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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hi guys, I'm quite new in the forum, but I have been reading about this site for months now and decided I should as well interact with fellow ENTJ's to pick their brain and share some random thoughts about life and what's like being an ENTJ.

Just a backgrounder, I'm A Filipina in the Philippines at the age of 29 with 2 lovely girls. I consider myself pretty successful as a person despite the lack of education attainment. While a good number of my school mates are busy being moms, wives and career women. I am busy being a SUPERWOMAN. I managed to get where I am now because of my knack to succeed with almost anything that I can get my hands into. I can say I'm pretty good in the corporate/business world, but I would also like to add that I'm quite lousy on the romance part. Currently I have a bf for 4 years which I'm ditching anytime soon. And I mean soooon!

Bf is a good guy in his 50's (Oh yes! The gap is toooo wide, it stretches the entire length of the Mekong Delta in Indochina). First thing, I decided to jump into this relationship because I felt like I needed more emotional support and stability because I seem to be doing a lot of things. I needed someone who can tell me to simply lay-low for awhile and someone who will not question my thoughts and actions and give me the freedom to advance myself further. So he fits perfectly in that role. Problem is, my guy (or some of you might joke that he's my dad) is too passive as a person it drives me nuts! I'm a go-getter, and he's more of a (I-dont-know-really).

In a few weeks from now, Im flying out of the country for a week to take a breather from my relationship and to also develop some business ventures. He can't go with me because for 1: He is Broke, no way Im paying for him again 2: I don't want him there with me 3: My fuse is very short with him already.

He is dedicated, loyal, humble, down to earth but it simply does not cut it for me anymore. I plan to give him the bad news after I return. But as an analytical and logical person, I know that going back to square one and opening myself up to the messy world of "dating" is something that I'm tired of. Plus the fact that I'm in Asia, women having my personality comes as intimidating, strong, opinionated, blah blah blah..... I do get men asking about me, and who admires me, and wanting to pursue me...but before the guy approaches, there's already a sign on my forehead that says STOP or APPROACH WITH CAUTION!

Plus I already have my girls who I love so much. If a man comes along, great! If not, oh wel..Cest la Vie!

So to my fellow ENTJ's....is this normal to feel frustrated at men? I don't mean to generalize but for me personally, this has always been the case. I do notice that I get interested a lot with men who has strong characters, ambitions, and success. Is it also because I'm smack in the middle of Asia where women are portrayed as the down-to-earth-submissive-gender? Am I really lousy with men? Or are men simply having a hard time understanding me?

:sad:

(Anyway, sorry if this is too long. Any inputs from the ladies and the men are highly appreciated)
 

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Welcome to the forum

Fyi we have a relationship advice thread (imagine what this forum would be like without it), but since your new and that this is an intro i'm sure we don't mind.

I understand asia tends to be more autocratic and male dominated, even in countries that have been partially westernized, but I don't think your issue is a special case.

Q1: Who do you currently attract
Q2: Who do you want to attract
Q3: Why would they want a relationship

You don't have to answer them online. I'm sure the ladies of the forum are much better equipped for this conversation :/
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Welcome to the forum

Fyi we have a relationship advice thread (imagine what this forum would be like without it), but since your new and that this is an intro i'm sure we don't mind.

I understand asia tends to be more autocratic and male dominated, even in countries that have been partially westernized, but I don't think your issue is a special case.

Q1: Who do you currently attract
Q2: Who do you want to attract
Q3: Why would they want a relationship

You don't have to answer them online. I'm sure the ladies of the forum are much better equipped for this conversation :/
Hi Thomas, thanks for being the first to answer my post. Allow me to answer your follow up questions as well:

Q1: Who do you currently attract
Quite frankly, without me even trying to get attention most men who are going after me are the mature ones from 40's and above. I really don't mind it since I can't stand being with a guy my age who I feel like I'm more of a mother than a life partner. Career background are usually business owners, lawyers, professionals and politicians. I also get some guys my age group but I can sense that they are intimidated.

Q2: Who do you want to attract

Ok, I'm not asking for Mr. Perfect, bottomline for me is that I appreciate men who have created a name for themselves. Has a strong ambition in life, and can manage his finances properly. For me the brain is more sexy than a 6 pack or a bicep. Just as long as he doesnt have a beer belly and is properly groomed. I can't stand a messy guy who cant keep themselves tidy and neat.

Q3: Why would they want a relationship

Ughhh...I dont really get this part. Expound pls?
 

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My questions we're geared to a "what should I do different" answer. Question 3 was the "what makes me (would make me) attract them" question.

I used this method for a lot of things. Visualize a scenario I want; ask what am I doing now that brings about the wrong results; ask what I could do for the right results.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My questions we're geared to a "what should I do different" answer. Question 3 was the "what makes me (would make me) attract them" question.

I used this method for a lot of things. Visualize a scenario I want; ask what am I doing now that brings about the wrong results; ask what I could do for the right results.
That is actually a good question. What I'm doing now to attract these "elusive men" is to simply develop myself further. Make the most out of my career. Learn new things. But a part of me wants to kick myself because the more I gain these success, the more I am alienating myself to men because I have placed a name for myself and what I do.
 

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stop going after second best. you've been settling. stop it. find someone with a backbone, enough money that he isn't dependent on you, and some ambition.
 

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I do get men asking about me, and who admires me, and wanting to pursue me...but before the guy approaches, there's already a sign on my forehead that says STOP or APPROACH WITH CAUTION!
Take down that sign and put one up that reads:

"Ya, I'm pretty damn awesome, you'd be lucky if I chose you."


:wink:
 
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Hi Thomas, thanks for being the first to answer my post. Allow me to answer your follow up questions as well:

Career background are usually business owners, lawyers, professionals and politicians. I also get some guys my age group but I can sense that they are intimidated.
I think you should interact with scientists / philosophers (don't know where these are found) or people with a keen interest in tossing their brains into frying pans and turning the heat knob to max... but the oil should never be emotional... it better be a problem that no one else has yet solved !!!
 

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Wow, it sounds like you are not really into this guy. You said you started dating him for stability, but yet, he is broke, and it sounds like you are supporting him. think about this long term...if you stayed with him...in 10 years you will be 39 and he will be in his 60's! that doesn't sound like a compatible match unless you are hopelessly in love with each other.
A breather sounds like a good idea! Go for it!
 

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The Asian and (especially) Filipino women I've known were anything BUT submissive. They were (to me) very driven, especially if they grew up in an economically challenged environment. Feel good about who you are and display it proudly (like MsBossyPants said)!

Don't waste your time on a mate that isn't working out. Just move on.

The best question you can ever ask yourself about the person you're with is: "If this is exactly how it will be for the rest of our lives together, exactly as it is now, will I be satisfied?". Because if you can't say "YES" to that, then that means you have to expend too much energy trying to change them to suit you, and change yourself to tolerate them, and that's a waste of the finite amount of energy each of us has.

If it breaks their heart, don't worry, they'll get over it, just as you would if someone broke yours. Life goes on.

You sound pretty awesome. Of course, I'm happily married, but if I weren't..... Well....
 

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