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Need new strategy

587 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Ugunti
Any ideas on how I as an ENTP could satify my ISfJ wife's standards of cleaning/organizing/listening to her/ as well as all of her other standards of a husband?
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I would start with listening to her. Your marriage is about the relationship between you and her. Yes, you two will live in a specific place and will likely own property that may or may not be organized to varying degrees of mutual acceptability. Should that property be stolen or destroyed, however, you would still have each other. Assuming that you want that and that she is worth more to you than property, then the logical place to start is by listening to her.

That may mean switching how you hear what she is saying, that it may have to go through a different filter. You may have to bring your tertiary function, Fe, into play as the appropriate filter to move towards what she is implying by, "listening to her". She may be asking for more emotional connection, which may be more draining for you. Is the expenditure worth it--worth her--though? I would hope so.

Regarding cleaning and organizing, I'm going to guess that the state that she envisions is not going to come naturally for you. Perhaps a willingness to move in the direction that she desires is good. You may start by discussing what you think that the perfect state of orderliness and cleanliness would be. Then she can share her idea for the goal. After that you may be able to reach some point in between that is mutually acceptable. Also don't be afraid to admit that you may need continuous prompting not because you don't love her or are inconsiderate but rather you just don't naturally think about it. [Warning: once you request this help you may not call it "nagging".] Don't forget to address the idea of timing especially as a metric of your responsiveness.

Another thought: you may both want to look into the 5 languages of love. She may view acts of service for her as her top way to be shown love. Home | The 5 Love Languages®
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