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May make a poll about it. Thanks for answering! Why should I avoid the term SJW, though? Is it perceived as a bad thing even among politically active feminists and similar?
I'm not sure I fully grasp the connotations of the term since I'm not a native english speaker (and not an expert on the subject) but I was under the impression that it was mostly used in a pejorative sense to belittle feminism, progressive beliefs and - in MBTI-related forums - the putative explosivity of Fi-users. Some people use it in a positive manner and are proud to label themselves as such, but it doesn't seem to be the prevalent use of the expression. Don't feel forced to avoid it, though : that was just me shamelessly trampling freedom of speech by anxiously making sure no individual's hypothetical feelings could possibly be hurt anywhere in the world :p.
 

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What do you guys find romantically desirable and what's a deal-breaker?
Asking for a friend...JK, I have no friends. JK, just said that since I thought it was funny. JK, I have friends just no real friends. JK, I...never mind.
 

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According to statistics INFP score highest in marital dissatisfaction. Romantic matter is where our idealism is given free rein - along with our impossible artistic ambitions. Anything can become a dealbreaker in those circumstances. Thus being said I'm an hardened celibate these last months so my - very circumstancial - example is probably not representative of the breed. I know several INFP who are in pretty satisfactory relationships and I've been reasonably happy in love myself.

The desirable points that come to mind (in an highly personal ideal scenario) are :

- Flattering our capacity to be supportive. Though depicting INFPs as healers can seem too archetypal, it's true that soothing other's pain can be an incredibly satisfying experience. Thus being said, we're not extremely adaptable and our style of conforting (acceptance of the other's weaknesses, deep listening, offering alternative perspectives) is more alienating than soothing to some persons/types. I'm an inefficient healer for ESTPs for example and I hate to be frustrated of my capacity to positively influence someone.

- Offering a capacity to grow. In my case, Fi-Ne manifests as an anxious urge to develop a value system as all-encompassing as possible. Any person who can broaden my moral perspective by engaging into ethical discussions is precious to me. A partner that would compensate for my lack of pragmatism and weak capacity to account for reality would be welcome to.

- Respect for my lone wolf ways. Social settings exhaust me and transform me into a bitter snappy misanthrope that I hate to be. A partner adamant on maintaining his social status by displaying his trophy girlfriend will be met with a constant source of social embarrassment.

- Being fun-loving. As many Ne-users, I enjoy spontaneous shared activities with my partner. Any activity can do the trick as long as it's inventive and random.

- Romanticism. I have a soft spot for ENFJ's grand displays of affection for this reason but it's a tricky one because I also dislike being smothered and emotional lability can be tiresome for Fi-users (we're as emotionnally static as you get).

Obviously, no one ever exhibits all the desirable traits I listed and that's OK. There are absolute deal-breakers however :

  • Agressiveness and/or extreme competitivity.
  • Narcissistic manipulation or any of the traits you associate with severe personality disorders.
 

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According to statistics INFP score highest in marital dissatisfaction. Romantic matter is where our idealism is given free rein - along with our impossible artistic ambitions. Anything can become a dealbreaker in those circumstances. Thus being said I'm an hardened celibate these last months so my - very circumstancial - example is probably not representative of the breed. I know several INFP who are in pretty satisfactory relationships and I've been reasonably happy in love myself.

The desirable points that come to mind (in an highly personal ideal scenario) are :

- Flattering our capacity to be supportive. Though depicting INFPs as healers can seem too archetypal, it's true that soothing other's pain can be an incredibly satisfying experience. Thus being said, we're not extremely adaptable and our style of conforting (acceptance of the other's weaknesses, deep listening, offering alternative perspectives) is more alienating than soothing to some persons/types. I'm an inefficient healer for ESTPs for example and I hate to be frustrated of my capacity to positively influence someone.

- Offering a capacity to grow. In my case, Fi-Ne manifests as an anxious urge to develop a value system as all-encompassing as possible. Any person who can broaden my moral perspective by engaging into ethical discussions is precious to me. A partner that would compensate for my lack of pragmatism and weak capacity to account for reality would be welcome to.

- Respect for my lone wolf ways. Social settings exhaust me and transform me into a bitter snappy misanthrope that I hate to be. A partner adamant on maintaining his social status by displaying his trophy girlfriend will be met with a constant source of social embarrassment.

- Being fun-loving. As many Ne-users, I enjoy spontaneous shared activities with my partner. Any activity can do the trick as long as it's inventive and random.

