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What do you do when you feel very sad but you think that while you are sad, everything is fine and will be okay. ? How do you distract yourself from intense feelings (that aren't happy feelings). ?
I personally like to distract myself with something. I have lots of hobbies so I will try and immerse myself into something that will saturate my brain. The only time it is tough to distract myself in when I am trying to fall asleep. Over-thinking is a curse when it comes to trying to sleep for me, it is the cause of my insomnia. It is then that I will try and watch/listen to something that can make me daydream until I fall asleep sleep like a podcast or a NatGeo type show of some sort.
 

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What do you do when you feel very sad but you think that while you are sad, everything is fine and will be okay?
I generally like to revel in my depression. it's my creative space where I do my best thinking and writing. So, when things are bad I tend not to think of the outcome, but analyze the situation and allow my thoughts to project from there.

How do you distract yourself from intense feelings (that aren't happy feelings). ?
If I feel the need to break a negative line of thinking I generally have to rely on others to provide me with a reason to do something else. Otherwise, I simply work through the stages of my mood and allow it to pass naturally like a virus.
 

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@antqueen - I read what you wrote and I felt sick to my stomach in a way. I felt so protective of this poor INFP man, such that I feel like I needed to defend his actions. His "reasoning" with you isn't really to reason with you, but you should see this as more of a warning sign also that you are on probation too. Cos one of the thing which hit me to the core is your criticism to him, and his parenting style, plus you criticised his kids. For Godsake woman ! He is a grown man, WITH kids ! He will never ever ever leave his kids for you. At best, he still want you to be their stepmother and hope that you can also enrich their lives too, but you still WILL be a part of the children's lives.

One thing an INFP lives and die for is to have their own offsprings and be a great parents. You just seriously hit him where it hurts, never mind that he has to deal with criticism on his own divorce, which no person would want and so forth, but you continued to actually hit him where it hurts by using immoral words like "codependency". To me, it seems to me that you both have different priorities in life. Regardless of whatever age a person is, once they have children, they have this emotional ties with them, whether people openly admits to it or not. That is the natural law of things. For you to then criticism and condemn this aspect of a person is just wrong, and why are you fighting with this man about this aspect of his life any way ? What exactly do you want to see happen between you two ? He is quiet and introverted, you cannot turn him into an extrovert overnight, and push him to be against himself. You also said that you cannot tolerate abc... but, be frank now, what exactly DO you see in this man if you also feel that if he needed time to himself to recharge from people is also a violation of the relationship rights between you two ? One day, you will just break this man into pieces.... and which woman on earth wants to be the baddie in a relationship to begin with ? Nobody.

I know that you NTs are quite frank and direct, and factual... his behaviour is not what you think it is happening, and I know that many INFPs here are quite sympathetic.. but if I was the man, and if someone came between myself and my children, I would seriously go berserk. Cos you hardly have given him years of emotional support or credits, and suddenly you are playing this game of "emotional blackmail" ?? Cos this is what it is.. frankly, especially when you know he starts to fall for you, and that he also loves his children, anyone of the people who demands these extreme decisions is just pulling his heart strings apart, and the one who pulls the strongest will definitely lose.

If you love him as much as you say that you do, then he would also stand by you, but if you don't, then he won't too.. It means not to make such great demands, and not to use emotional blackmail tactics.
 

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Are INFPs really that into parenthood?

(Looking for a dissenting voice).
Tbh and I can only speak personally, erm, no, I don't have plans for children nor have I ever really felt that burning desire to have kids, I wouldn't actually describe myself as naturally maternal, I don't fit the typical motherly kinda role, I think I don't want to contribute any further to the population control problems society is kneedeep in. Sorry, no offence to Bago but I disagree about the kids thing, I don't think INFP's are necessarily more inclined to want children, that's probably more of an individual thing than related to type so to speak, even just down to the individual values.
 

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Are INFPs really that into parenthood?

(Looking for a dissenting voice).
Hah, I wouldn't put asking this past a newbie INTJ, but it's just such a Ti-dom thing to ask.


