Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend?

A girl in my class this semester, a very attractive girl always would smile and flirt with me from the the side of the room. The end of the semester came around and I approached her, we talked and agreed we should hang out. I sent her a text later that night, and like I always do I poured out my heart, way too soon. She told me not to "text her anymore her boyfriend doesn't like that" --Wait you had a boyfriend? However, Not in any way inappropriate. The next class I was pulled out by campus security, she laughed at me, everyone stared at me, I failed. They came to the conclusion that our stories of the conversation and text colluded so there was no issue. Just a "misunderstanding".


I have always had girls on edge when I talk to them,but girls always smile at me and many older women call me handsome. I have not, however, had any relationships.

I was biking today and I stopped to fix my bike. I met an attractive lady, she seems older than me and she had a batman tee on and a bow in her brunnete hair. She talked with me and we are biking Saturday. What should I do?


Here were my assessment results

INFP


I dont usually like to date girls like her but she liked to bike, batman, and she stopped to talk to me. That made her very different.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
36 Posts
That first girl you talked about definitely sensed that you were interested in her, and reciprocated just enough so you would keep pouring your attention onto her and boost her self esteem. Even though she had no intention of taking it anywhere.
Some girl'friends' of mine do this all the time, and they think I'm insane for not behaving this way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
No worries, all will be fine eventually. Do not put yourself down.

-Not every attactive lady you may like will be "it" for you. Try to get to know them better first, rather than "jumping at the opportunity."

-When you find it hard to find a "girlfriend", understand that INDEED, it must not necessarily be you. It may be them that are not interested. This might be for the best-why be in a relationship for its own sake? Also, it's not type INFPs' fault (although our type has to deal with its set of preferences, which at times collides with usual societal dating standards-this is also fine, we just have to adapt without betraying ourselves.)

-Pouring your heart too early is subjective to each situation. Please forgive me, but I doubt you "loved" this person, if you only exchanged views and flirted with her. Did you know her reasonably well? Because if it was only a crush, how could have you poured your heart too early? Did you say I love you and want to marry you tomorrow? That would perhaps be pouring your heart too early. But if you told her that I want to get to know you better, let's go out somewhere, that is not pouring your heart-just asking her out. Some INFPs wait forever to state their intentions, and that is not healthy for both parties either (I say so from experience, as I used to do this.) It's better to let them know where you are standing rather quickly, which doesn't mean that you will necessarily be "pouring your heart" too quickly (of course, I don't know what it was that you said to her, nor whether you were really in love with her, etc. so my apologies if this doesn't apply to you.)

-We are indeed a rather unique minority, and not every lady is aware that we should even exist. This is not bad, nor a weakness. The right lady will be totally won over by who you really are. So be happy with who you are, and not a bit ashamed. In due time you will find a person better suited to yourself.

Even though we are just human, like everybody else, it's important to realize that being INFP, while not being any sort of con or weakness, has its own quirks in learning how to deal with all of this. I've found that it's important to realize that just because even most ladies won't be "our type", that must not be our fault as a rule. Many ladies do not expect the "traits" of even the "healthiest" INFP gentlemen-society is often not as open-minded, and many male INFPs don't meet the traditional "man-role" criteria. This is for the best, because it just means that these kind of people that are not looking for a man like you are not the best match for you anyway. They are not "evil" either; just not for you. Trying to become a man like they wish you were is not the solution. Be yourself instead, and do so gladly, understanding that it requires somebody special to notice what sets you apart. I say so without arrogance; INFPs are indeed special-although not better or worse than anyone-and they will only be appreciated by the right person, regardless type.

I am assuming you are a young man, so just "wait" for the right relationship, my friend; don't get too hasty/stressed about the process. :) It's better to be in the right relationship with the right person, even if that takes "forever" to materialize, than to go through myriads of relationships for their own sake (or for "practice"); for what's the purpose of a romantic relationship for most INFPs other than a deep, meaningful, long-lasting one?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
165 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
No worries, all will be fine eventually. Do not put yourself down.

-Not every attactive lady you may like will be "it" for you. Try to get to know them better first, rather than "jumpimg at the opportunity."

-When you find it hard to find a "girlfriend", understand that INDEED, it must not necessarily be you. It may be them that are not interested. This might be for the best-why be in a relationship for its own sake? Also, it's not type INFPs' fault (although our type has to deal with its set of preferences, which at times collides with usual societal dating standards-this is also fine, we just have to adapt without betraying ourselves.)

-Pouring your heart too early is subjective to each situation. Please forgive me, but I doubt you "loved" this person, if you only exchanged views and flirted with her. Did you know her reasonably well? Because if it was only a crush, how could have you poured your heart too early? Did you say I love you and want to marry you tomorrow? That would perhaps be pouring your heart too early. But if you told her that I want to get to know you better, let's go out somewhere, that is not pouring your heart-just asking her out. Some INFPs wait forever to state their intentions, and that is not healthy for both parties either (I say so from experience, as I used to do this.) It's better to let them know where you are standing rather quickly, which doesn't mean that you will necessarily be "pouring your heart" too quickly (of course, I don't know what it was that you said to her, nor whether you were really in love with her, etc. so my apologies if this doesn't apply to you.)

-We are indeed a rather unique minority, and not every lady is aware that we should even exist. This is not bad, nor a weakness. The right lady will be totally won over by who you really are. So be happy with who you are, and not a bit ashamed. In due time you will find a person better suited to yourself.

Even though we are just human, like everybody else, it's important to realize that being INFP, while not being any sort of con or weakness, has its own quirks in learning how to deal with all of this. I've found that it's important to realize that just because even most ladies won't be "our type", that must not be our fault as a rule. Many ladies do not expect the "traits" of even the "healthiest" INFP gentlemen-society is often not as open-minded, and many male INFPs don't meet the traditional "man-role" criteria. This is for the best, because it just means that these kind of people that are not looking for a man like you are not the best match for you anyway. They are not "evil" either; just not for you. Trying to become a man like they wish you were is not the solution. Be yourself instead, and do so gladly, understanding that it requires somebody special to notice what sets you apart. I say so without arrogance; INFPs are indeed special-although not better or worse than anyone-and they will only be appreciated by the right person, regardless type.

I am assuming you are a young man, so just "wait" for the right relationship, my friend; don't get too hasty/stressed about the process. :) It's better to be in the right relationship with the right person, even if that takes "forever" to materialize, than to go through myriads of relationships for their own sake (or for "practice"); for what's the purpose of a romantic relationship for most INFPs other than a deep, meaningful, long-lasting one?
Thanks, I will keep this in mind.

What advantages do INFP men have?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,684 Posts
When you like someone, let them know that you like them, but treat them as if it's a friendship. If you like someone because of their looks and interests, but only get around to telling them how beautiful they are, they'll think you like them because of their looks and/or relationship potential, not anything that's actually there. It's hard because most INFPs can see what something could become and forget all the little steps necessary to bring that potential into a reality. I messed up big time and lost someone who I treasure more than anything else in the world, but you can't want someone that much that you forget to be happy for yourself. Learn from your mistakes and grow into that person you know you can be.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top