- Romanticism. I have a soft spot for ENFJ's grand displays of affection for this reason but it's a tricky one because I also dislike being smothered and emotional lability can be tiresome for Fi-users (we're as emotionnally static as you get).

Obviously, no one ever exhibits all the desirable traits I listed and that's OK. There are absolute deal-breakers however :

  • Agressiveness and/or extreme competitivity.
  • Narcissistic manipulation or any of the traits you associate with severe personality disorders.
That was very detailed and informative. Thank you for satisfying my curiously.
 

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1. Do you guys think racism works either way, or just when it's directed at minorities, and why.
2. Should we colonise Mars?
3. Did you ever read this book called The Little Prince? What did you think of it?
4. Do stereotypes annoy you? Ironic, Ik.
 

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1. In France, I've seen no evidence substantiating the claim that "anti-white racism" is anything else than anecdotal. It's mostly used as a phoney demagogical concept by political parties I don't hold very dear to my heart. I see how antiwhite feeling could exist, though : hatred can be an easy and conforting outlet for people who've suffered discriminations. I also see why it would be led to remain anecdotal : people who've suffered discriminations can also be the less tempted to inflict the same damages on others (incels are a counter-example to this) and I can only hope that humanity is able to learn from history. However, as long as we go by operating modes and structural ressemblances, I wouldn't put classic racism and inverted racism on the same planes. The first one is an institutionalized and systematic phenomenon based on a claim of superiority and misguided by economical and territorial concerns, which have done quantifiable important damages throughout history. Anti-white attitudes are a scattered phenomenon, which doesn't create discriminations and structural inequalities, though it can generates a climate of anxiety in certain areas. Problematics might be different in the US, however. In any case, I'm a covert hippy and I'm convinced display of hostile feelings towards a group is an hindrance to constructive dialogues. But as a covert hippy, I also find it problematic to censor freedom of speech (though in the case it's for the better good, as been proven by history countless times). I'd like to have an INFJ point of view on the subject, though, they're better than me at this exercice. And I'd also like to have your point of view.

2. I have no strong opinion on this one - why not after all - but there's a possibility we would reproduce the same mess we did on planet Earth. I don't really buy the punitive discourse : we must take our responsability and repair the damage we've done instead to flee to another planet like a bunch of teenagers who don't want to be held accountable. But people who exhibit that kind of thoughts probably have a point which I'm failing to grasp due to my blatant lack of Fe. That's just why I don't meddle with politics, I keep getting entangled 🙃 Here again, please expose your point of view on the subject.

3. I'm a snubbish bitch and as such I swear only by INTP's incomprehensible writers ! (Insert dramatic hair toss !). No seriously I read it as a child and I don't remember it well. Not sure I would relinquish it that much now I'm nearing 30. The author is considered INFP so there's a chance most INFP appreciate the read.

4. The capacity for drawing stereotypes is also the capacity for creating archetypes and excavating constant in human behaviors, patterns in society organisations and for generating memes. I also tend to use involuntary blanket statements and stereotyping myself so I feel hardly justified to blame anyone. Now I also like to think I'm unique - erroneously of course - so stereotypes do annoy me a bit.
 

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@YvonneZemski On point 2, since you asked; I think it may prolong humanities existence. An end is inevitable, sure, but if we stay here, we simply may die sooner. Not only to our own failings, but a bunch of things can go wrong. From deadly fast-spreading plagues to rouge AI in the somewhat near future. Perhaps war, a nuclear devastation.

Also, I agree; We'll ruin Mars as well. Then the next planet. Then the next, given the opportunity (maybe). Regardless, I'm still very much for it.


Btw, feel free to message me, when free, and you feel like it. :)
 

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I am feeling kinda desperate. I'm crushing really hard on an INFP guy and we live in separate countries. We are messaging basically daily. I feel that he's super shy and delicate although he puts forth this tough persona. Buuut he's taking forever to reply to any of my messages, mostly many hours.
It feels agonizing to me because 1) I want to hear from him so much and talk to him a lot, 2) I can't seem desperate so I gotta wait with my replies as well (heh..) which isn't like me and it's really hard for me but I'm trying.
I think he has warmed up a bit but idk, do INFPs avoid their crushes online as well? I've been going through the websites way too much to try to understand this guy better by reading things on INFPs and I feel like I'm going crazy because I can't be sure of anything that he feels.
He also never commented on my looks or, anything when he saw my photo, saw a video or heard a voice message. He hasn't really sent much back, but a few photos of himself. Before he had seen what I look like, he sent me a playful voice message and was more playful in messages but since he saw what I look like, he backed down from voice messages. I'm kinda feeling insecure before him because he's not letting much out.
After all my extensive googling, it seems that INFPs are notorious for not being good at replying to messages but it just makes me feel so disliked, ahah. Also, I don't know if I'm making him uncomfortable if I reply too quickly, because I don't want to put the pressure of: ''Oh shit, she replied already, now I gotta think about that again.''
I feel like some wordings give a glimpse of that there could be something, but I just can't know for sure. Tho, I mean, would someone see effort in writing long messages if they weren't interested?

