No foreplay...?

1985 Views 63 Replies 27 Participants Last post by MuChApArAdOx, Mar 25, 2012

CupcakeQueen

Discussion Starter · Mar 21, 2012

Okay so, ever since me & my guy have been having sex, we haven't had ANY foreplay.
He's the only guy I've ever had sex with & the other guys that I dated loved to makeout.
Everytime we're together before we have sex, he always just tells me to "turn around" or "open my legs". He hates kissing & he's just Not affectionate. The last time I was with him, I tried discussing this with him(being affectionate) & all he could say was: "I don't like being affectionate/foreplay". I asked him if he would like me to take control & seduce him & he said: "No, I'll take care of that. I don't want you to". I try putting on music & trying to be intimate, but it just doesn't work. I even asked him "Am I bad in bed"? & he said "You're great in bed". Then I asked: "Is there anything you wanna try in bed"? & he just said "we'll talk about it", but we never have!! But whenever he asks me to go down on him I eagerly do it, because I enjoy pleasing him or I'll give him a handjob or whatever else he wants with no problem. I'm Extremely willing to please him & give him what he wants, but he just doesn't do the same for me & it's frustrating! I even asked if he could go down on me & he said he would, but everytime we've had sex since the , he never has!! He doesn't even let me get on top!! I'm not ever properly lubricated "down there", because of the LACK of foreplay, so we Always have to use lube

I just don't know what to do. I even try flirting & all that, but all he does is kiss my check or my neck once & is ready to stick it in. I'm frustrated, can you guys help or give me advice please??

Sincerely, sexually confused/frustrated

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Reactions: 2

1 - 20 of 64 Posts

twoofthree

· #2 · Mar 21, 2012

He sounds mighty selfish. What are his redeeming qualities?

Reactions: 5

alphacat

· #3 · Mar 21, 2012

Tell him sex should be satisfying to both parties involved. If you're not being satisfied, then he's not getting off, simple as that.

Reactions: 5

Fizz

· #4 · Mar 21, 2012

If you want to discuss this topic, stop him from whatever he is doing and tell him how important it is to you. Let him know how it makes you feel. If he can't appreciate or respect that, you have some larger fish to fry. I know you've made threads about him wanting children and also a threesome, but if you can't communicate your desires there's a real problem there.

Reactions: 5

geekofalltrades

· #5 · Mar 21, 2012

That sounds like a guy who's using you for his own sexual satisfaction. His unwillingness to talk about it or to be intimate in other ways sort of says the same thing. And, "turn around?" "Open your legs?" It could be that he's got a need to be very dominant sexually, but, knowing nothing else, I'd say he's just being manipulative.

Reactions: 5

Tanuchiro

· #6 · Mar 21, 2012

Foreplay is part of the intimacy with sex (I'm a virgin, this is purely speculation). Sounds like he just wants to get off in as short a time as possible. I've rarely heard of a straight guy who wasn't interesting in exploring the female body...

Anyway, sex should be fun for both parties and if compromise can't be reached, you might want to hold off on sex until it's cleared up. You guys could do a little at a time instead of just jumping into an hour long foreplay session. Try baby steps. Make out a little or something then work up from there.

Reactions: 1

twoofthree

· #7 · Mar 21, 2012

geekofalltrades said:
That sounds like a guy who's using you for his own sexual satisfaction. His unwillingness to talk about it or to be intimate in other ways sort of says the same thing. And, "turn around?" "Open your legs?" It could be that he's got a need to be very dominant sexually, but, knowing nothing else, I'd say he's just being manipulative.

"Turn around". "Open your legs".
That's right up there with "Brace yourself".

He only does it because you let him get away with it.
Don't.

Reactions: 5

Swordsman of Mana

· #8 · Mar 21, 2012

twoofthree said:
He sounds mighty selfish. What are his redeeming qualities?

seriously (refusing to satisfy one's partners sexual desires is a pet peeve of mine). why would she have sex with him in the first place if he doesn't do anything to turn her on?

@CupcakeQueen
I'd dump his ass. BO-ring!

Reactions: 5

twoofthree

· #9 · Mar 21, 2012

Swordsman of Mana said:
seriously (refusing to satisfy one's partners sexual desires is a pet peeve of mine). why would she have sex with him in the first place if he doesn't do anything to turn her on?

@CupcakeQueen
I'd dump his ass. BO-ring!

That was my diplomatic response.

My first reaction was "dump his ass and run a mile" but seeing as I was the first to respond, I wanted to keep it tactful.

Reactions: 5

alphacat

· #10 · Mar 21, 2012

twoofthree said:
That was my diplomatic response.

My first reaction was "dump his ass and run a mile" but seeing as I was the first to respond, I wanted to keep it tactful.

Me too. I'd say 'dump him' but I just assumed he has some sort of overwhelmingly positive attribute that makes OP like him.

Reactions: 4

MuChApArAdOx

· #11 · Mar 21, 2012

Foreplay , well sometimes you just want to get fucked, instantly, no time or need for it.

In regardles to your posting, i wouldn't be having any of this at all. If he doesn't have the time to please me, fuck you, jerk off.

If this is what is happening now, especailly if you have talked with him about how you feel, how it makes you feel, it likely won't get any better in time. The only solution is he meets you half way, giving into his needs is only feeding his ego.

