[Vivian Melo]

Well, today I started a new plan : im going to try again to be with my istp.

for this, I;
*stopped expecting him to call me, ill do the calling
*im letting go on ideas of comitment, marriage or future: ill live the right now and today and nooot put anny pressure in him, for ive been missing him too much for the last 4 years, whatever i get, thats what i get, a day at a time.
*instead of trying to make him cope with his extremelly traditional family, ill understand how this can be very sufocating to him and support him , even if it takes being against them.

and the ultimate harder, im going against all my values and I am calling him despite the fact i know he has a girlfriend, the one who took him away from me 4 years ago. Im thinking of it as taking back what was originally mine.

it started today and im going to be doing this with a certain regularity. we spent 15 minutes on the phone.

any ideas, sugestions, am i right, am i wrong??

HEELP istp people, pliz! I think i may sound a little desperate, but thats because its exactly what i am.
thanks

 

[MissFixit]

He's been with someone else for 4 years?

 

[reletative]

HEELP istp people, pliz! I think i may sound a little desperate, but thats because its exactly what i am.
thanks

well i agreed with this part.

the rest i don't really understand *why* you can't just move on

 

[Confusion]

u gonna kill her?

 

[Vivian Melo]

well i agreed with this part.

the rest i don't really understand *why* you can't just move on

me neither.

and missfixit, yes. he started going out with her and still is, i think he shows signs of little interest in her, but now i have no idea how he will feel.
example: we met in a wedding last year, and he really couldnt stop staring at me. she was like a bit chocked and kept holding him to the neck and trying to divert him to when she finally just got sad. that was last june, ands they were together for i think 3 years by them.

before, when he was with me and her, she would just grab him and kiss him and go crazy on his neck at the sight of me. and when he texted me on fb something , she would sent like love letter messages imediatly to his fb. thats when i backed off, and i do think it was a bad idea now, but it was realllyy hard for me not to see him telling her a big "get lost".

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

and the ultimate harder, im going against all my values and I am calling him despite the fact i know he has a girlfriend, the one who took him away from me 4 years ago. Im thinking of it as taking back what was originally mine.


any ideas, sugestions, am i right, am i wrong??

I don't like to rain on your parade here, but... you really need to let this guy go. Everything about this posting is wrong, everything. Cut your loses and move on. Stop living in the past. If this guy was your's, he would be with you, not with another girl. Leave him alone, stop butting in on his current relationship. You need a huge reality check and i hope the ISTP let you have it, smack down. So foolish of you to continue on a path of self destruction. Not to sound harsh here, but....you need to hear the truth.

 

[Vivian Melo]

u gonna kill her?

i dont know what will happen. do u think he will come to a point, eventually, in a distant future, where he might , despite her desperate crying, drop her?

 

[Seamaid]

Is this behavior possibly due to ENFP's inferior Si? I've always wondered what drawbacks there were, if any, to having Si as the inferior function.

 

[Vivian Melo]

MuChApArAdOx,

i really thank u and understand u, really. but id like to hear from istp.

 

[Charles Schwaniger]

Just what's it about this guy that it's worth obsessing over him?

 

[reletative]

MuChApArAdOx,

i really thank u and understand u, really. but id like to hear from istp.

in that case....

I don't like to rain on your parade here, but... you really need to let this guy go. Everything about this posting is wrong, everything. Cut your loses and move on. Stop living in the past. If this guy was yours, he would be with you, not with another girl. Leave him alone, stop butting in on his current relationship. You need a huge reality check and i hope the ISTP let you have it, smack down. So foolish of you to continue on a path of self destruction. Not to sound harsh here, but....you need to hear the truth.

 

[Charles Schwaniger]

in that case....

I don't like to rain on your parade here, but... you really need to let this guy go. Everything about this posting is wrong, everything. Cut your loses and move on. Stop living in the past. If this guy was yours, he would be with you, not with another girl. Leave him alone, stop butting in on his current relationship. You need a huge reality check and i hope the ISTP let you have it, smack down. So foolish of you to continue on a path of self destruction. Not to sound harsh here, but....you need to hear the truth.

I agree. I wasted junior year in high school obsessing over a girl I was never going to get. It ended with me tackling her in front of a middle school and the police were called in. They didn't press charges, but you might not be as lucky.

 

[Vivian Melo]

Just what's it about this guy that it's worth obsessing over him?

Its not even a matter of whats about him, because i honestly dont know. It never happened to me and it doesnt even suit me, for being and Si, i could really just decide a guy was down, and he was down. This one, i tried. believe me.
I waited time to pass so eventually i could feel better, and it never did. and what kept it alive i think is the way he looks ate me when we meet.

 

[Charles Schwaniger]

Its not even a matter of whats about him, because i honestly dont know. It never happened to me and it doesnt even suit me, for being and Si, i could really just decide a guy was down, and he was down. This one, i tried. believe me.
I waited time to pass so eventually i could feel better, and it never did. and what kept it alive i think is the way he looks ate me when we meet.

Like what @Khys said, it's not worth it. You need to get away from him before someone gets hurt. Trust me, I've been there.

 

[Vivian Melo]

ok....what you guys said is to be considered.

I was gonna let the thoughts sink for a couple of days anyways before calling him again.

he asked me to let him know when a friend of mine had her baby cause he wanted to go visit. shes due this month.

 

[Benja]

am i right, am i wrong??

You are wrong.

He doesn't want to be with you, he wants to be with this other girl, so much so that he has chosen to be with her for the past four years.

 

[Laney]

I hope you listen to everyone who has spoken up so far. You don't need a game plan on how to deal with him, because he's not yours. You need a game plan on sorting your own life out and getting over him. I mean, seriously, your posts sound obsessive and more than a little egotistical and I don't say that to hurt you. At this point your pining after a fantasy.

 

[chrisu]

Im thinking of it as taking back what was originally mine.

he'll like that. istps doubtless love to be seen as someone's property.




do you need the sarcasm-sign?

 

[Duck_of_Death]

...Where did all of these trolls come from all of a sudden?

 

[daydr3am]

ISTP of your dreams is a person who doesn't try to date you and puts you in a position where you go against your values? When you become a person you don't want to be?

If he wanted to be with you, then he'd be with you. It is truly as simple as that.

Also, please read "He's Not That Into You." It helped me realize that I deserve so much better, which led to me moving on from my ex (among other things too, but this book was like a wake-up call).