I'm not exactly sure what i'm asking for, I guess I'd like to hear how some INFPs act on messaging if they're crushing on someone online? I'm really grateful if someone wants to give their insight.
 

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Hello, I'm sorry no one has answered you yet but to be honest, your situation sounds really specific (online romances are not that widespread ... ) and I'm not sure how a generic overview of some INFP's behaviors is relevant to it.

With that said, the fact that he's taking hours to text you back and that he didn't compliment you on your looks is not an indicator of anything. Most INFPs are just plain bad at messaging and being an introverted feeler also means we're not vocal with our feelings and opinions.

Most of INFJs I've know are more intense in the beginning of a relationship, more emotionnally expressive and extraverted that your typical INFPs, which could explain the imbalance in your communication.

I also concur that I certainly wouldn't bother to message daily or to write lenghty messages if I didn't like the other person a lot.

You also appear to be reading between the lines a lot, which all the INFJs I've known do expertly when they are given enough live signals to analyze. I'm not sure how it plays out in an online relationship, though. If the lack of clarity is agonizing, you could express some of your doubts to him in a written message. The feelings you expresses here are very empathy-inducing, which could prompt him to open up a bit more.
 

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Hello, I'm sorry no one has answered you yet but to be honest, your situation sounds really specific (online romances are not that widespread ... ) and I'm not sure how a generic overview of some INFP's behaviors is relevant to it.

With that said, the fact that he's taking hours to text you back and that he didn't compliment you on your looks is not an indicator of anything. Most INFPs are just plain bad at messaging and being an introverted feeler also means we're not vocal with our feelings and opinions.

Most of INFJs I've know are more intense in the beginning of a relationship, more emotionnally expressive and extraverted that your typical INFPs, which could explain the imbalance in your communication.

I also concur that I certainly wouldn't bother to message daily or to write lenghty messages if I didn't like the other person a lot.

You also appear to be reading between the lines a lot, which all the INFJs I've known do expertly when they are given enough live signals to analyze. I'm not sure how it plays out in an online relationship, though. If the lack of clarity is agonizing, you could express some of your doubts to him in a written message. The feelings you expresses here are very empathy-inducing, which could prompt him to open up a bit more.
Thank you for your long reply, I really appreciate it! I think I just have to try to remain calm about this and not stress this much about it, although my mind is just racing because of the whole situation, ahah. At the end of the day it's just two different communicators learning to communicate with each other.
 

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1. Do you guys think racism works either way, or just when it's directed at minorities, and why.
2. Should we colonise Mars?
3. Did you ever read this book called The Little Prince? What did you think of it?
4. Do stereotypes annoy you? Ironic, Ik.
Racism works any way it wants to. Affirmative action in education is racist against certain groups because it raises the bar (based on race) for certain groups. And I personally know of people with the same ethnicity as me who discriminate against other minority groups as well as Caucasians. I don't get how to answer why, they just are? bad experiences + bad judgment = more racism?

Of course. It sounds like fun to colonize Mars.

Never read The Little Prince but I did hear someone read it to me. I can't remember what it was about, I do remember enjoying it.

I enjoy stereotypes but at the same time slightly annoyed at them. They are useful for creating a picture, especially when there is too much information to sort through or too little. Stereotypes obscure judgment at times, but otherwise might be beneficial. The few Mexicans I've met so far and friendly, reasonable, and open, so while I know it's not true that all Mexicans are friendly, reasonable, and open, I'm going to keep this stereotype. Hey, it's positive.
 

