[njblueeyed]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site, to MBTI in general, but have taken the online test multiple times which usually resolves to INFJ. While always introspective, and knowingly different from most around me, I've often chalked it up to being an only child or aspects of my upbringing (which I suppose all did play a part). But, reading the type descriptors - vivid inner lives, quiet leaders, strongly perceptive, artistic, etc. - it really all strikes home. I wanted to take a moment just to say hello and to introduce myself.

I'd be most curious to hear feedback from other INFJs about two specific things, one involving careers, but the other relationships. I'll stick with relationships for now - it is the weekend after all.

At least for me, I've found that my personality type lends itself to quickly developing romantic relationships that either than quickly fizzle out or persist for a while and then end. I've always felt that part of the faster-than-normal emotional connection that often developed was due not to _mutual_ chemistry, perhaps, but rather my ability to deeply listen and intuit the other person's character - which led her to feel comfortable and assume a deep connection with me. I'd be curious if other people have encountered or sensed this occurring.

Ultimately, either I date for some time normally, or things came to a sudden end for whatever reason (her going back to an ex, or it just fizzling out). Part of the problem is likely that my job (the subject for another post) is quite demanding time wise, so I've resorted to online dating which hasn't seemed to bring the best pool of candidates. Plus, my part of New Jersey doesn't seem to have the largest collection of eligible people around.

It's frustrating because, at 32, I do want to ultimately grow a family and share a deep connection with a partner. What I am wondering is, having perhaps gained a bit of additional insight about my personality makeup, is that something that might be taken into consideration when seeking out potential partners? And, if so, while the idea of partnering with another INFJ or other type similar to me, seems appealing (for its shared characteristics), might two INFJs together drive each other insane?

Anyway, enough rambling for now. Have a good weekend.

Adam

 

[vel]

first of all welcome to the forum :happy:

Second, with concern about relationships INFJs tend to be a picky bunch. We see flaws in ourselves very easily and so do we see them in others. This can present a bigger challenge for us when trying to start off relationships than for other MBTI types. And this is also perhaps why surveys show that INFJs are the most likely to experience dissatisfaction in marriage. All I can advise here is when dating to try to mentally stress person's good qualities rather than negative ones.

Also I read statistics somewhere that INFJs tend to report higher satisfaction when paired up with other INFJs and other NFs. I don't think two INFJs will drive each other insane because both are unlikely to just hop into serious relations but instead thoroughly get to now each other first before committing. So when two INFJs marry they are both quite certain that they make a good match. One big problem for INFJ pairings I read is very different values, but I think INFJs are very likely to find that one out before tying the knot and then either learn to accept each other's values or go separate ways.

Types that MBTI predicts can very excellent matches for us are ENFPs, ENTPs, INTJs. Other good matches include INFPs, ISTPs, INTPs, and ENFJs. This is no guarantee of a perfect relationship, as much more depends on the actual person rather than their MBTI preference of course, but I find that with these types I find most understanding and experience most interest in them both of which are important for any lasting relations.

 

[njblueeyed]

Thanks for the welcome ;-).

On relationships, that reasoning makes sense. I tend to agree that two similarly sensitive and perceptive people are much better off together, rather than an INFJ with another less feeling, sensitive or perceptive mate.

I absolutely hear you on the finding faults with yourself and others! I can relate to the persistent probing for problems rather than stressing the positive in a relationship. For me, it's been a balance of asking myself whether those "bad" characteristics or qualities would, in the long term, be deal breakers. I think everyone probably does this to an extent, but maybe we do it much more.

You know, I realize these MBTI types are a bit complicated, but I wonder why it hasn't hit pop culture more. They can have a TV show about dating in the dark, but nothing analyzing personality types and checking against tracking a persons life for a while. Could be interesting...

first of all welcome to the forum :happy:

Second, with concern about relationships INFJs tend to be a picky bunch. We see flaws in ourselves very easily and so do we see them in others. This can present a bigger challenge for us when trying to start off relationships than for other MBTI types. And this is also perhaps why surveys show that INFJs are the most likely to experience dissatisfaction in marriage. All I can advise here is when dating to try to mentally stress person's good qualities rather than negative ones.

Also I read statistics somewhere that INFJs tend to report higher satisfaction when paired up with other INFJs and other NFs. I don't think two INFJs will drive each other insane because both are unlikely to just hop into serious relations but instead thoroughly get to now each other first before committing. So when two INFJs marry they are both quite certain that they make a good match. One big problem for INFJ pairings I read is very different values, but I think INFJs are very likely to find that one out before tying the knot and then either learn to accept each other's values or go separate ways.

 

[Vonlenska]

Haha, you made the same mistake I did when I first joined and made a welcome thread here. Glad to see I'm not alone! Welcome. :happy:

 

[vel]

Some companies make their employees take MBTI tests and some managers use them as a tool to understand how to manage their team better. So MBTI enjoys some professional recognition. But it takes several months to several years of study to get a solid understanding of this model. Very few people really read into what all of the cognitive functions mean, like introverted intuition or extraverted thinking, and try to really gain a deep understanding of these terms. Without this understanding the label doesn't mean much. Most people are also simply not interested in this kind of stuff. There are many of us NFs on this forum but if you visit the sections dedicated to SPs or SJs they are much more depopulated. And those types make up 80% of the population. They are just not interested in digging into themselves that deeply. These are the two reasons that MBTI remains a niche model that a few people choose to study on their spare time.

