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How would you want someone to approach you? How do I start a conversation with an ISTJ? I asked questions like,

1) "What do you do over the weekend?" She replied, "She didn't do much."
2) "What do you do for your free time?" She responded, "It just usually work or run family errands."
3) Do you have any hobbies? She responded with some thinking. Eventually she responded, "she doesn't have a hobby". She doesn't reciprocate. I read in this forum, they want to know like a reason in the conversation. I don't know if it helps if I mention, "I want to get to know you better."

I noticed she is pretty shy too. She is pretty awkward in social environments. She walks around and it looks like she is waiting for someone to invite her. I know ISTJ don't like small talk and I don't small talk really. Any tips in approaching/talking to her?
 

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(I'm not sure whether you're trying to start a romance or just be friendly.)

Ha, my ISTJ Prince Charming also looked like he wanted someone to invite him. I couldn't resist!

Anyway, it seems fair enough that someone didn't do much over the weekend, doesn't have a hobby, etc. I remember when I lived in another country and people were always asking me what my hobby was. I didn't really have a hobby, and no one in my country would ever ask such a thing, so I didn't have a ready answer.

So if the conversation seems to stall, why not reply to her non-answers? For example, if she says "Not much," you can tell her what you did on the weekend. Or tell her you didn't do much either, because you spent time waiting for XXX or you were tired because of YYY or because the weekend always goes by too quickly. If she says she just works or does errands, ask about her work. Or tell her about your work. Or ask if she enjoys running errands (and why). A conversation is give-and-take, not just question-and-answer.

Good luck!
 

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(I'm not sure whether you're trying to start a romance or just be friendly.)

Ha, my ISTJ Prince Charming also looked like he wanted someone to invite him. I couldn't resist!

Anyway, it seems fair enough that someone didn't do much over the weekend, doesn't have a hobby, etc. I remember when I lived in another country and people were always asking me what my hobby was. I didn't really have a hobby, and no one in my country would ever ask such a thing, so I didn't have a ready answer.

So if the conversation seems to stall, why not reply to her non-answers? For example, if she says "Not much," you can tell her what you did on the weekend. Or tell her you didn't do much either, because you spent time waiting for XXX or you were tired because of YYY or because the weekend always goes by too quickly. If she says she just works or does errands, ask about her work. Or tell her about your work. Or ask if she enjoys running errands (and why). A conversation is give-and-take, not just question-and-answer.

Good luck!
That's how I felt too. It looked like she wanted someone to invite her. I couldn't resist. For now I want to get to know her as a friend. Even though I'm interested in her, isn't it too quick to go for romance? I did talk to her about work last time. She is an accountant. Last time she told me she had busy hours because of the season.
 

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What I've written is quite redundant, sorry.

How would you want someone to approach you? How do I start a conversation with an ISTJ?
If you can, don't phrase it / make it sound like the usual thing someone would say. If you ask me the questions you asked her, I'll say the same thing. Those questions tend to leave me feeling awkward because I suck at small talk. If you find yourself stuck with what to say and repeat question 1 the next few times you see me, game over. It would leave me with the feeling of, wow, we can't connect. :( It'll seem like you're saying all those things to be polite, and I would feel it as pointless and soon enough, annoying.

If I ask you those questions back I'll definitely be listening to what you have to say to see if there's anything I can take from what you've said and expand on that, if not, nothing.

To get a convo flowing I need to have some kind of experience/similarity with something you're bringing up. If you have a passion for something that you think wouldn't go right over my head, I'll make a point to look into it / do some research so that I can respond to you better (this is only something I'll do if I'm interested in talking to you - which would mainly be based on how interested you seem in talking to me - so please, approach again).

I don't know if other ISTJs are like this, but for me, if I generally don't ask how you are and just delve into topics/conversation/things, you'll know I'm pretty comfortable with you. And if you do this with me, you'll be breaking down a lot of barriers that I would have put up if you approached me any other way. This is the best way to get to know me unless you want "progression" to take a few years at a mind numbingly slow pace and not learn much about me (I would approach you less and largely leave that up to you).