Anyway, INFPs love the concept of love.
One of loads of ways that manifests (other big ways are books, movies, plays, etc -- most INFPs are fanboys/girls of something related to love/expression) is children, whom they can have a parental relationship with.

Love of children isn't a trait of INFPs, but it's an effect of one.
 

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Hah, I wouldn't put asking this past a newbie INTJ, but it's just such a Ti-dom thing to ask.

Anyway, INFPs love the concept of love.
One of loads of ways that manifests (other big ways are books, movies, plays, etc -- most INFPs are fanboys/girls of something related to love/expression) is children, whom they can have a parental relationship with.

Love of children isn't a trait of INFPs, but it's an effect of one.
It's funny, someone once said that to me, and it came from an INFP too. She teased me on this but she did not know that I fell in love with another INFP guy, and that we did meet and we did indeed have an actual relationship, but because of her words, and her meddling, it really kind of made me more fearful of her as a person, and I did not trust her. Cos she started to extrovertise and trash what I had as feelings in my heart, and of my relationship with this INFP guy. (Maybe she felt that she had the "right" to be inviting herself into my world and my inner world too just cos I once talked to her deeply about soulmates etc. Cos then I realised that she had absolutely NO idea whatsoever about that strict boundary and social decorum also of "time and place" to speak of things. I was quite offended when it reaches my own private domain and of my own facebook which connects directly to my immediate family.)

It really affected me a lot emotionally. I did not trash her Facebook, nor get involved with HER private life as she did with mine... But I really wanted to, cos she started to attack without knowing, and without understanding of my feelings, or care of my welfare. That is just horrible. I boycotted her from my Facebook in the end. She said the most obtuse things on earth. Only a stressed INFP, or NF will actually act like an NT. Maybe when the OP met the INFP guy, he was more cautious and more stressed and came across as "more NT than your average INTJ" guy such that, he may "appear" to be a better suitor than she seems to think of him.

See the above comment that you wrote? It is from your own judgement of someone else, and not actually you as a person, but you are actually speaking of someone else, being them. If you are not THEM, how can you speak of how they are truly as a person? Isn't this talking about someone else behind their back ? I find this obnoxious somewhat...

You have no idea about someone else's feelings, or their identities, and you use a "concept" labelled as "mbti" to judge their lives.... in simple terms this is being arrogant. To talk of someone, than to listen to them and let them speak for themselves being them, and express themselves. It's called "gossiping".


Look at this chart. Look at the red feeling bubbles. An INFP's bubble is SO big and SO deep from their heart... Look at your own mbti bubbles respectively...
mbti bubble.jpg


I do not see INFPs as "in love with love", but more of other types as "quite cold blooded". Lol ! How about that for my own self esteem ? ;)

If you cannot match half of that, or that if an INFP realises that you are more of a practical person, and unless they felt more sorry for you than to feel more alive with you, then yes, they may want to be with you more. Otherwise, it is hard to match that deep sense of feeling that comes with one's personality... Unless the INFP is somewhat naive and doesn't trust his intuition that he can find true love, then maybe yes, he will settle, but if not, then a person must find a deep true love for him or herself...
 

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It's funny, someone once said that to me, and it came from an INFP too. She teased me on this but she did not know that I fell in love with another INFP guy, and that we did meet and we did indeed have an actual relationshio, but because of her words, and her meddling, it really kind of made me more fearful of her as a person, and I did not trust her. Cos she started to extrovertise and trash what I had as feelings in my heart, and of my relationship with this INFP guy. It really affected me a lot emotionally. I did not trash her Facebook, nor get involved with HER private life as she did with mine... But I really wanted to, cos she started to attack without knowing, and without understanding of my feelings, or care of my welfare. That is just horrible. I boycotted her from my Facebook in the end. She said the most obtuse things on earth. Only a stressed INFP, or NF will actually act like an NT. Maybe when the OP met the INFP guy, he was more cautious and more stressed and came across as "more NT than your average INTJ" guy such that, he may "appear" to be a better suitor than she seems to think of him.

