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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've lurked on and off these PC forums for a few years, but I just now signed up as I would dearly love some insight into one of your ENFP brethren (I know, another relationship advice thread... but I am at my wits end! Please bear with me and any insight would be most gratefully received).

Six months ago, I met the most amazing guy---sweet, super funny, smart and well read, kind and idealistic, VERY good looking, enchantingly all over the place in his thoughts and observations, and initially, seemingly, very into me. Pretty classic ENFP (a type I had never dated before). We met and conversed casually a few times at parties, and he did significant work tracking my name and info down through a shared acquaintance. He asked me out on a date, which turned out to be one of the best dates I'd had in years. I'm pretty good at reading people, and I honestly believe that he was taken with me (in fact, he more than once said he couldn't believe he was meeting someone like me, just before leaving the country).

Which brings me to the second part of my story: He had accepted a theatrical gig overseas that involved a two-year commitment right before we went on our first date. We went out a few more times, kept things light (no sex, but he was a wonderful kisser!). He (not me) brought up the possibility of me visiting him in Europe, and his last words were an unprompted promise that I would be hearing from him.

Since that day, I've heard nothing. I'm in my mid-30s, and I've dated quite a bit, and normally I would have moved on by now. I don't want to chase after him (again, I've dated quite a bit and I've learned the hard way that when a man is truly interested, you don't have to chase. And his last words words were a promise that he would be in touch with me...). But I just can't get this one out of my head!

I've been dating other people, but none has compared to the near-instant and strong connection and attraction I had to this man. I feel strongly that I am making the right decision in not chasing him, and that I should know if he is the type to be true to his promises, and that if he doesn't want to be in touch then my overtures might seem pushy.... But is there any chance that I will hear from this man again? I've read that sometimes ENFPs tend to disappear and reappear? What the heck happened? :sad:

Thank you,

A bewildered & little-bit-heartbroken INFJ
 

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Give it some time, he is probably getting settled, meeting new people and tied up with the excitement of it all. I didn 't get the impression that you were an item, only dated a few times, more like friends. If he said he wanted you to visit, he probably meant it, although because this is such an exciting time for him, it might take him some time to come back to earth ; )

I'm not a guy, but i know ENFP men, and as a ENFP female i can also go long periods of time with no contact, not because i don't like you, i probably even think of you, but my thoughts would be so consumed with everything going on around me, it would take me awhile. Now if you two were in a serious relationship before he left, i'm pretty sure he would have made contact promto. If you don't hear from him in a reasonable amount of time, i would connect with him, he may not even realize so much time has passed.

Try not to be alarmed if it doesn't appear romantic, ENFP love people, so being a good friend, loving on you can mean things other than " I want you in my life romantically ". If he is interested in you, he won't mind hearing from you, and it won't appear awkward or pushy either. He would be polite even if the interest is gone . I can't speak for all ENFP , but....i am totally clueless when the opposite sex is attracted or interested in me. I need to be told directly, or given direct clues. I would ask him where he stands, don't assume.

Contact him, maybe he is waiting to hear from you first just to be sure you're still interested. The men will have a better perspective , lets hope some can help you here, good luck :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Give it some time, he is probably getting settled, meeting new people and tied up with the excitement of it all. I didn 't get the impression that you were an item, only dated a few times, more like friends. If he said he wanted you to visit, he probably meant it, although because this is such an exciting time for him, it might take him some time to come back to earth ; )
Thank you very much for your thoughts and insight.

If we had been an item and he hadn't contacted me right away, I would have known immediately things were done. But it was just a mutual admiration and attraction, a handful of dates and making out, so I'm not sure what the "rules" are here, and how good my chances could be after all this time has passed. I guess I'm looking to see if there's an "ENFP out" to the ole' He's Just Not That Into You maxim. :proud:

Good golly, this man did a number on me! Argh.
 

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Any ENFP gentlemen want to weigh in and help a moonstruck INFJ gal?

Unsurprisingly, the lack o'closure is killing me. :wink:
Gosh, i know exactly how you feel with closure, if i don't get closer in my relationships it makes me batty. This likely isn't a type thing, more of a women thing, i think ? I mean, once we know the what , when, how and why, then we can move on..lol. I haven't always gotten the closer i needed in the past, even as recent as a few weeks ago, i drive myself nuts for a few weeks then forgot about it. So yeah, just wanted to say i know how that is, and after this latest incident with me, it isn't worth it, the faster you can put it behind you , the better. If you do hear from him, expect nothing, that way you will never be disappointed.
 
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