Need help from unhealthy clingy INFJ

I don't want to question your original post, but the behaviour seems so unthinkable to me as an INFJ, that I would like some input from other INFJs on whether you see it as consistent with the type...

Sorry for not being very helpful, but was just so surprised by your connection between this persons behaviour and the INFJ label. :sad:

I agree with Penchant. I can't imagine doing the things that you're friend is doing with you. How sure are you that he's an INFJ? Even as an unhealthy INFJ, his behavior is not stereotypically a way that an INFJ should act. Although, he might just be a special bred of INFJ as each person is different...but...I doubt it.

In regards as to what you should do, just tell him face-to-face that his behavior is unacceptable and that you want him to leave you alone. As easy as that.

ok, I think clingy might be the wrong word.

More detail. I told him to leave me alone, then he makes friends with all of my friends on facebook and starts talking to them. He's very manipulative, a sweet talker, its the reason I ever forgave him was because he seemed so sincere, he'd pull me in and then start treating me like shit again. It was a repeating cycle until I realized it and told him to never talk to me again.

After I told him I didn't like him, he made friends with my brothers, and tons of my friends. I would complain about this kid, and all of them would say, "I don't understand why you hate this kid so much. He seems alright."

It felt like some kind of revenge to turn everyone else against me. I felt like he was surrounding me. So what I did was, I re-opened all communication to him. I talked to EVERY person he talked to and explained why I hated him, and asked them to just plain ignore the kid as well, as a favor to me. They did. Now that I've re-opened communication with him, he talks to me on AIM sometimes. We have very minimal communication, and he invites me to movies and stuff, and I always politely decline.

Shortly after I communicate to him and start being nice to him... he stops talking to all of my friends, ignores them outright.

Why INFJ? Because I believe an INFJ can become mentally unstable if raised in a bad house (as he was). I believe an INFJ has the people skills and logic to perform Shakespearean acts of revenge on the level of Othello. I am the ONLY person he treats this way, and no one else understands why. I believe he gets angry because I'm not giving any sort of emotional vibe toward him. Most of his friends are ISTP's, and he gets very jealous of my martial arts abilities.

Right now, I block him during the summer, and I reopen communication while I'm at school. I tell him I live at my old address even though I moved houses (he would show up uninvited at times). To be honest, he's not a big deal. But I solve problems, and one of my goals as an ISTP is to make my life as smooth as possible. He's not a big problem right now because I just decline his invitations, but I'd rather not deal with him ever. He's a wart, that's all.

Sounds like an ENTP to me actually - they have this thing going, where they believe that if they are persistent in pursuing someone, they'll come around to them eventually. I personally think INFJs have too much pride to go chasing after a friend that doesn't want them around. I know personally for me, when I get even the slightest feeling that someone doesnt want me there, I retreat into my shell. bye bye. It's when you said "Shakespearean acts of revenge on the level of Othello," I thought "ENTP." We had an ENTP in here before, whose username was really dramatic, and he was talking about a) he fucked up in some friendship b) there was a no contact rule established by the school and c) how he tried to get around direct contact by contacting all of that person's friends .

DJArendee said:

Why INFJ? Because I believe an INFJ can become mentally unstable if raised in a bad house (as he was). I believe an INFJ has the people skills and logic to perform Shakespearean acts of revenge on the level of Othello.

Click to expand...

Anyone can become unstable if raised in a bad house. People skills used logically to perform acts of revenge doesn't sound INFJ to me. If what you are saying is true, this person sounds like they have mental health issues, and is a bad egg - people like that are bad news and I cut them cleanly out of my life. People of any type that don't respect boundaries then need to have clear and consistent walls put up between you and them.

If you want him out of your life, keep your door shut. He'll network his way around, trying to find a way in, but if you even close the windows, the little spider wont have access unless he literally tears you apart. Don't beat around the bush being nice to him and then hating him and then being nice to him and then hating him. And don't let him get to you. If he comes over to your house uninvited, stand your ground and literally not let him into the house.

Be blunt and direct if you don't want him to be your friend. Tell him. If he doesn't understand, then nail it to his forehead.

I don't believe he's an infj, even an unhealthy one, it seems he doesn't exhibit the "how does [insert your name] feel about me? He blocked me. There's something wrong here. He does not like me. Why does he not like me? Is it because of who i am? What did i do wrong?" We're critical of how we are around others and how we relate to them and how they feel about us, whether completely stressed or completely relaxed. Under stress we tend to care less but apologize later for not caring. At least that's for me, i dunno about other infj's,

If i got blocked from someone i called a friend the first thing i'd ask once i found another means of communication to them (whether over the phone, over messenger, email, facebook, in person) would be "why did you block me? What did i do wrong?" i wouldn't go into a conversation until i got my answer. I'd ask very bluntly, and hope for a blunt honest answer, and want a blunt honest answer. Wish washy answers only make it confusing as to whether or not i was at fault. If i got no answer and received the cold shoulder, i would punt their file cabinet of information in my head out the window and forget about them. They could scoot their butt on the carpet and not get my attention (besides my dog... o.o). So personally i don't believe he fits the infj suit. If he does, then wow, there's something wrong with him in general as a being for not respecting your boundaries.

(If that is what he's asking through-out his weaving network to you, tell him what's wrong. Don't put off his question or lie just to make him feel better. If he is an infj - he will know if it's a wish washy answer and want the truth, no matter how much it hurts.)

Wish you luck? ^_^

Hopefully my rambling made sense?

Dude... from what I've heard, this guy sounds like a nutjob who's tied the issue of your friendship and affirmation to his own sense of worth.

It sounds like he is manipulating the situation to his own advantage... and quite effectively. If I were you, I would try to beat him at his own game, and force him into a social situation where he would be damaged by continued harassment of me. But from what you've said so far, no offense, but he seems a lot better at this thing than you.

A more subversive tactic would be to open yourself up to him and then act so insufferably boring and dry that he would drop the friendship of his own volition (Talk about REALLY uninteresting lame stuff and give him absolutely ZERO ability to shift the conversation to a topic of his choosing). Because it seems like the more you push him away, the more he is ... perhaps idealizing you?

I can't be sure (Hell maybe he's got daddy issues and he's projecting his dad on you or something, you really never can tell), but still, good luck against this scumbag, even if he is an INFJ, he's way over the line.

Honestly...

I am going to agree with the ENTP thing...
they can simply be really insensitive until they get what they came for...

unstopable almost...
honestly why i like some of them but seriously this guy shouldn't have to be given any clues.

okay. coming from someone who does this to other people I can understand why he might be persistent.
maybe he feels like you are the only one able to help him or he sees you as comfortable.
and maybe you see him that way too.
if you don't then I say fuck him.... I wouldn't even continue small talk...
but if you must...

:icks up bar of soap and begins to stuff it into sock::