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Do you need to feel as though you are in control of your life? More specifically do you need to feel as though you are in control of your own plan rather than someone else's plan?
Needing to feel in control of your life
[ENTP]
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I've never been one to follow anyone else's plan. In fact, I've been kicked out of my parent's house for certain decisions I've made they don't like. But life goes on... I need to be in control. That's one reason I think I'll never marry. I don't think I could compromise on life decisions like you have to do if you have a partner.
That question got me thinking!! Hmmm !? The only thing I'm truly in control of is my perspective on life, how I choose to view situations. Even if something awful happens I never really get overwhelmed. I can always take an objective view and learn something. No one is really in control of their life, unexpected things will always crop up, other people have there own minds. That IS life! I'm only ever part of someone elses plan if its what I want too, otherwise no. I can't be controlled and I don't believe anyone has the right to control someone else's life either. I would rather someone do something for me because they want to not because they feel they have to otherwise it wouldn't mean anything.
I don't know about a plan though, I tend to always know what I want to do next with a vague idea of how to get there, no time scales attached. It always tends to work out how I want in the end so why make a plan!? In my view sticking to a rigid plan is kind of like having tunnel vision, you can't see the other opportunities that arise. Some people stress if they don't plan, I stress if there is too much of a plan.
So in answer the only thing I really control is my perspective and my decision not to plan and I'm happy with that!!
I don't know about a plan though, I tend to always know what I want to do next with a vague idea of how to get there, no time scales attached. It always tends to work out how I want in the end so why make a plan!? In my view sticking to a rigid plan is kind of like having tunnel vision, you can't see the other opportunities that arise. Some people stress if they don't plan, I stress if there is too much of a plan.
So in answer the only thing I really control is my perspective and my decision not to plan and I'm happy with that!!
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You were a bit too literal in your interpretation, but thanks for your perspective.
I'ma both give a slightly varied response, AND say something I know I've said before. I feel like life is like a wave that you're surfing. It'll take you where it is going ... you're not gonna change the direction of the wave ... but you sure as hell can bust a few moves during the ride. That's the control I strive for ... to bust the best moves I can during the ride.
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This has been on my mind this evening as one of my closet friend's 16 year old died in a car accident this evening. A reminder that we don't really have all that much control at all. Her death gives me a completely different outlook on how short life is, how it changes in an instant, and how little control we have over the greater things in life. I can't imagine what it feels like to leave the hospital without your daughter, her bedroom empty, a child you just spoke to this morning, going on with daily life and then BAM...here comes something totally out of our control. Sigh.
Okay lets not do that. Not many of us with kids around these parts ... but that's WAY to "feely". Stirring up emotions doesn't usually end well here (can anyone guess where Psyphon's exposed nerves are??). Dead kid talk is bad juju.
That one kid who turned out to be a half-dead naked chick in F.E.A.R?
She wasn't scary!
I ate her in the end!
Yes.
Case in point, and forgive my arrogance, I was a precociously talented classical pianist as a child. Not a "prodigy", mind you. But very, very gifted. For quite a long time piano has seemed like my only career option, because I've been constantly pushed in that direction by parents, grandparents, teachers, peers, and so on... but I'm now beginning to realize that all of those people have actually tugged me away from that emotional place where I was passionate about the prospect of becoming a professional musician. I need to make my own choice about my life. I need to make my own plan, as you say. I'm so fed up being "the piano kid" who doesn't DO anything else; tired of having to explain to people that I'm good at music because I have creative brain cells and could apply those same brain cells to a plethora of other things. This may be one of the reasons ENTP seek more solitude... we put a premium on independent decision-making.
@Tulipgarden I'm really sorry to hear about your friend's loss. My thoughts are certainly with that family this evening.
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Yes. Other people can make plans all they want. Rarely are they my plans and nobody else's plan matters to me, except as convenience/utility.
It's my life.
I think part of the need has to do with anxiety/worry/fear that is sometimes focused on trying to keep things in control is a way to counteract that. It can take the form of planning for the future, everyday habits, other people (it still has to do with the self) or even self-discipline. What is the source of this need is interesting and helpful to know which gives a clue about other things.
Hehehe .. I like the way you're thinking here. That's just my style.
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And you can make educated guesses about what cards you may get if you swap some out based on probability.
I can't control shit that happens around me.
I don't feel like I need to. Planning life and long term goals only stresses me out. It is my plan, I just choose to let it go with the ebb and flow.
I pretty much know who I am, and I'm trying to figure out the outside world... all I really need to do is just live and let the two blend to be quite honest.
I don't feel like I need to. Planning life and long term goals only stresses me out. It is my plan, I just choose to let it go with the ebb and flow.
I pretty much know who I am, and I'm trying to figure out the outside world... all I really need to do is just live and let the two blend to be quite honest.
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