[caraez]

I have recently found myself a confidante of an ENTP who seems to be often unhappy. Not in a suicidal way or anything, but enough to worry me and I don't know what to do. Some of this seems to be from the problems he has with his girlfriend, who he loves but they also argue a lot. Some of this seems to be from general dissatisfaction with his life.

He puts on a happy front but often tells me his true feelings.

Anyways, he says I can't really help him and when I try to get him to be positive he doesn't cooperate very much, sayings hes sick of trying to be happy and that nothing can help him. What should I do about this?

 

[Febriarini Roseals]

Ahm, I think the only person who knows how to make your friend happy again from the inside is your friend himself.
But let me share some--maybe similar-- experience I had...
That ever happened to me, when I tried to cover the pains and hurts, I'd be charming, outgoing and such, but it wouldn't last too long, I would always want to come back to my room where I could detach myself from the outside bad forces.
The thing to work that out was to find another new extremely interesting thing. I packed everything I needed to travel somewhere nobody knew who I was, just for a while. I began to have new things to learn and understand, and to explore what others didn't really notice, I didn't do it all during the traveling, few earlier new things at the vacation, the rest was when I came back. I didn't put any focus on the problems I had had before. Learn learn explore explore, then eventually it gained me new understanding toward the previous problem I had ( earlier, people would tell me to see bad things from bigger perspective, but I couldn't do with only knowing it, I needed the feel to understand the reason and the outcome of looking from better point of view).
After finally I felt good to see those things in better way (made up my mind), I could easily cope with the problems pretty well.
Anybody doesn't have to travel to Fiji just to handle the unhappy feelings, but I came to conclusion that possibly people like me need the mind leverage to deal with stresses, they way would most likely to learn new things.
You know, and we all know that the mind and the realization of what's on it is unstoppable, but still things can change when the focus alters.

Peace

 

[caraez]

I suppose that's true, its just I always feel strongly for my friends and feel helpless when I can't do something for them.

I will keep that in mind when dealing with his future sadness. Thanks for the insight!

 

[Febriarini Roseals]

I suppose that's true, its just I always feel strongly for my friends and feel helpless when I can't do something for them.

I will keep that in mind when dealing with his future sadness. Thanks for the insight!

Anytime :happy:

 

[vel]

ask him if he is sick of being unhappy too - if it was up to me to choose what to be sick of, being sick over being unhappy would definitely take precedence over being sick of trying to be happy

generally what seems to help cheering ENxPs up is talking about some positive future opportunities and possibilities in their life - however it also may be time for him to sit down and do some introspection - is he repeating same mistakes over and over in his life? can he pinpoint what it is exactly that is making him unhappy and work from there?

 

[WildWinds]

Ahm, I think the only person who knows how to make your friend happy again from the inside is your friend himself.
But let me share some--maybe similar-- experience I had...
That ever happened to me, when I tried to cover the pains and hurts, I'd be charming, outgoing and such, but it wouldn't last too long, I would always want to come back to my room where I could detach myself from the outside bad forces.
The thing to work that out was to find another new extremely interesting thing. I packed everything I needed to travel somewhere nobody knew who I was, just for a while. I began to have new things to learn and understand, and to explore what others didn't really notice, I didn't do it all during the traveling, few earlier new things at the vacation, the rest was when I came back. I didn't put any focus on the problems I had had before. Learn learn explore explore, then eventually it gained me new understanding toward the previous problem I had ( earlier, people would tell me to see bad things from bigger perspective, but I couldn't do with only knowing it, I needed the feel to understand the reason and the outcome of looking from better point of view).
After finally I felt good to see those things in better way (made up my mind), I could easily cope with the problems pretty well.
Anybody doesn't have to travel to Fiji just to handle the unhappy feelings, but I came to conclusion that possibly people like me need the mind leverage to deal with stresses, they way would most likely to learn new things.
You know, and we all know that the mind and the realization of what's on it is unstoppable, but still things can change when the focus alters.

Peace

This.

Get your friend out and find him something to do, something new to be interested.

Encourage his Ne. On a daily basis we deal with people shooting us down, ridiculing our ideas, telling us they won't work etc. Do the opposite for him. Be that person he can talk to that about anything, that will provide him encouragement.

 

[ENTPreneur]

This.



On a daily basis we deal with people shooting us down, ridiculing our ideas, telling us they won't work etc. Do the opposite for him. Be that person he can talk to that about anything, that will provide him encouragement.

