Personality Cafe banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a 4w5 who has been dating a 5w6 for a few months. We get along great and have many similar interests. When we are together he is very loving and introduces me to his friends which tell me that he likes me. Yet, he does not want to spend every evening doing something with me (which I would like since I am a 4 of course). So this makes me feel like he doesn't really like me. Am I wrong? In essence, how do I know if a 5w6 really likes me?

I want to have the girlfriend/boyfriend conversation with him, but don't want to scare him. Is it ok to ask a direct question like this to a 5w6?

What does it take to get into a relationship with a 5w6 or have them like you?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
seriously? are you expecting a 5 to hang out with youevery evening? seriously? because every person has things they give, and things they cannot possibly give. and asking a 5 to be with you constantly is a bit like asking a fish to fly for you. and asking a 5 this, is a bit like invading our personal space. so please be careful if you like this guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
HA! Thanks for your reply. I understand it's silly to expect hanging out every evening. HA! But I would expect to hang out on Friday nights or something. But seriously what happens when a 5 lives with another person???
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,702 Posts
seriously? are you expecting a 5 to hang out with youevery evening? seriously? because every person has things they give, and things they cannot possibly give. and asking a 5 to be with you constantly is a bit like asking a fish to fly for you. and asking a 5 this, is a bit like invading our personal space. so please be careful if you like this guy.
This says it all.

Fives need a lot of reflection time. After an event, we need time to ourselves to figure out how we feel about things. . . assess the emotions etc.

If we hang out with you every evening, that doesn't leave much time for us to figure things out.

HA! Thanks for your reply. I understand it's silly to expect hanging out every evening. HA! But I would expect to hang out on Friday nights or something. But seriously what happens when a 5 lives with another person???
They create that lone space/time in other ways. They'll have a hobby that they can keep to themselves. Or they'll have a room/shed/space that's theirs, where they can do their own thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
HA! Thanks for your reply. I understand it's silly to expect hanging out every evening. HA! But I would expect to hang out on Friday nights or something. But seriously what happens when a 5 lives with another person???
I live with 2 others. But it's only doable as we usually sit and do our own things, but together. Like we'll watch series on our separate computers, and once an hour we'll have a two-minute-conversation about something. so it's nice to live with someone as long as you don't have to interact with them all the time.

so if the other person gives the 5 the impression that we don't have to engage with them constantly, everythings good. And of course, I do have a rule about the others not knocking on my bedroom door unless there is a fire or something. If I'm in my room, I don't wanna hang out. and the more you pester me about when I'm going to feel social again, the longer it's going to take for me to come out of my room :p

so it's all about respecting personal space and boundaries with us fives :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
Like the others said, if you really like this guy and he's a 5w6, it would be wise of you not to ask him to hang out with you every evening. Fives require a lot of personal space and time alone to think. If he doesn't want to hang out with you, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. I, personally, could go for weeks without talking to someone I like, and it doesn't mean that I don't think about them or don't like them.

Don't bug him about spending more time with you. When you're together, just enjoy it. Don't let him know that you would rather have him with you every evening, and don't show displeasure.

If you ask me, girls who can just pick up where we left off without being grumpy about why I suddenly disappeared or stopped contacting, are really cool. Chances are, I'd like to spend more time with them than with ones that keep depriving me of my 'alone-time.' I don't know if he's anything like me, but if he is, then you might want to refer to what I said here.
 

·
Registered
NiTe 549
Joined
·
5,321 Posts
HA! Thanks for your reply. I understand it's silly to expect hanging out every evening. HA! But I would expect to hang out on Friday nights or something. But seriously what happens when a 5 lives with another person???
I keep my own space, naturally. I tend to hole up somewhere private for most of my time, and don't intrude on others' privacy; I haven't lived with someone yet who didn't get the idea.

I don't know if I can speak for all 5s here, but I would prefer someone not build up expectations of when we hang out on a regular basis. I like for these things to happen naturally - when I feel like hanging out, I come out of the 5-cave and see if a friend has time, and if I like someone I will more readily accept intrusion on my own time when they feel the same way
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,175 Posts
I'm a 5w4 and a woman, but I relate to what a lot of others had to say. In terms of the time alone, I agree with everything that's been stated. In terms of how to tell him you like him, that's harder and more personal. As a 5w4 sx, I like honesty and directness so I would appreciate being asked to clarify the relationship. As for your 5w6, I really couldn't say.

HA! Thanks for your reply. I understand it's silly to expect hanging out every evening. HA! But I would expect to hang out on Friday nights or something. But seriously what happens when a 5 lives with another person???
I don't think a 5 would live with a significant other until they were quite sure of the relationship. I've lived with my partner for almost 3 years and it even shocked me how natural it felt - before him, I didn't really think i would ever be able to live with someone else fulltime.

