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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
Oh yes.. very much the same. And I think "haunted" could be a good description of how I feel most of the time, almost like the kid in the sixth sense.. without the dead ppl.
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?

Do you have a narrative you recite to yourself when you achieve something or when someone compliments you? What goes through your head when you try to take stock of your accomplishments?
 

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Ahhhh. I have the same problem a lot of the time. I've been working on it. I know it's my perfectionism and Idealism.
I try to leave things more open, without such concrete expectations. I realized that when I'm not happy about something, I usually just expected it to be better in my head. Try to stay open minded and realize that there could be several different outcomes in every situation. Don't pick the greatest possibility and expect yourself to achieve it every single time.
 

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I have trouble with seesawing between trying to be perfect and not taking anything to perfection. Between idealism and realism, trying to establish harmony. I definitely feel 'haunted' like I got an invisible person hanging off my neck, whispering things to me.
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
Hey Cactus. Yeah, I definitely feel what you're talking about, here.

I'd heard it said once to the affect of: "When an INFJ is down on themselves due to something, it isn't because they are below average in a certain area. Rather, it is because they aren't the best person on the entire planet in a certain area."

Even though this was written originally as an insult towards us INFJs, I saw that there was some truth to this insult.

I know that I often hold myself to an unattainably high standard.
 

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Hey Cactus. Yeah, I definitely feel what you're talking about, here.

I'd heard it said once to the affect of: "When an INFJ is down on themselves due to something, it isn't because they are below average in a certain area. Rather, it is because they aren't the best person on the entire planet in a certain area."

Even though this was written originally as an insult towards us INFJs, I saw that there was some truth to this insult.

I know that I often hold myself to an unattainably high standard.
I know that is true of me, if I can't be the best person at something, in a workplace/at home/socially, and there's no way for me to become the best, I struggle with it a while thinking quite negatively of both myself and the person who has outshone me. Eventually I get over it and give up on being the best at whatever it was altogether.
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
I feel exactly the same way. It's like my achievements don't exist - others may appreciate them but I don't really give them a second thought. What consumes me is how I'm failing myself by not achieving more... Sometimes my perfectionism is paralyzing and I simply don't even take a first step towards a goal. Perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand it seems.
 

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*HUG*

This was my immediate, overwhelming reaction upon seeing the thread title. Which means yes, I relate. I have been working on letting things go, accepting myself fully failings and all, and shaving off bits of the perfectionism here and there this year. I actually think it's been working, I've been so much happier on a general basis this year than the last few years. It used to worry me, how I never really enjoyed my achievements... because they were so hard won and supposedly so important to me.
 

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I generally look at myself being in a state of near perfection for the circumstances I am in, but always trying to achieve more. If I'm depressed, I consider whether or not it's natural/healthy for me to be depressed at this point in time for a short while if you catch my drift... But yeah, I always keep the carrot of perfectionism in front of me and the stick of knowing that to accept that perfectionism isn't worth going for because it's impossible which would then result in me losing what perfection I might have already achieved... (I realise it doesn't exactly roll off of the tongue...) (I should also point out that I consider perfection to be a complex thing, that is to say if we are imperfect beings then to achieve the maximum that we can would mean that we are perfect, that is to say being perfectly imperfect.... But apart of this is always striving to improve sorta thing)
 

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Unfortunately, I'm also a part of this little club here. I do not think on my accomplishments, only my mistakes. What makes it worse for me is that I often feel like I'm in some sort of danger as well. I fear that if I don't perform perfectly, there might be terrible consequences (even if I rationally know this is not the case).

2 years ago an acquaintance pulled this stupid practical joke on me that resulted in a pretty weird search result when you google my name (partly because my initial response to it). Even though several companies told me I have the highest grades they had ever seen, and I passed the psychological test and IQ test of my company of choice with flying colors, I still fear they will not hire me when I graduate. Also, I take a course with a 99% chance of landing a job. Now this same company told me the whole google-name-thing was no problem for them. Still all I could think about was that one mistake, and of all the possible ways it could ruin my life. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm crazy.

I think somewhere deep down inside I have the idea that people are 'out to get me', like some conspiracy shit. I feel that others can make mistakes and still be accepted by society (and me). Cause hey, everyone makes mistakes. But at the same time I feel people will take a completely different attitude when it comes to my mistakes. So I have a chronic need to outperform everyone. Not by a little bit, but completely make them pale in comparison. And for some crazy reason, I believe that even then I'm barely good enough to be accepted (especially by authority figures who can 'make or break' me).
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
I have found that anyone who has a functional body, operable motor skills, and a sound mind is sufficient.
 

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It's a curious thing, but I find it difficult to appreciate my achievements, but only worry for what I have not yet done. I feel remorse over wasted time and not being... Better. I think it's a haunting perfectionism/collectivism thing, but maybe something more. Are you the same?
I feel this way a lot. I'm rarely satisfied with my accomplishments. I think of all these big plans I have and how even with hard work they rarely pan out. I am definitely a perfectionist, too.
 

