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Hey everyone! I'm going to be a sophomore this year, and it seems like I have everything going for me, i.e. good grades, extracurricular activities, being on the orientation team, leadership, and a full scholarship. However, this year, because of my social life, I am filled with dread for this year. My friend group consists of my roommate, suitemate, and a few of my suitemate's friends who hate me. My roommate was primarily my best friend in college, but it was honestly a one-sided relationship where she treated me like a mom and preferred my suitemate to hang out. Last semester, I was miserable trying to fit in with that group and even made efforts to branch out. I'm afraid of being in the same or worse situation with these people. However, I don't think anyone's necessarily accepting applications for people in their friend group since groups are most likely established. My parents also say that my expectations are too high for friends and that I'm too sensitive. I know there's something wrong with me that makes it hard to maintain friendships and that's most likely due to my sensitive nature. Does anyone have tips for me making new friends this year, dealing with my current friend group, or changing my self to fit in with a group?
Also, in general, how do mature INFJs leave incompatible friendships and deal with the loneliness of not having a group. Even though I'm truly an introvert, I crave the tight knit groups I still have with girls from high school. Maybe, because of my Ni, my expectations are high and that contributes to my unhappiness in school. Any advice would be really helpful!
 

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Hey everyone! I'm going to be a sophomore this year, and it seems like I have everything going for me, i.e. good grades, extracurricular activities, being on the orientation team, leadership, and a full scholarship. However, this year, because of my social life, I am filled with dread for this year. My friend group consists of my roommate, suitemate, and a few of my suitemate's friends who hate me. My roommate was primarily my best friend in college, but it was honestly a one-sided relationship where she treated me like a mom and preferred my suitemate to hang out. Last semester, I was miserable trying to fit in with that group and even made efforts to branch out. I'm afraid of being in the same or worse situation with these people. However, I don't think anyone's necessarily accepting applications for people in their friend group since groups are most likely established. My parents also say that my expectations are too high for friends and that I'm too sensitive. I know there's something wrong with me that makes it hard to maintain friendships and that's most likely due to my sensitive nature. Does anyone have tips for me making new friends this year, dealing with my current friend group, or changing my self to fit in with a group?
Also, in general, how do mature INFJs leave incompatible friendships and deal with the loneliness of not having a group. Even though I'm truly an introvert, I crave the tight knit groups I still have with girls from high school. Maybe, because of my Ni, my expectations are high and that contributes to my unhappiness in school. Any advice would be really helpful!
--how do mature INFJs leave incompatible friendships:

***(For certain values of "mature"): Let them die of neglect.

--deal with the loneliness of not having a group:

***Sublimation. All-consuming devotion to a personal interest or project.
 

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I was a transfer student in college so I know all about this one. I joined a bunch of clubs on campus and participated in their activities. It takes patience and diligence to keep at it sometimes, friendships don't blossom overnight, but it did help quite a bit! Had many great adventures with people I met in those orgs.
 

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I actually became part of a new friend group during sophomore year. I had friends from freshman year, but I got a crush on this guy in one of my classes and noticed that I always saw him hanging out with a group of friends around my dorm. They all seemed really nice, so I just went up to them one day and asked if I could hang out (they were playing some game like apples to apples I think, on a picnic table outside, so I went up and asked if I could play). It was weird ,I'm still not really sure why I did it, but I just did. It was just a total impulse. They probably thought I was kinda weird, but they were still nice to me, and just let me tag along... and then the next year, some of them left the college and a new person came to the college and joined the group, so it became more natural that I was a part of the group. Then, during senior year I ended up dating one of the guys in the group (not the original guy I had a crush on...) and we ended up dating for 4 years.
Anyway, it's not advice really but just a reassurance that you're not the only one and sometimes you just have to be bold about it and it might be weird for a while, but after a few months no one will care anymore.
 

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I'm with @odinthor on this one. If people treat you badly, especially if it's consistent then I see no problem just cutting them off.

I know that's an INFJ stereotype and people will wheel out all sorts of critique of 'door slamming' but I'll be honest with you - It's worked out fine for me in every case and I prefer to see it as realistic instead of overly sensitive. Friendships run their course, they just do - I think it's fine to accept that and move on.

Doesn't mean you can't be polite when you see them, or say hi in the kitchen or whatever - and who knows, maybe they'll earnestly try to rebuild the bridge. Ultimately though, there's nothing wrong with having a little pride and self-respect and not running after people like a loyal puppy - I've made that mistake a few times and I refuse to do it again. We can't force people to interact with us on our terms.

As far as it's possible to get a feel for someone based off a single post - you seem thoughtful and pleasant. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there whow ould value your presence in their life. i agree, meeting them can be hard, especially when groups are firmly established but it is not impossible. You might need to step outside your comfort zone a little bit and aloow yourself time to get to know people properly before making any decision about them - but its definitely possible.

Groups and societies work well. As do activities - yoga or dance classes, sports, book groups etc..

Its good to figure out where you are in your life, what you enjoy and then place yourself where other people at the same place in life, with common interests might be. We go through life stages with friends - I'm 30 now and I've observed this already. You get new friends when you change schools, when you go to college, from work and activities. Some will follow you through life but ultimately we're all on our own paths and they won't always run alongside each other. When we find ourselves short of friends it can sometimes be because we haven't accepted a change in circumstance - Im especially bad for this I admit and spent a long time trying to keep things as they were with my high school friends, it doesn't really work.

Just follow your path and you'll begin to see who is on this leg of the journey with you.

Best of luck with your sophomore year!
 
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