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I think he has warmed up a bit but idk, do INFPs avoid their crushes online as well? I've been going through the websites way too much to try to understand this guy better by reading things on INFPs and I feel like I'm going crazy because I can't be sure of anything that he feels.
He also never commented on my looks or, anything when he saw my photo, saw a video or heard a voice message. He hasn't really sent much back, but a few photos of himself. Before he had seen what I look like, he sent me a playful voice message and was more playful in messages but since he saw what I look like, he backed down from voice messages. I'm kinda feeling insecure before him because he's not letting much out.
After all my extensive googling, it seems that INFPs are notorious for not being good at replying to messages but it just makes me feel so disliked, ahah. Also, I don't know if I'm making him uncomfortable if I reply too quickly, because I don't want to put the pressure of: ''Oh shit, she replied already, now I gotta think about that again.''
I feel like some wordings give a glimpse of that there could be something, but I just can't know for sure. Tho, I mean, would someone see effort in writing long messages if they weren't interested?

I'm not exactly sure what i'm asking for, I guess I'd like to hear how some INFPs act on messaging if they're crushing on someone online? I'm really grateful if someone wants to give their insight.
I don't know, maybe? It would seem right, but if it was me I think I would want to know as much about the other person as socially acceptable (probably overmuch even). Perhaps he's reading you wrong and thinks that you might feel awkward by showing too much interest.

From what I read it seems like you want him to comment on your looks. Maybe he's the kind of guy that wants to show you he's not big on looks and that he wants to know you for your character. Or maybe he's just bad at giving compliments. If you want to know you could ask him?

As for messaging, maybe he thinks he's bad at writing. Or that he spends so much time looking for the right words and when he finally posts it, he beats himself up over it because now what he wrote doesn't make any sense. I'm pretty bad at getting back to people. If you think writing or texting is making him feel uncomfortable, you can always video or regular call him. I'm not your boyfriend, so I hope you get to test out what would have the highest chance of success.
The feelings you expresses here are very empathy-inducing, which could prompt him to open up a bit more.
This right here is silver. If someone told me to open up and they were personally interested in me, you bet I would. If he knew how much you wanted to get closer, he would probably open up too.
 

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What do you guys find romantically desirable and what's a deal-breaker?
Asking for a friend...JK, I have no friends. JK, just said that since I thought it was funny. JK, I have friends just no real friends. JK, I...never mind.
I hope you find real friends. JK I hope real friends find you. Naww you probably have real friends.

I'd find openness to new ideas important, as well as similar goals and desires and beliefs. They have to be willing to learn new things. And someone that I could imagine me loving me back. Couldn't date anyone with a strong love of money. I think I could date someone shallow, provided that their base intentions are good. Kinda paradoxical but eh.
 

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I don't know, maybe? It would seem right, but if it was me I think I would want to know as much about the other person as socially acceptable (probably overmuch even). Perhaps he's reading you wrong and thinks that you might feel awkward by showing too much interest.

From what I read it seems like you want him to comment on your looks. Maybe he's the kind of guy that wants to show you he's not big on looks and that he wants to know you for your character. Or maybe he's just bad at giving compliments. If you want to know you could ask him?

As for messaging, maybe he thinks he's bad at writing. Or that he spends so much time looking for the right words and when he finally posts it, he beats himself up over it because now what he wrote doesn't make any sense. I'm pretty bad at getting back to people. If you think writing or texting is making him feel uncomfortable, you can always video or regular call him. I'm not your boyfriend, so I hope you get to test out what would have the highest chance of success.

This right here is silver. If someone told me to open up and they were personally interested in me, you bet I would. If he knew how much you wanted to get closer, he would probably open up too.
Yeah, I've been thinking about the ''asking questions'' -part, and he seems to never be asking anything from me. Yet our messages are extremely long and we talk about multiple things. But it does make me feel like he isn't that interested in me.
I don't necessarily want him to comment on my looks but it just made me feel awkward when he never said anything. Asking him about such would be just hella awkward and kinda weird, from my perspective.

I think that he might overthink a lot but he shows none of it. And I mean.. he's never on the app we're communicating on, except from when he sends me a message. Obviously he could use other apps for messaging other people but, still. Just something I noticed, so I think he isn't very into messaging in general. Videos and calls then.. I think he's not ready for them and tbh neither am I. But it's a good possibility for the future either way.

I think that you could have a hunch on the ''reading me wrong'' -part. Although I've given him compliments, maybe he just thinks that I'm still saying them as a friend. But then again, I don't want to seem like I'm really desperate for him and kneel in front of him. Idk, maybe he's just really cautious. It seems he has had some bad experiences with talking people online because of ghosting or whatever. I'm gonna try to be more open with him and just see how things go on.

