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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm an ENFP who is madly in love with an ISTP. I know our personalities are complete opposites, but we're ridiculously drawn to each other and it's hard for us to split apart for more than a month. I've known him my whole life and we started a relationship about 2 years ago. We used to have a bunch of issues but we slowly worked through them. We broke up and got back together a few times, but we always ended up coming back together.

We're kind of trying this relationship thing again, and it seems to be going okay. I've finally learned that he expresses his love through physical touch and quality time and that he will never ever be romantic, which is fine. I don't care if he's quiet and stoic and unromantic. All I want is for him to say that he loves me too. He sometimes tells me that he "cares deeply" and quite often he brings up the topic of us having a kid together. He tells me pretty often that whenever I'm ready to start a family, he'll be ready too because I'll be a good mom and he wants to have a family with me. And that's really nice, but he's only said "I love you" once and after that he wouldn't talk to me for a week.

He texts a whole bunch of people during the week, but he doesn't text me all that much. And when we're together he holds my hand or plays with my hair, but he seriously can't say "I love you." And sometimes he tells me that he's really not good for me because he's a jerk and I'm a good person but that never stops him from wanting to be with me really.

So can I believe that he loves me or am I dead wrong?
 

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Sometimes, people say I love you indirectly. They show their love through their actions, little and big things they do that demonstrate that they want your happiness, that they're committed and invested in this relationship, that they care. In the end, words are meaningless if not followed by actions that show it.

Have you ever asked him? Have you ever told him how you felt about him?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Sometimes, people say I love you indirectly. They show their love through their actions, little and big things they do that demonstrate that they want your happiness, that they're committed and invested in this relationship, that they care. In the end, words are meaningless if not followed by actions that show it.

Have you ever asked him? Have you ever told him how you felt about him?
He knows I love him and it makes him happy but he believes he doesn't deserve it. And he doesn't like saying "I love you" because he's scared he'll break my hurt because he thinks he's such a bad guy. He's really not that bad, he's just insensitive, and no matter what I say he's sure that one day he'll accidentally say or do something that'll hurt my feelings and it'll utterly break me.
 

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He wants to have kid with you - that's bigger than I love you in my opinion :)


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IXTPs experience emotions very internally. Look at INTP poll "Do you say I love you?"

Feelings either show by actions on unconscious body talk or are not relevant to us. We hate emotional statements, especially making them as in mere words it means nothing and we hate to say anything of great importance we cannot prove.

How Does Each Personality Type Ask, "Do You Love Me?" - Personality Type and Personal Growth | Personality Hacker
Do you trust that I’m not lying to you or B.S.’ing you in any way?
Does it make sense that you love me? That you stay with me?
BTW you might find this familiar or funny - ISTP and Extroverted feeler girl romantic comedy spinoff from FMP!. I think the ending say's it all when she asks him if he was scared for her.

If you want interesting probe into ISTP soul I recommend FMP! Second Raid as in the second part of the series there is very insightful development of the main character under extreme stress - very easy to identify with for IXTP.

Also nicely put in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Emotions are repressed if what we value the most is in danger. To love and being able to let go is proof the love is pure. Statements, attachments are not.
 

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@Ukulilu

Sounds to me like he's scared to say it. That level of intimacy can be very frightening to people. He seems to show his love though. Some people just can't say it no matter how much you may need them to.
 
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