Usually if I ask how a person is, I'm doing it out of politeness and thinking that they want to be asked that question (I am genuinely listening to their response though - I am interested in them but I would rather communicate that in a different way). Anyway, asking you that question will annoy me if I'm doing it for the reason I just stated.

I feel that that question is too impersonal - it doesn't tell me enough about a person. I will usually respond with - good / okay / not good

As private as I am / can be, I do like transparency. Instead of that question or similar questions, I would rather:
  • tell a person what's going on in my life / why I feel so and so
  • a person just tell me what's going on with them / why they feel so and so
Cut out the "politeness" whilst not being obnoxious, rude, etc. Get the place/setting/time right.

Make sure it's not a monologue, I love to respond if I can and would hate to see you go on and on with me just saying, ohh okay.

The more original, the more interesting you'll be.

I like it when the guy can be fun about it, but I also like a serious guy if a serious guy is what he is!

Try not to say things for the sake of pleasing me. I don't mean don't be considerate, but more of ~ I'm more interested to get to know who you actually are, than who you want me to see. I am very good at this, and if you're trying to 'feed' me with what you think I want to hear, I will set up barriers.

Overtime I will want to spend time with you, going somewhere / doing something so that I can see if what you say really lines up with your actions. [Sometimes this is why I appear "cold". I will observe what you do, not just what you say, and usually I'll have to keep a distance to prevent you from feeding me with what you want me to know/see. I will do this more if you're a romantic interest, thus I will keep my distance and observe you in group settings while looking oblivious to interest you might show me. Gosh it sounds like some weird experiment haha]

If our interactions are limited to the workplace (or whatever other situational thing there is), soon enough I'll wonder what the point is. I'll keep conversations limited to work (or whatever that situation is) appropriate things and place barriers.

If you want the friendship to be more than a situational thing, there will be times where you will need to step it up directly. I love straight forward people so just get the timing right!

"I want to get to know you better."
This can help give her a glimpse into your intent but she could still be wondering, okay, as what? Friend or romantic interest. It would say you don't just want to talk to her this one time, but otherwise saying something like that doesn't really do much... to me it's too standard - like small talk, something polite to say.

I think if you're going to mention anything like this, make it more fun/creative. Make it sound like you're not just saying what everyone else says when they don't know what to say.

I noticed she is pretty shy too. She is pretty awkward in social environments. She walks around and it looks like she is waiting for someone to invite her. I know ISTJ don't like small talk and I don't small talk really. Any tips in approaching/talking to her?
I think she just needs an activity. As long as she's not busy, speaking to her while she's engaged in an activity is a great way to start to get to know her; likewise if you invite her to something you're doing, it can help her understand you.
 

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Find something that you both can relate to and talk about it with her.
Also find out if she is interested in talking with you(where her body is facing when you are talking to her would be a good indicator)
If she is not,then you are probably wasting your time.
 

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How would you want someone to approach you? How do I start a conversation with an ISTJ? I asked questions like,

1) "What do you do over the weekend?" She replied, "She didn't do much."
2) "What do you do for your free time?" She responded, "It just usually work or run family errands."
3) Do you have any hobbies? She responded with some thinking. Eventually she responded, "she doesn't have a hobby". She doesn't reciprocate. I read in this forum, they want to know like a reason in the conversation. I don't know if it helps if I mention, "I want to get to know you better."

I noticed she is pretty shy too. She is pretty awkward in social environments. She walks around and it looks like she is waiting for someone to invite her. I know ISTJ don't like small talk and I don't small talk really. Any tips in approaching/talking to her?
My suggestion:

Try not to go by talking. There is very little in common to talk about at this stage. Just join her in what she is doing. Especially if it's something worthwhile like doing community service and so on. Demonstrate consistency in what you are doing, and as time passes said person will open up and you can talk to her.

