This piqued my curiosity. Do you think it's true that Fi users assume that their relational partner (whatever that means) is feeling the same way they are?
-----Especially when young and/or unaware of our type, I think the answer is a resounding yes. But I don't mean in the moment. I certainly feel other people's feelings. I have to speak in the past tense, since I have grown past that assumption. After I was in love with my girlfriend (now wife), I could still feel her emotions--happiness, sadness, and so on. I could tell, for instance, if she was feeling doubtful, but if she were feeling doubt in regard to the relationship, I
wouldn't have, for a second, thought the doubt she was feeling had anything to do with the relationship. She would've had to have made that extraordinarily clear. My assumption then was, "I love you. That love must stem from something real and tangible. Therefore, you must have done something to indicate that you love me." You probably notice that the chain of causation is reversed--it's reasoned from affect to cause rather than from cause to affect. Perhaps that's why Fi is sometimes classified as selfish.
-----This assumption is often to our detriment. We might see love where there is no reciprocity or weaker reciprocity. Once we realize that our assumption is false, we can become disillusioned. On the "Sith" side of things, we start Pygmalion Projects to
make the other person "adequately" soulful and/or loving. I have not done that myself, but Keirsey describes this possibility. Mostly, we just end up unconditionally accepting someone--we see something special in them even if they don't see it in us. Which I guess always begs the question--then why did you agree to the relationship? LOL. But that's our assumption working against us, again.
-----I think that Fi has a difficult time dealing with the schedule of affection/relationship timing. We don't easily understand that it takes some people a longer or shorter time to fall in love, for instance. From my understanding, Fe needs love to develop at intervals, and this is something that should be explained to an unaware Fi--who should be willing to wait once s/he understands. You're on your own trying to explain that to T. LOL.
Citation:
Idealists - Myer Brigg's Personality Types
I think most people have a very hard time receiving love, regardless of their personality type. Grace, which is undeserved love, is almost an affront to the sane person. It doesn't make any sense, and we fight against simply accepting something that isn't earned, that we haven't proven ourselves somehow worthy of.
-----I don't know about other types, but INFPs can be very much as you described. We like to give, and so something somehow seems wrong about receiving. But it is very important for INFPs to come to terms with their relationship needs before entering a long-term relationship.
-----I think there is sometimes the thinking that something earned is more valuable than something unearned. Maybe sometimes that's true--maybe most of the time it's true. But would I walk by a giant gold nugget just because it was on the ground? I wouldn't. I certainly wouldn't go get a pick-ax and start mining so that I felt the gold I dug up was earned. But while love is gold, it's also not actually gold.
-----But the concept you are describing is deeply ingrained. For instance, imagine that a woman usually waits a substantial amount of time before sleeping with someone, and then she meets someone who she thinks is so special that she hops in the sack with him right away. How is the guy going to see things? Why does he see things that way? I'm asking the questions, but I don't know the answers. I think it's because he just can't tell the difference between someone who would sleep with anyone on the first date and someone like the woman described above. It's not fair. It yields bad results. But it is what it is. And it takes a tremendous amount of work before that man, for instance, would be able to realize that the woman above was giving him something far more special and different than other women engaging in the same behavior would have been.
-----*If you think my example is sexist, please go ahead and switch the sexes.
That's beautiful, and I'm actually pretty jealous, if it's true
. I could certainly not claim that any of my love is that pure. There is always an aspect of wanting something in return, some sort of reciprocity. Agape love is what you're describing, and it is my ideal, but I'm a long way from it.
-----I think reciprocity is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. It's just that it takes time for INFPs to realize that, it seems. My eye-opener on this topic was here:
What's Wrong with Unconditional Love (Part 1)
