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Why didn't they work according to type? What is your type? What is their type? Which part of their type didn't work out with your type? Describe the relationship, was it boring, exciting, passionate, never ending fights...etc? How long did the relationship last?

I will start:

Me: INFP
Ex #1: INTJ
Letters that didn't work: His IT. His IJ. His I. His T.
Relationship description: Boring. His need for alone time and my need for one on one time clashed so I felt lonely often. He took forever to make a decision then became completely unmovable once he decided on something. The house was too quiet. My emotional needs were not satisfied and he was not interested in learning about the same things as me so his T did me no good either.
Length of relationship: We lasted 6 years.
 

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Why didn't they work according to type? What is your type? What is their type? Which part of their type didn't work out with your type? Describe the relationship, was it boring, exciting, passionate, never ending fights...etc? How long did the relationship last?

I will start:

Me: INFP
Ex #1: INTJ
Letters that didn't work: His IT. His IJ. His I. His T.
Relationship description: Boring. His need for alone time and my need for one on one time clashed so I felt lonely often. He took forever to make a decision then became completely unmovable once he decided on something. The house was too quiet. My emotional needs were not satisfied and he was not interested in learning about the same things as me so his T did me no good either.
Length of relationship: We lasted 6 years.
Wow @childofheaven, we really need to talk, I think we could have a lot in common, my last ex was INTJ too and it lasted for a good 5 years and a half, though I would describe my relationship with her a little different, it would not have survived this long if it would have been boring, I'm sure there were many positive things in yours too. I have no idea what my other exes were though, so :


Me : INFP
Last ex : INTJ
Time it lasted : 5 years and a half
Letters that didn't work : Her T
Letters that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't : Her I, her J
Letters that really worked : Her N (we could really be on the same page with a lot of things)

I will try to describe it a little more in details, because I believe MBTI letters don't accurately describe somebody, Jung functions do that better in my opinion. Haven't mastered them too well, but I hope it will be ok.
So, there were a lot of things that worked, we clicked in many ways, we had similar views about many things in life, we could joke around, some mild teasing worked (though too much and she would take it personally thinking it's more than just harmless humour), we shared many passions together and it happened in a moment when we both needed somebody to love and who will love us in return. There were differences too, I'm more active, I love sports, she doesn't, she cared more about her career, I cared more about the people around me, close to me. Not saying she didn't care about the people around her because she did, her focus however was different. I liked her J because I am very chaotic and she brought some sense of order in my life, but we had some fights about this too, but those were minor. Her intuition (Ni) and mine (Ne) also worked well together even if those worked differently. Her introversion, well, it was ok...it meant we both treasured our time alone so we had plenty of that which was cool, but she expected me to be more outgoing with some things, with planning events for us, to be more involved, which I couldn't and I expected her to be more social, which she wasn't because she wanted many times to spend time just with me and I wanted friends or family to be there too. She was much more introverted than I was, so while I did appreciate the time alone, I wanted to experience more diverse things, people, events, hobbies and so on, while she was focused only on a few things...like her career. I really appreciated her dedication and intelligence but I sometimes felt that had priority over me, in fact at a point when we had a fight she mentioned that she will put her career first (this was after a year or so)...after that, no matter how many good things I did in the next 4 years, I had this feeling that she was doing that, even if she showed her love to me. Maybe it's a Thinker thing, they emphasise dedication, we feelers maybe want passion. She was pretty passionate, in her own way I guess, but I've always felt it was programmed, after a schedule, I needed a lot more creativity and spontaneity in our relationship, she probably needed the opposite thing. At times she seemed pretty cold and direct and I seemed too sensitive and moody, probably. (I'm guessing a T versus F thing) We had a lot of T versus F clashes, the most common I think was between what she thought was expected of us, because of what the world was projecting on her (maybe it was her Te) and what I felt I wanted to do, which was internal to my values and how I saw a relationship should be. Many of her logical ideas were imprinted by her parents and sometimes hose were not quite healthy. In fact maybe we could have had a happy life together if we learned how to deal with these issues before our relationship was broken, but I'm guessing we were too young, you can't fix a broken glass when it was completely broken...or maybe it was just not meant to be.

