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I'm not doing so hot right now, and I felt like making a vague-ish cry for help but to whom and where? And then I realized I'm in a classic 9 spiral, so who would understand better than other 9s? (Although REALLY, I do realize now, what I really need to do is reconnect with the therapist I stopped seeing a year ago. That would require me to like, take action and junk).
I've no wish to start any discussions about the myriad reasons WHY our society is in a prolonged state of crisis, but the fact is, it is, enough that I've seen professional therapists and psychologists post repeated reminders that "It's OKAY to not be 100% right now! We are all going through trauma! And also remember you can't properly heal from trauma when you're still in the midst of it! And we are!"
Anyway, give a Type 9 a lockdown and it seems more of a gift than a hardship. During the first few weeks of pandemic time last March I felt great-- whoo-ee, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything! But I've gotten into very bad habits of sedentariness. And the less you do, the harder it is to do. It's not just that I get no exercise-- though that may be most of it-- but it seems like something a lot more complex than "Well, guess you should start exercising then!" can fix. There's a big psychological piece, my brain just saying "NO!" to any healthy choice I might make. Or, any choice I might make, period. The past few days I have had a lot of trouble staying awake, no matter how much sleep I get-- it's like my whole self just wants to hibernate.
Exercise is a known remedy (not cure, remedy) for both excessive 9iness and the executive dysfunction of ADHD (which ALSO recordably gets worse in a time of trauma, what fun!), both of which are KEEPING me from exercising. Plus, me being out of shape means I don't feel physically well, either, which makes me even less inclined to Do anything! I get short of breath really stupidly easily. I do not have COVID, mind you, I'm just that out of shape-- but of course me being this out of shape means that if I DID get COVID I'm at extremely high risk now of it killing me, or at least severely messing me up. That's not good! I need to improve my respiratory health like now and whoa.
It's just too big of a block. I can't get past the giant "NO DOING!" in my brain. There is just too much pressure from the world outside and not enough motivation from my brain within to let me do anything but drag myself out of hibernation just long enough so my family doesn't starve. The key must be some small achievable step but darned it I know what that is.
I've no wish to start any discussions about the myriad reasons WHY our society is in a prolonged state of crisis, but the fact is, it is, enough that I've seen professional therapists and psychologists post repeated reminders that "It's OKAY to not be 100% right now! We are all going through trauma! And also remember you can't properly heal from trauma when you're still in the midst of it! And we are!"
Anyway, give a Type 9 a lockdown and it seems more of a gift than a hardship. During the first few weeks of pandemic time last March I felt great-- whoo-ee, I don't have to go anywhere or do anything! But I've gotten into very bad habits of sedentariness. And the less you do, the harder it is to do. It's not just that I get no exercise-- though that may be most of it-- but it seems like something a lot more complex than "Well, guess you should start exercising then!" can fix. There's a big psychological piece, my brain just saying "NO!" to any healthy choice I might make. Or, any choice I might make, period. The past few days I have had a lot of trouble staying awake, no matter how much sleep I get-- it's like my whole self just wants to hibernate.
Exercise is a known remedy (not cure, remedy) for both excessive 9iness and the executive dysfunction of ADHD (which ALSO recordably gets worse in a time of trauma, what fun!), both of which are KEEPING me from exercising. Plus, me being out of shape means I don't feel physically well, either, which makes me even less inclined to Do anything! I get short of breath really stupidly easily. I do not have COVID, mind you, I'm just that out of shape-- but of course me being this out of shape means that if I DID get COVID I'm at extremely high risk now of it killing me, or at least severely messing me up. That's not good! I need to improve my respiratory health like now and whoa.
It's just too big of a block. I can't get past the giant "NO DOING!" in my brain. There is just too much pressure from the world outside and not enough motivation from my brain within to let me do anything but drag myself out of hibernation just long enough so my family doesn't starve. The key must be some small achievable step but darned it I know what that is.