See the above comment that you wrote? It is from your own judgement of someone else, and not actually you as a person, but you are actually speaking of someone else, being them. If you are not THEM, how can you speak of how they are truly as a person? Isn't this talking about someone else behind their back ? I find this obnoxious somewhat...

You have no idea about someone else's feelings, or their identities, and you use a "concept" labelled as "mbti" to judge their lives.... in simple terms this is being arrogant. To talk of someone, than to listen to them and let them speak for themselves being them, and express themselves. It's called "gossiping"

Look at this chart. Look at the red feeling bubbles. An INFP's is SO big and SO deep from their heart...
http://i.imgur.com/Q6F61.png

If you cannot match half of that, or that if an INFP realises that you are more of a practical person, and unless they felt more sorry for you than to feel more alive with you, then yes, they may want to be with you more. Otherwise, it is hard to match that deep sense of feeling that comes with one's personality... Unless the INFP is somewhat naive and doesn't trust his intuition that he can find true love, then maybe yes, he will settle, but if not, then a person must find a deep true love for him or herself...
See the problem with INFPs, is the same as every other type: their dominant function -- the emotions that you're so proud of -- is their weakness too; what happens when the emotions of an INFP fails them?

Look on the chart, or maybe into your own life.
Dominant functions shouldn't ever be boasted about, you should never think "Oh, I'm a wonderful person because XYZ is my dominant function," because they're inherently linked with the greatest immaturity of a person.



Now, I'm not exactly emotionally invested in that comment to care what your personal interpretation of it was. It was written offhand, shorthand, and only for the persons onhand (myself and the ISTP).

Really, given the number of INFPs around here, there's just so many minor things that trigger huge negative reactions in this sub-forum; "ditzy," "absent-minded," "logical," "shy/too quiet," "unrealistic," etc, etc. I was actually surprised I'd made a few posts in the INF- sections without garnering a severe negative reaction (discounting one severe-ish one, which I'd suppose could've been "played down" so to speak).

Now, I may well be wrong about this, but wasn't it you who was butthurt about my name being "miss," despite me being a male?
See, if you're reacting that negatively to such a harmless joke, then what does that say?

Maybe it's not a "big red feelings bubble," but the blood from people who weren't able to tread on the glass carefully enough.

And yeah, you can make the argument that I'm an enormous jerk and should be more sensitive, and it's a valid, but pointless argument to make; I won't listen because I'm not invested in your opinion, and you'll get to be satisfied that "one less jerk is in the word since you gave that MissJordan a good talking to" and eventually get in the same problem.

Conflict happens when two objects interact, and I've found sensitivity to be a topic I'm quite fine on; politeness and respectfulness being different matters.
 

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Oh my god, Absyrd, you look as if you're several decades younger than me but I SHARE YOUR PAIN! My INFP has routinely discussed the hardships in our relationship with his adult daughters ... who, as you can imagine, are not heavily invested in his and my happiness. I can hardly describe to you how painful that has been for me and the anguish his disloyalty has caused in this respect. So much so it has essentially driven us apart and I am devastated.
You should see it this way instead.. He may speak of the relationship with those whom he trust and has earned his emotional support. Also, he is checking too to see if his kids will like you, and maybe he is also out of touch with dating and cross check simple things with his daughters to see if he is on track with you. If you have not even entered the radar or dating visual vaccinity of this man, then why should he spend so much energy into asking others for advice in order to ensure that he got it right? He only asks maybe he cannot read your signal, whatever it may be. If he was absolutely certain on you, he would have married you or dated you by now, but if what you are sending out as signals doesn't even compute with what he had in his mind, then he will ask around to cross check his own sanity, cos he doesn't trust his own judgement as strong any more. Although on some level, it seems a tad crass for him to ask his own daughters for advice, but I doubt that what he is asking is the tiny details, but maybe more of a generic "what do you think women like this day and age?" or a "what do you guys think if I take this lady out for a dinner, do you guys mind, and will you guys make an effort to get along with her etc" ??