Oh and another thing at times I felt completely overwhelmed by her problems, I just didn't know how to help her and me being a "healer" and not being able to make her relax and be less stressed and more positive...it left a mark on me, it made me be more withdrawn, I had my own issues to deal with in the first place.

You know, I should thank you, I had and still have a lot of issues on how to deal with her, because I'm kind of torn between, being good to her and still acting as a good friend and the fear of emotional damage that she caused and I'm kind of guarded about that, so I try to keep a certain distance...it's a fight withing myself. Writing all these things helped me have some clarity. :happy:
 

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I'm sensing this pattern with INTJs :shocked:

Me : INFP
Last ex : INTJ
Time it lasted : 5 months
Letters that didn't work : T, J
Letters that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't : I
Letters that really worked : N

The most acute problem was probably the detachment, the need to be alone, sometimes apathy. I wanted more sharing, closeness, sweet little nothings and stuff like that. Basically I just wanted more displays of affection. The weirdest thing is he would have this moments where he'd show me his emotions and love while others he would completely back off and stop talking to me. It came to the point that I didn't know if I was being used for whenever he needed some affection or he was really like that: from time to time to distance himself from people. Also said I had a calming effect on him and that he could be honest with me since I truly cared and wouldn't judge him. Might it be a type-thing?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'm sensing this pattern with INTJs :shocked:

Me : INFP
Last ex : INTJ
Time it lasted : 5 months
Letters that didn't work : T, J
Letters that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't : I
Letters that really worked : N

The most acute problem was probably the detachment, the need to be alone, sometimes apathy. I wanted more sharing, closeness, sweet little nothings and stuff like that. Basically I just wanted more displays of affection. The weirdest thing is he would have this moments where he'd show me his emotions and love while others he would completely back off and stop talking to me. It came to the point that I didn't know if I was being used for whenever he needed some affection or he was really like that: from time to time to distance himself from people. Also said I had a calming effect on him and that he could be honest with me since I truly cared and wouldn't judge him. Might it be a type-thing?
Oh my gosh! I would describe the exact same things with my INTJ ex! I can't believe it! I think it is a type thing...I wonder about others relationship successes that are INFP too...hmm is there a such thing as relationship success anymore? Depressed now...:( Personal problem I know. :p Anyways i would love to hear about other relationships you have had... I think "IT" types, ISTP, ISTJ, INTP, INTJ are not good for INFP's because of their withdrawal from people in their behavior patterns...J's are not horrible for us though if they are ok with our Pness. :p I have never heard of an INFJ getting on well with an INFP for romance though...? Come to think of it I have never really heard of any working out well unless it is a fellow INFP...all the IF's would work in theory but in reality I don't think they do... ISFP, ISFJ, INFP, INFJ. Anyone defy logic?
 

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I don't think there's much more of an input. xD
All the other relationships I've been in were very short due to personal problems I was going through. But basic problems were:

INFJ - I was too harsh, having a hard time apologizing. Our vision of the world was incredibly close what made everything very nice. Though we'd clash many times on mundane things.
ENTJ - I really liked the conversations but there was always something missing, at least for me. Even though he liked me, I had a hard time believing so due to usual Thinking coldness and detachment? I don't know.
ESFJ - Basically we would clash every f-ing time. Probably because of that irritable dominant Fe. Always going with the flow. -.- Never standing up for his believes if he had them, lol.

As I said, these were all very short relationships and they're all biased due to my personal problems at the moment.
 

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Me: INFP
Ex #1: INTP
Letters that didn't work: F, T
Relationship description: Extremely onesided. We were eachother's first lovers and I wanted to see him a lot. He felt too smothered and needed a lot of alone time, basically giving me a timetable of when I could come see him and when I could not. I clearly loved him a lot more than he cared for me and he ended it. We didn't fight very much but when we did it was all about how he needed more alone time. Looking back, I'm embarrassed at how needy I was.
Length of relationship: Four months. Poor guy.