Unfortunately, what I said is easy to say, but hard to do. This requires some measure of self discipline. Please do not hate me if you aren't willing to go that extent.
 

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I just thought of something. I approached Prince Charming (who I believe is ISTJ) because he was dropping hints that he wanted to get to know me. (What I did was, I went to where he was sitting and said, "May I join you?") During that conversation, he said he had overheard me say something about how teenagers might or might not learn a new language perfectly, and he was intrigued because he's interested in language learning, linguistics, etc. Since then we've never run out of things to talk about because we really do have many interests in common.

Why do you want a romance with this woman? (Other than that you're attracted to her.) Do you have anything in common that you know about?

There are many kinds of relationship, and I'm not saying it's necessary to have similar interests or to do a lot of talking. But if you do know about something she's interested in, why not start a conversation about one of those topics?
 

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Oh my!!!

I see myself as the one who approaches. I generally do not like it when people approach me unless they have a good reason to. You are right, I don't like small talk. As for your questions, here are my comments and thoughts.

1) "What do you do over the weekend?"

Because I am a private person, I tend to stay away from ALL QUESTIONS. But to be nice, I'll just say something general so that I am not ignoring that person but won't elicit another opportunity to be asked again in the future.

2) "What do you do for your free time?"

As an introvert, I like to spend my time in solitude to think and create (reading, writing, surfing the net, arts, etc). I'd probably give a general answer just like hers. I get along with people who can sit next to me for hours doing our own thing and can share goofy knowledge with. There aren't many who'd enjoy doing this. My INFJ hubby and I get along because he has a colorful inner life and is way more introverted than I am. Even writing this, I know I scream HERMIT!!!

3) Do you have any hobbies? Yes, but nothing that people can relate to because I like independent projects (projects that only require one person to do. ME!).

I don't know about your friend, but I generally HATE being invited to do things in a big group setting unless I have to. I open up in a weird way. I tend to open up to people I did an activity with and could get along. Once I get a good feel about that person, I'd be more open to answering questions. Otherwise. No.. Please noooo questions.... I cringe. It feels so awkward and I don't want to tell the truth about the shit that goes through my head. :frustrating:

My INTJ boss got to know me better through work. My INFJ hubby knew me through a study date. You get the picture.
 

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How would you want someone to approach you? How do I start a conversation with an ISTJ? I asked questions like,

1) "What do you do over the weekend?" She replied, "She didn't do much."
2) "What do you do for your free time?" She responded, "It just usually work or run family errands."
3) Do you have any hobbies? She responded with some thinking. Eventually she responded, "she doesn't have a hobby". She doesn't reciprocate. I read in this forum, they want to know like a reason in the conversation. I don't know if it helps if I mention, "I want to get to know you better."

I noticed she is pretty shy too. She is pretty awkward in social environments. She walks around and it looks like she is waiting for someone to invite her. I know ISTJ don't like small talk and I don't small talk really. Any tips in approaching/talking to her?
This is how my conversations go with people. Perhaps you can try talking about something you like and see how they react?
 

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As an ISTJ female, it is very hard for me to notice certain people in first place - maybe in an absent-minded way. So you should have to do something so I could differentiate you from the rest. Once that step is done, you must know that ISTJs tend to be aloof with strangers but open up with close friends. This, in my case is similar to a shield. Most of the time my default face and behaviour - which is not very expressive, is showing exactly what I feel at the moment: nothing, just indifference. But sometimes the same poker face is used when I am having strong feelings. So an ISTJ female could easily like you but seem aloof about it. She just wants to know you better because ISTJs are cautious and won't start a friendship/relationship carelessly. Also, something that I don't know if it applies to other ISTJs but it does to me, is the selective nature when meeting someone. I won't befriend anyone - I hate faking a friendship, so if I don't see how I can relate to you, I'll probably just not befriend you or whatever. So if you want to start a conversation with her, you should know what she is interested in - don't spy, just be observant. Or just ask. She will be much more relaxed if she knows she can relate to a topic.
 
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