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Do you think youd get along well with an Entp? Ive been looking this up and the answers are all over the place
I wish I could say I definitely new one. But here on my thoughts on each letter:

E: I sometimes really enjoy time with extroverts and find them fun and energetic companions, as long as they don't push me to always go out or get critical because I sometimes want down time. Depends on how strong of E you are and how strong of I the other person is, too.

N: I LOVE Ns! Can always have good conversation and connection

T: I sometimes find Ts have difficulty supporting me emotionally, but there is also a nice balance of insight/logic that they can provide, and they can be rocks for me in that way. I would make an effort to just be there to hold/listen to an F and offer some sympathy/empathy if they are upset. Sometimes all we need is the comfort of touch and your time. But I've felt the most seen, soothed, understood by F men.

P: I personally prefer J types more than P types... I like the J decisiveness and order. P-J is a spectrum of course. I'm not a strong P, and I am bothered by flakey people who aren't on time or can't commit or be reliable (more P than me). I think I have met some extroverted P men who are inspiring.
 

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My question: What are INFPs like in the early stages of dating? And what can I do to help keep the connection open?

Turns out the guy I'm seeing in an INFP, and I'm looking for some insight on how to nurture the connection.

We met and were friendly for about 3 weeks (met in a coliving space, did a bunch of group activities together), and then as I had plans to travel to his home country, he gave me an open invite to visit his city and I could stay in the empty room in his house. I took him up on the offer, and then sparks unexpectedly flew (for me, at least... or maybe also for him). It was just this connection that took me by surprise and then when he kissed me, I was like "well damn!" (in the best way). It felt very, for lack of a better word, organic.

We spent 3 days together, and it was amazing. And since I would still be in the country, I gave him an opening in terms of us seeing each other again. And a few days later, we arranged to spend another 3 days together... which were even more amazing than the first 3 days. Like, I was seriously smitten and that hardly ever happens to me.

He's smart, considerate. We have the same sense of humor and have all sorts of inside jokes. We talked a lot (when we weren't kissing, we were talking). He's super physically affectionate which I love cos my romantic love language is touch. We were always holding hands, our legs would be tangled under the table, and I would always catch him just looking at him. Our physical chemistry is on-point, it's almost sickening thinking about it hahahah. But also, I felt super comfortable and safe around him and we talked about so many different things, it felt like we would never run out of conversation. I find him an interesting person to talk to and be with.

Basically, I'm kinda crazy about him. The problem is that we're currently 8 timezones away from each other. It's not a permanent problem because we both lead flexible lives where we can work remotely from anywhere. We didn't have a conversation about what's going on with us (although I did admit to him that I really really like him, which he reciprocated), and tbh it felt a little too early to talk about it since we only spent like 6 days together.

We're still in touch; we text every 2 days or so. I've sent a video message, he's sent pictures -- and everything still feels good. But I'm wondering what (else) I can to nurture this little bud of something cos I would really really love to see how this plays out. I have a good feeling about this and I want to give it the best chance of succeeding. Ideally, I'd love for us to figure out a way to be in the same place sometime in the next few months so that we can figure this out and let it progress in person.

Any insights on how best to navigate this would be awesome, thanks! :)
 

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@inmyeyes

Sounds right on point, IMO. If you're into it, consistency is key. No games, just honesty about where you stand. I think you did good not to put labels or any pressure too quickly, but you were completely reassuring to him which is awesome.

In my experience, the beginnings of things can be very, very intense, but when things settle down and fall into a normal pattern, that is when I can really decide how I feel about things. I say let it roll and enjoy every minute of these beginnings. Assuming he's a mature INFP, he'll let you know if for any reason he's not into it after a bit of time -- I am thinking he won't be able to continue as things are for too long without making it clear how he feels one way or the other. No need to rush anything with us cause our foot is already on the idealistic gas pedal from day one -- as long as you are expressing how you feel without pressure, I think that is perfect, especially if you don't need anything more yet. Let him sort it out. It is good to give us a minute to collect our thoughts to make sure they align with our feelings. :)
 

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Do you think youd get along well with an Entp? Ive been looking this up and the answers are all over the place
This is a pretty... subjective question I guess? Hence no solid answer to your question, ma mate. Some will say yes, some will say no. It's a matter of personal experience. ENTPs (as I know them) are boisterous, bold, outgoing... basically everything we aren't, lol, so there would be many differences most of the time if you go by MBTI only, which is kind of, eh, not reasonable. Whether good or bad depends on you as an individual. I personally like you, folks. You are fun and charismatic from what I know, and yucks... it's a good scenery change for my idealistic, snowflakey ass. :smug:


PS: So many people ignore enneagram types. That could change someone's personal taste and opinion greatly, you know. Most INFPs fall under the 4w5 category, preferring feelers and introverts who share similar values and beliefs as them. Your extroverted natures could be... overwhelming? I'm a 6w5 so I prefer more daring, extroverted people?
 

