I'm definitely a core 9. I am completely unsure about my wing as I relate a lot to both 1 and 8. My guesses for my tri-type are as follows:
9w8, 2w3, 7w6
9w1, 2w3, 7w6
9w8, 2w1, 7w6
9w1, 2w3, 7w8
It has also recently been suggested to me that it could be 9w1, 7w8, 2w3. This I'm less willing to see in myself, probably because I don't want the 7 influence to be so strong. I will say that I definitely have an 8 wing somewhere, but that it may not be with my 9 core, as I've always been more prone to go with the flow than to stir up trouble. I avoid conflict like crazy, but once I'm in it, I'm usually quite capable of expressing my anger.
Thank you to anyone who reads all of this and has any advice for me. Feel free to ask for more information or to ask more questions.
Requesting help from @Boss, @Swordsman of Mana @Wake please
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I'm driven by the desire to prove people wrong about me. I've faced a lot of adversity in my life, and I've listened to a lot of naysayers. I allowed negative comments to fuel me to show people that I'm not what they might think.
I look for deep connections with others and a sense of belonging. I really value the feeling of being a part of something and often seek a family-like atmosphere.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I hope to become successful in whatever I choose to do. Most of the things I want to do with my life involve helping others in some way. I've decided that I want to become a sex therapist. My main problem has been settling down on one thing and going after it. I have many things I'd love to do with my life. I've wanted to do the following: a CEO of a company, a wedding coordinator, a human resourcing manager, a police officer, a writer, a lawyer. I've wanted to be many things. I've also wanted to open up an orphanage.
I also want to have a peaceful, warm, loving and close knit family. It's always been a dream of mine to have the "perfect" family, the kind of family where your kids friends want to join the family as well.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important you?
I hope to avoid being selfish, neglegent, a passenger in life, narcissistic, a liar. I value acceptance, calmness, boldness, efficiency, growth, honor, humility, independence, ingenuity, integrity, intimacy,
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
My fears are:
-Being alone. I need people in my life to connect with
-Being unloved. All you need is love?
-Feeling worthless/useless. I need to contribute in a positive way to my friendships and life otherwise I feel like I'm not living at all.
-Losing the ones I love. I can't handle the thought of losing someone, at least not in a tragic way, like them dying.
-Being unable to have children. I really want to pass on everything I know :3
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as:
-Strong
-Capable
-Independent
-Loving
-Open-minded
-Accepting
-Responsible
-Successful
-Together
I see myself as:
-Friendly
-quirky/weird
-quiet
-passive
-sometimes fierce
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when there's a deep sense of comaraderie , when everyone is getting along well and there's joking and laughing and stories being told. When people share their life experiences, when they open up and talk about something painful or dark.
I feel my worst when other people are down, or if I feel unappreciated, lonely, or disappointed. I don't do well if I feel I've been treated unfairly, if it feels like my opinions and thoughts are being ignored or if too much pressure is put on me to excel.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
Anger feels hot, nearly molten sometimes. It simmers and bubbles and I try my best to ignore it. But the angrier I get, the easier it is to fuel, and eventually it boils over and explodes in everyone's faces. I don't like to show my anger, but there are times when I don't care. I get blunt, short and raise my voice easily.
Shame feels...horrible. I feel shame when I feel like I've contributed nothing or when someone of authority or who I care about expresses disappointment in my efforts.
Anxiety feels sickening. My stomach feels like it's in knots and my head races. I get surges of energy, but they are tainted with worry and thoughts of failure.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
I respond to all by shutting down and digging my heels in. Stress gives me headaches and makes me want to sleep always. Change fills me with anxiety. Conflict fills me with anxiety and nervous, angry energy.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I analyze authority and hone in on weaknesses. I evaluate whether I want to give my loyalty to this authority figure or not. I will reject a weak/bad/abusive leader. I am very attracted to power and those who are truly powerful. I align myself to those in power and charm them for their protection.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I mostly have a very optimistic and sunny disposition on life and humanity. When I'm healthy, I think everything is amazing. When unhealthy, everything and nearly everyone is shit and we're all doomed as a species.
Optional Questions
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
I had an ex boyfriend who was only in my life to use me. I dated him for two years and lived with him for just over a year. I went through some really hard times with, and mostly because of, him. I moved away from home to be with him, and soon after my friends dropped me because they didn't like who I became when I was with him. We lived with three other people, one of whom became my best friend. But my ex turned me against the other two roommates.
Soon, there was a lot of conflict in our apartment, and I instigated most of it, but I did so because my ex had colored my perception and manipulated me to feel even more strongly about the situation. Over a few months, I had half of the apartment turned against the two roommates and made it so miserable and uncomfortable for them, before kicking them out.