Me: INFP
Ex #2: ENFP
Letters that didn't work: I, E
Relationship description: Oh Jiminy Christmas. If there's one thing I could delete from my life, this relationship may be it. This guy was the most extraverted person I have ever met in my life. I was still heartbroken over my ex the INTP, and this new guy showed a lot of interest in me, so lacking any kind of attraction for this guy, and any kind of self esteem, I agreed to be in a relationship with him. (What was I thinking?) He basically dragged me around town to meet all of his friends like I was a timid dog on a lead. He scolded me whenever I was too shy to meet someone and decided to stay home. Considering I am the most introverted person I know, this was a bad match. I was miserable throughout the entire relationship, and finally ended it when I found out he had been lying and hanging out with friends when he told me he was studying. He later admitted he never cared about me and used me to make his ex and some other girl jealous. It didn't work.
Length of relationship: Four months. Poor me.
 

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Me: INFJ
Him: ENFJ
Letters that didn't work: E, F

Relationship description: One sided, but he didn't fully know that. Stressful, often boring, constantly made me feel guilty, incomplete, little attraction. Put in those words, it sounds awful, but he was such a great guy I couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him for the longest time, and came to love him like my brother, but nothing more. Initially I was very attracted to his mind and extrovertedness. He spoke passionately, intelligently, and I admired the i-don't-give-a-bleep-what-they-think crazy behaviour. However, our double Fe made for an awful cycle of him upset, so made me upset, so him upset+guilty, so me upset+guilty+frustrated=my shut down = him more upset...on and on. His extraversion came to be an issue only because he constantly wanted to be around me, saw my indifference as his failure, so I felt guilted into spending time with him and he could read it as such, and it started another upset cycle. sigh. Also, he never seemed really interested in what I said, so I think that's why I got bored all the time, and felt incomplete. Every once in awhile he would make a comment that seemed to imply my opinions didn't matter, or that took a stab at my intelligence. After enough of those comments, I took the coward's way out and used college as an excuse to break up.

Length of relationship: three years.

We were 15 and 16 at the start, though, and it helped me learn so much about myself, so I'm very grateful and will try my hardest to never put anybody else in a situation like that again. When I think about it, all the issues seemed to have originated with my self, since I didn't break it off at the start, when I first began to realize it wasn't working.

also, he was depressed and pessimistic all the time. It really wore me down.
 

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Me: INFJ
Her: ISFP
Letters that didn't work: J vs P (also more specifically, problems with Fe-Fi clash), S

Relationship description: The first few months were Heaven on Earth. It was really crazy how well we could connect. She had a deep appreciation for my Intuition and she grounded me in turn. I also loved her very physical and forward way of showing affection, however, at the same time I often felt not enough connection on a mental level. One big problem was that I had deep personal philosophical problems which probably wore her down considerably (she could not really help me), but I made it up to her by supporting her with coming to terms with her own troubled past.

We often had problems when it came to decision-making and world view (the aforementioned Fe-Fi clash). For example, I wanted for her to decide where to eat, she could not decide and then just told me to get something for myself and just ignore her (silly example). This grated my Fe. I also often felt she could be very selfish or would only consider the needs of small groups of people, instead of thinking of how certain things would affect society as a whole.

Eventully, I really fell in love with her hard despite the bad sides. However, the way how I got extremely affectionate suddenly (in her eyes) unnerved her greatly. As our relationship got older and older my lack of attention to S-matters really started to aggravate her and she felt a bit left alone on that field. In the end, she ended up meeting another guy and cheated on me. She was really emotionally confused afterwards. I decided to try to forgive her and give it another shot, but we soon realized that her heart was now definitely with the other guy and we parted on as good terms as the situation allowed.

Length of relationship: Three years
 

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Heh, out of all the people I've dated/had sex with I only had one serious relationship and it ended many years ago. My personality type was ENFJ and hers was INFJ, which should've ment that we were a match made in heaven but personality doesn't determine outcomes. The issue was I was a fall down alcoholic and I am pretty sure she had serious mental health issues(personality disorder) along with no self esteem whatsoever.

personality isn't everything.
 
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