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Well, now we're 23 and 40 and engaged. (24 and 41 when we get married) We've still never missed a day of calling or visiting each other. It's not weird having the 17 years between us. I should have read Little Women a long time ago because he is my Professor Bhaer.

He's not ISFJ, and I'm not entirely certain what he is. Fe and Se are apparent. Perhaps ENFJ heavily into Se? I can see how young I am in my emotional maturity compared to him. Sometimes I'll catch myself pouting about dumb things like a child, and it's only then I realize how patient he is with me. But you're never too mature to throw snowballs at each other. Light violence and mockery accompany my affectionate feelings.

It seems that I acted like myself, and nobody got scared away!
Never too late for some congrats :yeah:

And, welp, older men are hot and usually, well, more experienced in most aspects of life, so... go get it, mate. I don't know why people feel so wary about age. As long as your personalities are compatible and you are both legal adults. :applouse:
 

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I'm gonna try to diminish some details.

How to deal with a bad situation with a left handed person as a family member? Think of Paul Allen, the co-founder of Microsoft and how he basically "ragequit" his partnership with Microsoft and Bill Gates, a left handed person.

More details, everyone seems to think this 'left handed person' as a saint. In fact, an interview with Paul Allen, one of the questions CBS News said about Bill Gates "he's almost a saint now".

Then again, maybe I should post somewhere else... but the INFJ forum, the SJs forum is full of people that are just.... basically have the money to spend to fix the problem.

I should add one more detail: this left handed person, may likely be INTP because someone from a mbti website (its a small website, its now gone) hinted that to me. I made this left handed person take a LSRP test and this person scored very high. (like about 4 on both dimensions)

https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/LSRP.php

I took the test and got 1.7 or 1.8 in primary, and 2.8 in secondary.

I'm right handed, to clarify.

Fine, to add one more detail, the left handed person basically told me to buy a Nintendo 64, for some odd reason. I suspect it may have something to do with daycare. I only play PC games, since a computer its easy to do many different things (email, chat, business, work, etc)

EDIT: Fine, to add another detail, this left handed person is a sibling.

EDIT 2: Though how this relates to "relationship" thread seems odd, however to make it relevant to the topic of the thread, this left handed person is in a interracial dating situation. I'm single. The only thing I worry is if the economy collapses, ww3 starts, or some natural disasters, then I dunno.. I know, this should be in a different thread like the general advice thread or whatever.

EDIT 3: As of my own relationship goals, I personally think that too many people are stuck in "floursis" (fluoride intoxicated) which means their third eye (pineal gland) is basically asleep. I realize the majority of intutives in mbti even in PersonalityCafe never thought of this either.
 

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I'm gonna try to diminish some details.

How to deal with a bad situation with a left handed person as a family member? Think of Paul Allen, the co-founder of Microsoft and how he basically "ragequit" his partnership with Microsoft and Bill Gates, a left handed person.

More details, everyone seems to think this 'left handed person' as a saint. In fact, an interview with Paul Allen, one of the questions CBS News said about Bill Gates "he's almost a saint now".

Then again, maybe I should post somewhere else... but the INFJ forum, the SJs forum is full of people that are just.... basically have the money to spend to fix the problem.

I should add one more detail: this left handed person, may likely be INTP because someone from a mbti website (its a small website, its now gone) hinted that to me. I made this left handed person take a LSRP test and this person scored very high. (like about 4 on both dimensions)

https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/LSRP.php

I took the test and got 1.7 or 1.8 in primary, and 2.8 in secondary.

I'm right handed, to clarify.

Fine, to add one more detail, the left handed person basically told me to buy a Nintendo 64, for some odd reason. I suspect it may have something to do with daycare. I only play PC games, since a computer its easy to do many different things (email, chat, business, work, etc)

EDIT: Fine, to add another detail, this left handed person is a sibling.