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Do you have a narrative you recite to yourself when you achieve something or when someone compliments you? What goes through your head when you try to take stock of your accomplishments?
Well, I always try to fit things into a grander scheme. I ask myself: am I on the right path? How can I know? If I were on the right path, could I have accomplished more or less, given the circumstances and my potential? And most of all, what else is expected from a person in my position?
 

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At least for me, this seemed to be wired innately. Ever since I can remember, at even age 5. I wanted to please authorities. I wanted to be perfect. My brain made a list of every emotionally negative event that had ever happened to me. My brain constantly cycled through this list, and made me feel horrible. By the time I was 20, this list was so long I rarely had any peace from myself, and I had a mental breakdown. I ended up where I needed to be, with the psychologists. I spent years trying to understand myself and find a functional way of living. Childhood OCD, adult OCD (thoughts only), depression, anxiety, perfectionism.

10 years of work. I generally feel at peace with myself, though worry more easily than others. But I now have the ability to silence that harsh inner critic that used to ruminate endlessly. I can finally sit and feel at peace, without thoughts of much of anything. I can lose myself in what I am doing, and fall into that passion and flow. For me, music makes my mind stand still, frozen by the beauty.

For me, it was not the negative thoughts and continual dissatisfaction that drove me. I still have that drive, but I actually get more done now. I now harness my perfectionism, and control its negatives. But like everyone else, satisfaction with my accomplishments is fleeting. My well needs to be constantly refilled. This is why I want to spend my life counselling. The happiness I feel when helping others is like no experience I have ever felt, and it makes me feel my life is worthwhile. And it lets me regularly interact with people on the deep level that is my world, the world of an INFJ, where the things that are psychologically broken exist.

I thought I would share the one cognitive behavioural therapy technique I use that silences my inner critic. If you are like me, and negatively overreact, or constantly have negative ruminations running through your head, maybe try this. It is something I fall back on regularly when I realise I am feeling terrible, but realise I am also being irrational. Once I construct a logical argument for why I am not the worst person in the world, my inner critic has nothing left to say. Don't be discouraged if your inner critic just switches to something else to feel bad about. Just do the exercise again for each new issue. It does take effort, and sometimes weeks before you might notice a change in your thinking patterns.

This is one of the exact same techniques that you could pay a psychologist to walk you through. It can be effectively used as self-therapy. One of the things this exercise is meant to teach, is that it is not so much the things that happen to us that matter, but how we react to them.

The ABC of CBT – the starter exercise/handout to catch your negative automatic thoughts… « Veronica Walsh's CBT Blog
 

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Perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand it seems.
Right on point for me! Which could be the very reason I feel as if I am Insufficient because I KNOW I could be doing more than I already do, which is already more than half of who I know.
 

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I think somewhere deep down inside I have the idea that people are 'out to get me', like some conspiracy shit. I feel that others can make mistakes and still be accepted by society (and me). Cause hey, everyone makes mistakes. But at the same time I feel people will take a completely different attitude when it comes to my mistakes. So I have a chronic need to outperform everyone. Not by a little bit, but completely make them pale in comparison. And for some crazy reason, I believe that even then I'm barely good enough to be accepted (especially by authority figures who can 'make or break' me).
You have no idea how much this relates to me. Like for example;

I have always been a very nice person. Kind to everyone, caring, giving etc..
Even when people do things to me, I won't retaliate. I keep my cool, Try to keep the standard of who I am.
Lately, however (the last few years) I've decided I won't be taking any more shit.
So in the midst of someone being rude to me or being an obvious oppressor, I decide to fight back.
In these cases, I never over exceed a ridiculous amount of anger, or just be completely out of line.
In reality, I give them about 10% of what I think they actually deserve. Or what others would do to them.
(maybe all it requires is for me to speak my mind on a situation, or even ignore a person)
& yet I am always labelled as the bad guy. It's insane.

Is it because we are expected to be the way others perceive us?
If we were commonly less than, would it make a difference?
Would that mean that if we did something even slightly good we would be honored for it?

If you are a common asshole & do one slight good deed you're a hero
But if you're commonly nice, you have to work 10 times harder to be noticed as even scratching the surface on doing a good deed.

If you are a common asshole, the only time you'll be scolded is when you've done something unthinkably horrible
But if you're commonly nice, you can't even tell a person to stop calling you & your looked at like a monster.

Is this our own views of how we handle being scolded?
Does an evil mind get scolded so much he doesn't take it like he used to so it doesn't hurt him?
Are we so used to be smiled at that when we are scolded it makes us feel like the world is at an end?

Do people have higher expectations of us & really it's all about love & keeping us in line with ourselves, (not turning rotten)

Maybe all of the above.. & in which case is totally confusing & that's why i'm an introvert! Sorry I'm rambling.
 

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*walks in*

sigpic23003_5.jpg

*walks out*
 
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