[Igor]

Hey fellow internet users. I have a rather unique (for me, anyway) situation that I have no idea how to handle.

Okay, so I met a girl online (I know, I know) and chatted with her off and on for a few weeks. We had some good talks, and so when I was looking for someone to go to a concert with some friends and I, naturally I decided to ask her. She said yes, and the date was set.

We had some fun talking and were waiting for the band to come on stage (we were back in the lawn sitting on a blanket). Nervous laughter abound, and when I went to pat her knee (it's something I tend to do when I have no idea what to do) she grabbed my hand and cuddled into me. No problem, I figured. I've cuddled with plenty of people, so that was no big thing for me. The whole rest of the night there were some really, odd moments. Not bad odd, but more like "woah, wait a second" kind of vibes. We left before the end to avoid the mass of cars, got some fast food, and dropped her off. There wasn't any other contact in the car, because frankly I'm not a big touchy-feely kind of guy to begin with and I was longing for my own space.

A week later she contacts me and basically asks me to ask her out. Thinking to myself "okay, maybe another date could be fun" I agreed. We ended up hanging out at the mall for a few hours, slumming stores and chatting away. There was no hand-holding or any other overt physical contact, as I'd come to the decision that I liked being her friend more than I liked the idea of being her boyfriend. The date ended with two quick hugs, which felt awkward to me. I considered kissing her goodnight, but something in my brain told me not to.

Anyway, that was about two weeks ago. I've been quite busy with college and work, but she's religiously contacted me. Enough so, actually, that I'm starting to get a bit weirded out by it. In fact, the next day after the date she sent me an email, FB message, and a text asking if she could come down and spend the day with me (she lives two hours away from me, fwiw). Now I'm the first person to admit that I have a rough time picking up on signals from a woman to save my life, but this gal was spelling it out like it was a public service announcement.

I guess that brings me to my dilemma. She called me again tonight to ask me out but I had to decline due to a research paper that's kicking my butt. She was quite understanding and said to call her when I could get together. About fifteen minutes later I got a text that was meant for a friend of hers telling them how great and busy I was and referring to me in a manner that, as a guy with numerous younger sisters, I translated as "he's more or less my boyfriend."

I've got only bare minimum experience when dealing with this sort of thing. Like an idiot I assumed that if I just kept things friendly that the distance and unavailability of me to travel up would take care of things, but I'm not sure it is. I'll readily accept that I could be overreacting, but I can't help shaking that sense of nervousness that I had with her on the first date. I'm more than willing to listen to any and all advice you wonderful people could offer to me, as I'm completely and utterly stumped on what to do.

 

[RedFairy]

This is what I would do. Have an open and honest discussion with her. Tell her you feel like she's moving way too fast, and perhaps reading too much into the relationship. Tell her you just want to be friends.

She probably will never talk to you again though. :happy:

 

[rebornintheglory]

That 'oops I meant to send that to a friend' trick is an old one. She seems nice, but you need to clear the air with what's going on. Tell her you like her (if you do) but that she needs to slow down a bunch before she gets too creepy. (maybe don't use those words)

Yes, from what you've said she def. likes you. If you're unsure about her, you have to communicate. You can't just sit back and hope that things will sort themselves out because that is how you will ruin chances at anything.

 

[Filigeedreamer]

Well there is the open and honest option, which is fine, if they are mature and not easily offended.

Or you can heavily hint you arn't interested in her like that:

e.g Wow, Creepy Internet Girl, you're such a great friend...like my friend Susan. I really like we can hang out without it being weird. Who said guys and girls can't have totally platonic relationships, huh?

You can also discuss any crushes you might have, or make one up. Reiterate how great it is to have a female friend to advise you on such things.

Tell her you are very fond of her, like a sister.

If she says she thinks of you romantically and is confused, tell her that romance with her would feel incestuous. You are shocked at the very suggestion.

This does of course require a certain subtlety, and can be easier to do using text...if you feel you lack that subtlety, it's probably best to bring the issue out into the open. :laughing:

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

Dude, she wants your seed.

Sounds like a psycho, I'd stay away XD

 

[mrscientist]

Nah, don't judge her so soon and talk to her. If you like her, go for it. If not, don't get her hopes up and end it.

 

[vel]

Yeah she might have sent you that message by mistake to see where you stand, since you behaved in more open manner on first date then pulled back a little - she probably did not miss that

Talk to her, without hints, hints will just make both of you get stuck in the very viscous swamp of multiple interpretations not really sure where both of you stand.

If you aren't communicating with other girls and dating them all the same time, and can be exclusive, then being a boyfriend is not going to be any different from what you both are already doing. If things won't go well then you can always break up with her. She is clearly quite affectionate and a bit faster paced than some girls would be to snuggle with you on first date after just talking over the internet for a while. But I dunno, depends on how long you talked and what about. The online chatting has accelerated the friendship stage so it sound like for her it is already passed, while you haven't received that memo yet, hence your surprise.

 

[Igor]

Yeah she might have sent you that message by mistake to see where you stand, since you behaved in more open manner on first date then pulled back a little - she probably did not miss that

Talk to her, without hints, hints will just make both of you get stuck in the very viscous swamp of multiple interpretations not really sure where both of you stand.

If you aren't communicating with other girls and dating them all the same time, and can be exclusive, then being a boyfriend is not going to be any different from what you both are already doing. If things won't go well then you can always break up with her. She is clearly quite affectionate and a bit faster paced than some girls would be to snuggle with you on first date after just talking over the internet for a while. But I dunno, depends on how long you talked and what about. The online chatting has accelerated the friendship stage so it sound like for her it is already passed, while you haven't received that memo yet, hence your surprise.

Our online conversations were really just general chats. Seriously, most of them were carried out as we played our separate computer games and I let her vent about her day. We got deep twice I think, but that was more about her asking about what my core values were. That actually happened rather early in our talking. After that things became pretty casual but friendly (well, there was one time she mentioned wanting to find a good man to be the future father of her children). I think now I realize that what I considered "being a good friend" might've come off as "I'm really interested."

It's my own fault for not dealing with this the minute I started feeling weird about things. I don't know, I mean I do think she's attractive and a fun person, but the pace of all this has really thrown me. Is it wrong to get put off by someone wanting to move faster than you? Honestly, I've not got a whole lot of experience in this sort of thing.

 

[rebornintheglory]

It's fine to want to take things slowly, and usually it's a whole lot smarter than just rushing into things. It's not fine however, to let her think you are as interested as she is if you are not. You really have to communicate to her how you feel about all of this. If you say to her what you've said to us it should be enough.