EDIT 2: Though how this relates to "relationship" thread seems odd, however to make it relevant to the topic of the thread, this left handed person is in a interracial dating situation. I'm single. The only thing I worry is if the economy collapses, ww3 starts, or some natural disasters, then I dunno.. I know, this should be in a different thread like the general advice thread or whatever.

EDIT 3: As of my own relationship goals, I personally think that too many people are stuck in "floursis" (fluoride intoxicated) which means their third eye (pineal gland) is basically asleep. I realize the majority of intutives in mbti even in PersonalityCafe never thought of this either.
So what are you asking exactly?
 

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UNHEALTHY INFP MEETS A WELL ESTABLISHED ENFJ

Dear all,

I am a 26 years old textbook ENFJ. I discovered the MBTI types a while ago and I have been obsessed with them ever since mostly because of how accurate the description of my personality is. In my case, it's up to 98%. This is also one of the reasons why I started looking at potential dates through this psychological lens. A couple of months ago I met an amazing guy, whom I asked to take a test and he turned out to be an INFP. Having done some proper research, this should not have come as a surprise at all: I was immediately drawn to his depth, empathy and thoughtfulness - something that I have been missing in every single person that I dated in the past.

However, things did not go exactly as planned. We were seeing each other for about two months and he acted very hot and cold with me. Later on, he confessed that he suffered from a serious depression because of his break-up with a long-term boyfriend. This is when my savior mode was triggered and I thought that I could show him what the real love is (sic!). Approximately two months after we started seeing each other I got a job offer in a city that is one hour and a half away by train from the place that we met at. He still reassured me that this is not a problem and that we could still see each other there etc. Over Christmas, we were sending each other some messages and he even proposed having a skype call (I was back to my hometown), but when the day came, he didn't respond to my message asking him if we are talking or not.

Finally, he also asked me to send him my new address in the city that I moved to so that he can send me a Christmas gift. I did so and even though I was not really planning on sending him something before, I immediately thought that I need to send something amazing in return. I put great effort into getting him something personal and thoughtful, but not very romantic - book "Little life" (strongly recommended to all Dreamers) and a souvenir from my home country. I did not want to pressure him into anything, because I could sense that he doesn't know whether he wants to continue or not. I sent it to him in the beginning of January, when we kind of stopped talking to each other, because he was extremely distant. At that time, I literally had no expectations at all. All I truly wanted was to put a smile on his face.

What followed puzzled me a lot. He received that gift about a month ago and hasn't even sent a thank you note, a message, nothing. At the same time, I did not receive his gift. I have to say that I have been really hurt by this, because I didnt really expect anything in return but knowing that he did enjoy it. Last week, I lost my temper and I sent him a message basically saying that I don't know what I did not to even a deserve a thank you, but I hope he truly likes that gift.

Here is my question to fellow INFPs. What could be on his mind? Did I exaggerate with the gift? We ENFJs are often accused of being smothering, but at the end of the day it was him who proposed sending something to me first. Did he ghost me completely or I can expect him to say something in the future?

I would be very grateful for any INFPs insights.
 

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UNHEALTHY INFP MEETS A WELL ESTABLISHED ENFJ

Dear all,

I am a 26 years old textbook ENFJ. I discovered the MBTI types a while ago and I have been obsessed with them ever since mostly because of how accurate the description of my personality is. In my case, it's up to 98%. This is also one of the reasons why I started looking at potential dates through this psychological lens. A couple of months ago I met an amazing guy, whom I asked to take a test and he turned out to be an INFP. Having done some proper research, this should not have come as a surprise at all: I was immediately drawn to his depth, empathy and thoughtfulness - something that I have been missing in every single person that I dated in the past.

However, things did not go exactly as planned. We were seeing each other for about two months and he acted very hot and cold with me. Later on, he confessed that he suffered from a serious depression because of his break-up with a long-term boyfriend. This is when my savior mode was triggered and I thought that I could show him what the real love is (sic!). Approximately two months after we started seeing each other I got a job offer in a city that is one hour and a half away by train from the place that we met at. He still reassured me that this is not a problem and that we could still see each other there etc. Over Christmas, we were sending each other some messages and he even proposed having a skype call (I was back to my hometown), but when the day came, he didn't respond to my message asking him if we are talking or not.