They took a while to move their stuff out, and in the meantime told the complex owners that we had a cat in the apartment, which we weren't supposed to have. I told my ex to tell them that we would let their snake go free if they didn't come and get it as revenge for me losing my cat. I had wanted him to do it, but he didn't. I would've done it, but I was at work at the time.
The remaining roommate became my best friend, until my ex screwed up their relationship so bad that he ended up moving out. My ex and I were unable to afford the apartment on our own, but he had some friends renting a house who were looking for more roommates. It wasn't ideal, a house in a bad part of Orlando with five other people plus my ex and myself.
Right before moving in, everyone in the house told me that they hated one guy they lived with because he was an asshole. I decided to aggressively attack him (verbally) right after he got home from work. I told him how he was being perceived by the entire house and my observations of him from what little I knew of him. Naturally, he began insulting me back. Actually some of the worst insults anyone has ever directed at me. But I could tell I had struck a chord with him, so his insults didn't bother me. I eventually got him to cave in and call a truce
Not my best moment, but he did improve after that. Actually we became friends, which is better than I can say for the rest of the house. I spent most of my time locked in my room. I was constantly sick for about three months and began feeling suspicious and crazy. I was always anxious, afraid. I never wanted to leave the house, rarely ventured downstairs except to eat and clean.
My ex began spending a lot of time playing Second Life, where he met a Canadian girl who ended up falling for him. He would spend hours talking to her on the phone and barely spoke to me. I spent most of my time having very dark and cruel thoughts. Imagining him cheating on me, imagining my roommates talking about how much they hate me, thinking I would be kicked out of the house at any time.
I spent a lot of time riding my bike around and looking for a job. I went everywhere and applied anywhere I could. It all seemed fruitless to me as I never really heard back from anyone. My ex couldn't find anything either. We were relying on our roommates now to help us through this. I did my best to earn my keep around being in a nearly catatonic state most of the time. The shame of imposing on these people kept me hunting for a job. I felt guilty, listless, indulgent, and melencholy. I felt like everything and everyone was against me.
I grew more and more suspicious that I was being cheated on. I felt completely out of touch with my intuition. I was so angry all the time. Hurt, weepy, broken, shallow. Eventually we moved in with his parents, which was hell on earth. And I don't want to talk about it. I'll skip a little closer to the end.
Eventually I moved back to the area where I grew up and found a job and a new friend. I got an apartment with him and my ex. At first, everything seemed great. I felt like I was on top of the world. My ex just had to find a job and we'd be set. My ex had poisoned nearly every friendship I had, and tried to do the same to this one. And like all the others, it worked. He manipulated everything to make my friend look bad and make himself look better, meanwhile he was lying to me and wasn't really looking for a job. He did whatever he wanted and I blamed myself for it all.
My anger became nearly constant. Everything set me off. I started fights with him all the time, he would try to intimidate me physically by invading my personal space and ignoring my requests to back off. I would become so enraged at him that I'd usually end up hurting myself or throwing something.
My last straw was finding out that he treated a woman whom I respect greatly like shit. He over-stepped his bounds and made himself at home in her home while she was at work. I told him to get out and I refused to back down, even though he tried many times to get me to reconsider. He was unable to leave for two days after. By the way we acted, it seemed like we were still in a relationship. I cried a lot for a week. He would send me messages begging forgiveness. When he realized that I was serious, he began showing me a few different sides of himself.
He called me names, blamed me, guilted me, blamed himself then threw it back on me, and told me that he hated me/I should kill myself/etc. I ignored everything, though everything I endured took me about a year to get over. Once I had decided I was done, then I was done. I learned a lot about what relationships aren't supposed to be like. I learned, I healed and I moved on.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
Trust is incredibly important to me. It hurts me deeply when trust is broken, no matter which party has broken it. It takes a lot to earn my trust back, but I will also work hard to earn it back if I'm the one who broke it.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
Like:
-friendly
-easy-going
-optimistic
-creative
-enthusiastic
-excitable
-loyal
Dislike:
-unmotivated
-conflict-avoidant
-quiet/reserved
-unsureity/lack of confidence
-acting like a doormat
-bottling anger until there's an explosion
-numbing out my own feelings for "the benefit of others"
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Their true selves, everything they hide under masks and acts. I see people as they are, however I've been known to fool myself into believing the opposite of how someone first appears. Basically ignoring my intuition and diving right into giving them a chance.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
If a stranger insulted me, I'd probably insult them back. I would feel hurt that they chose me to insult, and I'd feel bad about insulting them. If they complimented me, I say thank you and usually compliment them back.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful to have found someone whom I can completely be myself with. Someone who accepts me and helps me grow, someone who loves me as deeply as I love them and is able to understand my different moods.
