it will go and we end up onto different paths.


Thanks. I really needed to hear this. You are giving me something to think about.



Let go of the hurt and the anger...Do not dwell.

It's hard, but I'm working on it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
340 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
When I would feel horrible about what someone did to me , I would simply go to the gym and just let my energy out. Then, when I got home I drew a plan on what I could do about the situation. I felt much less stressed about what I was going to do and most of my frustration and bad feelings were gone too. I don't really quite know how you want to handle something like this but everyone has there own ways I'm sure.
I suppose I need to find mine. For the moment, I'm distracting with other things, and with my friends, and I'm feeling better.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top