Finally, he also asked me to send him my new address in the city that I moved to so that he can send me a Christmas gift. I did so and even though I was not really planning on sending him something before, I immediately thought that I need to send something amazing in return. I put great effort into getting him something personal and thoughtful, but not very romantic - book "Little life" (strongly recommended to all Dreamers) and a souvenir from my home country. I did not want to pressure him into anything, because I could sense that he doesn't know whether he wants to continue or not. I sent it to him in the beginning of January, when we kind of stopped talking to each other, because he was extremely distant. At that time, I literally had no expectations at all. All I truly wanted was to put a smile on his face.

What followed puzzled me a lot. He received that gift about a month ago and hasn't even sent a thank you note, a message, nothing. At the same time, I did not receive his gift. I have to say that I have been really hurt by this, because I didnt really expect anything in return but knowing that he did enjoy it. Last week, I lost my temper and I sent him a message basically saying that I don't know what I did not to even a deserve a thank you, but I hope he truly likes that gift.

Here is my question to fellow INFPs. What could be on his mind? Did I exaggerate with the gift? We ENFJs are often accused of being smothering, but at the end of the day it was him who proposed sending something to me first. Did he ghost me completely or I can expect him to say something in the future?

I would be very grateful for any INFPs insights.
As an INFP who has been through severe depression, I can say for sure that he feels lost. I can also say that you, or any other person, can't spend a few months with him and expect him to get better. Depression takes many many years to heal, and (some will argue with me here but this is what I feel) after all that time, some parts of it will never go away. It changes you deeply and severely, although how you end up is up to you.

That being said, when one decides to stick with a depressed person, it can be really tough to persevere. Depression wraps around you like a dark miasma clouding your reasoning. The worst thing is, you can't really blame a depressed person for feeling weak and being distant. I think he has to realize if he wants to be better, then he has to take a step for himself.

I don't think you exaggerated with the gift. I'd be happy for literally anything I got from a person I love. Also, rather than waiting for him to answer, I guess it would be better to try and contact him again. Of course, if you still feel like sticking with him.

I can't say this is a healthy relationship though. But then again, he isn't a healthy individual and in my experience, if a person isn't whole, then they can't create harmony with another person. And there's nothing bad in that. The only question is, are you willing to put up with all that for his sake? If you approach a depressed person half-heartedly, not many good things can come out of that.

He may be feeling many many things. Like he's not worth it, that you're just wasting time with him, or he might even be scared of being hurt. Or something entirely different. He might have just lost interest as well.

You can't know anything unless you ask him. Whatever the reasons may be, if you show him he's needed in your life, that you haven't given up yet, then I'm sure he will talk to you, at least he'll tell you what to expect. Everyone, not only INFPs, wants to be shown love.

But! Please, please don't get carried away by your inner savior. You have to understand that mere wishes to save someone are not enough for a person to heal. A broken soul needs space, and time, but that can be draining for you. And if you leave because of that, you can make matters worse. Some things, you can't show him. He has to realize some things by himself.

So, my answer to your questions is this. Ask yourself first, is he worth it? Would you be able to be there for him, and occasionally forsake yourself when he can't give you the love you want and deserve? If the answer is yes, then tell him that. And show him you want him in your life and you love him. Talk to him, make him tell you what's up. If that isn't enough, then... I guess you'd by then have tried everything you could. Then it's time for him to be left to heal on his own.

You're a strong individual. But if you can't handle this, please know that it's totally okay. We often can't save people from themselves. You wont be a bad person even if you decide you can't stick to him anymore.

I hope everything ends well! Lots of love and good luck! :happy:
 

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As an INFP who has been through severe depression, I can say for sure that he feels lost. I can also say that you, or any other person, can't spend a few months with him and expect him to get better. Depression takes many many years to heal, and (some will argue with me here but this is what I feel) after all that time, some parts of it will never go away. It changes you deeply and severely, although how you end up is up to you.

That being said, when one decides to stick with a depressed person, it can be really tough to persevere. Depression wraps around you like a dark miasma clouding your reasoning. The worst thing is, you can't really blame a depressed person for feeling weak and being distant. I think he has to realize if he wants to be better, then he has to take a step for himself.

I don't think you exaggerated with the gift. I'd be happy for literally anything I got from a person I love. Also, rather than waiting for him to answer, I guess it would be better to try and contact him again. Of course, if you still feel like sticking with him.