You have to remember something important. Fi is about feelings. About people, and their relationships with yourself. What is the point of being in this big world to cause more chaos, than to build beautiful relationships with those who you are closed to ? Even if he wants his kids to be independent, he would do it in such a way that he does not hurt them to remember bad times. He may gently nudge them towards their happy path and onto a road of happiness... and not just in a cut throat way of "Daddy's just met a new lady whom I would like to be with for the rest of my life, and I want you out of my house now asap". how brutal does that sound to you? Think about it logically, and do you even want to be with a man who actually does that to his kids? I wouldn't ! Cos he shows that he lacks humanity, especially when it comes to his own flesh and blood too. That is the worst a Man can do to his offsprings.

If you are to be with this INFP man, then you got to tone down your desire of this absolute "independence" attitude and actually start to form relationships and trusting relationships with his offsprings. If you want to parent his kids, then you got to respect that they are still his kids, and that the ultimate call would be down to him to decide, until such a time that he feels and warrant that you can add value to the upbringing of his kids too. Yes, if his kids have kids, then you will be a step-grandmother. Think about the longevity of your relationship too and the foundation block that you are building with him. Cos frankly, the blocks which you are building now are very lose and unsteady for a future objective.
 

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Maybe it's not a "big red feelings bubble," but the blood from people who weren't able to tread on the glass carefully enough.
You sir, win the internets.

@Bago - the big red bubbles are just indicating that feeling is your first function. It doesn't mean your heart is bigger or your capacity for it is in any way enhanced because of the 'big red bubble'. I'd *hate* to be a feeler first. Eww.
 

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See the problem with INFPs, is the same as every other type: their dominant function -- the emotions that you're so proud of -- is their weakness too; what happens when the emotions of an INFP fails them?
It's not a weakness as such as it is a strength and a personal one at that too. Why would you break yourself up and become someone whom you are not and actually behave in a bad manner to others? It makes no sense whatsoever. People do NOT have to take your bad side of you. They should accept and take your good side of you. Most people with discipline need to understand this too. You do not have to become someone else that you are not. Like here, I was speaking of my feelings and my desire and my want, and if you respected me then you would also accept it and acknowledge it too. Instead of saying things which are more obtuse to wind me up. By my speaking out, I am already extending my character and using my Te and Ne more, than my Fi. Even if I am behaving MORE of an ESTJ to reason with someone else, and if they still do not appreciate this gesture, then to hell with them tbh. Cos a Man or Woman, cannot be broken again and again for anybody else. Think about it. It is very unethical.

Look on the chart, or maybe into your own life.
Dominant functions shouldn't ever be boasted about, you should never think "Oh, I'm a wonderful person because XYZ is my dominant function," because they're inherently linked with the greatest immaturity of a person.
I have no idea what you are on about, and what you think I meant by what I wrote. The immaturity of a person is utilising their own personality, understanding of THEMSELVES, and THEN communicate that TO the other person.

Now, I'm not exactly emotionally invested in that comment to care what your personal interpretation of it was. It was written offhand, shorthand, and only for the persons onhand (myself and the ISTP).
Well, then do not get involved in things whereby you will cause chaos more than it helps someone else. Cos you will end up more lonely and people will indeed avoid you etc. Cos arrogance can only lasts so long in a person's life...

Really, given the number of INFPs around here, there's just so many minor things that trigger huge negative reactions in this sub-forum; "ditzy," "absent-minded," "logical," "shy/too quiet," "unrealistic," etc, etc. I was actually surprised I'd made a few posts in the INF- sections without garnering a severe negative reaction (discounting one severe-ish one, which I'd suppose could've been "played down" so to speak).
You haven't found our sweet spots ! LOL...
Why is it different to what gets posted in the INTJ forum? In fact, I found that the INFP forum these days are SO much more open-minded, cos people started to be a little bit more "extroverted" and "sharing", with some very deep personal issues as well... Before, they were more just suicidal cos of the general perception of themselves by people like yourself trying to paint a different worldview and make them feel and think that they are the scum of the earth...

