I don't need the kind of validation, or validation to the degree that you seem to--going by what you wrote. So I ask myself "why not" rather than ask you--as though it is an accusation, "Why do you need it?"Do other types need this or is this just NF?
I was thinking for a minute it was just me, but then I remember that my ESFP and ESFJ friends also need this... and need it so much that they post on Facebook every second of every day to get that validation. I know mine is different, but I haven't given a lot of thought as to why.
There's some kind of relief I get when someone sees me for me and says, "hey, you make a difference in my life and I am so glad you are how you are." I probably partly want to think that it's more virtuous than the ESFP/ESFJ cry for attention, but i guess it's not.
I know for a fact not everyone needs this as much as I do. My ISTP thinks he's awesome on his own and doesn't need me to remind him. It's literally almost like I forget who I am for a minute until someone sees, reminds and validates me. When it happens, it's like this huge burden of anxiety and stress lifts instantly off of me, and I am so happy to be me once again... until I forget again. Why do I forget? Why do I need someone to remind me?
Can anyone relate?
I have to get to know someone well to value their opinions, know if what I am being complimented on is within an arena they know enough about, e.g. I'm a professional writer; I don't feel good to great when someone tells me what I wrote was awesome unless it is apparent from the actual "detailed" response, he or she either 1) Understood enough of what I was aiming for, or succeeded in conveying, or 2) The person seems to be capable of doing something worthwhile with the information I shared. Otherwise, I have either an internal shrug; suspicion (many people have complimented me on various aspects of my work, body, et cetera so I would do the same: I detest that kind of obvious game playing); or think (maybe say), "Thanks for being kind" or something else as often I'm not sure how to respond to "Wow, that story rocked!" Rocked how; specifics, please?
I do appreciate my husband telling me how much he respects the work I've done when it's clear he means it (he isn't trying to bolster what he might see as flagging energy) and the work was hard. He goes the distance and then some, so coming from him, certain compliments are meaningful to me.
That said? There are times he has told me "Great job!" on something and inside I eye-rolled because what he's saying "great job" on is not his area of interest or competency.
I've also received compliments, perhaps what you mean by validation, and I thought, "What's the big deal?" And then did the requisite, "Thank you."
I think our childhood experiences with praise has a strong influence on this. If, early on--for most of us, we got praised by authority figures for doing a truly good job, something difficult for us, and the persons were sincere, we are more likely to need the praise less and appreciate it more from those we respect.
If, however, we got a lot of criticism, i.e. put-downs, we're more liable to need praise just to feel OK enough from moment to moment, or as you said, "to know who you are."
I've known plenty of thinkers who need validation--a corporate attorney comes to mind, and others like an international banker I once knew, but they sneer at it if it comes from those to whom they feel superior.
I don't know if I said one darn thing helpful; I hope I didn't say anything you take to be harmful. And I also hope you can build up your self-esteem through gaining whatever you feel you lack and can give yourself praise while still enjoying it when it comes from others who are sincere, whose opinions you value.