I can't say this is a healthy relationship though. But then again, he isn't a healthy individual and in my experience, if a person isn't whole, then they can't create harmony with another person. And there's nothing bad in that. The only question is, are you willing to put up with all that for his sake? If you approach a depressed person half-heartedly, not many good things can come out of that.

He may be feeling many many things. Like he's not worth it, that you're just wasting time with him, or he might even be scared of being hurt. Or something entirely different. He might have just lost interest as well.

You can't know anything unless you ask him. Whatever the reasons may be, if you show him he's needed in your life, that you haven't given up yet, then I'm sure he will talk to you, at least he'll tell you what to expect. Everyone, not only INFPs, wants to be shown love.

But! Please, please don't get carried away by your inner savior. You have to understand that mere wishes to save someone are not enough for a person to heal. A broken soul needs space, and time, but that can be draining for you. And if you leave because of that, you can make matters worse. Some things, you can't show him. He has to realize some things by himself.

So, my answer to your questions is this. Ask yourself first, is he worth it? Would you be able to be there for him, and occasionally forsake yourself when he can't give you the love you want and deserve? If the answer is yes, then tell him that. And show him you want him in your life and you love him. Talk to him, make him tell you what's up. If that isn't enough, then... I guess you'd by then have tried everything you could. Then it's time for him to be left to heal on his own.

You're a strong individual. But if you can't handle this, please know that it's totally okay. We often can't save people from themselves. You wont be a bad person even if you decide you can't stick to him anymore.

I hope everything ends well! Lots of love and good luck! :happy:
First of all, thank YOU for taking your time to write such an extensive and exhaustive reply, it's so sweet! It definitely gave me a better insight to what he might be going through at the moment.

The only thing that I really struggle to understand right now is his lack of "thank you" note for the gift that I sent. I guess he's not ready/not willing to continue things with me, but why would he put me through such a hell of not saying anything for almost a month after he received it? I did try to reach out to him last week and I sent very simple messages asking him whether he has received the parcel and he didn't even reply to these ones. At this point, even a simple "hey I got it thank you" message would feel enough for me. I wouldn't mind trying to keep in touch with him, but I guess the ball is in his court if he doesn't even want to send a short message. Is it possible that he ghosted me to the point of not even saying thank you for my effort?

My problem is that I would probably still be willing to continue talking to him and getting to know each other, because I have never met a guy who could match my level of empathy and emotional intelligence. That's why his silence is so difficult for me to understand, because he must realize how I feel. I struggle a lot now, because I definitely need a closure in my head, but I don't know how to give it to myself given that he doesn't respond...
 

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Do you guys really want people to come by and chat?
Yes. We feel unloved when no one shows up here.

What topics do you like to chat about?
The odder, the better. We like when people ask for advice or ask about how we think.

What´s your favorite cheese?
What? Just one? It depends on my mood and what I'm having with it. There are so many kinds and so many reasons! Cheese is the best thing ever. The best thing! Ever! I can't pick just one! The others will know and feel neglected.

And if there is one thing I cannot abide, it's sad cheese.
 

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UNHEALTHY INFP MEETS A WELL ESTABLISHED ENFJ

Dear all,

I am a 26 years old textbook ENFJ. I discovered the MBTI types a while ago and I have been obsessed with them ever since mostly because of how accurate the description of my personality is. In my case, it's up to 98%. This is also one of the reasons why I started looking at potential dates through this psychological lens. A couple of months ago I met an amazing guy, whom I asked to take a test and he turned out to be an INFP. Having done some proper research, this should not have come as a surprise at all: I was immediately drawn to his depth, empathy and thoughtfulness - something that I have been missing in every single person that I dated in the past.

However, things did not go exactly as planned. We were seeing each other for about two months and he acted very hot and cold with me. Later on, he confessed that he suffered from a serious depression because of his break-up with a long-term boyfriend. This is when my savior mode was triggered and I thought that I could show him what the real love is (sic!). Approximately two months after we started seeing each other I got a job offer in a city that is one hour and a half away by train from the place that we met at. He still reassured me that this is not a problem and that we could still see each other there etc. Over Christmas, we were sending each other some messages and he even proposed having a skype call (I was back to my hometown), but when the day came, he didn't respond to my message asking him if we are talking or not.