Reactions: 4

JohnGalt

· #12 · Mar 22, 2012

He's using you and/or 16 years old (and therefore both doesn't know better and is so damn horny he can't wait).

The problem is you are trying too hard to give him what he wants. Don't try to be better in bed and don't ask him if there is anything you can do. Negotiate with him. Only turn around or spread your legs once he has put some effort into warming you up. Refuse to get out the lube and say he has to meet you half way and lubricate you himself (or go down on you, etc.) if he wants a piece of that, otherwise deny him sex. This sounds like a bit of a power thing and you need to assert what you want here or he is going to walk all over you.

Reactions: 5

JamieBond

· #13 · Mar 22, 2012

Kick his butt out of the bedroom

In my humble opinion.

Reactions: 5

CupcakeQueen

Discussion Starter · #14 · Mar 22, 2012

Well thank you SO much to everyone who's responded so far! Some of them made me laugh, while other's made me think.
I just decided that I'm gonna sit him down & tell him: "Either you start giving me what I need or we're not doing it". I have started to
realize it is pretty much one-sided & I know sex isn't Everything, yet it's something important to me in a relationship. I'm also starting
to feel used which sucks

I just hope we can work through this & not have to breakup. If age is a factor: I'm 18 & he's 22.

Reactions: 1

Kynx

· #15 · Mar 22, 2012

Seriously, walk away from this guy asap before you end up miserable. From this and your other posts, it seems he has no respect for you. If someone's prepared to walk all over you like that, their not worth the effort

Reactions: 5

Blanco

· #16 · Mar 22, 2012

Frankly, I find sex by itself is kind of boring. I mean, my SO and I have quickies for time to time... but really foreplay is half the fun!

Reactions: 5

snail

· #17 · Mar 22, 2012

JohnGalt said:
He's using you and/or 16 years old (and therefore both doesn't know better and is so damn horny he can't wait).

The problem is you are trying too hard to give him what he wants. Don't try to be better in bed and don't ask him if there is anything you can do. Negotiate with him. Only turn around or spread your legs once he has put some effort into warming you up. Refuse to get out the lube and say he has to meet you half way and lubricate you himself (or go down on you, etc.) if he wants a piece of that, otherwise deny him sex. This sounds like a bit of a power thing and you need to assert what you want here or he is going to walk all over you.

If he is as unaware of your needs as he sounds, he'll probably think "lubricate me yourself" means "spit on your hand and rub spit in my crotch."

I've had sex with this kind of person before, and from my experience, I doubt that trying to change him will be effective. Either you're okay with his selfishness in bed, or you aren't. If you aren't okay with it, you can either try indefinitely to coerce him to please you, maybe getting an occasional reluctant, half-hearted attempt (It is likely he will treat it like an unpleasant chore, eventually losing interest entirely or thinking of you as a demanding nag,) or you can stop having sex with him. I'm sorry you're in that situation. It sucks.

Reactions: 4

jeffbobs

· #18 · Mar 22, 2012

CupcakeQueen said:
Well thank you SO much to everyone who's responded so far! Some of them made me laugh, while other's made me think.
I just decided that I'm gonna sit him down & tell him: "Either you start giving me what I need or we're not doing it". I have started to
realize it is pretty much one-sided & I know sex isn't Everything, yet it's something important to me in a relationship. I'm also starting
to feel used which sucks I just hope we can work through this & not have to breakup. If age is a factor: I'm 18 & he's 22.

you are going out with someone that is commonly know as an asshole, you need to find yourself a new guy, he is very selfish from the way you write it suggests he just wants to get his pleasure and then stop, he has no consideration for you, he isn't even willing to try and give it ago.

He is selfish and should be with someone who treats him like shit, because thats all he deserves. i would honestly considering finding someone who loves you and wants to be intimate with you.

CupcakeQueen

Discussion Starter · #19 · Mar 22, 2012

jeffbobs said:
you are going out with someone that is commonly know as an asshole, you need to find yourself a new guy, he is very selfish from the way you write it suggests he just wants to get his pleasure and then stop, he has no consideration for you, he isn't even willing to try and give it ago.

He is selfish and should be with someone who treats him like shit, because thats all he deserves. i would honestly considering finding someone who loves you and wants to be intimate with you.

Okay, I know what I'm going through with him is unfortunate, but I don't find the need for name calling. I wanna at LEAST Try & work through this 1 more time & if he doesn't come around, then I'm leaving. Thanx for the honest truth though

jeffbobs

· #20 · Mar 22, 2012

CupcakeQueen said:
Okay, I know what I'm going through with him is unfortunate, but I don't find the need for name calling. I wanna at LEAST Try & work through this 1 more time & if he doesn't come around, then I'm leaving. Thanx for the honest truth though

Sorry for such harsh words, But in my day to day life i have bare witness to people that sound just like your boyfriend.

Selfish and inconsiderate, all about them and not willing to flex in anyway for anyone, It's selfish and its a stupid way to live your life.

I again am sorry for the words i used, But you really do derserve someone that is going to treat you like a princess, someone who loves and cares for you, and is willing to do almost anything for you. you deserve someone who wants to be intimate with you.

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