 

[njblueeyed]

Ha! Nah, I'm welcome to all the feedback and insight I can get ;-)
Besides, as unlikely as it may be, maybe I'll meet that special Ms. INFJ to go off and be happily ever after with, lol (one can always dream).

Adam

Haha, you made the same mistake I did when I first joined and made a welcome thread here. Glad to see I'm not alone! Welcome. :happy:

 

[Alaya]

Welcome Adam, I hope you like it here :happy:

 

[whiteashes]

Welcome to the forum. :laughing:
But be careful to some pricks on this forum. So called ENTP's.

 

[Introspiritual]

Welcome to the forum. :laughing:
But be careful to some pricks on this forum. So called ENTP's.

So-called ENTPs or actual ENTPs? :wink:

It's frustrating because, at 32, I do want to ultimately grow a family and share a deep connection with a partner. What I am wondering is, having perhaps gained a bit of additional insight about my personality makeup, is that something that might be taken into consideration when seeking out potential partners? And, if so, while the idea of partnering with another INFJ or other type similar to me, seems appealing (for its shared characteristics), might two INFJs together drive each other insane?

Vel has already hit most of this, and I think you have discovered that INFJs tend to fall hard and fast for yourself. However, just to throw in my 2c worth, the INFJ-INFJ pairing will work well, provided that values align, the intensity/closeness doesn't overwhelm, and you talk about and through everything. As for finding an(other) INFJ, I think lots of people are still trying to figure that one out. :happy:

Outside of other INFJs - INTP, INTJ, and ENFP seem to be common pairings that work for us. In any case, be aware of the NF's "rose-colored glasses" syndrome when assessing others, and know that while type can predict general dynamics in a relationship, it's also about how developed and mature the other person is as well. Not to mention, who they are outside of type.

 

[whiteashes]

So-called ENTPs or actual ENTPs? :wink:

What is your point here , be more clear on that.

What i said implies the same.

 

[Introspiritual]

What is your point here , be more clear on that.

What i said implies the same.

I was actually just joking with you...

...but "so-called" refers to an allegation. So do we beware of those who are alleged to be ENTPs, or those proven to be ENTPs? :happy:

 

[njblueeyed]

eHarmony "pretends" to match based on compatibility, but from experience I find that somewhat hard to believe. Why not a _true_ personality type dating site, that takes into account user's preference as well (e.g. appearance, education level, location, etc)?

So-called ENTPs or actual ENTPs? :wink:



Vel has already hit most of this, and I think you have discovered that INFJs tend to fall hard and fast for yourself. However, just to throw in my 2c worth, the INFJ-INFJ pairing will work well, provided that values align, the intensity/closeness doesn't overwhelm, and you talk about and through everything. As for finding an(other) INFJ, I think lots of people are still trying to figure that one out. :happy:

Outside of other INFJs - INTP, INTJ, and ENFP seem to be common pairings that work for us. In any case, be aware of the NF's "rose-colored glasses" syndrome when assessing others, and know that while type can predict general dynamics in a relationship, it's also about how developed and mature the other person is as well. Not to mention, who they are outside of type.

 

[njblueeyed]

I couldn't agree MORE with the below...("rose colored glasses" syndrom). I always say I won't fall so hard next time around...but... Then again, I am very, very picky with who I go out with, so maybe that's why I do fall so hard (justifiably?) when I do find someone. Ah, who knows. All I know is that I'm single so I guess I'm either too picky, or not finding the right people ;-)

So-called ENTPs or actual ENTPs? :wink:

[...] In any case, be aware of the NF's "rose-colored glasses" syndrome when assessing others, and know that while type can predict general dynamics in a relationship, it's also about how developed and mature the other person is as well. Not to mention, who they are outside of type.

 

[whiteashes]

I was actually just joking with you...

...but "so-called" refers to an allegation. So do we beware of those who are alleged to be ENTPs, or those proven to be ENTPs? :happy:

yeah, that's a good point. i am aware of that. People are often type confused.

The answer would be actual ENTP's. Because so-called alleged ENTP's must belong to 16 - 1 = 15 types.
And no type can compete with ENTP's when it comes to winning the award of who's the biggest prick or culprit.

 

[GiGi]

Hello njblueeyed.
From one INFJ to another.

 

[njblueeyed]

Hello njblueeyed.
From one INFJ to another.

Hi GiGI,
Thanks for the welcome. Nice to "meet" you too. :happy:

 

[Introspiritual]

Why not a _true_ personality type dating site, that takes into account user's preference as well (e.g. appearance, education level, location, etc)?

There is one - TypeTango. Noone seems to use it, though.

 

[njblueeyed]

There is one - TypeTango. Noone seems to use it, though.

I actually signed up for that but when they thought Canada and New Jersey might work out, I realized that - yeah - not many peeps on there! New Jersey/New York please! ;-)

Adam