I have often seen it put that ISFJ's have a "Need to be Needed". It seems to almost be our calling card sometimes. I have even had someone ask me if I need something to be wrong, so that I feel useful. Unfortunately it seems that this popular phrase has become a misconception of the ISFJ. From cries of White Knight syndrome from cynical outsiders and the bewildered questioning of individuals asking why we let others taking advantage of us, the idea of the ISFJ is often misunderstood.
Instead of saying that the ISFJ has a "Need to be Needed", a more appropriate saying would be "The Desire to Serve". I am not saying that the healthy desire to serve others can not become a need to be needed if and ISFJ is in a bad place, but it is not the norm for ISFJ's. Often this desire is seen as foolish or weak. Why should we let others take advantage of us? Do not mistake the ISFJ's meekness for weakness. Unfortunately we sometimes lack the forwardness to stop when others have started taking advantage of us, but we have to balance the "stopping when things go to far" and not becoming lazy in our helping others just because the situation gets a little difficult. There is great strength in helping others, never forget that. Conversely, people often accuse the ISFJ of holding grudges. I find interesting that we are often told that we allow people to step all over us and that we bend over backwards for people, but at the same time we are very unforgiving because we are easily hurt. Yes we are easily hurt, but its because we usually put are selves on the line. ISFJ's are very open and genial people, and because we leave that opening, we can get hurt. However it will generally take a lot to really get us upset. ISFJ's dislike conflict, and often seek making things peaceful for everyone.
I also find it interesting that the ideal of Knightly virtues are considered a bad thing. That are desire to help can be seen as something less then desirable. That in wanting to help means that we are condescending to others and that we think we are better than them. This is usually far from the truth. We put others before us for a reason, not because we believe that they are lesser then us, but it what we do. We care. This often comes off as too sentimental for NT's, too prudish for SP's, and too overbearing and ridged for NF's. Even other SJ's can find our mentality frustrating. The ISFJ ideals are constantly mocked and ridiculed in popular media, so its no wonder that we are seen as foolish. The misunderstanding of our motivations and the continuing devaluing of ISFJ's virtues leads to continual frustrations between us and other types.
There will always be some miscommunication in between the types, but with patience and practice it can always be lessen. Its also said that ISFJ's want others to understand them, and that we really value it. I think this is so because so few understand us outside of our type. ISFJ's can be amazingly perceptive, much more then others know, but we usually keep our perceptions to ourselves. If people could only see into the mind of and ISFJ, I think they would be thoroughly surprised. Yes we can be awkward and weird, but it comes with the territory. We care deeply for others, and often show this by putting them above ourselves. Meek, Understanding, Caring, Loyal; ISFJ.
I suggest watching the Full Metal Panic! series. They really show how ISFJ's interact with other people(albeit a slightly over exaggerated).
Instead of saying that the ISFJ has a "Need to be Needed", a more appropriate saying would be "The Desire to Serve". I am not saying that the healthy desire to serve others can not become a need to be needed if and ISFJ is in a bad place, but it is not the norm for ISFJ's. Often this desire is seen as foolish or weak. Why should we let others take advantage of us? Do not mistake the ISFJ's meekness for weakness. Unfortunately we sometimes lack the forwardness to stop when others have started taking advantage of us, but we have to balance the "stopping when things go to far" and not becoming lazy in our helping others just because the situation gets a little difficult. There is great strength in helping others, never forget that. Conversely, people often accuse the ISFJ of holding grudges. I find interesting that we are often told that we allow people to step all over us and that we bend over backwards for people, but at the same time we are very unforgiving because we are easily hurt. Yes we are easily hurt, but its because we usually put are selves on the line. ISFJ's are very open and genial people, and because we leave that opening, we can get hurt. However it will generally take a lot to really get us upset. ISFJ's dislike conflict, and often seek making things peaceful for everyone.
I also find it interesting that the ideal of Knightly virtues are considered a bad thing. That are desire to help can be seen as something less then desirable. That in wanting to help means that we are condescending to others and that we think we are better than them. This is usually far from the truth. We put others before us for a reason, not because we believe that they are lesser then us, but it what we do. We care. This often comes off as too sentimental for NT's, too prudish for SP's, and too overbearing and ridged for NF's. Even other SJ's can find our mentality frustrating. The ISFJ ideals are constantly mocked and ridiculed in popular media, so its no wonder that we are seen as foolish. The misunderstanding of our motivations and the continuing devaluing of ISFJ's virtues leads to continual frustrations between us and other types.
There will always be some miscommunication in between the types, but with patience and practice it can always be lessen. Its also said that ISFJ's want others to understand them, and that we really value it. I think this is so because so few understand us outside of our type. ISFJ's can be amazingly perceptive, much more then others know, but we usually keep our perceptions to ourselves. If people could only see into the mind of and ISFJ, I think they would be thoroughly surprised. Yes we can be awkward and weird, but it comes with the territory. We care deeply for others, and often show this by putting them above ourselves. Meek, Understanding, Caring, Loyal; ISFJ.
I suggest watching the Full Metal Panic! series. They really show how ISFJ's interact with other people(albeit a slightly over exaggerated).