I appreciate what you wrote, thanks!
 

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Hi INFPs, what is a crush? Did you have any, and did it make you do anything? Wikipedia puts it this way:

Puppy love, also known as a crush, is an informal term for feelings of romantic or platonic love, often felt during childhood and adolescence.[1] It is named for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy.

Puppy love is a common experience in the process of maturing.[4] The object of attachment may be a peer, but the term can also describe the fondness of a child for an adult. Most often, the object of the child's infatuation is someone years older, like a teacher, friend of the family, actor, or musician, about whom the child will spend their time daydreaming or fantasizing.[5]

A crush is described as a coming-of-age experience where the child is given a sense of individualism because they feel intimate emotions for a person not part of their own family.[6], usually in the age threshold of 8-13.
So according to this, a crush had to have happened during one's childhood/teenage years. Would it be possible to have a crush at forty years of age? Wikipedia says also says it's an adoring worshipful affection, so does that mean the crush has be perceived as a higher status? i.e. can the manager have a crush on his secretary? Perhaps that would be called something else.
 

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is it an INFP thing to be a bit overbearing in the beginning of relationships? I'm seeing a guy who I think is one and at times it seems like he wants to text and hang out all the time. It just gets to be a little much at times
 

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is it an INFP thing to be a bit overbearing in the beginning of relationships? I'm seeing a guy who I think is one and at times it seems like he wants to text and hang out all the time. It just gets to be a little much at times
Would be helpful to know what kind of type you are. He may see it as there is some role he needs to fulfill. He might think it will make you feel comfortable as a woman. Maybe he doesn't know what your standards are when it comes to dating, and just want to be with you all the time. If I was ever dating someone, this is exactly what I would want— to be as connected as possible. I see this as a good indicator in your relationship. He sure likes you. Wanting to be with someone is one thing, but I dunno about being overbearing. Lots of INFPs readily respect other people's space. He's not forcing you to do anything, yes?

If you would like him to give you some space, you can make it known. INFPs are pretty good with directness, especially when paired with good intentions and compassion. See if you can make it tactful. Hope that helps.
 

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According to statistics INFP score highest in marital dissatisfaction. Romantic matter is where our idealism is given free rein - along with our impossible artistic ambitions. Anything can become a dealbreaker in those circumstances. Thus being said I'm an hardened celibate these last months so my - very circumstancial - example is probably not representative of the breed. I know several INFP who are in pretty satisfactory relationships and I've been reasonably happy in love myself.

The desirable points that come to mind (in an highly personal ideal scenario) are :

- Flattering our capacity to be supportive. Though depicting INFPs as healers can seem too archetypal, it's true that soothing other's pain can be an incredibly satisfying experience. Thus being said, we're not extremely adaptable and our style of conforting (acceptance of the other's weaknesses, deep listening, offering alternative perspectives) is more alienating than soothing to some persons/types. I'm an inefficient healer for ESTPs for example and I hate to be frustrated of my capacity to positively influence someone.

- Offering a capacity to grow. In my case, Fi-Ne manifests as an anxious urge to develop a value system as all-encompassing as possible. Any person who can broaden my moral perspective by engaging into ethical discussions is precious to me. A partner that would compensate for my lack of pragmatism and weak capacity to account for reality would be welcome to.

- Respect for my lone wolf ways. Social settings exhaust me and transform me into a bitter snappy misanthrope that I hate to be. A partner adamant on maintaining his social status by displaying his trophy girlfriend will be met with a constant source of social embarrassment.

- Being fun-loving. As many Ne-users, I enjoy spontaneous shared activities with my partner. Any activity can do the trick as long as it's inventive and random.

- Romanticism. I have a soft spot for ENFJ's grand displays of affection for this reason but it's a tricky one because I also dislike being smothered and emotional lability can be tiresome for Fi-users (we're as emotionnally static as you get).

Obviously, no one ever exhibits all the desirable traits I listed and that's OK. There are absolute deal-breakers however :

  • Agressiveness and/or extreme competitivity.
  • Narcissistic manipulation or any of the traits you associate with severe personality disorders.
Wow thanks for writing this out - this rings very true to me. I wouldn't have thought of the first one, but it's very true.

I'd add valuing and being curious yet respectful about the INFP's inner life, because it's extremely important to us and we keep it very well guarded, so when we let someone in they'd better pay attention and show interest.
[this is coming specifically from the main frustration in my last relationship]
 
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