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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I'm new to the forum. Out of curiosity I recently started looking into facts about my personality type and I found that only about 1% of people are INFJ personalities. If that's true, it explains so much.

Does anyone else notice that people don't seem to understand what motivates us? why we do what we do, react the way we react, and believe what we believe?

I keep a small group of close friends but even within them I feel like none of them can empathize with what I'm feeling and thinking.

Relationships have been a frustrating prospect for me. I'm 21 and I've never been on a date. To all my friends that's like blasphemy; they don't understand why I would be so "shut out". They don't get that I long for a meaningful relationship but I simply can't find "the one". I rarely have feelings for someone, but when I do, they're STRONG. This ends up in a frustrating cycle because I end up spending a lot of time brooding over the situation and it ends in heartbreak.

Last year I met a really great girl. I fell for her and began to pursue a closer relationship to her. This went on for about 8 months until I'd done more damage to the friendship by trying be more than that. I had felt very strongly for this girl. The crappy part is that shortly after this happened my very best friend of 8 years started dating her. They've been dating for about 8 months now and I've been dealing with that.


It just seems like every time I put myself out there, it's an invitation to be trampled on. Does anyone else feel this way? It seems like I could search forever and not find that one person who fits the description of the kind of person I'd want to be with who'd actually want to be with me as well.

Risk and heartbreak are my only experience with women. So why should I continue pursuing a relationship? I feel like I'd be more productive on my own. Like I'm a puzzle piece with all square edges: nothing else fits with it.

This is kind of like a rant but I'm trying to see if I'm the only one who has had these experiences, or if other INFJ's have had experiences and feelings that are similar. Thanks for reading.
 

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I love the new ones. "trying to see if I'm the only one" and then they go like "THERE'S PEOPLE LIKE ME!" lol. Welcome!

Does anyone else notice that people don't seem to understand what motivates us? why we do what we do, react the way we react, and believe what we believe?

Of course they don't understand (at least you have an INFP/INTJ friend). We are INFJ.


So, your best friend is dating her? He actually knew about your feelings? That's not cool, man.
The things is that when we love, we actually love and we put so much that is like at the end we adon't have the energy to keep going when those things happen.
 

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This may sound harsh and condescending, but you're only 21 years of age! Chances are tomorrow you will follow up your "Risk and heartbreak are my only experience with women" with a "Oh, I met someone interesting today - but thanks anyway for trying to make me feel better, PerC people!."

Feeling like you're not fitting in might not have anything to do with your being single. I consider myself an INFJ and I am always on the run since I don't fit in anywhere. I have come to appreciate my not fitting in anywhere - it propels me and provides me with new people to check out, new circumstances and new opportunities at every turn. To me, that's great since everything becomes boring after a while.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It's funny that you mention INTJ friends. I had my best friend (the one who's dating the girl) take it and that's his personality type.

He knew that I had feelings and that it ended badly at the time. He knew that she and I had already talked about the fact that she didn't feel the same way. He was the first one to tell me and apologized profusely for the circumstance. It was definitely a blow at the time but we had been friends long enough that we worked through it... still is tough sometimes though.

Thanks so much for the welcome! I'm hoping this will be a good place to communicate with other INFJ's.
 

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Hello there Uncle Jes,

Welcome ! . I am new to the forum too !

Does anyone else notice that people don't seem to understand what motivates us? why we do what we do, react the way we react, and believe what we believe?

Yes people don't understand as we are INFJ and it takes another INFJ to figure it out !

Keep looking since you are still 21 and you have a whole life ahead of you. I have experience before in this kind of circumstances before and you start to question a lot of things like maybe I am not mend to be in a relationship and might as well you are better of on your own .

I am INFJ myself and I believe what is important the most right now just concentrate on yourself , do what makes you happy and the rest sooner or later will fall in the right place :)
 

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Okay, when it comes to shutting out, my friends understand why I do it. Even people who aren't friends with me know that it's my alone time... :) They may not understand the underlying cause but as long as they respect my privacy! I think I that the underlying cause is my secret that only I need to know. As for relationships, everyone is going to feel this way whether the person is an INFJ or not. It just all depends on how many times you are going to keep trying :) Keep your head held high! (INFJ's are that cool...)
 

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Hello fellow INFJs ! I am also new here, I did the personality test just 2 moths ago, my INTJ friend adviced me to do so. Well I had a result of INFJ and I can say I had finally something I can relate to because the whole my life I felt like an alien
Man I can completely understand how you feel. I am 23 male and the whole my life I have been struggling to find "the one" girl. I am too picky but well I have had a girlfriend, but we were together just for 3 months. Its not like I cannot find girlfriend, but I simply seek the right girl, my soulmate...And it buggs me alot. Almost all my friends are in relationship and I feel like the whole universe is against me. And yeah, when I have feelings for a girl its very strong...and the depresion after I realize she is not the girl I thought she is, were just terrible...
 

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Don't force yourself :tongue:

I've only had one or two dates (with the same girl in high school) in my lifespan of about 20 years. Sure I was depressed when I got dumped on valentines day and I still get kind of sad when i look at my romance portfolio, but don't force yourself to get into a relationship. You are only 21, (well i'm 1 year younger xD) and by no means are you forced to go get a girlfriend. If your best friend gets a girl, good for him:kitteh:.

You aren't alone! Sure I could probably get a date if I went out to party/get drunk, but the type of girl I'm looking for is not that type. I'll probably wait until the right one bumps into me.

You are an attractive and smart individual. There is no need for you to feel insecure about it.
We are just squares among circles, you just gotta wait for that triangle to stroll along and nab it if you get the chance.

(btw a trick to not get depressed is to rationalize your feelings. You like "so and so" because of these attractive qualities. If she does not like you back, think of qualities that wouldn't with you and roll with it. It really picks me up when I am feeling down.)
 

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Hi, I'm new to the forum. Out of curiosity I recently started looking into facts about my personality type and I found that only about 1% of people are INFJ personalities. If that's true, it explains so much.

Does anyone else notice that people don't seem to understand what motivates us? why we do what we do, react the way we react, and believe what we believe?

I keep a small group of close friends but even within them I feel like none of them can empathize with what I'm feeling and thinking.

Relationships have been a frustrating prospect for me. I'm 21 and I've never been on a date. To all my friends that's like blasphemy; they don't understand why I would be so "shut out". They don't get that I long for a meaningful relationship but I simply can't find "the one". I rarely have feelings for someone, but when I do, they're STRONG. This ends up in a frustrating cycle because I end up spending a lot of time brooding over the situation and it ends in heartbreak.

Last year I met a really great girl. I fell for her and began to pursue a closer relationship to her. This went on for about 8 months until I'd done more damage to the friendship by trying be more than that. I had felt very strongly for this girl. The crappy part is that shortly after this happened my very best friend of 8 years started dating her. They've been dating for about 8 months now and I've been dealing with that.


It just seems like every time I put myself out there, it's an invitation to be trampled on. Does anyone else feel this way? It seems like I could search forever and not find that one person who fits the description of the kind of person I'd want to be with who'd actually want to be with me as well.

Risk and heartbreak are my only experience with women. So why should I continue pursuing a relationship? I feel like I'd be more productive on my own. Like I'm a puzzle piece with all square edges: nothing else fits with it.
You sound A LOT like an INFP I knew. I personally only relate partially...
 
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