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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
NF's, instinctual variants, and communication

Hello!
I've been thinking about the instinctual variants (Relational, Social, Self-Preservational) and other NF's. (I don't know very much about these, so please forgive my ignorance! : ) I am an INFJ, and a very strong Relational. I love one-on-one conversations, and I always feel a need to connect with others; and I've noticed that when I talk to others who are also Relational, it's as if we are absorbing each other. Communication comes so freely, and it can be very energizing for me. (which is surprising, considering I am an introvert. :) But when I try and communicate with those who are more Social, I feel somewhat stifled. It becomes so hard to express myself, as much as I may want to. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? INFJ's tend to have difficulty with verbal communication in general, but for me it seems to be heightened by the instinctual variant aspect. I would love to hear from all the NF's, and especially other INFJ's. I hope at least some of this makes sense. : ) Any and all input is appreciated!!
 

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Don't know if I'm NF, but I'm sp/sx. I'd like to be sx, it seems like a much more magical and spiritual lifestyle, but I'm too anxious and shy. Being an introvert, it's a lot easier to retreat...

That being said, I definitely have a preference for conversations which are "deep" and "meaningful". I know those words are well worn cliches, but talking with anyone, a close friend or not, about their darkest secrets and brightest dreams is one of the most energizing experiences I can have...
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for your response! Wow, I've never really thought of the idea of anyone wanting to be sx! But now that you mention it, it is wonderfully exciting and emotionally liberating to come across another person with whom one is able to connect. It just seems to be my experience that this happens more often with others who are sx dominant as well. The less comfortable situations I was talking about seem to happen more often with those who are so/sp. I think that's where things become frustrating to me, because I would like to be able to be my natural self around whomever. It has nothing to do with the person, and it isn't because they are sp or so..... it is because I am SOOO relational (sx) dominant that I have a difficult time functioning outside of that. I feel like I miss out on life a lot because of it. I just wonder how others cope with this. Anyway, thank you so much for your input!! :)


p.s. I suddenly realize that maybe I was a bit narrow in my specifying the perspectives of only NFs!! I am sorry for this!! The truth is I would like to hear from anybody and everybody who has even the slightest idea what I am talking about, including those who are so/sp dominant and how things appear from their angles. Please forgive my absent-minded idealist ways!! :blushed:
 

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Thanks for your response! Wow, I've never really thought of the idea of anyone wanting to be sx! But now that you mention it, it is wonderfully exciting and emotionally liberating to come across another person with whom one is able to connect. It just seems to be my experience that this happens more often with others who are sx dominant as well. The less comfortable situations I was talking about seem to happen more often with those who are so/sp. I think that's where things become frustrating to me, because I would like to be able to be my natural self around whomever. It has nothing to do with the person, and it isn't because they are sp or so..... it is because I am SOOO relational (sx) dominant that I have a difficult time functioning outside of that. I feel like I miss out on life a lot because of it. I just wonder how others cope with this. Anyway, thank you so much for your input!! :)


p.s. I suddenly realize that maybe I was a bit narrow in my specifying the perspectives of only NFs!! I am sorry for this!! The truth is I would like to hear from anybody and everybody who has even the slightest idea what I am talking about, including those who are so/sp dominant and how things appear from their angles. Please forgive my absent-minded idealist ways!! :blushed:
Don't sweat it. I saw that there weren't any responses and figured you probably wouldn't care if I gave my 2 cents (and I'm between INTP and INFP...don't talk to me about being absent minded!:wink:). Besides, the best way to get people to comment on a thread is to imply you don't want them to!:tongue:
 

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Don't know if I'm NF, but I'm sp/sx. I'd like to be sx, it seems like a much more magical and spiritual lifestyle, but I'm too anxious and shy. Being an introvert, it's a lot easier to retreat...

That being said, I definitely have a preference for conversations which are "deep" and "meaningful". I know those words are well worn cliches, but talking with anyone, a close friend or not, about their darkest secrets and brightest dreams is one of the most energizing experiences I can have...
No you don't.:wink:
 

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To dazed: No apologies are needed, but I have found that in the enneagram forums not nearly as many people frequent or post as in the rest of PC, so you're kind of stuck with us:tongue:.

I am an INTJ, but I am also relational and I relate completely to your opening post.
 

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I am INFJ, 9w8, sx/so and I do relate to what you are saying, definitely. It is not something that I have thought about but it is an interesting theory, but why do you suppose it is more difficult to talk to/ merge with Social rather than Self Pres types? Is the Social energy and attention just too diffused for us to feel totally comfortable with?
 

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No you don't.:wink:
You wouldn't think so, but when you venture so deep intp sp-ness you feel cut off from everyone and everything and have nothing to live for, you become apathetic and self-destructive... Maybe most sp's don't suffer from this, but I feel like I'm so sp that it basically takes away the advantages you get from being sp, if that makes any sense. But now that you mention it I guess sx's have it pretty tough as well...