Finally, he also asked me to send him my new address in the city that I moved to so that he can send me a Christmas gift. I did so and even though I was not really planning on sending him something before, I immediately thought that I need to send something amazing in return. I put great effort into getting him something personal and thoughtful, but not very romantic - book "Little life" (strongly recommended to all Dreamers) and a souvenir from my home country. I did not want to pressure him into anything, because I could sense that he doesn't know whether he wants to continue or not. I sent it to him in the beginning of January, when we kind of stopped talking to each other, because he was extremely distant. At that time, I literally had no expectations at all. All I truly wanted was to put a smile on his face.

What followed puzzled me a lot. He received that gift about a month ago and hasn't even sent a thank you note, a message, nothing. At the same time, I did not receive his gift. I have to say that I have been really hurt by this, because I didnt really expect anything in return but knowing that he did enjoy it. Last week, I lost my temper and I sent him a message basically saying that I don't know what I did not to even a deserve a thank you, but I hope he truly likes that gift.

Here is my question to fellow INFPs. What could be on his mind? Did I exaggerate with the gift? We ENFJs are often accused of being smothering, but at the end of the day it was him who proposed sending something to me first. Did he ghost me completely or I can expect him to say something in the future?

I would be very grateful for any INFPs insights.
He told you he received the gift?
 

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First of all, thank YOU for taking your time to write such an extensive and exhaustive reply, it's so sweet! It definitely gave me a better insight to what he might be going through at the moment.

The only thing that I really struggle to understand right now is his lack of "thank you" note for the gift that I sent. I guess he's not ready/not willing to continue things with me, but why would he put me through such a hell of not saying anything for almost a month after he received it? I did try to reach out to him last week and I sent very simple messages asking him whether he has received the parcel and he didn't even reply to these ones. At this point, even a simple "hey I got it thank you" message would feel enough for me. I wouldn't mind trying to keep in touch with him, but I guess the ball is in his court if he doesn't even want to send a short message. Is it possible that he ghosted me to the point of not even saying thank you for my effort?

My problem is that I would probably still be willing to continue talking to him and getting to know each other, because I have never met a guy who could match my level of empathy and emotional intelligence. That's why his silence is so difficult for me to understand, because he must realize how I feel. I struggle a lot now, because I definitely need a closure in my head, but I don't know how to give it to myself given that he doesn't respond...
If he didn't confirm he got the gift then maybe there was a problem with the delivery services? Or, maybe he can't reply at all? Have you tried calling him?

This may sound bad, but if you check and try everything and he still doesn't give a valid reason, or any reason at all... I think it would be best for you to cut the connection and move forward. There is no reason for him to ghost you if you didn't do anything to upset him. As an INFP, sometimes I'd get angry at someone and, to my utter surprise, the person doesn't even know why or when I got upset. It can sometimes be hard for us to talk about that, either we get overwhelmed or just drain ourselves and then crawl into our world and shut the person out.

In any case, that's something we have to get in our heads, that other people aren't able to read our minds and that we should voice our frustrations. But it's hard, and we might not even be aware that we're not showing our feelings and that's why people don't understand we're upset. Even so, that doesn't mean ghosting and ignoring people is justified.

Do keep in mind that I'm trying to think of all the possibilities that may have happened in his head. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, and even though we're both INFPs we probably wouldn't act the same way in every situation. All that being said, I'm inclined to think he's most probably just ghosting you. I don't feel like I'd be able to keep quiet and not talk to someone I care about for so long. I'd miss them and no matter what they may or may not have done, after some time I'd feel lonely and bad about the whole situation and I'd at least send a serious message like "We need to talk." And I'd probably be looking at the gift every day and it would hurt. So I'd feel like I have to send a message.

I don't know if other INFPs are like this, but I myself tend to latch on things I received from people I love. It doesn't matter what it is. Like for example, I still keep the wrapping from a chocolate bar one friend gave me after a big fight. And it's been 5 years. It's puzzling to me that he wouldn't even thank you for the gift.
 

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He told you he received the gift?
no he hasn't, that's the thing. I sent him a message about a week ago basically asking whether he received my parcel (it's been a month since he picked it up according to the tracking system of the post) and he didn't even respond to this one.

If he didn't confirm he got the gift then maybe there was a problem with the delivery services? Or, maybe he can't reply at all? Have you tried calling him?

