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So I have returned to PerC and am a bit embarrassed about what I have wrote in the past. I guess that is just part of growing up. I got really emo and a bit close-minded about things. I believe my mind is more expanded now and I can look at my past tough events with a lot more clarity and understanding.

Other updates is that I am way more appreciative of Ne-Si types. Particularly my INFP mom and sister. Without them I would not be here today.

I think I am an INTJ rather than ENTJ unlike my last post. I am not totally sure on this, but it fits the most for now. Especially when I meet a real extrovert and feel toppled somewhat by their energy.

I believe through my thesis process I am also more able to recognize the disconnect that others can have to how I write or communicate. So now I can improve my ability to explain myself which will be a useful skill.

I am also learning to go with the flow more, especially with job searching. I used to fixate and obsess over each option which slowed me down and made things gloomy... but I am able to move a little quicker now and happier to just see where it leads.

I have also been trying to move on from past crushes and that has been more difficult since I have not have had these experiences before. In the end, I realize that I got crushed and duped. But I think those are learning lessons that hopefully can lead me to someone more suitable in the future. Even if you are falling hard it does pay off to wait and see his true character reveal itself with time. It is nice to know that I can fall rather easily because I once thought I was the biggest cold fish...unable to really fall for any dude. I am growing up more now. But I am hoping to learn what is real and true...

Still it would be best to focus on my own life path and self dependence first so that I could be able to find a guy who was more compatible with the person I want to be. Then again, I dont have to be perfect to be loved either...

More on that topic later I guess.
 

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A Constant Riddle
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So...this is very rare for me, to post on somebody's private domain. But I recently stumbled upon your posts and found them so enthralling. Something about the way you describe how you feel like when you are in love, there is a fragile rawness to it that is very compelling. I know how it feels, to feel so mesmerized by somebody, and then broken and betrayed. Although I still am quite foreign to the world of love, I do see glimmers of myself in your post. I'm not quite sure what I am doing here, except maybe I was destined to find this post. I am currently battling trying to decipher my type, my heart and memories and mind keep clashing with me, telling me that I use different functions. In the end we are all such evolving and strange enigmas. I once read that the human mind trying to study itself was a tricky thing, and it certainly is. It collides with the heart, biases, notions, perspectives. There's been a sense of liberation in accepting that I will never probably truly understand who I am. Even if there is one type at the seed of my being, it doesn't matter because I keep flowering and branching in so many unexpected ways. I feel Se at one moment, finding the idea of getting lost in the moment very dazzling and intoxicating and feeling the insatiable desire for physical delight, but then I realize how I used to be so terrified of adrenaline as a child and treasure and dwell on the past far too much. Then I wonder if I have been filtering myself or shaping myself in a way that isn't truly me. And then I fear to become a certain way. In the end, everything is blurred. I keep getting lost in ruts that truly don't illuminate anything about me. Anyway, that was beside the point, but I recognize so much of myself in you. In the way we insatiably long for love, search for ourselves, feel embarrassed about the past. In our ever metamorphosizing selves. In the end, I am not sure who I am. And there's a beauty in it but there is still something tugging at my heart, longing for discovery. I don't know what to go or where to go or what to do but I just wanted to share a little bit of my mind. Something about you gravitated me. I wish you the best of luck wherever you are and hope you will find a happy and true life. That sounded so conventional and empty, but I think it's a desire that we all secretly share.
 
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