Now, I may well be wrong about this, but wasn't it you who was butthurt about my name being "miss," despite me being a male?
See, if you're reacting that negatively to such a harmless joke, then what does that say?
Cos you did not see the big picture. I was actually trying to show that you were being "fake" which a lot of people knew you were, but there was an absolute fine line of inhumanity, and you happened to overstep that mark. If a person started to treat you like a woman, and that they genuinely THOUGHT you were a woman, and not some stupid dumb guy messing around and playing on the internet, but while the other person were actually really failing for you or something... Isn't that nasty and mean in your honest opinion? Don't you have any moral values at all in your BONES??? I could've take such injustice, so I outed you. I acted out in a way to demean you, even though it did not even touch your stupid radar or hurt your feelings AT all. Which then I retracted and realised that you were pretty cold blooded.... I lost my fight, and I retreated cos you were quite nasty in that regard. That was how I saw things from MY side.

Who in their right sane mind would joke and lie to the general public about their own gender, and then hurt someone else in the process of that and THEN blame the action as being someone else and not because they started it by living a lie? That is ludicrous.

Because I knew the nature of your mbti self and that you are an INTJ and because you come across as being nasty and mean, and publically doing so to what you thought was teasing the average INFP to laugh at themselves, but that line took it to the extreme and it broke the camel's back. Which makes you a bully, even though you do not see it that way from the other person's standpoint. It is actually really really bad...

Maybe it's not a "big red feelings bubble," but the blood from people who weren't able to tread on the glass carefully enough.
Acknowledge at least the difference between yourself and someone else, and start to think about the best way to actually live and co-operate with a more Fi oriented person. Cos frankly... your style is worst than the ENTJ's or the INFJ's way. Cos they were short and sweet, to the point, without demeaning someone else. But... you attacked the dominant function first. Fi is within reason on the feelings not just of the INFP themselves, but also the others too. If I did not wait til like 4- 5 posts on from the ENTP lady here before I went and wrote what I did... Who can sustain this kind of pressure ? That is ridiculous.

And yeah, you can make the argument that I'm an enormous jerk and should be more sensitive, and it's a valid, but pointless argument to make; I won't listen because I'm not invested in your opinion, and you'll get to be satisfied that "one less jerk is in the word since you gave that MissJordan a good talking to" and eventually get in the same problem.

Conflict happens when two objects interact, and I've found sensitivity to be a topic I'm quite fine on; politeness and respectfulness being different matters.
It makes ME feel better to put you into your place which I know you wont accept and see in the same way any way ! Which is what you are like, cos you talk the talk but you don't walk the walk and I have posted enough on this forum to know to avoid your mug face.

The thing is, you thought that I was unreasonable by saying what I am doing now, but for a moment of your arrogant life, check to see if I was another one of these bystanders of life, who had been holding off for SO long before I say such a thing, cos if I lived in a day to day basis with you and you are such a bad person, I would probably kill you first than I would tolerate with you... Especially when you are a nasty in your own heart.


Ne sees EVERYTHING around them.... But we choose to shut up, or to displace our frustrations into art work and maintain sanity, OR to maintain harmony. Maybe it gives YOU peace in YOUR stupid heart to know that you won't get hit or attacked cos of your immoral words, but if you come from my culture of a Chinese empathetic background, be sure that you would actually get physically injured as well and so forth for the immoral things that you say, be sure that you WILL indeed be criticised.

If you give someone face and respect, then yes, expect face and respect back. BUT if you DON'T, don't expect the world to kowtow towards you and live YOUR lifestyle, you arrogant person.
 

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You sir, win the internets.

@Bago - the big red bubbles are just indicating that feeling is your first function. It doesn't mean your heart is bigger or your capacity for it is in any way enhanced because of the 'big red bubble'. I'd *hate* to be a feeler first. Eww.
One thing I learnt off the internet is that, if I do not distract myself and see different permutation of the world and really get absorbed into what someone say, do, and act. I actually feel an intense emotional aspect into my whole physical being as well, and that really hurts me so deeply, both on a physical level, as well as an emotional level. We *are* aware, and we *have* Ne to be aware of our environment. If I did not use my brain and brainwash my own ESTJ self into "justifying" things in my mind, I would actually be pretty crippled by what is said and done here on this thread alone...