Yes. If the surroundings are misunderstanding we are slowly being chipped down, piece by piece. We need to find someone who at least enjoys our ideas or other positive traits. Dont we all, as humans? ENTPS challenge status Quos. MANY people are threatened by this and react defensively (how could they...), and many more simply dont understand the ideas or our way of communication that well. Result= Felt isolation. I do recognize this. And also, if his gf is one of these persons it is really troublesome. Been there.

 

[yesiknowbut]

Hmm. The other side is too much Ne. A continual search for meaning can lead one to feel that nothing, in the end, has any meaning. I go through nihilistic patches fairly frequently, and from previous discussions here I'm not alone. My attempted solutions for these times involve a lot more trying to live in the moment. Specific stuff, like cooking a good meal, being outside in good weather, exercise, that sort of stuff. Se stuff, I guess.

The other thing is that difficult as this might be for you, your friend probably doesn't want to be "fixed" so that you feel better. Just be there. That is all we can ever ask from our friends, and it can be the most difficult thing to provide.

 

[Startic]

:laughing:Caraez, I feel like there are a few things that could be wrong with this. How certain are you that your friend is an ENTP, possibly that is his shadow/in-the-grip type because of thier immense stress? Maybe he is INTJ? or ISFJ? Is his unhappiness coming from stress or the over exposure to people?

So that vacation idea might work, not for the same reasons as it did for the ENTP, But for his own Introverted reasons.

Now if he is ENTP and is dealing with Fi. . . then ouch hes got some bad times ahead, Fi is the last function the ENTP naturally develops, So if he let this girl inside his defensive shell and she is just taking jabs and he things he loves her, That needs to stop.
I have been in a nasty relationship where i thought i loved this girl and she would not stop throwing me down or taking jabs at my self confidence, Anytime she could she would. And because i let her inside my shell, it hurt. . . I was miserable and am still recovering from it, We still dont talk she says its my fault because i was too headstrong and always thought i was right, i think its her fault because she was a b****, whos fault? probably both but it depends on who you ask!

Now on the other hand maybe he just needs a good friend who he can debate or theorize with. Do something like ask him. . . if he thinks black holes are 1) a star with so much gravity that not even light can escape it, thus being percived as a hole. or 2) an actual tear in space and possibly time also. If 2, where does it go? let him do the rest. Just stick with him.

Ok this post is getting too long. . .

If anything, just be there as alfreda said, he will eventually get sick of it and find the source after some introspection, If he is an ENTP he will then cut that out of his life and carry on being happy!

Keep us up to date im curious if anything we have said works!!! Good luck to you and your friend!:laughing:

 

[Isis]

I think you should find a nice friend who is fun to be around and treats you like a special person, not someone who kind of dumps on you and then acts depressed.

 

[amajakgar]

I have recently found myself a confidante of an ENTP who seems to be often unhappy. Not in a suicidal way or anything, but enough to worry me and I don't know what to do. Some of this seems to be from the problems he has with his girlfriend, who he loves but they also argue a lot. Some of this seems to be from general dissatisfaction with his life.

He puts on a happy front but often tells me his true feelings.

Anyways, he says I can't really help him and when I try to get him to be positive he doesn't cooperate very much, sayings hes sick of trying to be happy and that nothing can help him. What should I do about this?

Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered that he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend for you?

 

[Febriarini Roseals]

This.

Get your friend out and find him something to do, something new to be interested.

Encourage his Ne. On a daily basis we deal with people shooting us down, ridiculing our ideas, telling us they won't work etc. Do the opposite for him. Be that person he can talk to that about anything, that will provide him encouragement.

I suppose that will work well too

sometimes I wish that kind of person were already here with me.

 

[YourMom]

Give him a blowjob.

 

[caraez]

Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered that he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend for you?

Don't worry about it, but definitely not, he is completely into her.


Sorry I've been missing for a few days, but thank you guys for all the insights. I'm almost positive he is ENTP just because I know several very well (I'm like a freaking ENTP magnet) so I've got a knack for identifying the particular type. Unless he is extremely wonked and its affecting how his type appears, I think he's ENTP.

I think I will try to just be there for him and help encourage him and his N, like people have said. And I will try to drag him to my debate club, maybe that's a new experience he might enjoy But yeah, new experiences - I'll see what I can subtly do.

Again, thanks so much! Your responses have helped me understand the situation better and help a lot.