Having said that, I do like my alone time more than my partner. It used to scare him a bit when I would withdraw before we lived together and he wouldn't really hear from me for a few days.

Having a 2 bedroom home has been helpful for us. He's very respectful of my alone time and I think he has a new appreciation for his too. Now we have a house so we have a lots of space. We can be in the same room and barely notice each other or be comfortable sitting in silence - while this is nice, I also need the alone time outside of this. We work some opposite shifts and I enjoy having a morning or evening all to myself. We've also carved out times where it's understood we don't disturb each other. We're also both very good at saying, "This isn't about you, but I just feel like I need time to decompress/be alone." De-personalizing it can be important (for the other type).

so it's all about respecting personal space and boundaries with us fives :)
It's true.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
486 Posts
The hidden upside to being in love with a 5 is that the periods of isolation their psyche demands keep things fresher to them. The time away from you may feel difficult for you, but for him that time away will enhance the joy of your time together. If you let it it can do the same for you.

The difference between you isn't necessarily a challenge to overcome, it is also an opportunity to forge your own unique relationship. Not every wall you encounter in someone means you are besieging something, sometimes it just means turn right here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Male 5w6..that's me.

As far as the "every evening" thing, we do enjoy our personal evenings, and we tend to keep most people at arm's length, even those we've connected with. Also, I wouldn't expect him to be over-demonstrative about liking you. If anything, I keep more of an indifferent/poker-face attitude when I'm attracted to a girl/woman. So if he spends evenings with you at all, that's a good sign he likes you, and he'll likely respect you the most if he knows you can have independent evenings. Also, if he asks you questions about yourself/your life, that's a good sign that he's interested in you. His actions are a much better indicator than body language/words of affirmation.

For the boyfriend/girlfriend conversation..we do prefer direct communication, so I don't think it would scare/overwhelm him. Of course, he may not be ready for a full-time commitment, and he may have a hard time knowing just what to say. So I'd say the most important thing is to let him know you can handle the answer either way, that's it's just important to you that he communicates his thoughts on the matter.

It may be helpful to know his instinctual stacking/MBTI type as well...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
I live with 2 others. But it's only doable as we usually sit and do our own things, but together. Like we'll watch series on our separate computers, and once an hour we'll have a two-minute-conversation about something. so it's nice to live with someone as long as you don't have to interact with them all the time.

so if the other person gives the 5 the impression that we don't have to engage with them constantly, everythings good. And of course, I do have a rule about the others not knocking on my bedroom door unless there is a fire or something. If I'm in my room, I don't wanna hang out. and the more you pester me about when I'm going to feel social again, the longer it's going to take for me to come out of my room :p

so it's all about respecting personal space and boundaries with us fives :)
I agree with this assessment..I live in a house with several others, but I have my own room, and we don't know each other that well, so they give me my space. However, I had a bad experience sharing a room last year. One of my roommates kept pestering me for not going out to the clubs with them, giving me a hard time about having a few drinks alone, etc. I know he was trying to "break the ice" and get to know me better..but it had the opposite effect..I slammed the door on him for good!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
I am a 4w5 who has been dating a 5w6 for a few months. We get along great and have many similar interests. When we are together he is very loving and introduces me to his friends which tell me that he likes me. Yet, he does not want to spend every evening doing something with me (which I would like since I am a 4 of course). So this makes me feel like he doesn't really like me. Am I wrong? In essence, how do I know if a 5w6 really likes me?
Well. I know there are people I wouldn't mind dating, yet I sometimes intentionally distance myself. Seems weird, but I find getting TOO close to be kinda creepy. I don't want to creep my friends out, so I make an effort to spend time away. If he spend tme with you, he likes you. That's about how it goes. If he's like me, he is indirect. You shouldn't be able to tell too easily.

I want to have the girlfriend/boyfriend conversation with him, but don't want to scare him. Is it ok to ask a direct question like this to a 5w6?
Oh SWEET JESUS. The idea of this makes me want to do a backflip. And then run away. Treat him (and me) like a bear. Approach slowly. Watch your step. Enjoy the company. Don't push it. Trust me, he likes you. He will avoid showing it. It's 'unprofessional'. But avoid it in verbal form. He will silently agree to being a boyfriend, but may not want to announce it. I myself am in a similar relationship (not as far along), but I'd rather not acknowledge it. He may already consider you his girlfriend, but he won't spend every breathing moment around you. 5s like a degree of independency. He will remain separate but close. Dedicated but independent.

Eh, nice catch. If you can accept his need to be independent, then you'll be just find.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
458 Posts
5w6 | INFP
I don't know if I can speak for all Type 5w6, but it's true, I'm a difficult person to have a relationship with, mostly because I don't need company and, I also shun company. And the older I get, the less sociable I become. I'm a travel writer, I travel solo and I write alone. You will never get me to mingle and dance. I'd prefer to spend the evening one on one or alone. I don't think I'm cold, it's just that I'm quite happy living in my head. I don't know which type besides another Type 5 would commit to a relationship like that. I wouldn't like it if my partner entered into a committed relationship with me thinking she'll change me into a socialite. If you're prepared for that, then go for it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,289 Posts
5w6 INFJ

I agree very much with the previous posts.

