I'm so sorry for your pain...I know what this is like. To love another deeply, to be "close to them and yet far", and to either face outright rejection or get left in the dust.I fell in love with an INFP girl once. We knew eachother for quite a time and were friends for years. I always liked her and I always found her really pretty and cute; short chestnur hair, hazel eyes and a sparkle in them that enchanted anybody who was sensitive enough to see it. She was playful, sweet and very artistic. A person with a very big heart.
We were really good friends... but, as I said, I fell in love with her and those feelings were tormenting me. To be so close to somebody you love... but yet so far. I couldn´t take it, I had to tell her. If I would stay silent, I would hate myself for the rest of my life. And so I told her the truth... through a letter... and a poem that I made just for her. I pourred my whole heart into those words. Words of affection and admiration. I really did my best to tell her how much she mattered to me.
But she didn´t respond... somehow she thought ignoring me would be an answer in itself. I can´t even tell how frustrating it was. Basically, I had to "beg" her to tell me "no". To put me out of my misery. Because only a clear NO could finally bury any hope that was still opposing my otherwise rationale self.
So she told me the words. And I can confirm that I feel much better now knowing that she didn´t like me the way I liked her. Well... indirectly she told me I wasn´t good enough for her(and that is really painful).
I mean... I am not mad at her. But I find it somewhat stupid and unfair that she has no problem going on dates with random guys she has just met while she totally ignored someone who liked her not for her looks(like those guys), but for her other qualities.
With that said, I can clearly tell you that I am glad that I told her the truth. I am finally free now. But this experience left me very cautious when it comes to INFP girls. Because even if they are so sweet, artistic and noble, they still have this hidden dark side that is so incredibly selfish. Too selfish for an INFJ.
I don't agree with how she went about it, but as an INFP, I think I do understand what she was trying to do. (Or avoid doing, at any rate.) And again, I might be wrong on this, and I'm not trying to paint her or any other INFP who has misbehaved as being totally innocent, but I'm just trying to look at it through my own eyes and experience as an INFP and maybe offer you some consolation or further understanding into her actions. So when you said she "ignored you"....I think I get it. I think she probably didn't possess the same feelings as you (just saw you as a dear friend), but felt that rejecting you out right would hurt you more - as it would probably have hurt her, if she was the one who confessed and was rejected. (You know INFPs - they can often sympathize or empathize by trying to understand how they would feel in the other person's shoes. She might well have imagined it if it was her in the situation, and outright rejection could be too cold a response. It's quite hard for INFPs, I think.)
Now, I'm not saying she went about it in the right way. She didn't, and there is indeed an element of selfishness in not being an adult about things and being upfront and saying the truth. But I don't think she did it to hurt you. I think she cared about you very much and realized - or at the very least truly feared - that saying no would break up your friendship. I don't think she did it to be malicious or play games. No, it wasn't a good idea, and she did end up hurting you. But I don't think her intention was to do so.
May I ask how she said you "weren't good enough for her"? Was there any clear indication in her actions or words? I'm just wondering if it might be another case of miscommunication - and you know how we always read between the lines of each other's words and actions, sometimes inputting ideas that aren't actually there. (This has been a mutual problem for my INFJ and me, though for my part, I'm learning how to take things bit by bit and never assume I know his feelings or thoughts without his direct input.) If I can supply some feedback on that point and maybe help clear the air, I would be glad. You don't deserve to be made to feel like you are not good enough, after all!
One more question for you...I am an INFP girl, so I am very curious as to why you believe all INFP girls have a dark side that is hidden and "so incredibly selfish". May I ask what you mean by that? Or could you clarify in any way? This would be an excellent thought to let....well, stew for a while, haha.
Take care, and thanks for the reply!