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Discussion Starter #1
Obviously, nines at the personality level are all about yielding to others' wishes and priorities.

They may procrastinate a lot, but that is much different than avoiding. Procrastination is all about thinking, in the ego sense, that you want to do something that you really don't.

But avoiding is all about reducing anxieties associated with something that one actually wants or needs to do. Right?

Is it typical of nines to use avoidance as a coping mechanism?

And what kinds of things/situations would cause a nine to avoid?

Also, how can someone help support and encourage a nine who has become avoidant?
 

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Discussion Starter #2
I've been contemplating it, and, I guess my line of thinking is like this:

-When there is procrastination/sloth, there is unconscious emotion.

-When there is avoidance, OTOH, there is conscious emotion.

I wonder if avoidance is a feature of 9s as they go to either unhealthy 6 or the first stages of healthy 3.

I have definitely seen nines become avoidant at unhealthy 6, and this was in the form of a lot of excuses about why the thing cannot be done/arguing about the reasoning for its need to be done. There is an agitated resistance, an opposition (to the thing which is to be done) in this form of avoidance.

However I could imagine a 9 also becoming overtly avoidant when going toward healthy 3, because the conscious surfacing of priorities (desire/anger) signals the inevitability of conflict, and then even while the emotion is felt coursing just beneath the surface, there will still be anxious resistance towards fully allowing it to take hold. That state would prompt the avoidance of coming into contact with whatever is bringing up the emotion, knowing that that contact will force out the expression of that emotion.
 

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Obviously, nines at the personality level are all about yielding to others' wishes and priorities.

They may procrastinate a lot, but that is much different than avoiding. Procrastination is all about thinking, in the ego sense, that you want to do something that you really don't.

But avoiding is all about reducing anxieties associated with something that one actually wants or needs to do. Right?


Is it typical of nines to use avoidance as a coping mechanism?

And what kinds of things/situations would cause a nine to avoid?

Also, how can someone help support and encourage a nine who has become avoidant?
haha we are the same tritype. INFP 469 here. Except I'm 4w5.

Women, women I want to talk to I avoid like the plague because I just want to reduce the anxiety I feel.

Important projects or decisions, I avoid like the plague because I want to avoid the stress that comes with them.
I only deal with this stress if I have to, and when the last minute comes that's when I have to.
 

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haha we are the same tritype. INFP 469 here. Except I'm 4w5.

Women, women I want to talk to I avoid like the plague because I just want to reduce the anxiety I feel.

Important projects or decisions, I avoid like the plague because I want to avoid the stress that comes with them.
I only deal with this stress if I have to, and when the last minute comes that's when I have to.
Yep, for us 4s, it is very easy to identify something we want to do but we can be VERY avoidant. I hear yah.

It's pretty interesting how 9s and 4s are like yin and yang. 4s know what we want but we avoid doing it. 9s don't know what they want and they do it anyway.
 

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Yep, for us 4s, it is very easy to identify something we want to do but we can be VERY avoidant. I hear yah.

It's pretty interesting how 9s and 4s are like yin and yang. 4s know what we want but we avoid doing it. 9s don't know what they want and they do it anyway.
So it's not a 9 thing then? That kind of knowing what you want but avoiding it?
 

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Yep, for us 4s, it is very easy to identify something we want to do but we can be VERY avoidant. I hear yah.

It's pretty interesting how 9s and 4s are like yin and yang. 4s know what we want but we avoid doing it. 9s don't know what they want and they do it anyway.
9w1 here. I actually know what I want very easily, I have no problem knowing my own desires, which is contradictory to e9 descriptions but that's a rant for another day. And I prioritize pleasing myself over others in most cases.

What causes me to be avoidant is a lack of discipline. Often times on the way to getting what you want, you have to do things you don't want to do. I often avoid things that I don't want to do. Example: I might have an exam to study for. I'll start cleaning my room or doing other "productive stuff" to avoid studying for the exam. That's the kind of avoidance I have.
 

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Avoiding for me is a result of uncertainty and vulnerability. I procrastinate regularly and as you say, it's definitely an ego thing where I'm trying to squeeze water from a stone to do something that isn't actually important to me. I regularly go through that at my job, you know... the job I'm procrastinating at right now!

I avoid when something is important but it involves me truly risking something. IE: asking a girl out, speaking my mind about something important to someone who may not appreciate it, and getting into conflict for a totally valid reason

In these instances my mind goes to 6 where I become anxious, doubtful, and terrified. It's my heart and gut that have to pull me into action. Last weekend I had determined I was going to let a girl know how I felt about her and when it came time, I felt physically sick and all the reasons I shouldn't say anything started bubbling through my mind. Stuff like... "is it fair of me to ask?", "do I really want a relationship?", "am I going to alienate this person?". Fortunately, part of me realized that I would regret continuing to say nothing and I must have looked physically sick because she actually asked me "what's wrong?" I said "nothing... wait, that's a lie... can I talk to you?" and then came clean. Everything worked out fine... I think... :D
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Avoiding for me is a result of uncertainty and vulnerability. I procrastinate regularly and as you say, it's definitely an ego thing where I'm trying to squeeze water from a stone to do something that isn't actually important to me. I regularly go through that at my job, you know... the job I'm procrastinating at right now!

I avoid when something is important but it involves me truly risking something. IE: asking a girl out, speaking my mind about something important to someone who may not appreciate it, and getting into conflict for a totally valid reason

In these instances my mind goes to 6 where I become anxious, doubtful, and terrified. It's my heart and gut that have to pull me into action. Last weekend I had determined I was going to let a girl know how I felt about her and when it came time, I felt physically sick and all the reasons I shouldn't say anything started bubbling through my mind. Stuff like... "is it fair of me to ask?", "do I really want a relationship?", "am I going to alienate this person?". Fortunately, part of me realized that I would regret continuing to say nothing and I must have looked physically sick because she actually asked me "what's wrong?" I said "nothing... wait, that's a lie... can I talk to you?" and then came clean. Everything worked out fine... I think... :D
Hey, that's awesome you challenged yourself to tell that girl your feelings! Good for you! This post helps me see the difference, it seems similar to what I was thinking. Seems like the approach/avoidance is so much more of a visceral experience because emotions are at the surface.
 
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