My relationship experience as a 5w6, is that my last girlfriend did manage to get me into a daily & committed relationship. For the most part, I loved it.

Best way to do it is to move-in together lol... so that's probably out of the question!

For me it started, she would spend a night over. Then it became a week over. And so on...

The thing was, that I'd usually get my alone time even if she were around. I'd do something on the computer while she did something else. I remember it being a big hassle at first, until I actually fell in love (took like 2 or 3 months, even after living together haha.)

After I fell in love, it was all downhill from there. I'm not suited for a committed and close relationship with another person.

Toward the end of our relationship, she used to demand I give her attention... which just pulled me emotionally further away. I was emotionally far away because something wasn't right in the relationship. (I tried my best to work it out, but it was impossible. I literally had to choose between morality and love, the worst choice in the world.) In retrospect, I realized I should have dumped her, but I loved her too much, and even if I didn't love her anymore, I wouldn't have left her for anything.

I'm the kind of person that commits my life to someone, no matter how bad it gets (I assume we can work problems out)... that is unless of course they leave and don't want me; then there's not much I can do.

That said, I realize that such a commitment to any person is fundamentally wrong, and that's why I'm not suited for such a relationship. Commitment like that should be reserved for God, and that's who I'm trying to direct my little bit of love toward.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
5w6 INFJ

I agree very much with the previous posts.

My relationship experience as a 5w6, is that my last girlfriend did manage to get me into a daily & committed relationship. For the most part, I loved it.

Best way to do it is to move-in together lol... so that's probably out of the question!

For me it started, she would spend a night over. Then it became a week over. And so on...

The thing was, that I'd usually get my alone time even if she were around. I'd do something on the computer while she did something else. I remember it being a big hassle at first, until I actually fell in love (took like 2 or 3 months, even after living together haha.)

After I fell in love, it was all downhill from there. I'm not suited for a committed and close relationship with another person.

Toward the end of our relationship, she used to demand I give her attention... which just pulled me emotionally further away. I was emotionally far away because something wasn't right in the relationship. (I tried my best to work it out, but it was impossible. I literally had to choose between morality and love, the worst choice in the world.) In retrospect, I realized I should have dumped her, but I loved her too much, and even if I didn't love her anymore, I wouldn't have left her for anything.

I'm the kind of person that commits my life to someone, no matter how bad it gets (I assume we can work problems out)... that is unless of course they leave and don't want me; then there's not much I can do.

That said, I realize that such a commitment to any person is fundamentally wrong, and that's why I'm not suited for such a relationship. Commitment like that should be reserved for God, and that's who I'm trying to direct my little bit of love toward.
I'm amazed you lasted that long! If a guy tried to do the whole gradual-moving-in-thing I'd run for the hills.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
...
After I fell in love, it was all downhill from there. I'm not suited for a committed and close relationship with another person.

Toward the end of our relationship, she used to demand I give her attention... which just pulled me emotionally further away. I was emotionally far away because something wasn't right in the relationship. (I tried my best to work it out, but it was impossible. I literally had to choose between morality and love, the worst choice in the world.) In retrospect, I realized I should have dumped her, but I loved her too much, and even if I didn't love her anymore, I wouldn't have left her for anything.

I'm the kind of person that commits my life to someone, no matter how bad it gets (I assume we can work problems out)... that is unless of course they leave and don't want me; then there's not much I can do.

That said, I realize that such a commitment to any person is fundamentally wrong, and that's why I'm not suited for such a relationship. Commitment like that should be reserved for God, and that's who I'm trying to direct my little bit of love toward.
This describes me so well, it's not even funny.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,289 Posts
I'm amazed you lasted that long! If a guy tried to do the whole gradual-moving-in-thing I'd run for the hills.
Sex was a motivating factor! XD

She was hot, and well, I'd had never had a gf before that I could regularly do it with.

I think a lot of guys have this thing where we need a gf just to have sex with at some point. Not that we don't love them emotionally... it's just guys I know who stay virgins into their late twenties have huge self-confidence problems and are haunted by the fact they haven't had any.

Standard guy psychology is that you need to have sex at some point. That's basically what hooked me in the beginning.

Before I fell in love I was thinking, "Oh this will probably last 3 or 4 months and end... why not just enjoy it until then instead of spoiling it now?"

Now that it's all behind me, I'm not one of those virgins in my late twenties constantly stressing over sex. There's nothing I need from a woman. It's a liberating thing to have, so the attempt at love was all worth it in the end.

------

I suppose part of me wanted children to raise, but I wont go into a relationship just for the sake of that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ayia
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top