This may sound bad, but if you check and try everything and he still doesn't give a valid reason, or any reason at all... I think it would be best for you to cut the connection and move forward. There is no reason for him to ghost you if you didn't do anything to upset him. As an INFP, sometimes I'd get angry at someone and, to my utter surprise, the person doesn't even know why or when I got upset. It can sometimes be hard for us to talk about that, either we get overwhelmed or just drain ourselves and then crawl into our world and shut the person out.

In any case, that's something we have to get in our heads, that other people aren't able to read our minds and that we should voice our frustrations. But it's hard, and we might not even be aware that we're not showing our feelings and that's why people don't understand we're upset. Even so, that doesn't mean ghosting and ignoring people is justified.

Do keep in mind that I'm trying to think of all the possibilities that may have happened in his head. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, and even though we're both INFPs we probably wouldn't act the same way in every situation. All that being said, I'm inclined to think he's most probably just ghosting you. I don't feel like I'd be able to keep quiet and not talk to someone I care about for so long. I'd miss them and no matter what they may or may not have done, after some time I'd feel lonely and bad about the whole situation and I'd at least send a serious message like "We need to talk." And I'd probably be looking at the gift every day and it would hurt. So I'd feel like I have to send a message.

I don't know if other INFPs are like this, but I myself tend to latch on things I received from people I love. It doesn't matter what it is. Like for example, I still keep the wrapping from a chocolate bar one friend gave me after a big fight. And it's been 5 years. It's puzzling to me that he wouldn't even thank you for the gift.
Again, thank you so much for such a long reply! :heart: I appreciate it more than anything.

I have started my healing process already and I am kind of letting it go. I don't feel bad about what I did, because at the end of the day it was a very pure act of kindness and love. All I really wanted was to put a smile on his face and I didn't have other expectations than knowing that my gift fulfilled its purpose.

My current guess is that he got back to his ex and that's why he completely ghosted me, because he is so absorbed by him. He was with someone for 5 years, got cheated on, but still coming back to him back and forth. He might have done it one more time. Is it an INFP thing to have difficulties getting out of a dysfunctional relationship? Still, the fact of not even sending "hey got your gift thank you i hope you are doing well" message is a big mystery to me.

The good thing is that this story probably made me realize that I need to find someone who is not only empathetic, but also stable and reliable. It wasn't really the case here.

Thank you everyone! :heart: :heart: :heart:
 

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no he hasn't, that's the thing. I sent him a message about a week ago basically asking whether he received my parcel (it's been a month since he picked it up according to the tracking system of the post) and he didn't even respond to this one.



Again, thank you so much for such a long reply! :heart: I appreciate it more than anything.

I have started my healing process already and I am kind of letting it go. I don't feel bad about what I did, because at the end of the day it was a very pure act of kindness and love. All I really wanted was to put a smile on his face and I didn't have other expectations than knowing that my gift fulfilled its purpose.

My current guess is that he got back to his ex and that's why he completely ghosted me, because he is so absorbed by him. He was with someone for 5 years, got cheated on, but still coming back to him back and forth. He might have done it one more time. Is it an INFP thing to have difficulties getting out of a dysfunctional relationship? Still, the fact of not even sending "hey got your gift thank you i hope you are doing well" message is a big mystery to me.

The good thing is that this story probably made me realize that I need to find someone who is not only empathetic, but also stable and reliable. It wasn't really the case here.

Thank you everyone! :heart: :heart: :heart:
It's nothing, really! I just had a lot to say on the matter and, well, replies got long by themselves! :laughing:

I'm glad you're starting to heal, you deserve it! Even more glad that you're able to look at this as a valuable lesson, and not give in to sadness. It's possible he feels guilty for getting back with his ex and that's why he's ghosting you. Or he might be trying to hold you as a "safe place" for himself, so he doesn't want to give you a closure.

I have a person who to me is like his ex to him, but she and I don't talk anymore. If we talked, chances are I would uproot my life just for her, because even after all these years I still love her more than anyone else. But that's exactly why I try not to contact her at all.

So yeah, for me, there are (very very) few people who can hurt me and leave me, and yet when they come back I welcome them with open arms. I don't think real feelings ever die. They may be masked with other things, or forgotten maybe, but they won't disappear. Of course, not every feeling is real in that sense. And not every real feeling is meant to bring good things to you.

Anyhow, I hope things get better for you, and you meet a person who will treat you well, like you deserve! :heart:
 
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