There is a phrase... what is it..."you laugh you laugh together, you cry, you cry alone"... which is a poetic way to put it.
But I am a modern INFP in 2013 .... "You're DEPRESSED !" ... "YOU CARE TOO MUCH!".... "DON'T BE A BABY!".....

It's a very individualistic, uncaring kind of Westernised, everything is up for grabs kind of society, pushed by certain individuals...
Excuse me while I go and release some of the anger which I got from this thread, and release it in that Banana song from that lovely thoughtful movie called Despicable Me 2...
 

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See the problem with INFPs, is the same as every other type: their dominant function -- the emotions that you're so proud of -- is their weakness too; what happens when the emotions of an INFP fails them?
Of course, too much of something isn't always good :wink: In moderation as they say or with an open mind. Just have to ask, why did you OP here and not here, sorry, derails are derails, you came with no question. Just to let you know, this isn't a vent/rant thread, it is a productive Q & A thread aimed at constructive solutions, not a type bigotry thread, come on, that shit is ancient. I've been aware of your presence round these parts which is just fine and dandy if only you come to post about the same sorts of things, your gripes with INFP's for quite some time now, perhaps you just can't leave us alone, maybe we should get a big ass suite and discuss psychological warfare tactics.

And I guess the same thing happens to T's when their thinking reasoning fails them. Swings and roundabouts.

Look on the chart, or maybe into your own life.
Dominant functions shouldn't ever be boasted about, you should never think "Oh, I'm a wonderful person because XYZ is my dominant function," because they're inherently linked with the greatest immaturity of a person.
No, they should be capitalized on :laughing: Although props for redefining immaturity, wow, why was I not warned about this?

Thing is I have some appreciation for example Ni, but the Ni dom must not value that dominant function because it is theirs but anyone else can express their appreciation, less questions asked. Okay...

Really, given the number of INFPs around here, there's just so many minor things that trigger huge negative reactions in this sub-forum; "ditzy," "absent-minded," "logical," "shy/too quiet," "unrealistic," etc, etc. I was actually surprised I'd made a few posts in the INF- sections without garnering a severe negative reaction (discounting one severe-ish one, which I'd suppose could've been "played down" so to speak).
And you are certain that all are correctly typed INFP? Why is shyness, ditzy triggering of a reaction, just curious? That part didn't make sense, could you at least explain more about this? You have based these perceptions on an online forum demographic, is this indicative of your real life experiences with correctly typed INFP's? Ill take your word for it, maybe.

Anyway's, call me out for being hypersensitive because I responded, i'm sure ill get over it, I always do! :wink:
 

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@Vic

Re INFPs & parenthood -- I decided in my mid 20's kids were something I could take or leave, only would have kids if my spouse really, really wanted them. I married a guy who really did not want kids, and I was fine with that, and I have never regretted not having kids.

Although I am not into kids, I do have a nurturing nature. I have a menagerie of pets (dog, cats, rabbits) & love to garden (nurture plants) ... so I have an outlet for my nurturing instinct. I think many INFPs have a strong nurturing streak in us, it just comes out in different ways.
 

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Of course, too much of something isn't always good :wink: In moderation as they say or with an open mind. Just have to ask, why did you OP here and not here, sorry, derails are derails, you came with no question. Just to let you know, this isn't a vent/rant thread, it is a productive Q & A thread aimed at constructive solutions, not a type bigotry thread, come on, that shit is ancient. I've been aware of your presence round these parts which is just fine and dandy if only you come to post about the same sorts of things, your gripes with INFP's for quite some time now, perhaps you just can't leave us alone, maybe we should get a big ass suite and discuss psychological warfare tactics.
You realise I was answering a question, right?
 
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