Every istinctual variant has its drawbacks, I suppose...
 

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Are you sure, you're not sx? My understanding is that sp's prefer that over being too connected. That sounds very sx to feel isolated and wishing for companionship.
 

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Maybe. I usually test sp though...I know the test isn't everything but it's pretty much the only thing I constantly get.

But I guess it would make a lot of sense. Truth be told, I never paid much attention to that part of the Enneagram. I have to look into the descriptions again...
 

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i'm sp/sx....................................................i found out from this site, it might help you nevermore

Type Stackings - the enneagram ...info from the underground

it's helpful because it's dependant on your type...i'm type four, so by reading the descriptions i can determine which stacking i am instead of taking countless tests...because i find that tests generally are wrong, at least when it comes to instinctual variants. i thought i was so until i saw this! now it all makes sense :)
 

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My stacking is sp/sx/so. Being self-preservational seems to just reinforce the withdrawn aspect of being a 4w5. The secondary sx instinct I have creates a "push-pull" effect. The sp side tends to push away connections and the sx side desires intense connection. Social being last makes me both rather unaware and careless about "fitting in", and being 4w5 makes me seek uniqueness & autonomy at the expense of relationships sometimes. If not for my personal values, I could see this becoming pronounced to the point of being eccentric.
 

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Actually now that I read about I so seem more sx/sp, but I'm not positive. I do relate to the sp/sx sacredness of the home and being the quiet supporter and lavishly decorating the home (for a possible INTP and a male I have a weird obsession with interior decoration/home decor...I can never resist walking into arts and crafts stores and usually end up buying something) and I do identify as a relatively domestic person, but just like the sx/sp description says, it's balanced out by a very strong need to wander...
 

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My stacking is sp/sx/so. Being self-preservational seems to just reinforce the withdrawn aspect of being a 4w5. The secondary sx instinct I have creates a "push-pull" effect. The sp side tends to push away connections and the sx side desires intense connection. Social being last makes me both rather unaware and careless about "fitting in", and being 4w5 makes me seek uniqueness & autonomy at the expense of relationships sometimes. If not for my personal values, I could see this becoming pronounced to the point of being eccentric.
dude we're exactly the same. How awesome.
 

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Actually now that I read about I so seem more sx/sp, but I'm not positive. I do relate to the sp/sx sacredness of the home and being the quiet supporter and lavishly decorating the home (for a possible INTP and a male I have a weird obsession with interior decoration/home decor...I can never resist walking into arts and crafts stores and usually end up buying something) and I do identify as a relatively domestic person, but just like the sx/sp description says, it's balanced out by a very strong need to wander...


I am sure you will make some girl very happy someday...or some guy:tongue:

Seriously though, I am a sx/sp and I do share the desire to hide away, in conflict with the desire for connection, so I guess you're back at square one.
 

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I am sure you will make some girl very happy someday...or some guy:tongue:

Seriously though, I am a sx/sp and I do share the desire to hide away, in conflict with the desire for connection, so I guess you're back at square one.
:dry::tongue:

Guess so. Maybe just being a 5 gives you sp-ish tendencies?
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Don't sweat it. I saw that there weren't any responses and figured you probably wouldn't care if I gave my 2 cents (and I'm between INTP and INFP...don't talk to me about being absent minded!:wink:). Besides, the best way to get people to comment on a thread is to imply you don't want them to!:tongue:
Haha, thanks for understanding! :)

To dazed: No apologies are needed, but I have found that in the enneagram forums not nearly as many people frequent or post as in the rest of PC, so you're kind of stuck with us:tongue:.

I am an INTJ, but I am also relational and I relate completely to your opening post.
lol, aww don't say it like that! I appreciate you all!!! :) :)

I am so glad somebody can relate. It feels very lonely sometimes; don't get me wrong, I value in myself being relational. it makes the relationships that I do form feel very solid and based on a deep level of connectedness. And this is very important to me....but I would like to find a way to connect with others too. On their level. On things that they value. (sp's and so's, I mean. I wish it could come more naturally for me with them as it does with other sx's) Maybe I just need to do more research on these types, in order to understand them better?

I am INFJ, 9w8, sx/so and I do relate to what you are saying, definitely. It is not something that I have thought about but it is an interesting theory, but why do you suppose it is more difficult to talk to/ merge with Social rather than Self Pres types? Is the Social energy and attention just too diffused for us to feel totally comfortable with?
Hmm..... I've never really analyzed the difference between communication with Social vs. Self Preservational. But now that I am thinking about it, it is easier for me with the sp's that I know irl. Alot of this, I contribute to being an introvert and stuck in my own head most of the time. :) Again, I am realizing there is quite a lack of understanding on my part! But I really am relieved to know that others can relate. I will keep thinking about this.....and return with my thoughts! :)
 
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