9w8, 2w3, 7w6
9w1, 2w3, 7w6
9w8, 2w1, 7w6
9w1, 2w3, 7w8
It has also recently been suggested to me that it could be 9w1, 7w8, 2w3. This I'm less willing to see in myself, probably because I don't want the 7 influence to be so strong. I will say that I definitely have an 8 wing somewhere, but that it may not be with my 9 core, as I've always been more prone to go with the flow than to stir up trouble. I avoid conflict like crazy, but once I'm in it, I'm usually quite capable of expressing my anger.
Thank you to anyone who reads all of this and has any advice for me. Feel free to ask for more information or to ask more questions.
Requesting help from @Boss, @Swordsman of Mana @Wake please
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I'm driven by the desire to prove people wrong about me. I've faced a lot of adversity in my life, and I've listened to a lot of naysayers. I allowed negative comments to fuel me to show people that I'm not what they might think.
I look for deep connections with others and a sense of belonging. I really value the feeling of being a part of something and often seek a family-like atmosphere.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I hope to become successful in whatever I choose to do. Most of the things I want to do with my life involve helping others in some way. I've decided that I want to become a sex therapist. My main problem has been settling down on one thing and going after it. I have many things I'd love to do with my life. I've wanted to do the following: a CEO of a company, a wedding coordinator, a human resourcing manager, a police officer, a writer, a lawyer. I've wanted to be many things. I've also wanted to open up an orphanage.
I also want to have a peaceful, warm, loving and close knit family. It's always been a dream of mine to have the "perfect" family, the kind of family where your kids friends want to join the family as well.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important you?
I hope to avoid being selfish, neglegent, a passenger in life, narcissistic, a liar. I value acceptance, calmness, boldness, efficiency, growth, honor, humility, independence, ingenuity, integrity, intimacy,
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
My fears are:
-Being alone. I need people in my life to connect with
-Being unloved. All you need is love?
-Feeling worthless/useless. I need to contribute in a positive way to my friendships and life otherwise I feel like I'm not living at all.
-Losing the ones I love. I can't handle the thought of losing someone, at least not in a tragic way, like them dying.
-Being unable to have children. I really want to pass on everything I know :3
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as:
-Strong
-Capable
-Independent
-Loving
-Open-minded
-Accepting
-Responsible
-Successful
-Together
I see myself as:
-Friendly
-quirky/weird
-quiet
-passive
-sometimes fierce
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when there's a deep sense of comaraderie , when everyone is getting along well and there's joking and laughing and stories being told. When people share their life experiences, when they open up and talk about something painful or dark.
I feel my worst when other people are down, or if I feel unappreciated, lonely, or disappointed. I don't do well if I feel I've been treated unfairly, if it feels like my opinions and thoughts are being ignored or if too much pressure is put on me to excel.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
Anger feels hot, nearly molten sometimes. It simmers and bubbles and I try my best to ignore it. But the angrier I get, the easier it is to fuel, and eventually it boils over and explodes in everyone's faces. I don't like to show my anger, but there are times when I don't care. I get blunt, short and raise my voice easily.
Shame feels...horrible. I feel shame when I feel like I've contributed nothing or when someone of authority or who I care about expresses disappointment in my efforts.
Anxiety feels sickening. My stomach feels like it's in knots and my head races. I get surges of energy, but they are tainted with worry and thoughts of failure.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
I respond to all by shutting down and digging my heels in. Stress gives me headaches and makes me want to sleep always. Change fills me with anxiety. Conflict fills me with anxiety and nervous, angry energy.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I analyze authority and hone in on weaknesses. I evaluate whether I want to give my loyalty to this authority figure or not. I will reject a weak/bad/abusive leader. I am very attracted to power and those who are truly powerful. I align myself to those in power and charm them for their protection.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I mostly have a very optimistic and sunny disposition on life and humanity. When I'm healthy, I think everything is amazing. When unhealthy, everything and nearly everyone is shit and we're all doomed as a species.
Optional Questions
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
I had an ex boyfriend who was only in my life to use me. I dated him for two years and lived with him for just over a year. I went through some really hard times with, and mostly because of, him. I moved away from home to be with him, and soon after my friends dropped me because they didn't like who I became when I was with him. We lived with three other people, one of whom became my best friend. But my ex turned me against the other two roommates.
Soon, there was a lot of conflict in our apartment, and I instigated most of it, but I did so because my ex had colored my perception and manipulated me to feel even more strongly about the situation. Over a few months, I had half of the apartment turned against the two roommates and made it so miserable and uncomfortable for them, before kicking them out.
