That all sounds...disheartening but very familiar.I hear you. In my case, I don't think the INFP was controlling, but I do think that she isn't able to relate to certain mental states that she never experiences, and tends to interpret them based on how she would experience them. I don't think she would have maintained that I feel X unless it fundamentally affected her, which in our case it did (do I like her or do I like some other woman, that's pretty important in a romantic relationship).
Even now (we're still friends), I regularly come away from our conversations thinking "Did I feel X? Or did I feel Y? She says I felt X but ... I really can't see that ... I think I was feeling Y, which isn't something she has experienced, so maybe she simply can't see Y and interprets it as X..." Whether she is right about my feelings or I am (I am somewhat clueless in that department), it is sad to note that we keep having these arguments.
I do often wish she'd just accept how I interpret my feelings, and leave it at that, especially now that we're no longer in a romantic relationship. It feels ... tiresome to be told that I feel things I can't find in my heart V_V
My INFP felt deeply, no one could deny that, but her feelings were self-centred. Not quite out of selfishness, but she too could not relate to situations that she hadn't experienced. For an emotional person, her form of empathy was foreign to me but not unlike the empathy I have experienced with other INFPs. I think it is perhaps it was related to her lack of Fe? She struggles to see other people's points of view, but the depth of her emotions and feelings seems to trick her into thinking she must be able understand everyone around her better than they can themselves because who knows emotions better than her?
I feel like I understand the people around me very well. But I'm not privy to every thought that they have and I don't pretend that I am. Telling anyone you understand them more than they could ever understand themselves is presumptuous and arrogant. And I've had more than one INFP allude to this towards me with their behaviour. Though admittedly, I've had ESFJs and ENFJs in my life also do the same.
When you're in a relationship with someone who feels like they need to baby your feelings, it is insulting. Having someone tell you what your own emotions means is also insulting - you don't get a free pass to say it just because you're an INFP and you embrace how emotional you are. I trust my feelings and I don't need them translated back to me by someone who does not live in my 'inner world'.
Somehow, I can't escape how what you have mentioned with your friend sounds unhealthy. I would not presume to know everything about your relationship together. But considering you suggest this happens a lot, it implies that she doesn't trust your judgement.