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I'm not doing so hot right now, and I felt like making a vague-ish cry for help but to whom and where? And then I realized I'm in a classic 9 spiral, so who would understand better than other 9s? (Although REALLY, I do realize now, what I really need to do is reconnect with the therapist I stopped seeing a year ago. That would require me to like, take action and junk).

I've no wish to start any discussions about the myriad reasons WHY our society is in a prolonged state of crisis, but the fact is, it is, enough that I've seen professional therapists and psychologists post repeated reminders that "It's OKAY to not be 100% right now! We are all going through trauma! And also remember you can't properly heal from trauma when you're still in the midst of it! And we are!"

Anyway, give a Type 9 a lockdown and it seems more of a gift than a hardship. During the first few weeks of pandemic time last March I felt great-- whoo-ee, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything! But I've gotten into very bad habits of sedentariness. And the less you do, the harder it is to do. It's not just that I get no exercise-- though that may be most of it-- but it seems like something a lot more complex than "Well, guess you should start exercising then!" can fix. There's a big psychological piece, my brain just saying "NO!" to any healthy choice I might make. Or, any choice I might make, period. The past few days I have had a lot of trouble staying awake, no matter how much sleep I get-- it's like my whole self just wants to hibernate.

Exercise is a known remedy (not cure, remedy) for both excessive 9iness and the executive dysfunction of ADHD (which ALSO recordably gets worse in a time of trauma, what fun!), both of which are KEEPING me from exercising. Plus, me being out of shape means I don't feel physically well, either, which makes me even less inclined to Do anything! I get short of breath really stupidly easily. I do not have COVID, mind you, I'm just that out of shape-- but of course me being this out of shape means that if I DID get COVID I'm at extremely high risk now of it killing me, or at least severely messing me up. That's not good! I need to improve my respiratory health like now and whoa.

It's just too big of a block. I can't get past the giant "NO DOING!" in my brain. There is just too much pressure from the world outside and not enough motivation from my brain within to let me do anything but drag myself out of hibernation just long enough so my family doesn't starve. The key must be some small achievable step but darned it I know what that is.
 

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MOTM Nov 2012
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Slow down, pick one small thing, set that as a goal and nothing else, if exercise is the goal anything as simple as walking for 10 mins each day or around 1 block, make it small and insignificant enough that you aren't demotivated when you think about it. Momentum generates more momentum, if you can take the first step more will be able to follow without that being your goal when you start. If you set your target too big or too vague it's easy to feel it's too much to even start.
 
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