They took a while to move their stuff out, and in the meantime told the complex owners that we had a cat in the apartment, which we weren't supposed to have. I told my ex to tell them that we would let their snake go free if they didn't come and get it as revenge for me losing my cat. I had wanted him to do it, but he didn't. I would've done it, but I was at work at the time.
The remaining roommate became my best friend, until my ex screwed up their relationship so bad that he ended up moving out. My ex and I were unable to afford the apartment on our own, but he had some friends renting a house who were looking for more roommates. It wasn't ideal, a house in a bad part of Orlando with five other people plus my ex and myself.
Right before moving in, everyone in the house told me that they hated one guy they lived with because he was an asshole. I decided to aggressively attack him (verbally) right after he got home from work. I told him how he was being perceived by the entire house and my observations of him from what little I knew of him. Naturally, he began insulting me back. Actually some of the worst insults anyone has ever directed at me. But I could tell I had struck a chord with him, so his insults didn't bother me. I eventually got him to cave in and call a truce
Not my best moment, but he did improve after that. Actually we became friends, which is better than I can say for the rest of the house. I spent most of my time locked in my room. I was constantly sick for about three months and began feeling suspicious and crazy. I was always anxious, afraid. I never wanted to leave the house, rarely ventured downstairs except to eat and clean.
My ex began spending a lot of time playing Second Life, where he met a Canadian girl who ended up falling for him. He would spend hours talking to her on the phone and barely spoke to me. I spent most of my time having very dark and cruel thoughts. Imagining him cheating on me, imagining my roommates talking about how much they hate me, thinking I would be kicked out of the house at any time.
I spent a lot of time riding my bike around and looking for a job. I went everywhere and applied anywhere I could. It all seemed fruitless to me as I never really heard back from anyone. My ex couldn't find anything either. We were relying on our roommates now to help us through this. I did my best to earn my keep around being in a nearly catatonic state most of the time. The shame of imposing on these people kept me hunting for a job. I felt guilty, listless, indulgent, and melencholy. I felt like everything and everyone was against me.
I grew more and more suspicious that I was being cheated on. I felt completely out of touch with my intuition. I was so angry all the time. Hurt, weepy, broken, shallow. Eventually we moved in with his parents, which was hell on earth. And I don't want to talk about it. I'll skip a little closer to the end.
Eventually I moved back to the area where I grew up and found a job and a new friend. I got an apartment with him and my ex. At first, everything seemed great. I felt like I was on top of the world. My ex just had to find a job and we'd be set. My ex had poisoned nearly every friendship I had, and tried to do the same to this one. And like all the others, it worked. He manipulated everything to make my friend look bad and make himself look better, meanwhile he was lying to me and wasn't really looking for a job. He did whatever he wanted and I blamed myself for it all.
My anger became nearly constant. Everything set me off. I started fights with him all the time, he would try to intimidate me physically by invading my personal space and ignoring my requests to back off. I would become so enraged at him that I'd usually end up hurting myself or throwing something.
My last straw was finding out that he treated a woman whom I respect greatly like shit. He over-stepped his bounds and made himself at home in her home while she was at work. I told him to get out and I refused to back down, even though he tried many times to get me to reconsider. He was unable to leave for two days after. By the way we acted, it seemed like we were still in a relationship. I cried a lot for a week. He would send me messages begging forgiveness. When he realized that I was serious, he began showing me a few different sides of himself.
He called me names, blamed me, guilted me, blamed himself then threw it back on me, and told me that he hated me/I should kill myself/etc. I ignored everything, though everything I endured took me about a year to get over. Once I had decided I was done, then I was done. I learned a lot about what relationships aren't supposed to be like. I learned, I healed and I moved on.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
Trust is incredibly important to me. It hurts me deeply when trust is broken, no matter which party has broken it. It takes a lot to earn my trust back, but I will also work hard to earn it back if I'm the one who broke it.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
Like:
-friendly
-easy-going
-optimistic
-creative
-enthusiastic
-excitable
-loyal
Dislike:
-unmotivated
-conflict-avoidant
-quiet/reserved
-unsureity/lack of confidence
-acting like a doormat
-bottling anger until there's an explosion
-numbing out my own feelings for "the benefit of others"
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Their true selves, everything they hide under masks and acts. I see people as they are, however I've been known to fool myself into believing the opposite of how someone first appears. Basically ignoring my intuition and diving right into giving them a chance.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
If a stranger insulted me, I'd probably insult them back. I would feel hurt that they chose me to insult, and I'd feel bad about insulting them. If they complimented me, I say thank you and usually compliment them back.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful to have found someone whom I can completely be myself with. Someone who accepts me and helps me grow, someone who loves me as deeply as I love them and is able to understand my different moods.